Chapter 22
Chapter Twenty-Two
“ Y ou’re sure you’re okay with this?” Shiloh asked, juggling the phone between her shoulder and ear. She batted her eyelashes, aiming for one final layer of mascara, but it was too hard to talk on the phone and do make up at the same time and she ended up with a smear of black under her eyes, causing her to drop her phone on the counter with a crash. “Crud.”
“Just what is going on over there?” Serenity asked with a laugh. “I thought you were going on a date. Not demo-ing another house.”
“Sorry. Dropped the phone.” Shiloh huffed and licked her finger, wiping under her eye. “I’m a mess, Ser. I’ve been on dozens of dates before. Why in the world is this one making me act so stupid?”
“Because you’ve never been in love before.”
Shiloh froze, her eyes wide in the mirror. Any kind of retort and response was stuck in her throat, and Shiloh had a fleeting moment of panic that it was blocking her airways.
She blinked several times, and her eyes filled with tears, while her breathing grew ragged and frantic.
“Shi?” Serenity asked, her voice tinny through the phone line. “Where did you go?”
“I’m here,” Shiloh rasped, clutching the counter for support. “W-what did you say?”
Serenity sighed, long and loud. “Shiloh…can you really not tell that you’re in love, sweetie? Why does that scare you so much? Being in love is wonderful.”
Shiloh felt her knees tremble, and she locked them tight. Her mouth opened and closed, but she couldn’t get anything to come out.
Was she in love?
Was she really?
She cared for Granger. Truly cared for him. Just seeing him made her want to smile and skip down the sidewalk. The best part of her day was when he stole one of those short, intense kisses that made his ears turn red and left him smirking as if he was the king of all the land.
And Zane…well…Zane had stolen her heart a long time ago. But loving a child was so different from loving an adult.
Loving Granger meant more. It meant a future. It meant a ring. It meant becoming an instant mother. It meant the possibility of being like her own mother. Shiloh had been so busy enjoying her time with the Baxter boys that she hadn’t noticed just how close to the line she’d become, and now the realization slammed into her all at once…and she wasn’t ready for it.
“Breathe, Shiloh,” Serenity demanded through the line. “I can tell you’re holding your breath. Breathe.”
Shiloh sucked in a ragged breath, her ribcage trembling with the effort and her knees finally managing to collapse. Slowly, she folded onto the bathroom floor, not caring if her skirt got dirty.
“Shi…speak to me. What’s going on?”
Shiloh blinked several times. “Are you sure?” she whispered thickly. “Do you really think I love him? Like love, love ?”
Serenity didn’t answer for a moment, and Shiloh's heart rate only continued to climb.
“You’re not your mother,” Serenity finally responded, her words slow and measured. “Loving a man doesn’t mean you aren’t in control. It doesn’t mean you lose your voice or your independence. Shiloh…I wish you understood just how much it frees you to fall in love. I’m not a slave. I’m happy. I’m better with Luca at my side. I’m whole this way, but the parts that are me will always be me. Luca doesn’t take them away or banish them, he makes them stronger.”
Shiloh let her head fall back against the bathroom cupboards, blinking frantically to keep the tears at bay. “Your story is different,” she whispered. “You found a good one.”
“True,” Serenity said. “Luca is a good one. But so is Granger.” Serenity blew out a breath. “Shiloh, I’m going to say something that you’re not going to like, but feel like I need to for you to see clearly.”
Shiloh huffed a sardonic laugh. “Go right ahead. You know I appreciate honesty.”
“Your mother was never in love.”
Shiloh’s eyebrows pulled together. “What? My mother spent her entire life jumping from falling in love to falling in love. She did it over and over again.”
“Your mother was addicted to falling in love,” Serenity said. “She liked those early twitterpated feelings. The ones you’re experiencing right now.”
Shiloh snapped her mouth shut.
“But those early feelings are only a beginning. Love isn’t truly love until we’re willing to go through hardship together and still put the other first. I had no good reason to forgive Luca, except that I cared about him. He had no good reason to risk my rejection, except that he wanted me to be happy, whether that meant going through closure and walking away or us being together.”
Shiloh’s eyes spilled over.
“We were willing to risk ourselves for the other’s happiness. That’s love,” Serenity continued. “Real love. Not the kind your mother favored. She wanted attention. Not love. She gave up her voice so men would take care of her, not because she wanted to make the men happy but because she didn’t want the responsibility of doing it herself. It felt good, it felt safe.”
“It wasn’t safe,” Shiloh ground out, wiping angrily at her face. “Nothing about it was safe.”
“You know that and I know that, but your mother didn’t,” Serenity agreed. “She did the best she could. But you need to do the best you can, and that’s to realize that falling in love is healthy and normal, two things your mother’s choices were not.”
Shiloh clung tightly to the phone, but didn’t respond.
Serenity must have decided it was her job to fill the silence because she continued. “It’s okay to love him,” she said. “I’ve seen your face light up. I’ve seen your smile when Granger looks at you. It’s beautiful, Shi. You’re so gorgeous, and this just makes it better. So please…please, please, please…give this a chance. Don’t run away. Don’t cut it short. Give Granger a chance to show you a better kind of life.”
Shiloh sniffled and reached over for some toilet paper to wipe her nose with. “I’m going to have smeared mascara and a red, runny nose when he gets here,” she muttered.
“And he’ll still think you’re beautiful,” Serenity argued. “Which is why you two are perfect together and why I’m willing to give up an evening with my husband to watch Zane.”
Shiloh laughed softly through her tears. “I’m sure it’s going to be hard to keep your hands to yourself,” she teased Serenity. “But let’s not teach Zane anything he shouldn’t already know, huh?”
“Spoken like a true mother,” Serenity said with a smile in her voice. “I promise…the only thing we’ll teach him is how to win at Monopoly. You and Granger are toast the next time you pull it out.”
“I’ll look forward to losing,” Shiloh joked back. “Real estate is kind of my thing, you know.”
“No,” Serenity disagreed. “Being so amazing that you drew Granger out of his shell is kind of your thing. And I’ve never been more proud of you in my entire life.”
“See ya, bud.” Granger gave Zane a tight squeeze, then backed up and headed toward the front door. “Just call if there’s an issue,” he said quietly to Serenity. “And again…thank you. I really appreciate you being willing to help us out.”
Serenity smiled and held open the front door. “We’re happy to do it.” She glanced back to make sure Zane had gone into the other room with Luca before turning back to Granger. “And just a note…”
Granger paused and raised his eyebrows.
“Be…patient with Shiloh.” Serenity took a deep breath and made a face. “She’s the most amazing person I know, besides Luca of course, but…she also has her own demons. Like all of us do.”
“You’re talking about her mother,” Granger said flatly. He knew Shiloh hadn’t told him everything. But what little Granger understood, left him wondering how the woman had raised a daughter at all. Flitting from one relationship to another was no way to bring up a kid.
Serenity nodded and tugged on her long hair. “It still haunts her, but she has a good heart. Just don’t be too angry if she takes a little longer than most.”
Granger frowned but nodded. “Longer for what?”
Serenity’s furrowed brows pulled apart and she smiled. “To fall in love, of course.”
Heat licked up his spine, and he rubbed the back of his neck. This wasn’t exactly the conversation a person had with his buddy’s wife. “Uh…sure. No rush.”
Serenity laughed softly. “Go. Have fun.” She pointed a finger at his face. “But not too much fun, got it?”
Granger chuckled uncomfortably and backed up. “Yes, ma’am.” He turned and darted down the front steps before she could say anything else, needing to mull over the conversation without Serenity watching his every move.
“Don’t be in a hurry to fall in love…” Granger grunted and started his truck. He wasn’t in a hurry to fall in love. Was he?
His thumb bounced against the steering wheel as he drove. This was the first time he and Shiloh were going to be going out on a proper date. They’d spent the last couple of weeks eating together, talking, kissing, and playing games with Zane.
But not once had they managed to do a full activity without their built-in chaperone. The closest they’d come was a few stolen moments after Zane went to bed and before Shiloh needed to get home for an early morning at the office.
The late evening kisses were incredible, but the time always felt too short and Granger had been ready for more.
But it was more complicated since he was a father, which was why it had taken him longer to work up the courage to ask someone for help.
The McCoy twins would have been happy to watch Zane, but Granger had decided anything Tate wanted to teach Zane would be too dangerous. Which meant he needed a female influence.
Serenity and Luca to the rescue.
As Shiloh’s best friend, she was a natural choice to help with Zane, and Granger had gotten to know and trust Serenity since Luca came back home and married her.
They were a great couple, but Serenity, obviously, had high hopes for what was going on with Granger and Shiloh, and they weren’t completely unfounded. The trouble with saying them out loud was how real it made it feel. Thoughts and impressions were fleeting and somehow less permanent.
Slowing down, Granger pulled into Shiloh’s driveway and turned off the engine. It seemed safer to assume she might not be ready yet. Weren’t most women the type to run behind when they had a deadline?
But as Granger climbed out of his truck, his head jerked up when he heard the front door.
A vision in dark red had her back to him, and Granger found his oxygen stuck in his throat.
When Shiloh straightened from locking the front door, she turned and her hair swished behind her, seeming to move in slow motion.
Granger blinked, but the earth-bound angel didn’t disappear. The only change was the rate at which his heart was trying to beat outside of his own chest. His tongue was stuck to the roof of his mouth, and every nerve ending in his body seemed to flame to life, making him feel on fire.
“Hey,” Shiloh said, her voice lower and softer than usual. She gave him a tentative smile, those bright, white teeth flashing in the setting sun, while she slowly tucked her hair behind her ear.
Shiloh raised her eyebrows as if waiting for something, but Granger couldn’t get his mouth and his brain to communicate.
“Granger?” she asked. “Is…is everything alright?” She bent around him, glancing at the truck. “Did you drop off Zane okay? Was there a problem?”
Love.
Serenity had said they were falling in love.
Granger hadn’t been ready to hear it, but the proof was right in front of him.
In that moment, Granger knew he wasn’t just protective of Shiloh. He wanted everything with her. He wanted her smiles. He wanted her working by his side. He wanted to keep her safe, but he also wanted to watch her take risks. He wanted to wake up and have her in his arms. He wanted to watch her play with Zane, and if they were lucky, add a few more kids to the family.
A few choice words went through Granger’s brain. Curse those women with their crazy intuitions. Serenity was right. She was absolutely, one-hundred-percent right.
Granger loved Shiloh.
But could she ever love him back? That was the real kicker.
Shiloh put her hands on her hips and huffed. “Alright, Lawn Boy. Spit it out.” She looked down at herself. “I thought the burgundy was a nice color, but was I wrong? Do I just look stupid or something?”
“You’re gorgeous,” Granger finally managed to strangle out. He cleared his throat, his hands clenching into fists. “You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.”
Shiloh’s arms dropped to her side, and her smile went back to being shy, which was a rare occurrence for the sassy brunette. “Then what are you waiting for? Grab hold and run.”
Granger shook his head, working to shake himself out of his mental stupor. “Don’t tempt me,” he ground out. Forcing his limbs to behave, he held out an elbow and walked Shiloh around to her side of the vehicle. “Umm…” He studied the step and her dress.
“I should have thought of that,” Shiloh muttered. “Maybe we can take my car?”
Deciding it was his turn to poke the tension between him, Granger shook his head. “I’ve got it.” Gripping her waist, he lifted Shiloh into the cab, setting her on the seat as gently as he could under the circumstances.
“Whoa!” Shiloh quickly grabbed the bar above her head and eased herself more comfortably into the cab. She laughed and tossed her hair. “I can already see the muscles, Big Guy. No need to show off.”
Granger stepped in and kissed her cheek, not quite ready to mess up the dark red she had on her perfectly shaped lips. “Get used to it,” he whispered in her ear. “If it means catching your attention, I’ll be showing off from here to kingdom come.”
Shiloh’s bright eyes watched his carefully as he backed up. “Then I guess we better get this truck on the road,” she whispered.
Granger shut her door and barely managed to keep from running to his side of the vehicle. Once settled and on the road, he took her hand and rested it on his thigh. “Tonight’s our night,” he told Shiloh. “You’ve been patient and amazing with Zane. But this time, it’s just the grown-ups.” Bringing her hand to his mouth, he kissed her wrist. “And I plan to show you just how grateful I am.”