27. Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Eliza
“He hates me,” I groan, running my fingers through my tangled, damp hair. “He totally hates me. I can’t even blame him for it either. I would hate me, too.”
“I don’t think that’s true,” Vanessa says, pulling the throw blanket up to her chin. “I just think that maybe things are more complicated than you thought. But even if he’s a little bitter about something, I don’t think he hates you. I don’t even think Nick is capable of hating someone,” she adds with a laugh.
“I agree with her,” Granny remarks, sitting in her chair with her bright pink throw blanket. We were having a girls’ night, and while I thought it might just be Vanessa and I, Granny didn’t have anything else to do, and we didn’t mind her hanging out with us. I mean, she might be eighty, but the woman has a spirit younger than I am.
“What’re you so worried about?” Vanessa asks, setting the remote down on the arm of the couch. “He’s probably just busy or something.” However, her explanation is hardly believable. Nick has never been too busy to hang out with me.
Ugh.
“I don’t know. I guess I’m worried that he no longer wants to be friends with me,” I say, sighing as I stare down at my hot chocolate. A chilly breeze rolls through the living room, and I shiver under my own flannel blanket. It’s a blustery, cold, early December evening, and they’re predicting snow later tonight. It should be cozy and warm, but instead, I feel as cold as the night air outside.
“I don’t know why you keep using that word,” Granny mumbles, barely audible above the crackle of the fireplace.
I furrow my brow, completely taken aback. “What word?”
“ Friend, ” Vanessa chimes in, poking me in the shoulder. “I was shocked when you told me about the fake dating stunt you two pulled—after the fact.” She shoots me a look, showing her disapproval of keeping it from her. “But I just … I think Nick has real feelings for you, Eliza. It’s so obvious. He never hangs out with women the way he does with you. If you would’ve told me the two of you were actually together for real, I totally would’ve believed it. It makes so much sense.”
“Well … I…” My voice trails off as my heart lifts. “I think … I think I might…” I don’t know why I can’t get the words out about the feelings I now know I have. “I don’t want to ruin our friendship,” I finally utter, fighting the urge not to roll my eyes at myself.
I sound ridiculous, and I know I do.
“You’re in denial, Eliza Kate.” Granny shakes her head at me, her bright pink rollers bouncing. “I saw the way you looked at him.”
“Ooh,” Vanessa beams. “So there’s been a development that I’ve missed.”
“ Ughhh! ” I groan, throwing my hands in the air. “ Yes . Okay. I have feelings for him that are way more than friendly. But I still don’t want to ruin our friendship, and I asked him if he was feeling any different about us, and he said no.”
“What is that question even supposed to mean though?” Vanessa giggles. “You cannot speak to men in riddles—they’ll never pick up on it. Trust me. If I want Daniel to do something, I have to just tell him super bluntly. Otherwise, it’s a lost cause.”
“I agree.” Granny laughs. “It took me a lot longer to learn it, but she’s right. Beating around the bush gets you absolutely nowhere.”
I chew the inside of my cheek—a habit that I really need to work on. “But he’s been avoiding me. I don’t want to get hurt.”
“Maybe he’s avoiding you because he feels used,” Granny says bluntly, giving me a chiding look. “He pretended to be your boyfriend so that your parents would be happy, and as it turns out, your parents love him.”
And I think I might, too .
The thought comes without warning, and I blink a few times, trying to figure out if that’s actually how I feel.
Could I seriously be in love with Nick?
And of course the realization comes when we’re the worst we’ve ever been. I haven’t even talked to him in days.
“I think he’s putting space between you two because he’s trying to get over you,” Vanessa says quietly. “Nick pulls away when he’s having a hard time with something. That’s how Daniel always knows there’s something up with him.”
I take a deep breath. “I owe him the biggest apology for all of the mess I caused. And maybe I should admit … you know. ”
“That you luh-uv him,” Vanessa teases me, poking my shoulder. “I think that would probably make his entire life.”
My face feels hot as I stare into the chocolatey liquid. “I don’t know. I just don’t want to get hurt again, and with how everything has been, if I were him, I wouldn’t even give me the time of day. I’ve been so selfish.”
Silence fills the room as the words leave my lips. I know they’re not saying anything because it’s the truth.
I have been selfish, and Nick agreed to help me because he cares so much.
Moisture pools in my eyes, and my mind replays everything that’s happened between us.
The day he saved me after I fell through that decrepit ramp.
The night he gave me a tour of the town before dropping me off at photography class .
The night of the festival when we danced.
The pictures at the orchard.
The driving lesson.
The way he agreed to be my fake boyfriend just to help me out.
And the kiss.
I should’ve seen it. And maybe subconsciously I did, but I didn’t want it to be the truth. Because if it were true, it would mean that I might be willing to put my heart on the line for the second time.
“What if it’s too late?” My voice is barely above a whisper as a tear slips down my cheek. “What if I’ve messed it up so bad that he doesn’t feel the same way anymore?”
Granny’s face softens. “You know, you’ll never have that answer if you don’t try. And that’s the thing about love, Eliza, it’s always worth trying for—no matter how many times your heart gets broken.”
“You could do something big for him,” Vanessa adds. “Like something you know would mean a lot to him.”
“Like what?” I think aloud, racking my brain. “I literally have zero skills outside of photography.”
“Maybe you could try something outside of your comfort zone—go the extra mile,” my friend says, the wheels in her brain seeming to spin. “Like, think about what matters to him , and then spin that into something that you can do for him. I don’t know. Maybe that makes no sense.”
His workbench broke .
“I could buy him a new workbench for his house?” I suggest. “He mentioned his was broken … but then again, maybe he’s already gotten a new one.”
“That’s not a bad idea…” Vanessa’s voice trails off. “But you need to find a way to really put your heart into it, you know? Like something that shows he’s worth the effort. Like an apology—but like a big apology.”
My eyes flicker out the window to my grandpa’s old workshop. “I could … I could build him one.”
Granny stifles a laugh. “That’s very ambitious.”
“I’m sure there are YouTube videos about it,” I say carefully, the idea settling more and more into my brain. “It wouldn’t be perfect, but maybe I could write him a letter with it, too? I don’t know.”
“I think it’s a great idea,” Vanessa beams, perking up. “And even if it’s not great , he’ll know how hard it was for you. That’s the kind of thing I’m talking about.”
I nod, getting a boost of motivation. “I’ll just have to be super fast—I don’t want to be too late.”
Granny laughs. “Well, you better get to it.”
“After we finish the movie.” Vanessa picks up the remote, clicking the start button for the Hallmark holiday movie that we picked out moments before my therapy session.
The opening credits begin to play, but I don’t pay attention at all, my mind going crazy with the idea of doing something this big for Nick. I mean, it’s not super big, but it’s big for someone who can barely use a hammer. I pull out my phone, seeing a text from … Devon.
Devon - DO NOT CALL: Hey, I would REALLY like to talk to you, Liz.
I roll my eyes at it, growing more and more annoyed every time he reaches out. I open up the message, my fingers hovering over the keyboard as I conjure up the right way to say what I need to. After a few moments, I text him back.
Me: I don’t want to talk. We’re over.
Satisfied with the direct answer, I send it and close out of the thread. I go to the internet browser on my phone and begin searching for workbench plans. Some of them are way too difficult, and my stomach drops as I realize just how hard the task is going to be.
Hopefully, Pop’s shop has all these tools.
My brow furrows as I try to read the instructions to build the bench, and it’s like reading a foreign language. Yikes.
I rack my brain, trying to remember some of the things that Nick did while building the ramp. He would know exactly what all the carpentry vocab meant…
But I can’t ask him.
However, I could maybe go to the hardware store with a solid list, and let him help me make sure that I have everything I need—or maybe Martha can help? I scroll over to YouTube, turning the volume all the way down as I pull up some how-to videos. I watch them in silence, while Granny and Vanessa comment on just how cheesy the movie is that we’re watching.
But I don’t pay any attention to them.
Will he actually believe me when I tell him that I’m sorry?
Will he believe when I admit to how much I care about him?
My brain swirls with anxious thoughts as I try to focus. Part of me wants to save myself the effort of building a workbench and maybe just go over and ask him. That would save me all the work and the risk of doing this for him.
It would save me from rejection …
I mull that thought over, taking a sip of my hot cocoa. As much as that would save my heart, it’s also the easy way out. And after everything Nick has done for me, he deserves my best; even if he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore.
Love is giving and not asking for anything in return.
My eyes flicker up to the TV, but I can’t focus on what’s on the screen. My phone is still playing some silly video of a woman building her husband a new workbench, and I smile to myself.
I might be doing the craziest thing for a man that doesn’t owe me anything at all…
But it feels right.
And that’s how I know I’m making the right decision.
Love is worth trying for.