19 someone remind me to go to the opticians
19
someone remind me to go to the opticians
Finn
‘I’ve looked this over a hundred times and I feel like I’m going in circles,’ I say to Julien.
We’re sitting on uncomfortable stools at a high table in the common area of the office. It’s no City Roast armchair, that’s for sure.
‘You need to step away from it for a bit. You can’t make it any better if you’re staring at it from three centimetres away. Speaking of which, you need new glasses. You’re always squinting.’
He’s probably right. I’ve been staring at this document for hours, fuelled by gross coffee after gross coffee.
‘Finn, if it’s meant to happen, it’ll happen. You’ve still got a couple of weeks to sort it. You might have one of those faces that looks like it clocked out in primary school, but you’re deceptively smart.’
‘You’re making me blush.’
‘You’re welcome.’ He flashes a smile. ‘They’ll hire you. You’ve got this.’
‘I’ll look at it again later.’ I snap my laptop closed, giving up. ‘You know, I wasn’t even sure if I was going to apply at first. But I know I’d be good at it, and it just seemed like something I couldn’t pass up, you know?’
‘Yeah.’ He looks shifty, as if he’s considering his words. ‘And it’s got nothing to do with the fact it’s the same company your dad works at?’
‘It’s a branch of the same company. Which is a massive organisation. So no, it’s not related.’ I draw my finger through the ring of coffee my cup has left on the table and am glad for the tan from my aforementioned father that covers the heat rising to my cheeks.
‘Okay.’ Julien nods and starts peeling a clementine. ‘Why are you here, by the way?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘You’re usually in the coffee shop over the road. I feel like I never see you in the office anymore.’
I’m not entirely sure why I’ve avoided City Roast today. I think I wanted to get this work done away from Ava. It’s not that she’s intentionally distracting, I just sometimes find myself spending hours there and writing about five words. And maybe a tiny part of me doesn’t want her to see me and ask questions about what I’m working on.
‘I was in the mood for a change of scenery.’ I lean back and nearly give myself a heart attack when the stool goes off balance, catching myself just in time. ‘But the coffee here is so bad.’
‘Oh yeah, I know, it’s hideous,’ he says, scooping his orange peel into a fist and standing. ‘But it’s also free, so . . .’
‘If Ava’s in a good mood, she gives me free coffee. She might look grumpy ninety per cent of the time, but I can usually tell exactly what kind of day she’s having. She does this thing where—’
‘I’m joining you in City Roast this week,’ Julien interrupts, looking at me shrewdly. ‘I need to decide if I should stage an intervention.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
He shakes his head with a chuckle and heads to the bin without answering.
True to his word, Julien starts joining me at City Roast, and it’s as if I’m being watched over by a particularly suave bodyguard. He’s managed to talk his boss into letting him work here under the stipulation he bring a coffee back for him whenever he goes back to the office.
Some days, he doesn’t let me go up to the till to order, and I can’t even complain, because then he’d know I’m still at the mercy of that tiny something I swore to get rid of. The thing that somehow lets me know where Ava is without looking. The thing that feeds on every morsel of attention she gives me. But it’s surely only a matter of time before it fades. And if it doesn’t, I’m leaving in a few months anyway, so distance will do the job for me.
Julien’s leaning against the counter as he orders, his perfectly tailored back to me. I don’t need to see his face to know he’s quirking a half-smile, molten eyes switched on. Likewise, I don’t need to see Ava to know she is entirely unaffected by this.
I start typing some nonsense on my computer when I notice him coming back to the table with our coffees.
‘She’s tough to crack,’ Julien says, settling into his chair and opening his laptop. I bite down a laugh. He’s never had issues charming anyone, so it never fails to make me laugh when someone resists him.
‘Maybe she sees right through you. She knows you want free drinks and she’s decided to make you work for them.’ My mouth presses into a smirk. ‘And you could’ve avoided having to pay full price, had you let me go up instead.’
‘Nope.’ He wiggles his finger from side to side. ‘You’re not off the hook. I don’t trust your motives. You don’t think I’ve noticed you’re just typing random shit on your laptop?’
I flip him off and slide lower in my chair, making a concerted effort this time to type real words. I’m successful for a while, until my phone pings with a text.
ava: tell Julien he’s trying too hard
I look up and meet Ava’s eyes briefly over the counter as she slides her phone into her back pocket, the echo of a smile on her face as her manager and a young woman approach her. It sends my heart into a flurry.
It’s at this moment that Julien punches me on the arm.
‘What was that for?’ I clutch where he hit me. The guy has force, I’ll give him that.
‘ Putain ,’ he curses under his breath. ‘I was right. Do you know what you’re doing?’
I wave a hand in the vicinity of my laptop. ‘Putting together a deck?’
‘With Ava.’
At the mention of her name, I have to forcibly keep my eyes from flicking over to her. I’m leaving. She doesn’t see me that way. Neither of us is looking for a relationship. There’s nothing else to it. ‘We’re friends.’
‘I just hope you’ve thought this through.’
‘There’s nothing to think through.’ I look back at my screen, wondering if I’ll be able to find a believable answer in there.
‘Tell that to the grin on your face.’ He switches to French, an old habit from when we were kids and trying to talk secretly at school. His voice is low when he says, ‘I don’t want you to get hurt. I’m pretty sure she eats men like you for breakfast.’
‘And?’ My voice rises slightly and the person at the table next to us glances in our direction. It’s not like me to get so defensive, and it’s not like he’s wrong.
‘And even if she didn’t, you never stay in one place for long. That’s not exactly a recipe for success.’
‘Which is why it’s great we are solely platonic.’ I’m trying to keep my tone light, but an unfamiliar wave of annoyance passes through me. ‘Why are you being so weird about seeing me having fun?’
‘Hey, that’s not fair. I love seeing you happy, you know I do. But it’s not just that.’ Concern weaves across his face, into the downturn of his mouth, along the frown lines on his forehead. ‘You’re filling your days with her. I’ve seen you like this before.’
I meet his eyes as the defensiveness pushes its way out of every pore. ‘She’s not Léa. We’re nothing like me and Léa.’
He expels a long breath. ‘Does she know you’re leaving?’
‘She knows it’s on the cards.’ But there’s a twinge in my gut, and taking a drag of coffee does nothing to appease the churning there. When I told her the other day that I’d got to the second stage of the process for the San Francisco job, I couldn’t figure out what she was thinking. I was excited to tell her, she seemed excited for me, and yet it felt like both of us were lying. ‘We’re friends, like I said. And I’m not going to ruin that.’
Julien and I go back to our individual work, but I can tell we’re both still chewing over the conversation.
After a minute or two, he clears his throat and his lips turn up in a rueful smile. ‘For the record, friends don’t typically look at friends like they’re the brightest star in the sky. But maybe I’m old-fashioned.’
I don’t really know what to say to that.
By the time I’ve finished making my presentation – a surprisingly productive afternoon – Julien’s packing away his stuff.
‘Finn, I’m sorry if I sounded like a dick earlier. I like her, and I like that you’re friends.’ He nudges me with his elbow. ‘It’s about time someone else shared the burden of your undying affection.’
‘Oh, I get it now.’ I cross my arms. ‘You were just jealous of the fact someone might come and steal your crown.’
He flings his head back and laughs. While everything else about him is controlled and smooth, his laugh is all-encompassing, so loud it always sounds like there are two of him in a room.
‘Ava and I may share many notable characteristics,’ he begins, nodding towards her cleaning a table in the far corner, ‘as in, we’re both tall, hot and have a sadistic interest in making fun of you. But if it comes down to a case of who knows you better, there’s no contest.’
‘Exactly.’ I close my laptop too, pointedly ignoring the fact he called her hot and instead thinking about how we’ve hardly spent any time together outside of work recently. ‘Are you free tonight? That Senegalese pop-up you like has a new summer menu.’
He closes his eyes and hums his approval. ‘For you, I’m always free.’ I raise an eyebrow and he amends, ‘Fine, that’s not true. But for Little Baobab, I definitely am.’