Chapter 2
Ryan
Claire is going to be the death of me.
I don’t think she knows how I really feel about her. But that smile she just sent my way turns me into a puddle.
The first day we met, I knew I’d never meet anyone else like her.
It was orientation day for all new faculty, and I was late (not surprising, I know).
I slid into a seat in the back row next to my new buddy from the English department, Chase, and when we went around the room introducing ourselves, I couldn’t believe my luck at the perfect, gorgeous woman who would be working with me.
We spent time talking that day, and I thought the stars aligned. She’s everything I could have ever hoped for in a woman and more.
Obviously she’s intelligent. You don’t get a master’s in applied mathematics and snag an internship at the Jet Propulsion Laboratories—yes, that JPL, the one that’s part of NASA—without having a brilliant mind.
But add to that she’s gorgeous, with wavy auburn hair and grayish-green eyes, a light dusting of freckles, and the best sense of humor. Most people don’t get to see that side of her. But something about us clicks, and I love making her laugh.
Her students love her, too, but she doesn’t realize it. I see the way these boys who are fresh out of high school stammer and trip over their words around her. But she’s more focused on helping them learn math, and she’s incredible at it.
I sound like a total sap, but trust me, I’m not. I’m a strong, independent man.
Except when it comes to Claire.
But, Ryan! She has a boyfriend!
Yeah, yeah, I know. That’s why I haven’t done anything yet.
Although it’s pretty clear she doesn’t have a lot of warm, fuzzy feelings about the guy.
The few times I’ve met him, their relationship has looked a lot like a friendship—comfortable familiarity.
And considering the way she complains about his lack of motivation and drive and the way he won’t move out of his parents’ house, I’m sure their days are numbered.
Except I thought that three years ago, when we started working here.
They’ve got to break up any day now. The “app genius,” as I like to call him, is hitting one dead end after another.
Claire just needs to see how valuable she is, and how she doesn’t need to make everyone else happy.
She thinks she’s happy—she says she is—but I know there’s more underneath the surface.
She complains about her boyfriend and her parents interfering in her life.
She’s always worried about her perception here at work, even though everyone loves her.
If she’d just break out of the mold she’s created for herself, she’d realize there was more to happiness than living under others’ expectations.
So, in the meantime, I’ll solidify my position as Claire’s best friend. I’ve always been there for her, and when she FINALLY pulls the plug on that dead-end relationship, I’ll still be there.
Waiting.
After teaching my Calculus 2 class, half-thinking about Claire the whole time, I head back to the offices.
But instead of going to my cubicle, I go straight to Janet Chang’s office.
She’s our dean and the head of the entire science and math division.
Why am I here? Because I have a meeting scheduled with her and our math department chair, Christopher David.
And this is something I haven’t told Claire.
Because I have a feeling it’s not one of those good, attaboy meetings. It’s a warning.
I knock on Janet’s door, and as expected, she’s sitting behind her desk, poised and demure as ever. Her jet black hair is pulled up in a bun, and she’s wearing a bright blue suit. “Hello, Ryan. Come on in. Christopher should be here any moment.” She gestures for me to take a seat facing her desk.
As I sit, I wipe my sweaty palms on my pants. “How’s your day going?” I ask, hoping some small talk will help my nerves.
She gives me a small smile. “It’s going well. We’re at a point in the semester where the first few weeks of chaos have passed. Things will start ramping up again in a few weeks, but for now, I can’t complain.”
“That’s good.” We sit in awkward silence for a few moments.
“Let me call Christopher,” Janet says, picking up her phone.
But just then, Christopher David barrels through the door. “Hello, hello! Hope you weren’t waiting too long for me!”
“No, not too long.” Janet sets her phone down, the calm to Christopher’s chaos.
Christopher collapses into the seat next to me. “Hey, Ryan. Looking studly.” He punches my shoulder, then shakes his hand in pain.
I give him a tight grin. “Thanks, Christopher. Good to see you.”
In every possible way, these two are opposites.
Where Janet is sophisticated and professional, Christopher is…
well, a goober. At least, that’s what Claire and I call him.
He’s short, always wearing a suit that’s one size too big for him, giving the impression that he’s a little kid playing dress-up.
But we kind of love him, too. It’s not every day you have a former college mascot in charge of your department who likes to lead our meetings in a full falcon costume.
“Well, let’s get started,” Janet says. “Ryan, as we discussed this fall, we need to see some areas of improvement in your contributions to the college.”
I nod. This is what I assumed our meeting was about.
Getting hired to teach at a community college is a huge accomplishment in itself.
But once you’re hired, you go through a four-year tenure review process.
Basically, if you can prove that you’re a competent instructor and a valuable member of the college community, you can work there forever (barring any illegal activities).
I’ve got the competent instructor part down. But valuable member of the college community? Well, I might need a little work there.
See, I love teaching my classes. But I also love surfing and having free time. So spending that extra time working on projects for the college isn’t exactly my first choice.
But this was a big topic of conversation at my tenure review meeting in November. If I don’t figure out a way to be a valuable member of the college, I’ll be under probation next year.
And if I want to keep working with Claire, I can’t let that happen.
Janet eyes me carefully. “Have you come up with any ideas?”
I sit back in my chair and scratch my head. “I’ve been thinking about it, but I haven’t found anything that feels right.”
“I can always offer some suggestions,” Christopher says.
I turn my head to him. “Like what?”
Christopher shrugs, then waves a hand in the air. “I don’t know…like making my next video with me.”
Yeah, not happening. Christopher has a YouTube channel where he teaches math concepts to the tunes of popular music.
It sounds like a good idea, except Christopher has no idea how to be cool.
His latest video, explaining imaginary numbers to the tune of “Party in the USA,” went viral for all the wrong reasons.
I snap my eyes to Janet, pleading silently for her intervention. She clears her throat. “While I’m sure your videos could benefit from Ryan’s contribution, that wouldn’t exactly be helpful to the college as a whole. Those are your personal endeavor.”
Christopher slumps in his seat. “Well, that’s all I had.”
Janet heaves a sigh. “Ryan, what are your interests? There’s curriculum committee, academic senate, calendar committee…”
The grimace on my face stops her list. “There’s got to be something you’d want to contribute to the college,” she says.
“I just care about teaching,” I say. “And the students. I don’t want anything to do with all the administrative stuff.”
“I understand,” Janet says.
“Me, too,” Christopher adds.
Janet’s eyes dart to Christopher before returning to me. “We’ll keep thinking about it. But I need you to put forth some effort, as well. I wouldn’t want to lose you as an instructor just because you’re unwilling to be a team player.”
Ouch.
I nod. “Thank you, Janet. And Christopher.” He inclines his head to me, like a king to his subject. “I promise I’ll give it a lot of thought and find something.”
“Good.” Janet stands and shakes my hand, then walks us to the door. “Your evaluations are excellent, and I know you’ll be a valuable professor here for many years to come.”
“Thank you.” As she opens the door, I find Claire standing right in front of the open door, chatting with the administrative assistants at their desks.
Crap.
I didn’t want her to know I had this meeting at all. Why would I want her to know I’m on the verge of probation, when she’s been a model professor these last three years?
But Claire looks right at me, alarm in her eyes. Any meeting with Janet and Christopher is highly unusual. “Everything okay?” she asks.
“Oh, yeah,” I say, waving her off. I take a step toward her out of Janet’s office. “Just…” My mind whirls, and I land on the first thing I can come up with. “Talking about Christopher’s next YouTube video.”
Christopher gasps behind me. “So you’ll do it?!”
Double crap. I didn’t think he was eavesdropping on my conversation with Claire. I turn to face him and see his hands clasped together like a toddler who’s going to Disneyland. How can I say no? “Sure, Christopher. I’ll do it with you.”
He opens his arms to give me a hug, but I step back and grab his hand for a shake instead. At first, he looks disappointed, then plays it off like he was planning that all along. He holds up his hand in a phone gesture and whispers, “I’ll call you.”
Fan-freaking-tastic.
“Well, that’ll be fun,” Claire says once he’s out of earshot. “What’s the musical number this time?”
I sigh. “No idea.”
Great. Just great. Now I not only have to figure out a new project that will get me involved on campus, but I have to spend a weekend working on Christopher’s video with him. But if it keeps me here, working with Claire, it will all be worth it.
Claire’s eyes search my face, and then she grabs my arm, pulling me back to our cubicles. I let her drag me to her desk. She holds my shoulders and fixes me with a serious glare. “Tell me. Now.”
I heave a sigh, knowing she won’t let me go until I tell her the truth. “It’s embarrassing.”
She tilts her head. “More embarrassing than the time you split your pants teaching linear algebra?”
“Yep.”
“More embarrassing than when your student hit on you before knowing you were the teacher?”
“Definitely.”
“Whatever. Just tell me.”
I look into her gray-green eyes and feel the moment I give in. “My tenure is at risk. I haven’t been doing enough in my service to the college.”
She twists her mouth to the side, her eyes full of sympathy. “Are you serious?”
I nod. “I found out in the fall, but I’m running out of time to figure something out.”
She murmurs a sympathetic sound. Her hands run down the sides of my arms, and while she means it in a friendly way, I can’t help the tightness in my chest at the feel of her fingertips against my skin. She squeezes my hands. “So what do we need to do?”
“We? There’s no ‘we.’ You’re doing great. I need to figure out a way to show my worth beyond the classroom.”
She shakes her head. “I’m going to help you. We’ll find something for you to do. I don’t want to be here without you, and you’re too valuable of an instructor.”
My chest squeezes even tighter at her words. She really cares about me, and it does things to my stomach that I shouldn’t feel about a girl with a boyfriend.
So even though I say, “Okay,” and give her a grin, I know I can’t survive just being her friend for much longer.