Chapter 10
Ryan
“I can’t do this anymore, man,” I say breathlessly, holding onto the doorframe of Chase’s office.
“Hold on. Slow down. What happened?” Chase looks perplexed by my sudden appearance at his office, which is completely on the other end of campus.
I actually had to get in my car and drive over here, since it would be faster than walking.
Even so, I feel like I just ran a marathon.
Of course I nearly ran over Marshall as I drove over the crosswalk.
Just another reason for him to continue his hatred of the math professors.
Unlike the math professors, who are currently in cubicles, Chase has his own private office. I’m jealous, but thankful we get to have this conversation without the prying eyes of our coworkers.
I straighten my thoughts out in my mind. “I can’t be around Claire. Not while I have these feelings for her.”
“Ah.” He sits back in his chair and folds his arms over his head. “And you came to the master for advice?”
“No, dummy. I came to ask you to set me up on a date.”
“Same thing. I got you.” He sets down his grading pen, picks up his phone, and starts scrolling. Every now and then, he stops, tilts his head like he’s considering, then resumes his scrolling. One time, he looks at me, then back at his phone, then mutters, “Too hot.”
“Who’s too hot? Me or the girl?”
Chase narrows his eyes at me. “Always the girl.”
Ouch.
His fingers pause, and he nods. “Okay, this girl’s perfect. She’s a video game developer at Stone Gaming.”
“How do you know her?” I ask.
He shrugs.
“Did you date her? How am I supposed to introduce myself to her? ‘Hey, you went on a date with Chase and now he’s passing you on to me.’”
“Sounds good.” He taps a few buttons on his phone. “Okay, I shared her contact with you.”
I shake my head, pull my phone out of my pocket, and check the message from him. The contact is complete with a picture of a cute girl with light brown skin, chin-length, dark brown hair, and black-framed glasses. “How do you have a picture of her on your phone?”
“There’s no way I’d remember everyone without a picture. I tell them I’m documenting our date. They fall for it every time.”
“You’re awful,” I reply. But I still pull up my messages app and start typing a text to her. What does this say about me, that I’m so desperate to plan a date I text the first person Chase sets me up with?
“What are you writing?” Chase asks.
“‘Hi, my name is Ryan and I’m friends with Chase Blackwell. He thought we’d hit it off and gave me your number.’”
“Give me that.” He swipes the phone out of my hand and furiously types away.
“What are you writing?” I try to grab my phone out of his hands, but he spins away in his chair and blocks me with his body.
“Come on, man,” I plead, pulling on his shoulder.
“Your surf muscles are no match for my gym muscles!” he cries out. And maybe he’s right, because he doesn’t budge.
Suddenly, he whirls in his chair, knocking me onto the floor. He holds my phone out to me. “Done.”
I hear giggles outside the office and turn my head. In my haste to talk to Chase, I must have forgotten to close the office door, and now there’s a gathering of female students watching Chase and me wrestle.
Well, I thought we were wrestling. Now I’m just on the floor.
I stand and brush my pants off, then stick my phone in my pocket. “Ladies,” I say, inclining my head to them and shutting the door.
“Don’t worry about them,” Chase says. “They’re always standing outside the door, hoping I’ll give them attention.”
I raise a brow at him.
“Which I don’t,” he says firmly. “I’d never cross that line.”
“Good.” And I believe him. Chase might be the favorite English professor among the ladies, and he definitely goes on a ton of dates, but he’s still an honorable guy. If he wasn’t, I wouldn’t be here, asking him to set me up on a date.
My phone buzzes in my pocket, reminding me of the reason we were scuffling. The text.
I pull out my phone and read the new message.
Sounds great! I’d love to meet up. How’s Saturday night?
I scroll up to read the message Chase sent as me.
Hi, Rena. I’m Ryan, a friend of Chase’s, and when I saw your picture in his phone, I just had to ask you out. I’m a math professor, but not one of the weird ones. How’s this weekend?
And following that is a picture of me at the beach, holding a surfboard.
I raise my brows in surprise. “Maybe I should get you to ask girls out for me all the time,” I say.
“I don’t know why you ever doubted me,” he replies.
“Okay. So…a date.” I stare at my phone, trying to comprehend what I’m about to do. I’m going to take a girl on a date… A girl that isn’t Claire. I haven’t been on a date in at least three years. No one has been interesting enough for me to ask them out.
“Take her to dinner,” Chase says slowly, like I’m an idiot. “Ask her questions about herself. Talk a little bit about yourself, but not too much. Girls don’t like that. And at the end of the night, walk her to her car and give her a kiss.”
“Kiss. Yeah. Okay.” I shake my head.
“Or…don’t. That’s okay, too. But make sure you’re interested in her. Don’t think about Claire the whole time.”
Yeah… That’s gonna be rough.
Later that evening, I’m packing up my things in my cubicle for the weekend and nearly jump out of my skin when I hear Claire behind me.
“Ryan! Where have you been?”
I tell my racing heart to calm down and turn to face her, putting a nonchalant grin on my face. “Around.”
“Well, I wanted to update you on the tutoring center.”
“I thought we were meeting again next week,” I say.
“Yeah, I just thought you’d want to hear what’s going on.”
“Okay. You can email or text me.”
Her brow furrows, and the hurt look in her eyes immediately makes me backtrack. “Or not. You can tell me.”
“I talked to Lorraine,” she says. “And she said we could use the empty room in the library next to the STEM lounge.”
I nod. “That’s great.”
“It is. So now we just have to worry about getting some computers.”
I press my lips together. “Computers. Yep. Got it.”
“Mmkay.” She eyes me suspiciously but moves her gaze back to the list in her hands.
“I think we have enough money in the budget to find some computers. And there are a few extras in the library. We can have the students work on self-paced lessons through ALEKS depending on whatever concepts they’re struggling with most.”
“Yep. Sounds good.”
She sighs and sets her papers down on my desk, then puts a hand on her hip. “I can tell you’re not really into this today. What’s going on?”
My chest is tight, and I’m emotionally frustrated. All I want to do is burst out and say, I’m in love with you, and you’re engaged to someone else! But I can’t do that. Not without ruining everything that we’ve built up over the years.
So instead, I make something up. “I’m just a little preoccupied with my calculus class.”
She chuckles. “Since when do you worry about your classes?”
I shrug a shoulder. “We’re about to do our last year of tenure review. Just want to make sure everything goes well.”
“I thought the only issue was your college service?”
“I mean, yeah, so far. But you never know.”
She tilts her head from side to side. “Yeah. I get that. I’m a little nervous, too.”
“You don’t need to be,” I say quickly. “You’re doing everything right.” Except for dating the wrong guy.
Her eyes soften as she holds my gaze, and I feel that same tension in my stomach. The one I always get when her gray-green eyes hold mine, and she looks at me like she appreciates me for who I am. That I’m valuable and important to her.
But that’s not allowed. Not anymore.
So I cut off the eye contact and turn back to my computer, then I continue to put my things away. “So, computers. We’ll work on that next.”
“Yeah. Guess so.” Is that a hint of disappointment in her voice? Never mind that.
I pack up in silence for a minute before Claire speaks up. “Any plans this weekend?”
“Uh…yeah, actually. I’m going on a date this Saturday.” The words taste bitter on their way out. How in the world am I telling the woman I’m in love with that I’m about to go out with someone else?
When I turn to face her, she seems shocked too. It’s almost like she’s consciously telling herself not to look shocked. She stares at me, not blinking for longer than what seems humanly possible. “A date,” she finally says. “With who?”
“Chase set me up with someone,” I reply.
“Oh.” Her face relaxes. “So just like a one-time thing.”
“I see what you’re getting at,” I tease at the implications of Chase’s reputation. “But…who knows? I’ve been single for a while now. It’s about time I meet someone.”
“Uh huh. Yeah. Sure. Of course.” She nods a little too enthusiastically. Maybe to someone who doesn’t know her, this would seem like a normal reaction. But I know Claire. And she’s compensating for something.
Of course my treacherous heart wants to think she’s jealous. But that’s ridiculous. She’s engaged. Her feelings—jealousy, envy, attraction, love—should all be wrapped up in that man, no matter how much of an idiot he is.
“What about you?” I ask when the silence stretches on too long.
She forces a smile. “Yeah, I was going to say I’m going cake tasting with Zach and our moms tomorrow night.”
And there it is. The reminder that any dreams I had of being with Claire are shattered. I wanted to be the one going cake tasting with her. She’d want to try her favorite—white cake with strawberry, and I’d just get whatever she liked best.
But that’s not my place.
“Sounds fun,” I say. I wonder if I sound like her, masking disappointment. If I’ve always sounded like that, every time she told me Zach was taking her to dinner or a baseball game or the movies.
“Yep. Should be fun.” She looks at me for a moment and opens her mouth to say something, but instead she shuts it and waves. “All right. Have a good weekend!”
“You, too,” I say as she turns and rushes away.
I wonder what she wanted to say.