Chapter 13
Claire
It’s Sunday morning, and I’m knocking on Zach’s parents’ front door for brunch and wedding planning.
Cake tasting on Friday night wasn’t enough for the weekend, I guess.
My parents are waiting behind me, excited to see their friends and start ironing out some details for the special day.
Correction: My mom is excited to iron out the details.
Dad is ready to watch some reruns of Seinfeld with Mike.
And me? I’m getting these weird, jittery feelings every time I think about the wedding. Reality is sinking in.
The door opens, and Julie’s bright, smiling face greets me. “Claire!” She wraps me in a huge hug. There’s such comfort in her familiar embrace.
I move out of the way so she can give Mom a sisterly hug, and a friendly one for Dad. We make our way through the entrance to the living room, where Mike and Zach wait for us. Mike stands and greets us, and Zach stays on the couch, typing something furiously on his phone.
“Hey,” I say, plopping down beside him.
He looks up at me with a grin. “Hey, babe. Sorry, just messaging Tyson about app stuff.”
“No worries.”
He kisses the side of my head and keeps going with his message. Our parents are engaged in their own conversation, and I take the opportunity to study Zach as he types. My emotions have been in such a jumble over the last week. I want to reassure myself that I’m doing the right thing.
After telling Shawna about my hesitation, I feel like I need to be extra aware of my words. But the problem isn’t just the words I say. It’s the feeling behind them. So I want to make sure I’m convinced about my decision.
So…why AM I marrying Zach?
Of course, there’s the familiarity and comfort of being with him. We grew up together. He’s seen me through my awkward teenage years, and I’ve seen him through his. We went through acne and braces together, and we still found romance after all of that.
There’s his family. I love his parents. They’re closer to me than my actual aunts and uncles.
Then there’s Zach himself. He’s stable. I know he’d never cheat on me. He’s reliable and steadfast. He’s handsome, too, with the classic all-American boy blond hair and blue eyes, set off by a jock stature.
And he cares about me. I know he does. Maybe he doesn’t show it all the time, but when we were kids and I fell off my bike, he’d go get my mom and then sit with me while she cleaned up my wounds.
He loved reading the stories I would write.
Sometimes he’d make pictures to go along with them, and we’d sit in his room for hours, creating the worlds that were only in my imagination.
Should I try telling him about the book I’m writing now?
I’ve been so hesitant to tell anyone other than Ryan, worried they’d judge me for pursuing something other than my math career.
But maybe I’m wrong. I’ve been supportive of all his business endeavors.
Maybe he’d be more supportive than I thought.
I gather up my courage and smile, ready to finally share this piece of myself with him. “Hey,” I say, but Zach holds up a finger in a one minute gesture. I wait another moment until he’s done typing, then he locks his phone and gives me a grin.
“Hey,” he says.
I bump his shoulder with mine. “Remember that story I wrote when I was a little girl?”
“Which one? You wrote a lot of stories.”
I grin. “Yeah that’s true. I did love writing.”
“It was a cute hobby,” he says. “Especially the one you wrote about me saving the world in my pajamas.”
“And the villain was a telepathic cat.”
“That’s right!” He laughs out loud.
“I wanted to be an author so badly,” I say.
He nods. “It’s a good thing you gave that up though.”
I press my lips together. That’s not where I expected the conversation to go. “What…what do you mean?”
He gives me a self-deprecating smile. “It was cute when you were little, but it’s not like your stories were really good or anything.”
My insides twist at his words. I’m not saying my stories were any good back then, but I was seven years old. The most dramatic thing I had encountered was an argument with my friend about who had more Barbies.
He puts his hand on mine. “But it doesn’t matter, because you’re so smart at math. This way we’ll be all set when we get married.”
I don’t know what to say. The wind completely falls out of my sails. I want to say that those stories were practice, and the more I practiced, the better they’d get. But is it worth continuing this conversation?
I’m saved from saying something I’ll regret by my mom, who stands and claps her hands. “Enough chitchat! Let’s start planning.”
“And that’s our cue,” Dad says, standing with Mike. They head to the family room, where the TV is, and Zach stands to follow them.
“Oh, no you don’t,” Julie says, pulling him back down. “You’re planning with us.”
“Me?” Zach looks genuinely shocked, with his eyes wide open. “I thought this was girl stuff.”
“It’s your wedding, too,” Julie says. She rolls her eyes at me with a smile. “Men.”
I lift half my mouth in a smirk, but I’m still really annoyed by our conversation. “If he doesn’t want to stay, that’s okay. I’m sure he’ll be fine with whatever we want.”
“That’s my girl,” Zach says. He presses a kiss to my cheek, and I pull away quickly. “See you later, ladies.” He leaves the room and joins the dads.
Mom tilts her head at me. “You could have made him stay.”
I shrug. “It’s fine. He would’ve just been bored. And then he’d either mess around on his phone or make annoying jokes the whole time.”
“True, true,” Julie says. “It’ll be easier this way. Fewer opinions.” She leans over the side of the couch and pulls out a clipboard with some pages attached. “Let’s get to work. First things first, we need a venue.”
This is something I have a little bit of an opinion about. “Well, I was thinking that I’d love a beach wedding.”
Mom’s eyes widen at this piece of information. “The beach?”
I nod. “It’s so beautiful and serene.”
“But…you don’t really go to the beach much.” She puts a gentle hand on my arm. “Is it for the expense? Don’t worry about that, hon.” She grins at Julie and shakes her head. “So considerate, my Claire. But we can afford a nicer venue.”
I give her a tight smile. It’s not because of the expense.
I truly wanted to have a beach wedding. I’m not a surfer like Ryan, and I don’t go to the beach as often as other girls, but there’s something powerful and spiritual to me about the ocean.
And when I make those vows to the man I’m promising my life to, I want to be somewhere that means more than just a pretty room with flowers.
But, like she said, she’s the one paying for it. So her words shut down my idea, especially when she thinks it’s going to appear cheap to the guests.
Julie notices my expression and looks down at her papers. “Well, maybe we can find a venue that’s got a view of the ocean?”
I nod. “That could be a good compromise.”
“Great!” She pulls out a sheet and hands it to me, and we discuss a few different possibilities. Most are close by—the beauty of living in Coastal Vista—but we’ll have to go visit them in person before we make a decision.
“And what about colors?” Julie asks.
“I like a more muted palette. Like peaches, creams, some turquoise.”
Julie nods eagerly. “That sounds beautiful. Love that.”
“What about…bridesmaids?” Mom asks, looking down at her hands.
I know why she’s hesitating. She wants to know if I’m going to ask Annie to be a bridesmaid.
It’s such a tricky topic. I love Annie with all my heart, and in normal circumstances, she’d probably be my maid of honor.
“I’m not sure. I wonder if maybe I just don’t have any bridesmaids?” I say it slowly, gauging their reactions.
The moms exchange a glance but don’t say anything.
“How’s it going over here?” Zach’s voice calls as he enters the room.
“Pretty good,” I say. “Just venues and colors and all that fun stuff.”
“Claire says she might not have any bridesmaids,” Julie says, emphasis in her voice.
“What?” Zach looks from his mom to me. “No, no. You have to. I already asked Tyson, Seth, and Micah to be my groomsmen.”
“You did?” I ask. “When?”
“Like, three weeks ago.”
I raise a brow at him. “Three weeks ago? We weren’t even engaged yet.”
“Yeah, but I asked them first.”
He asked his buddies to be his groomsmen…before he asked me to get married? I’m a little shocked, and very much at a loss for words.
“I knew you’d say yes,” he says, sitting next to me. “Should I have waited until we were engaged to ask them?”
I open my mouth to say yes, of course you should have waited, but I rethink it. Maybe it’s not as big of a deal as it feels. He probably told his friends he was proposing, and then he asked them if they’d be in the wedding.
I’m overreacting.
I sigh and give him a smile. “No, I guess it’s fine. We probably should’ve talked about it at some point, though.”
“You’re right, as always.” He wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me in for a hug. “I’m sorry. But that means you need some bridesmaids, after all.”
“I guess so.”
He points a finger at me. “Not Ryan. I know some people do that whole ‘Man of Honor’ thing, but that’s a little too weird for me.”
I hadn’t thought about asking Ryan to be in the wedding, but I do agree with Zach on that front. Besides, our relationship feels rockier than ever at this point.
I was planning on inviting him to the wedding, but now the thought of him even being there is doing something weird to my chest.
Would he come?
Of course he would, right?
But why does that feel so wrong?
A knot forms in my stomach at the thought of losing my best friend. It’s pretty clear that he pulled away when I got engaged. Is that what I should have done? Pull away from him too?
Am I wrong for having a guy best friend when I’m engaged to someone else?
I turn to Zach. “You don’t mind that I’m friends with Ryan, right?”
I catch our moms exchanging a glance, but I’m interested in what Zach thinks.
He scoffs. “Please. I’m glad you have someone that you can talk to about all your work stuff. This way you don’t have to bother me.”
I nod. It is nice having Ryan at work, so I don’t have to explain to Zach when I’m stressed about Janet observing my class, or when Liam comes shoving his pass rates in my face, bragging about how well his algebra students are doing (even though I know he lets them use a note card on their exams).
But… “bother” him? That’s a weird way for Zach to put it. Was it a joke? Because it didn’t feel like one.
At least I don’t have to worry about Zach feeling uncomfortable with our relationship, though. Maybe that’s all Ryan’s been worried about—that maybe Zach wouldn’t want us to be as close now that we’re engaged.
I hear Julie’s voice rattling off more ideas about centerpieces, but all I can think about is that I need to talk to Ryan on Monday. No more hesitation. I need to clear the air and figure out what’s going on.