Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-one
This time it’s not Suki who’s taken care of everything. It’s Lyla. As we near Edinburgh, she texts Eddie directions to our meeting point. And there she is, waving in the distance, just as she had in Suki’s private members’ club. Only now, under a brilliant blue sky in Princes Street Gardens, I’m not rigid with shock. I haven’t been led here under false pretences. My heart lifts at the sight of her; all smiles, pink cheeks and prominent bump.
‘Hey!’ She greets us with hugs, and then Suki approaches, and to my surprise, I realise her brother is here too. Oliver smiles a little awkwardly, perhaps feeling as if he’s a bit of an add-on to our day.
‘Hope you don’t mind me joining you,’ he starts.
‘Of course not.’ I smile, surprised by how happy I am to see him. There’s something about his calming presence that seems to balance Suki’s perpetual effervescence.
‘We’ve brought a picnic lunch,’ she announces as Oliver unpacks a blanket from his small rucksack.
‘Oh, thank you,’ I say. ‘What a lovely idea.’
‘Seemed too nice a day to be indoors,’ Oliver says.
‘We brought Portuguese custard tarts!’ Suki produces a white box from one of the numerous bags. She looks around quizzically. ‘No Frank today?’
‘Mum, I told you,’ Lyla says quickly, frowning.
Suki looks crestfallen. ‘Oh, I am sorry.’ Her blue eyes widen with concern as she turns to me. ‘I’m sorry, Carly. I didn’t want to mention it. From what Lyla said, I thought it was just a temporary wobble—’
‘Well, I’m not really sure.’ I’ve deliberately avoided mentioning it to her in my messages. It seemed selfish, somehow, to take the attention away from the baby.
‘I didn’t mean to put my foot in it,’ she murmurs.
‘Honestly, it’s okay—’
‘What was I thinking, going to the Portuguese bakery!’ She exhales at her own stupidity.
‘Suki.’ I touch her arm, glad the others are busily setting out our lunch – a seemingly endless array of deli treats – on the tartan rug. ‘You brought all this food. It’s really thoughtful, and don’t worry, I can eat a pastéis de nata without crying …’
She hugs me again. ‘It’ll all be okay. I’m sure of it.’
‘Well, I hope so.’ I muster a bright smile. ‘It’s good to see you all,’ I add. And it’s true; I’m grateful for her warmth and caring, and relieved to be away from Kilmory Cottage for the day.
We sit in the sunshine, tucking into the picnic and insisting, eventually, that Lyla relocate to a bench. ‘Mum, you fuss so much,’ she chides her as she gathers herself up from the blanket. Each of my pregnancies turned me almost spherical, my head and limbs stuck-on appendages to the colossal bump. I existed in vast dungarees, bought for me by Frank from an army surplus store in Glasgow. There’s nothing army surplus about Lyla now, in her black leggings and a floaty turquoise cotton top, blonde hair scooped up artfully. She really is glowing. I always thought that was a myth. And as she and Eddie fall into quiet conversation, I wonder if she’d have preferred for them to spend time together alone.
I glance at Oliver. His hair is cropped short, his face and arms lightly tanned. He looks fit and well, at ease with himself in the bright afternoon sun. ‘Are you staying in Edinburgh at the moment?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,’ he replies. ‘Just spending a bit of time at Suki’s.’
Suki casts him a fond smile. ‘He’s been a darling, Carly. Like you wouldn’t believe.’ She pauses, as if unsure whether to go on. ‘Me and Tom have split,’ she adds.
‘Oh, I am sorry!’
‘Hmm. Yes. Turned out he wasn’t as great a builder-stroke-plumber as he made out.’ She emits a wry chuckle, as if it had all been about U-bends and differing opinions over mixer taps.
‘There’s been a bit of an issue with leaks, flooding the flat downstairs,’ Oliver explains.
‘Yep. Bit of a cowboy as it turned out.’ She glances around as a group of tourists stop to photograph the castle.
‘Sounds like a nightmare,’ I say.
‘You can’t imagine.’ Suki shudders and quickly gathers herself. ‘But anyway. We’re getting things sorted together, aren’t we, Ols?’
‘It’ll be okay, sis.’ I glance at him, wondering if he’s always assumed this capable older brother role. It’s clear that he cares about her, and as Eddie and Lyla wander off for a stroll together, I learn that he’s ‘project-managing the rescue operation’, as Suki puts it.
‘Oh, I’m just helping out.’ He smiles, shrugging off her praise.
‘But once we have tradesmen in, I’m decamping to Lyla’s for a bit,’ Suki adds.
‘Right,’ I say, remembering how she’d described following her daughter to Edinburgh. ‘She’d have enrolled on my uni course if she could!’ Lyla had told us, and I wonder how she really feels about her mother moving in.
We’re packing away the picnic remains as Suki checks the time. ‘Oh, God. It’s nearly two already. I said I’d pop over to see Dinah’s thing in a gallery in the New Town. She’s part of a group exhibition and all the artists are doing a talk …’ My body tenses, and as I catch Oliver’s eye I know he’s thinking the same thing. Please don’t ask me to come along. ‘With everything going on at home, I’d forgotten to mention it.’ She looks apologetic. ‘Don’t suppose you two fancy coming? Everyone’s welcome …’
‘D’you know, I think I’d rather enjoy the sunshine,’ I say, surprised by my honesty.
Suki smiles, smoothing her hair as she gets up from the blanket. ‘Sounds like a sensible option.’
‘How about we get a coffee?’ Oliver suggests. ‘And maybe have a wander round the museum?’
‘That sounds great,’ I say, relieved. ‘Suki, you don’t mind, do you?’
‘Of course not. But I’d better dash because I did prom ise.’ She hugs us goodbye. ‘She’ll probably have me handing out canapés,’ she adds with a small laugh. ‘So I’ll say bye now. See you next time?’
‘Definitely,’ I say, thinking, Next time will probably be when the baby’s born. When we are grandmothers. It hardly seems possible as I watch her, looking barely old enough to be Lyla’s mother as she hurries away.
Oliver rolls up the blanket, stashing it into his rucksack, and we find Eddie and Lyla perched on the edge of the fountain, deep in conversation. Plans are made to reconvene later, and Oliver and I stroll across the park. It’s one of those picture-perfect days with a bright, high sun, and a wisp of cloud in the clear blue sky.
‘Shall we grab some coffees and find a bench?’ Oliver suggests.
‘Good idea.’ I smile, and despite everything, I sense a lightness at being here, away from home. It’s Frank’s choice, I remind myself, to do what he’s doing. My emotions veer from devastation that he’s embarked on his bizarre truck life, with only a stray cat for company, to disappointment, and even anger, that he’s doing this to us. Of course I’ve had to tell the girls what’s going on, but I’ve played it down, saying their dad ‘just needs a bit of space. It’s only temporary,’ I’ve assured them. ‘Just a blip.’
‘But he’s staying in the truck ?’ Bella exclaimed.
‘Things got a bit intense with your granddad around,’ I said lightly. ‘There was only so much Cash or Crash he could handle.’ As if the only issue was a maddening quiz show presented by a man with an orangey tan.
‘Eddie pretends he’s barely noticed that his dad’s not around,’ I tell Oliver now, when he asks how things are at home. ‘But I know he needs him. This enormous thing’s about to happen in his life and Frank isn’t there.’
‘And Eddie won’t go and see him?’
I shake my head. ‘No, he flatly refuses. Says his dad should be coming to see him .’
‘D’you think Frank just can’t cope with it all?’ Oliver suggests. We are side by side on a bench now, clutching coffees in the shade of a sycamore tree. It felt entirely natural to spill it all out.
‘I don’t know what he’s thinking,’ I reply.
Oliver nods. ‘And this stage is meant to be easier?’ he says lightly.
‘When the kids are all grown, you mean?’ Despite everything, I smile. He has a way of lightening things.
‘Yeah. You know – when we’re supposed to have it all figured out?’
I chuckle. ‘That’s what it says in the book.’
‘Oh, what book’s that?’
‘A kind of self-help guide I found in the library. The Empty-Nester’s Handbook . Apparently we’re meant to be embarking on a thrilling new chapter right now.’
‘Oh, right.’ He laughs wryly, then looks at me. ‘There’s a baby coming, though.’
‘Yes.’ I nod. ‘That is pretty thrilling, isn’t it?’
‘It is,’ Oliver agrees.
‘You’re going to be a great-uncle!’
‘Jesus,’ he manages, and as we stroll back through the park I reflect that life really is thrilling; at least, this little part of it. And even though Frank is living in a derelict food truck, and I’ve found myself living with my father and son and every damn day I have to pick up wet towels from the bath room floor, today feels pretty special. Because I sense that I’ve found a new friend and that, somehow, he seems to get it.
‘I don’t think we’ll make it to the museum now,’ Oliver remarks.
I smile at him. ‘I don’t know where the time’s gone. Sorry I’ve gone on about Frank …’
‘Not at all,’ he says emphatically. ‘What were you going to do? Say everything’s fine?’
‘You’d have known it wasn’t.’
‘Yes, I would.’ Oliver seems to hesitate, then adds, ‘I’ll be over your way again in the next couple of weeks. We’re doing a full survey on the site …’
‘For the beavers?’
‘Yeah. I was going to suggest meeting up, if you’d like to? Maybe I could pop into your library, explore this natural history collection of yours?’
‘Oh, yes! Please do. It’d be great to see you.’
He seems to study my face. ‘Are you sure? It sounds as if you have an awful lot on your plate right now.’
‘No, that’d be lovely,’ I say firmly. ‘And y’know, me and Frank will probably have things sorted by then.’
‘I do hope so.’
‘Thanks, Oliver. I mean it,’ I add firmly. ‘It’s been good to chat today. I can’t really talk to Eddie about anything personal, and me and Dad … well, we get along fine. But it’s not really his thing. Listening, I mean. Or feelings …’
Oliver chuckles. ‘Sometimes it’s just good to be out of the situation for a little while.’
‘Yes, exactly. Do let me know when you’re over, though, won’t you?’
‘I will, definitely.’
We’re heading towards Eddie and Lyla now. Waiting there in the warm afternoon sunshine, they look – well, together , is the only way I can interpret it. But who knows? God forbid I make any assumptions.
I glance at Oliver, realising I don’t really want to go home yet. I’d like to talk for longer. But now Eddie is striding towards us with an undecipherable look on his face. ‘Hey, love,’ I start. ‘Everything all right? We should probably head off soon—’
‘Yeah, okay.’ Eddie tilts his head, indicating that he wants a private word, and we step away from Lyla and Oliver.
‘Everything okay?’ I ask again.
‘Yeah, fine. Sort of.’ He glances around the park.
‘What is it?’
‘It’s, uh …’ He pulls a face, and my heart seems to freeze. Please, no. Not, I have something to tell you, Mum again. ‘It’s Lyla,’ he starts.
‘Is she all right?’ I ask, alarmed.
‘Yeah. Yeah, she’s fine. But not really,’ he adds quickly. ‘This stuff with her mum and the boyfriend, all the drama and the flooding and …’ His cheeks redden. ‘It’s all been a bit much for her, to be honest.’
I touch his arm, tanned golden brown below the T-shirt sleeve. ‘I bet it has. It’s not exactly what she needs right now, is it?’
‘Nope.’ He looks down and shakes his head. ‘And now Suki wants to move in with her!’
‘Yes, she told me. Isn’t … that okay?’ I ask hesitantly.
‘No! The thing is, it’s Suki’s place Lyla’s living in. I mean, Suki owns the flat. So what can she do?’
‘But it’s actually Lyla’s home,’ I remind him.
‘That doesn’t seem to matter.’ He grimaces, meeting my gaze directly now. ‘She just needs a bit of space, Mum.’ He glances over to where Lyla and her uncle are watching, bemused, as a group of children roll sideways down the nearby grassy slope. ‘Can she come home with us?’
‘What, Lyla?’ I exclaim, then quickly assemble the correct reaction. ‘I mean, yes, if she’d like to. Of course she can.’
‘But … do we have space, Mum? Honestly?’ He blinks in the sunshine.
I smile. ‘ Yes , we have space, Eddie. Of course we do. But isn’t she a bit close to her due date to be away from home? It’s only—’
‘Mum, it’ll be fine,’ Eddie says firmly, seeming to relax now.
‘Well, shouldn’t she okay it with her mum?’
He splutters. ‘She’s an adult! She can do whatever she likes.’
‘Yes, of course,’ I say quickly, trying to suppress a laugh.
Eddie grins. ‘Can I tell her it’s okay then? And yes, she’ll call her mum to tell her. And then we’ll nip over to her place and get her stuff … Is that all right?’
I glance at Oliver, who’s clearly gathered from Lyla what’s going on. He smiles, raising a brow, and I smile back. ‘That’s fine, Eddie,’ I say as we make our way towards the bustling throngs on Princes Street. ‘Of course Lyla can come home with us.’