Chapter Forty-Seven
Chapter Forty-seven
Eddie
Eddie knows it’s not unusual for parents to split up. Calum’s mum and dad are divorced and Raj’s parents went through a rough patch. His own parents have too. Years ago, he’d hear them arguing in the kitchen late at night – about money usually. His dad doing something stupid like taking out a massive loan to buy a food truck or whatever.
However, no matter how bad things were, he always knew they loved each other. And that everything would be okay.
And now, he’s not so sure because everything has changed. He knows his dad was upset about the whole baby thing. That was understandable. And maybe it wasn’t easy for him either, when Eddie’s granddad moved in. But then everything escalated and, next thing Eddie knew, his dad had moved out! Like, left his mum, who he’s always been devoted to. Even with the baby here – and of course she’s his main focus – Eddie is still reeling with the shock of it all. And the really crazy thing is, his dad isn’t staying with a friend, like Dev or any of his other mates who he goes to football with occasionally. No, he’s living in the truck.
One cool, autumnal Sunday morning Eddie tells Lyla and his mum that he’s going out for a walk. His mum looks surprised because normally, Eddie doesn’t walk anywhere just for the sake of it. But he slips out before she can fire any questions at him.
He strides along the seafront, past the abandoned birthday cake roundabout and the overgrown crazy golf course, wishing Calum and Raj were still here. They’ve been over to visit, and to meet Lyla and Grace, which went fine – although they did seem pretty terrified of the baby. (‘Want to hold her?’ Eddie asked. ‘No thanks!’ they chimed.) But now they’re in Edinburgh, leading their whizzy and wholesome lives with their vitamins and massive water bottles. The few friends he has left in Sandybanks, Eddie doesn’t really want to see. Because they’ll be getting stoned and playing video games and eating takeaways. And Eddie’s worried that, if he sees them, he’ll see his old self reflected back. That’s all teenage stuff, and he’s not a teenager anymore. He is nearly twenty-three and a father now.
He marches onwards, passing dog walkers and old couples and parents with buggies, hoping he won’t be spotted by anyone he knows. That’s the thing about small-town life, Eddie reflects. Everything you do gets commented on. He’s been grateful to settle into Kilmory Cottage for this first little while, as he and Lyla have grown used to the way things are now. It’s been brilliant, too, having his mum there to help. She doesn’t annoy him like she used to. She’s different, he thinks. Or maybe it’s him? But tomorrow Suki is coming over to collect him and Lyla and Grace, and they’ll drive over to Edinburgh to start their new lives in Lyla’s flat.
Eddie will have to find a job pronto. He’s prepared to do anything, to show Lyla that he isn’t some idiot who can’t stick at anything. But right now, the prospect of job hunting has been shunted to the furthest corner of Eddie’s mind, as now he has arrived at Dev’s garage.
Of course he’s been in touch with his dad, and he visited Lyla and Grace in hospital. Perhaps naively, Eddie had thought that as soon as they were home, then his dad would knock this crazy truck thing on the head and come home too. But he hasn’t. And with everything that’s happened, Eddie hasn’t been able to face him here. Too depressing and difficult, he’d decided. He’s tried to focus on Grace and push away images of his dad’s terrible living conditions to the back of his mind.
It was a conversation with Bella that prompted him to finally come here to see him. She called the other night, out of the blue. They rarely speak on the phone. ‘Eddie, I feel terrible that I’ve not been up to see Grace yet,’ she said.
‘That’s all right.’ He genuinely hasn’t minded. He isn’t wired that way, to crave attention and fuss.
‘It’s just, I’ve had loads of work to do for a job interview,’ she added, ‘and I haven’t been able to take time off. I’m sorry. I’ll be up as soon as I can …’
‘Don’t worry about it. Honestly. So, what’s the job?’
‘Um, just another marketing role.’ She sounded surprised by his interest. ‘Different company. They’re smaller but the job’s a lot more varied and I’ll have loads more responsibility when I start—’
‘When you start? So you got it then?’
‘I did, yeah!’
It’s hardly a new thing, for either of his sisters to succeed at something. It’s often felt to Eddie that opportunities simply land in their laps. But it feels different this time because he’s heard his mum talking to her friends about Bella, and that she wondered if she might move back home. How will we fit her in? had been his first – panicked – thought. But he was shocked too because he’d thought Bella had the perfect life in London.
‘I’m really happy for you,’ he told her. ‘You are amazing, you know that?’
‘Oh, stop it,’ she chided him.
Eddie sniggered. ‘So, are you pleased, then?’
‘Yeah, of course I am! I’m so pleased. So I’ll be up to see you soon, okay?’
‘Great.’
Bella paused. ‘And you will do that thing you promised to do, won’t you? Please, Ed, before I come up?’
He assured her that he would. Because as usual Bella was right. He had to muster the mental strength to go and see their dad at the garage. It was his duty – as the only one at home now – to get to the bottom of what was going on.
Now Eddie turns away from the seafront, following the road that takes him past a new tea room – unusually stylish for Sandybanks – and the little pottery place that only opened last week. And now he has reached the garage where his dad works, and he’s feeling a little shaky and nervous. He heads round the back of the building, stepping around pieces of rusty old engine, and spots a black and white cat who’s watching him intently. Then he sees his dad sitting in the doorway of the truck. Something seems to set hard in Eddie’s chest.
‘Hi, Dad.’
His father looks up and blinks in surprise. He’s eating what looks like Weetabix from a chipped bowl. ‘Eddie. Hi!’
He’s lost it, Eddie realises. How can he possibly be living here? His dad’s always been there, strong and solid, whenever he’s needed someone to talk to. Even when he’d thrown himself into those mad business schemes, he’d always been Dad. Dad in his old worn-out jeans and that awful yellow T-shirt with the cartoon bear on the front. And Eddie always believed that, whatever stupid stuff he got up to, his father would always be there for him and that would never change.
‘Dad …’ Not knowing how to start, Eddie looks around and perches on a small stack of wooden crates. ‘What are you doing here?’
His father exhales and sets the bowl on the ground. ‘It’s hard to explain,’ he says.
‘Try then,’ Eddie says, more forcefully than he intended.
His dad rubs at his unshaven jaw and pushes back his hair. Eddie thinks it’s gone a bit greyer these past few months, though that might just be dust and dirt from living here. He’s almost ashamed to see his own father in a vile old sweater and grubby black sweatpants, his brown feet bare and looking like they need a good scrub. But he won’t get upset. He’s not here to beg or plead, and he certainly isn’t going to cry in front of him.
‘I just …’ his father starts, and Eddie sees with horror that his eyes are wet. He has never seen his dad cry. Please don’t cry! he wills him. Because then I won’t know what to do! ‘I know it’s my fault,’ he adds.
‘What is?’ Eddie stares at him.
‘All of it.’ There’s more face rubbing and Eddie notices that the cat is still watching him. ‘The way I’ve been,’ his dad goes on. ‘The impetuous decisions. All the stuff I’ve put your mum through over the years. And then the pregnancy—’
‘You think that was your fault?’ Eddie asks incredulously.
‘Well, yeah. Kind of—’
‘So you think it’s all about you, do you?’
His dad looks at him, clearly shocked. ‘No. Not exactly. But I haven’t set you a good example, have I? I’ve—’
‘Dad, for a start,’ Eddie lurches in, surprised by the firmness in his voice, ‘it’s not your fault. Nothing is. And we’re happy about Grace. Can’t you see that? We’re so happy. We love her so much!’
‘Yes, but—’
‘—And you’ve been an amazing dad. You always have. But you’re not so amazing now, are you?’ Fury surges up in him as his dad’s mouth falls open, and he jumps up from the crates. ‘Look at you, sitting here, living like …’ He checks himself, shaking his head. ‘You shouldn’t be here. That’s all.’
‘It felt like the best thing,’ his father mutters, ‘for everyone. I’ve been to look at some flats to rent—’
‘This is sounding like self-pity now,’ Eddie snaps. ‘I’m sorry, Dad, but it’s just not good enough.’ He’s about to say, ‘man up’, but stops himself. ‘We need you,’ he adds.
‘Who does?’ his dad exclaims, and Eddie is about to reply when something splatters onto the back of his neck. He cringes and puts a hand there, tentatively.
‘Oh, shit .’ He takes his hand away and glares at it. ‘A seagull just crapped on me.’
His father’s expression softens and he gets up from the truck’s doorway and examines the back of Eddie’s neck. ‘Oh, Christ. That’s quite a splat there, son. God knows what it had for breakfast. We’d better get you cleaned up …’
Together, they head into the rank little bathroom in the garage where Eddie’s dad wipes away as much of the mess as he can with the few paper towels left in the dispenser. It reminds Eddie of his dad washing his hair when he was a little boy. Eddie hated hair washing time. He’d make a terrible fuss, pushing away his mum and wailing that the shampoo stung his eyes. He’d only let his dad do it. His kind and patient dad.
And now his father is trying to blot the water splashes from the back of Eddie’s sweatshirt with a grubby towel. He hangs it back on the hook, and they step back outside into the chilly morning. Eddie looks at his dad, wanting to hug him, but they’re not really the hugging types.
‘Thanks, Dad,’ is all he can say.
His father smiles. ‘That’s all right.’
They walk in silence across the rough, weedy ground towards the truck, and then Eddie grabs at his father’s arm. And they do hug then, in a close, tight way that Eddie can never remember them doing before.
They stand there, holding each other in the weak September sunshine until Eddie pulls away and looks his father directly in the eye. ‘C’mon then,’ he says firmly. ‘Pack up your things, Dad. It’s time to come home.’