Chapter 13 #2
Her phone started to ring again. It took everything within Billie not to answer and remind Nina of the relationship they had.
Usually, she would be working through various punishments in her mind after constant calls that went unanswered, but the thought of being with Nina like that, of edging her only to deny her until Billie decided she deserved relief, made her stomach turn.
Debra shook her head and laughed. “She’s persistent.”
Billie clenched her jaw. How dare Nina continuously interrupt her evening? “She’ll tire herself out.”
Only she didn’t, and the constant vibration was really beginning to get under Billie’s skin.
“Billie, I think you should take it.”
“If I do, it’ll only encourage her.”
Debra sighed. “Or maybe she’ll stop.”
Billie blew out a frustrated breath, set her glass down, and pinched the bridge of her nose. “You’re as bad as she is.” She stood, snatched her phone up, and muttered, “Fine. But I’m not staying on.”
She slipped into the kitchen and moved to the furthest point.
She had no idea what Nina was calling for, and she had no idea what her own response would be.
The last thing she needed was for Debra to assume something was happening between them when it wasn’t.
As for their…arrangement at work, Billie would cross that bridge with Debra when they came to it.
She pressed the phone to her ear. “Nina.”
“You weren’t answering.”
The relief in Nina’s voice was too obvious to miss, but Billie didn’t appreciate being hounded out of hours. “I’m aware.”
“I thought something had happened.”
“Yes, it did.” Billie braced a hand against the kitchen counter. “You interrupted my evening.”
Nina paused, and then… “Are you with someone?”
Billie clenched her jaw. If Nina was trying to get a rise out of her, it wouldn’t work. “You’re way out of line.”
“I didn’t mean—”
“Yes, you did.” She kept her voice level. The very tone Nina was used to when she knew she’d crossed a line. Only the outcome of crossing said line wouldn’t be the same as usual. “And whatever you think this is between us…it isn’t.”
“I’m sorry.” Nina spoke so quietly that Billie had to wonder if she’d spoken at all. “I didn’t think you had a personal life.”
Billie froze. Those words hit harder than they should have. Harder than she expected. She stared back at her reflection in the kitchen window. The sharp edges and her tired eyes were more pronounced tonight. God, she looked more like a construct than a person.
“We’ll talk about this tomorrow at work.”
And then she hung up before Nina could respond.
She remained braced at the counter, breathing through the sensation clawing its way up her spine. Anger, guilt, shame…she didn’t know which one was winning out right now. Perhaps all three.
This was why she kept the walls in place. This was why her life was built on boundaries. People weren’t supposed to get close enough to show concern. They weren’t supposed to notice the sudden changes or that Billie did potentially have a personal life on the horizon.
And Debra…well, she was already closer than anyone had been in a decade.
Maybe it’s time to find an excuse and call it a night.
When she walked back into the living room, Debra looked up at her with a hint of concern etched on her face. “Everything okay?”
“Of course.” Billie managed a smile as she hovered between the couch and Debra’s flat door. “Just work, as I knew it would be.”
Debra didn’t look convinced. “You can sit back down, you know. I don’t bite.”
Billie paused when that old instinct to retreat rose to the surface, but she forced herself onto the couch again.
For as long as she could remember, Billie wasn’t entirely sure which version of herself she was supposed to be.
The polished, untouchable woman she’d constructed…
or the one who felt unusually safe in a stranger’s living room, with a glass of whiskey in her hand and someone looking at her like she was worth staying for.
Debra shifted and draped the blanket over Billie’s knees, a soft smile playing on her lips. Billie looked back at her and realised, terrifyingly, that she wanted to stay.
The mood had shifted since Billie had stepped back into the living room. Debra had felt it before she’d even looked up. That subtle tightening in Billie’s posture, the faint tension in her jaw. Whatever had happened in the kitchen was clinging to her.
And now, Debra didn’t know where she stood with Billie. They’d kissed, Debra’s world had weirdly aligned in some way, but something told her none of this would be easy if she dared to pursue the woman sitting on her couch.
She’d briefly asked if everything was okay, and while she wasn’t convinced by Billie’s answer—it had felt almost rehearsed—Debra hadn’t pushed for more. The atmosphere already felt delicate, and Debra wasn’t about to do anything to make it worse.
Billie rose suddenly and reached for her coat. “I should go.”
As she’d expected, Billie was about to run.
Debra got to her feet and stepped towards her. “Just…wait.”
Debra’s voice wasn’t loud, but it carried enough authority to make Billie pause with her hand on her coat collar, her eyes fixed on the floor instead of Debra.
“You don’t have to run.” Debra took Billie’s coat and laid it down on the arm of the couch. “Not from me.”
“It was only supposed to be lunch. I shouldn’t have come back here. I shouldn’t be here at all.”
“Maybe not,” Debra replied. “But you are here.”
Billie exhaled a deep breath, the frustration in the air palpable. “That’s exactly the problem.”
Debra took a step closer. It wasn’t enough to trap Billie in place, but it was enough to be heard without Billie disappearing inside herself.
“I’m not asking for anything you can’t give.
I’m not expecting declarations or promises, or whatever it is you think I want from you.
All I expect is your honesty.” She gave those words a moment to sink in.
“And I don’t mean the polished version you give your clients. I mean you. The real you.”
Billie finally lifted her gaze, and Debra held it.
“You think I don’t see you,” she continued as she took Billie’s hand.
God, the softness of her skin almost made Debra weep.
“But I do. I see the woman who can steady someone with one sentence, and I see the woman who knows exactly how to make someone feel understood, even when she pretends it’s just a part of the service. ”
Billie visibly swallowed. It wasn’t vulnerability or weakness that had just flashed in her eyes, it was…recognition.
“You keep trying to disappear behind all that control, but that’s not who you were with me today. Whether you like it or not, you’ve already let a hint of the real you slip through.”
Billie tried to pull her hand away. “Debra—”
“No. Let me finish.” Debra stepped closer again, her heartbeat raging out of control.
“I know you’re scared. I don’t know why, and I won’t pretend to understand, but I feel it every time you look at me, only to look away again.
I feel it when you take a step towards me…
then take two steps back. It’s written in every pause you take before you speak. ”
Debra knew this was a waste of time, but Billie had done something life-changing for her the day they’d met.
She’d opened her eyes to the potential life had to offer.
She’d reminded Debra that she was a person with a heart, and someone who deserved to see themselves first before anything else.
The least Debra could do in return was try to help Billie through whatever it was she was dealing with.
Because for all the confidence and all the bravado… deep down, Billie was broken.
“I’m not here to hurt you, Billie. I’m not here to take anything from you. I’m just asking you to stop running for one minute. Just one. I’m asking you to stay long enough to see that whatever it is you’re scared of…I’m not that person. This doesn’t have to be dangerous.”
Billie looked back at her as though the ground had shifted beneath her feet.
Still, she had nothing to say in response.
“You don’t let people in,” Debra whispered.
“I know that, I respect that, and I won’t even try to change your mind.
” She offered a small, aching smile. “You told me before what I do to you, then you kissed me as though I was the only woman in the world you wanted, but I know that was Billie Brown the tailor talking. I know that you’re very good at making us feel what you want us to feel. ”
Billie frowned. “That’s not—”
“What I’m saying…is that I’m so very happy our paths crossed, and while I wish this could have been different, I know when not to chase someone.
” Debra leaned in and pressed a kiss to Billie’s cheek.
“I can, however, be a friend to you. Someone you can offload on. Someone you can confide in and open up to when you need that.” Debra would always wish she’d had more with this woman, but she would never expect anyone to stick around if they felt uncomfortable.
“And then maybe one day, you’ll let yourself want something without punishing yourself for it.
Maybe one day, you’ll be in a space like this… with someone you do want to be with.”
Billie closed her eyes and swallowed. When she opened them again, something was different. Her eyes were gentler around the edges, and the tension in her face had loosened.
Debra felt the shift in the room. She also felt Billie sway imperceptibly towards her.
And then she heard Billie’s breath catch before she whispered, “It wasn’t the tailor in me. You…undo me.”
“What do you want, Billie? Forget the control and the steel you’ve built around yourself, and tell me…if you could have anything at all, what is it that you want?”
Billie stepped closer, ghosted a fingertip up Debra’s throat, and breathed against her lips, “You.”
Debra rose onto her toes, pressed her body to Billie’s, and kissed her.