Chapter Six
Bailey
A soft breeze ruffled my hair as I leant over the edge of our hotel room balcony, half a cigarette dangling between my fingers as I watched a group of people stumbling down the street, laughing and shrieking as they tripped over the curb.
It was probably close to three in the morning.
Maybe four. Late enough that the exclusive nightclub at the end of the road was starting to kick people out.
Too early for anything else to be open. Not quite time for the sun to start rising, but close enough that the tiniest flecks of pre-dawn light were starting to glow on the horizon.
Or maybe that was the lights from the Old Town across the bay.
I shouldn’t have been awake, and I definitely shouldn’t have been smoking, but there was too much going on in my mind for me to give a shit about either of those things.
Hunter was asleep in our bed, sprawled out like a starfish and snoring.
Even in this heat, he still had to be close to me.
And not even the air conditioning made much difference.
I didn’t mind, though. I’d have thought it was weird if he’d chosen to sleep in the other bed or on the sofa.
We’d been sharing a bed for so long now I didn’t think I’d be able to sleep without him.
Except on nights like tonight when my mind wouldn’t settle, no matter how long I lay there and tried to focus on my breathing, on switching off. On anything except what I’d done on the boat.
And the lingering shadow of Aiden, who seemed to follow me around.
“Stupid, stupid… you’re being stupid,” I muttered to myself as I took another long, slow draw of the cigarette, watching the burning end glow in the half dark. “This is not a thing.” I exhaled, the smoke drifting away on the breeze.
I needed to be more careful. To pull back on the emotions trying to escape my chest.
Just because Hunter and I had made out, again, and just because I’d let him suck my dick did not mean anything was going to happen between us. I should have said no when Aiden suggested it.
Not because I hadn’t wanted it to happen—fuck, I’d loved it more than I wanted to admit—but because I hadn’t been ready to deal with… whatever this was.
I shouldn’t have been clinging on to Hunter in the middle of the ocean, wrapping my legs around him and desperately hoping he’d touch me. Kiss me. Do something other than look at me.
“I thought you’d stopped smoking?” Hunter’s question was full of sleep, a note of concern wrapped up in the softness as he padded over to me and put one arm around my waist. The touch of his arm reminded me I was only wearing a pair of boxers.
Although whether they were his or mine I couldn’t say.
We might have been different sizes, but we didn’t really have individual wardrobes these days, apart from things like jeans because his inside leg was so much longer than mine.
Everything got thrown in together and then we pulled on whatever fitted best.
“Mostly,” I said, taking a final draw before I stubbed it out in the ashtray I’d nabbed from a local bar a couple of nights ago. “Sorry, I thought you were asleep.”
“I was. Then I woke up and saw you out here.” He kissed my bare shoulder, making a shiver run through me. “Are you cold?”
“No. Just… couldn’t sleep.”
“Want to talk about it?”
Yes… No… Maybe… Definitely not… Where would I even start?
“I’m sorry about yesterday,” I said eventually, watching a group of women walking arm in arm down the street, their shoes in hand.
“Why are you apologising? You don’t have anything to be sorry for.”
“Don’t I?”
“Unless you did something truly fucked up while I wasn’t looking, then no, I don’t think so.”
I sighed, wishing I could light another cigarette. Just so I had something to do with my hands. “The whole boat thing. The grabbing you with my legs. Making you chase me. It was… weird. I’m sorry.”
“You’re fine.” He kissed my shoulder again, sliding his body behind mine so he could rest his chin on the back of my head.
I should have been used to him being this close.
He spent most nights asleep half on top of me.
But this felt different… charged, in some way.
Like the heat of his body was going to ignite mine.
“I guess, things have been a bit weird lately. With… with what happened with Aiden.”
“Do you regret it?”
“No. Do you?”
“No.” It was mostly true. I didn’t regret the sex part. I just regretted that it had left me so open and vulnerable. That I’d let it expose a nerve without a plan to cover it up.
“Good,” Hunter said softly. “Did you enjoy it?”
“Did you?”
He chuckled. “I asked you first.”
“What if I don’t want to answer first?” Because what if I said one thing and it was different to his. Opposite. I couldn’t cope with that.
“Tough.”
Another sigh, longer this time as I tried to force every last drop of air out of my lungs. Just to give me time. “Yeah, I enjoyed it. A lot.”
“Me too. More than… more than the other hookups we’ve had recently?”
“Is that a question or how you feel?” I asked, not able to bring myself to look at him. Hunter hadn’t been this open with me in a long time, and I wasn’t about to break the spell by locking eyes with him and forcing him to realise we were having this conversation.
“Both, I guess,” he said. “The ones we’ve had since we got out here… they were okay but not great. Nothing to remember.” He huffed out the tiniest, driest laugh. “I almost feel bad for saying that.”
“Don’t. I’d rather you be honest with me.”
“Will you be honest with me?”
“Do you want me to be?”
“Yeah, of course,” he said. I smiled because I could hear his frown without having to turn. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Because being honest with you will cause more trouble than it’s worth.
Because if I was honest and things didn’t work out, I’d never forgive myself.
But all I said was, “I don’t know. Guess we’re not always great at this.” I gestured vaguely in the air, almost knocking my barely opened packet of cigarettes off the balcony railing. I caught them and pulled another out, along with the cheap lighter I’d bought to go with them.
I hadn’t smoked in forever. It was probably easier to count in years rather than months at this point. I knew it was bad for me, but every now and then, when I had a lot on my mind, it was a bad habit I crawled back to.
“We’re not,” Hunter said as I lit the cigarette and took a long draw. “But you didn’t answer my question. I know you’re avoiding me.”
“No, they haven’t been great,” I said, blowing smoke out into the early morning air as I leant against the railing, Hunter’s warmth still pressed to my spine. “Kinda shit, really. I keep thinking about Aiden.”
“Same.” He leant down and nuzzled into my neck, like he wanted to bury himself there. “I don’t know if I really like topping that much. I preferred it when…”
“When Aiden fucked you?”
“Yeah.”
“I liked that too.” Another draw. Another exhale. Another heavy beat of my heart. “Fuck, Hunter. It was one of the hottest fucking things I’d ever seen. And the fact you tried to suck my dick while he was fucking you was… I don’t even have the words!”
His hand tightened on my waist, breath hot as he pressed an open-mouth kiss to my skin. “Would you mind if I wanted to try it again?”
“Which part?”
“All of it. But, er, I don’t know if I want anyone else topping me that’s not, um, you or Aiden. Not yet anyway.”
“Okay,” I said, taking another drag as I tried to keep myself calm. “Yeah. We can do that.” I put my hand against my stomach, feeling for Hunter’s fingers on the side of my waist. “Do you want to see him again?”
“Do you?”
I chuckled and stubbed out the last of the cigarette. “Nope, if you’re gonna make me answer questions first, I’m gonna make you do the same.”
“Yeah, I do. There’s something about him that, I dunno, just… It’s easy to be around him. Fun too. And when the three of us hook up… Yeah, if we can see him again, I’d like to. I know he’s probably busy, though.”
“It wouldn’t hurt to ask. I mean, you’ve got his number from last time.”
“Would that be weird?”
“I don’t fucking know,” I said with a soft snort, shaking my head. Mostly at myself. This was all way beyond what I was used to. And what I was good at. Hunter and I didn’t usually do repeats. We didn’t do relationships either.
Nobody else had ever come close to offering us what we already got from each other, at least emotionally. And sex… well, we could get that anywhere. We’d never needed anyone else.
But maybe we did.
We wanted someone else anyway.
Was wanted and needed the same thing? Did it even matter? I didn’t even know. And I was too sleep deprived to figure it out.
“Shit, we really aren’t good at this,” Hunter said. It was his turn to laugh then, but again it was soft. Self-deprecating. Like we both knew we were way in over our heads and had no fucking clue how to figure this shit out.
“Nope. We’re not.”
“But you feel the same? You wanna see him again,” Hunter added. “You didn’t actually say.”
“Yeah, I think so. Even if it’s just sex. I want you to get what you want, and if that means we try and see more of Aiden, then yeah, I’m down.”
“What about what you want?”
I twirled the cheap plastic lighter in my other hand, glancing down at the cheesy pictures of Ibiza plastered all over it. I almost wanted another cigarette, just to give my mouth something to do other than answer. Because there was no way I could answer him honestly, not really.
But I could sidestep the truth.
I turned in his arms and smirked, sliding my arms around his neck and leaning against the railing so my back was arched and my crotch was pressed against his.
“I want to watch you get fucked again,” I said in a low voice.
“Aiden said he’s got all sorts of toys. I wanna know what you look like getting fucked with all of them. ”
“All of them?” Hunter asked, raising an eyebrow as a smile curled across the corner of his lips. I knew he’d been thinking about it too. “Even the… even the alternative ones?”
I snorted. “Yeah, Hunter. I wanna see Aiden fuck you with a monster cock.”
“What about the, er, the one with a knot?”
“Maybe.”
“Do you know what it is?” Hunter asked, a flush spreading across his nose.
“I had to do a bit of Googling, but yeah, I think so.” The videos I’d found had been informative to say the least. And I kind of wanted to message Aiden to ask what sort of toys with knots he had.
But that could wait until later.
“Me too,” Hunter said quietly. He leant in close and brushed his nose against mine. “We should go back to bed. You need sleep.”
“Yeah, in a minute.” His lips were right there, and fuck, I wanted to kiss him. I hadn’t done it since we’d last seen Aiden, but I couldn’t deny myself any longer. “Can I… I want to kiss you first.”
“Kiss me then,” Hunter said, his lips virtually pressed against mine.
I grinned as I sank one hand into his hair and kissed him deeply.
Like we’d said to Aiden. We were good at following instructions.