Chapter Nineteen
Aiden
I got back to Jonny and Devon’s about half eight, when I was sure they’d be at training. Hopefully Jonny hadn’t noticed my shoes were missing from by the back door, and I’d deliberately taken an Uber last night so my car would still be outside when he left.
At some point, I was going to have to be honest with him about what I’d been doing with Hunter and Bailey, probably sooner rather than later. I already knew it would be fucking awkward, but I had to get over myself because I felt bad about lying to him.
Jonny and I had never really had the sort of relationship where we talked about dating and shit.
It wasn’t our thing. But he’d rung me last year to tell me about him and Devon, so I kind of owed him.
At the time, I’d thought he was calling to say someone had died, because we never called each other.
Plus if I was going to be staying here for a few days, it was polite of me to give him a heads-up before I pissed off out every night. He’d worry more if he didn’t know where I was.
We might only be eleven months apart in age, but Jonny had always taken that seriously. He was my big brother in every sense of the word, and he’d always tried to look out for me, even when I didn’t want him to. But we were both close to thirty, and I needed him to learn to let go.
I spent most of the day curled up on their sofa watching random movies on Netflix while on the phone to the insurance and the building management, then sending emails to ensure everything we’d talked about had a paper trail. Because there was no fucking way I wasn’t getting everything in writing.
The building management were being cagey about whether we’d get a reduction in rent for the period the building was unusable, and I assumed whoever was answering emails had been instructed to keep it vague and noncommittal until they’d heard back from their insurance.
The whole thing was a fucking mess, and it was giving me a headache.
When I’d started running my own business, I’d known there would be issues and random shit to deal with, but this hadn’t been on the list of things I’d anticipated.
Maybe it should’ve been, but a burst water main wasn’t exactly something I’d expected to happen.
I’d been more prepared for a drunken customer to try and stab me with a broken glass.
Once again, life lessons from Bacon only came in handy in certain circumstances. And none of them seemed to apply to me.
Maybe it would be worth considering finding another unit to rent. At this rate, it might be less hassle.
Jonny had casually tried to suggest that, if I wanted to move, I could always look for a place closer to Lincoln. And while I appreciated his desire to be more involved in my life, I didn’t know how I’d cope with us living so close together.
Moving also meant I’d have to give up my markets and the local shops I supplied and move both my business and my personal life, and that sounded like too much fucking stress. And money.
I wanted someone neutral to talk this whole shitshow through with, but I wasn’t sure I had anyone.
Maybe Bacon, but if I mentioned moving, he might also act like I was considering upping sticks across continents instead of fifty miles away.
Devon might be an option, if he promised not to immediately discuss everything with Jonny and if I could get him alone.
Greenie would just tell me to talk to Bacon.
Hunter and Bailey might be an option, but I didn’t know if that would be too much for where we were in our…
situationship? Friendship? Relationship?
Who the fuck knew. That was another thing I should probably talk about, only I was much more reluctant to do that because I didn’t think I could deal with the emotional damage if we wanted different things.
I still hadn’t admitted what I wanted to myself, not really, so saying it out loud would be a completely different ball game.
Fuck me, why did everything have to come at once like fucking buses?
“Hey, we’re home,” Jonny called out as the front door creaked open, his face appearing around the living room door and splitting into a smile when he saw me.
“Hey. How was training?” I asked, pausing the film on the TV and surprising myself when I realised it was totally different to the one I’d expected it to be. Showed how much attention I’d been paying for the last forty minutes.
“Not bad.” Jonny shrugged. “Same old shit really. Do you fancy a cup of tea? I was gonna stick the kettle on.”
“Sure, sounds great. Thanks.”
He nodded before ducking out of the room, and I heard him ask Devon the same question as he walked towards the kitchen. I could hear the hum of their voices through the wall but not what they were saying. I doubted it was about me, though.
I turned the TV off and glanced at my laptop, checking to see if anything had come through in the last few minutes before closing the lid.
There was nothing on my phone from Hunter and Bailey either, which didn’t surprise me.
We’d messaged a bit across the day but nothing exciting.
Just me venting about shitty building managers and them talking about training drills—completely mundane and boring as fuck, but exactly what I’d needed.
If I had stickers, I’d have given myself one to celebrate enjoying an everyday conversation and not trying to start drama. That felt like a first for me, at least in a relationship.
Which this wasn’t.
It was sex with added conversation.
“How’s your day been?” Jonny asked when he returned a few minutes later, offering me a huge mug of tea.
The mug had dice all over it, each patterned with a different Pride flag.
I’d always known my brother was a bit of a nerd, but I’d never expected him to start playing Dungeons & Dragons. That was a whole new level of nerd.
It sounded like they were having fun, though, and it was kind of wholesome to hear about a bunch of huge rugby lads, most of whom could flatten you without trying, having fantasy adventures with their pet goose.
“Not bad, just dealing with all the shit. I still can’t get a proper answer about rent. I guess they’re waiting to hear on their end,” I said, sipping my tea slowly so I didn’t burn myself. Sucking dick with a blister on the roof of my mouth would be wank.
“Did you look at anywhere else?”
“No, that’s tomorrow’s job.”
“Are you thinking of moving then?”
“No fucking clue, but I’ll look just in case.
” I sighed and took another sip of my tea.
“But it’s such a pain in the arse! And expensive.
I know I’ll get some shit from the insurance, but it’s not going to cover all my lost earnings or a deposit for a new place.
I don’t even know if it’s possible to get out my old contract without paying through the nose. Fuck, I need to look at that too.”
I had digital copies of all my contracts, so it would be easy to find what I needed. It was simply another fucking thing to add to my ever-growing list of shit to do.
“If you need money, you know you can always ask me,” Jonny said, shifting awkwardly in his seat at the other end of the sofa. “I’ll give you whatever you need.”
“I can’t… Thanks, but I’ll be fine.”
“You can. It’s not a big deal. It’s only money.”
I shot him a withering look. “Says the man with the professional rugby contract who has lots of it.”
“Exactly, that’s my point! I’ve got money. Let me use it.”
“You’ve done enough for me,” I said, not meeting his gaze as I drank my tea. Jonny had paid for so much of my life, and I couldn’t keep relying on him.
“You’re my brother, dickhead. It’s what brothers do.”
“Not always.”
“Fine, it’s what I want to do. Don’t be a twat about it,” he said fondly. “If it bothers you that much, we’ll call it a loan and you can repay it. No interest and no timeline, just whenever you can.”
“I’m not sure business loans work like that,” I said with a wry chuckle, because I had never met an emotional moment in my life that I felt comfortable taking sincerely. Especially if it involved my brother.
I could feel Jonny’s withering stare boring into the side of my head. “That’s because it’s not a business loan. It’s a family loan, or whatever you want to call it. And don’t you dare make another snarky comment.”
“Or what? Who’re you going to tell? Devon?”
“Fuck off, you know what I mean.”
“Not really.” I grinned as I sipped my tea, feeling a smug, satisfied sense of victory in my chest.
“I could tell Hunter and Bailey,” Jonny said casually, like he wasn’t pulling the fucking rug out from underneath me. My head twisted slowly, my fingers tightly gripping the sides of the mug as the heat bled through my skin.
“Why would you do that?” I asked quietly, glaring at him icily, as if it would somehow magically make him shut up. Did he and Devon own a gag? Could I convince Devon to use it on him now?
“Because you three are, I don’t know, doing whatever you’re doing and they might be able to talk some sense into you.
Unless you’ve brainwashed them with dick.
Then they might take your side.” He smiled at me, then frowned and let out a long-suffering exhale.
“Or maybe the threat of telling them is enough considering you’ve gone white as a fucking ghost. Jesus Christ, A, are you still doing this whole ‘I don’t need anyone’ shit? ”
“Fuck you,” I said, trying to stand up and wincing as hot tea sloshed across my hands. “Ah, shit!”
“Don’t worry about it,” Jonny said. “Dev, can you grab me a tea towel, please?”
“I’m fine.”
“I’m still getting a tea towel. That sofa’s new.” He put his mug down on a coaster on the nearby coffee table, then took mine off me and did the same. Devon appeared around the door with a green tea towel and his own mug, looking between us with interest.
“Everything okay?” he asked as Jonny took the towel and handed it to me.
“All good,” Jonny said.
“Fine,” I added.
“Ah, communication is going well then,” Devon said with a grin and a delighted smile. “I’m going to assume you told Aiden you know about him and the boys? And Aiden did not take it well.”
“I wouldn’t say that,” I said as I mopped tea off my joggers, scowling at Devon.
“I would,” Jonny muttered.
“Wonderful.” Devon sat down on the other sofa opposite ours. “By the way, I didn’t rat you out. Jonny figured it out.”
That was something at least, but it raised a different question. I threw the damp tea towel at my brother’s head and said, “How? You’re the least observant person in the fucking world.”
“Hey! I’m not that bad! And you weren’t exactly being subtle. I didn’t realise it was supposed to be a secret.”
“To be fair,” Devon said gently, like he was trying to moderate the discussion before it went sideways.
“I did say I mentioned it to Jonny back in June, remember? And he said it probably wasn’t serious, you were just having fun, and it was nothing to do with us.
So he did already know. It’s the seeing them again, repeatedly, part he realised.
” His eyes moved to me. “Although I’m guessing it’s still casual? ”
“Yeah, it’s nothing serious,” I said, hoping to fuck I sounded calm and not like a strangled hamster, which was my default when I was nervous.
“Mm-hmm, and that’s why you went to see them last night and didn’t come back this morning until after we’d left,” Jonny said with a raised eyebrow.
“You left all your shit here, though, which means you probably borrowed stuff and it means you were so desperate to see them, you didn’t care if I noticed your shoes had gone but your bag was here. ”
“I’m not doing this with you,” I said flatly, sitting back on the sofa.
“Why not?”
“Because you… you’ll…”
“I’ll what?”
“I dunno, get involved. Threaten them. Do that overprotective thing you always do,” I said, throwing my hands in the air. My stomach was churning, but the annoying thing was I suddenly wanted to see Hunter and Bailey more than ever so I could vent to them about this.
“Give me some credit, Aiden, please,” Jonny said. “I’m not that bad!”
“You are.”
“Fine, well, I’m trying to be better. With everything that happened with Dev, I started talking to someone—a therapist—and I’m trying not to overreact as much.” He sounded embarrassed and I groaned, because of course my brother would get therapy and I’d be a dick about it. Congratulations to me.
“Besides,” Jonny continued. “I’m more worried about them than you.”
“What the fuck? Why?”
He chuckled, but it was warm and sweet, with an affection I still wasn’t used to.
“Because I’ve met you, Aiden. You’re grumpy as fuck, cocky as shit, and you do exactly what you want.
Always have. Just be gentle with them, yeah?
I’m not sure they’re ready for you. I think they have a lot of feelings for each other they haven’t realised yet.
And I know they occasionally fuck around with guys, but I don’t know how much experience they have with—”
“And that’s my line,” I said, slapping my thighs and standing up, cutting him off. “I’m going out. I can’t deal with this right now.”
I needed to get out, to think. To not have this conversation with my brother because I was not there yet. And I was not about to let him make judgements about whatever the three of us were doing when I didn’t even know.
I needed clarification.
Jonny shot me an unimpressed look, but he didn’t try to stop me as I slid past him. “You can take my keys. I won’t need them. Be safe, please. Don’t murder anyone. And if you need stuff, there’s condoms and lube in the bathroom.”
Fuck, please kill me now.