Chapter 30 #2
“To have someone to blame when their policies backfire,” he said harshly.
Tal blinked, having expected a different answer. “So, you weren’t merely coming to the docks to escape life at the palace?” She thought of his maroon suit and the first night she had seen him, a naive swordsman eager to save the first person he saw in danger.
He nodded. “I didn’t realize how bad it was. No one told me anything. And when I questioned, they assured me everything was being taken care of. But even my first time outside the grounds proved they lied.”
“So, what now?” Tal had always thought the king didn’t care, that he called all the shots, and his council only advised.
All the times she silently blamed him for the kingdom’s condition, not knowing it had actually been Faron, only to learn he’d been deceived by his own council made her wonder if things could have been different.
“Now that you know how bad it is,” she added.
“Things are going to change,” he said, staring out at the run-down homes.
“I’ve already started pushing them to show me evidence of their improvements.
Some of them will have to go. But I’m going to be more involved.
I have allies on the council. I’m seeking allies abroad. They’ll help me take the kingdom back.”
Hearing him talk about Meladair like that gave Tal a strange feeling in her chest. She had spent so long thinking of him as this spoiled but charming noble.
And as king, he had responsibilities to uphold.
He would need to attend meetings, entertain foreign dignitaries, visit other kingdoms, as well as continue the royal bloodline.
A rock formed in the pit of her stomach at the last thought.
What did this mean for them? For her? What was she even doing?
She couldn’t be running around with the king. It would spell disaster for him. The council had already made their intentions of marrying him off well known. He would wed some royal princess from a wealthy foreign country. There was no fighting it.
They would never approve of him marrying an orphan from the docks. Even if it were a possibility, would she want that? The fancy balls, the meetings, the reputation to uphold—Tal wouldn’t survive that kind of life, nor did she want to.
She had already made a name for herself earlier that summer.
Even if she wanted to join Faron, the council would never approve, nor would the public accept a queen who behaved the way she did.
She sighed. She shouldn’t even think of such things.
It’s not as if they had discussed what they were to each other when she thought he was simply some random nobleman.
She frowned at her thoughts’ downward spiral.
“I planned on bringing you here that morning.” He didn’t need to say which morning.
She knew. “I had a plan. I would tell you that I come up here when I need somewhere to think without being bothered. Sometimes I come up here when I’m stressed, or worried.
But I come here to be happy too. This place brings me peace.
And then I would say that my life requires a good number of important decisions that could affect many people.
You would ask something like ‘What important decisions do you have to make? If you want your fresh croissant buttered or with jam?’ And I’d say ‘No, that’s usually decided for me,’ which you wouldn’t believe. ”
She chuckled at his impersonation of her.
“I’d get all serious and say there was something I needed you to know.
I’ve been wanting to tell you for some time, but didn’t know how.
I came up here for weeks wondering if and when I should tell you.
I honestly didn’t know how you would take me being serious, and if I would have been able to say it if you couldn’t.
But you deserved to know, and I’m sorry you found out like you did after so long.
I honestly thought that first night without my mask you would have known.
And when you didn’t, it was nice to be just…
me. I got a glimpse of what life would be like if I wasn’t the king, what it could have been like if that fire hadn’t burned the east wing of Silaron and everyone in it.
And when I decided to give it up and tell you, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I started to so many times. But I kept finding a reason why the time wasn’t right.
Honestly, can you think of a point when I could have told you and not have it go badly? ”
Tal inhaled deeply, not sure how to respond. “I don’t know, Faron. What do you expect me to say? Just because it wasn’t easy, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have tried to explain. And it doesn’t mean I can’t be upset about it.”
His lips thinned, and he nodded.
She pinched the bridge of her nose and took a deep breath. “Maybe it’s for the best. If telling me hadn’t upset me somehow, we probably would have continued down some road we had no right to be on.”
Faron’s head snapped to meet her gaze. “Wait, what?”
“I mean, you can’t expect me to think we’d continue this charade after finding out who you really are?”
“Charade? That’s a bit harsh, don’t you think?”
“Is it? I mean, I should have understood what was going on even before then.”
“What do you think was going on?”
“We were just having fun. It could never last, even if you weren’t the king.” The title felt foreign on her tongue.
“Is that what it was to you? You were just having fun?” He narrowed his eyes.
She could see he wasn’t happy with the turn in conversation.
She too wondered why she talked to him in this way, perhaps to protect herself.
She anticipated the inevitable rejection.
She wanted to be ready for it. Maybe she wanted to be the one to do it first. He wouldn’t have to feel guilty, and she could walk away with her dignity and call it a fun but temporary distraction.
She stood and brushed off the grass stuck to her pants. “I—thank you for coming for me, for fighting for me. You really—” She inhaled a shaky breath. “For someone who grew up in such a different world, I never would have thought I’d enjoy your company.” She turned to leave.
He stood and grabbed her elbow. “Are you really that upset with me that you would walk away?” The hurt on his face made her bite her cheek to stop the tears from coming.
“What’s there to walk away from, Faron? You’re the king. You have a life to live.”
“You’re walking away from us, Tal!” He grabbed her other arm now. “Don’t act like we didn’t have something. Was it all nothing to you?”
She didn’t voice her thoughts—that it didn’t matter what she felt. Instead, she took a deep breath and said, “You shouldn’t come by anymore.”
“Are you sending me away?” His voice shook with barely restrained emotion.
“You have a kingdom to run. I can’t distract you.”
“I’ll choose how I spend my time. I will not be ordered away,” he growled.
She called her fury to light a fireball in her palm. “Is that a challenge?” She remembered the night in the tunnel not even a week ago. This time, she would send him away for good and save herself the heartache.
“Demon’s snare, woman. I swear, you’ll be the death of me.” He released her and stalked a few paces away before turning back to her. “You are the most infuriating, pig-headed, brilliant fool that I’ve ever met. Swallow your stubborn pride for once and listen.
“Every moment of my life has been spent bending to their will, paraded from meetings to dinners and dances from one meaningless day to the next, an ornament to their machinations. I was suffocating in that idleness until you barreled into that room. You brought a light into my world when I’d spent my whole life drowning in dullness.
“From the moment I saw you fighting to save that little girl, a fire has awoken within me. That flame has pulled me to your side every day, and I ache to be near you when I’m away.
You are the light that guides me. I can close my eyes, but I still see you.
Talwyn, I love you. I love your anger, your passion, your fury, your stubbornness, your selflessness.
I love your mind, your spirit, and your gods-damned infuriating body and the way you use it against me.
I love you. And no amount of your anger is going to drive me away.
“Take me at my word. I love you. I have since the first night you rescued Evania without hesitation, to the night you wrestled with your dress and nearly fell off that balcony, to the night you destroyed that mage who attacked you, and even though you are hells-bent on destroying me, I love you for it. You’ve ignited my soul, and I will fight like the hells to keep it from being snuffed out. ”
Tal stood wordlessly and stared at Faron.
The orange glow from her flame reflected in his hazel eyes.
Her gaze followed the crease in his brow, down his nose, and to the full lips that closed as he swallowed.
She let his words sink in one by one. Her eyes danced between the willow, the docks in the distance, and back to him.
She studied the outline of his muscled shoulders, how the light of her flame reflected off his bare chest.
Her mind reeled, trying to make sense of his words and tamping her anger over his lies. She had never been any good at reasoning when her emotions ran high, and it took great effort to do so now. A thought occurred to her. “That was you at the ball.”
Still breathing heavily, he let out a soft laugh and shook his head. “I just poured my heart out to you, and you want to know who danced with you?”
“You told me it wasn’t you.”
He shook his head. “I told you it was the king. I didn’t say he wasn’t me.” He took a tentative step back to her. “You intrigued me before but seeing you so carefree that night unlocked something inside me. I needed to see you again, to get to know you.”
“Wait, does this mean the king makes his own clothes?” Tal remembered the handmade trousers he coveted.
“Well—” Another step.
She didn’t let him answer, and instead said, “And all those favors you were owed. They weren’t really favors, were they?”
“No. They weren’t,” he answered reluctantly. “They were well paid commissions.” He stood a few paces away now, and Tal’s heart beat in her throat.
Tal’s eyes went wide. “The axes?!”
“Those were a gift to me, but I knew they were more suited to you. Anything else you’d like to know?” He chuckled.
“Did you really name your horse after your eyes?” The question had been bothering Tal since she’d made the connection.
Faron laughed freely now. “You can blame Waylon for that one. I didn’t know the color, and he convinced me it was a beautiful name for a beautiful horse.”
Tal bit back the humor in her voice. “He’s a menace.”
“He’s an asshole.”
Tal took a steadying breath to gather her thoughts again. “Your name? Should I start calling you James now?”
“I was anointed King James when I took the throne. My birth name, the name my mother gave me, is Faron. I’m only called James when I’m performing royal duties.”
Tal tilted her head at that revelation. “What about the rumors? The nights you supposedly spend in women’s beds?”
“It’s a ruse. Waylon runs around pretending to be me. How else would I get away with sneaking out every night as the masked maroon swordsman?” He stopped his advance.
“Why did you kiss me, if you knew you were lying to me?” Hurt broke through her voice, and she hated herself for the show of weakness.
“You kissed me, remember?”
She felt a grim satisfaction at the pain in his eyes. “But you kissed me back.” She couldn’t understand why she struggled to breathe.
He was close enough to reach out and touch.
His hand twitched as if he too resisted the urge.
“Do you really think I could resist you?” That easy smirk returned to his face, and Tal felt a bit of relief.
He’d grinned in the weeks since she’d learned of his true identity, but never this one, never the sweet, carefree, almost boyish grin that he used to give her so often.
“I don’t know how to do this. I don’t forgive easily,” she said, either as a warning or an opening, she couldn’t be sure which.
“I wouldn’t expect anything less.” He took a tentative step toward her. One more and he would be close enough to wrap his arms around her.
“And what about your responsibility? The council would never approve of a relationship between the two of us.”
“I’m the king, remember? I’ll dismiss them and make my own laws.”
When her shoulders slumped, he closed the distance between them and pulled her into a gentle embrace, like he had after she killed the mage.
Before him, she had never known such tenderness accompanied by warmth and trust. He held her head against his chest for a moment, then pulled back and placed his hands on either side of her face, cupping her jaw.
“I’ll spend every moment fighting for your forgiveness if you let me.
” He kissed her, gently, and she let him.