Chapter 13 Luca
LUCA
“One of these days, you’ll let me pay for dinner,” my dad grumbles as we meander slowly along one of the streets of downtown Cedar Creek.
It’s a quiet Saturday night, cold, seeing as it’s the first week of November, but not so cold that it’s uncomfortable to walk outside.
The street lamps cast pools of warm light on the sidewalk.
I’d say it’s a romantic setting, if I wasn’t with my parents.
Now, if it were Isla on my arm…
“One day,” I reply with a smirk. “But not today.”
Mom slips her arm through my elbow, hugging my side. “Thank you for dinner, honey, it was lovely to be able to spend some time with you. I feel like you’re so busy these days.”
“Turns out, owning a baseball team is a lot of work.”
“Just don’t forget there’s more to life than work.
You’re building something incredible there, but what happens when it’s done and the team is a success?
You should have someone to share that with.
Unless there already is someone and you’re just not telling me,” she says, clearly fishing for information.
I want to shrug off her hold. I love my mother to the very depths of my soul but sometimes she can be a little too pushy with her nosiness into my life.
Especially now, after what happened with Isla last night, it’s uncomfortable how close my mom is to the secret desire I have for my marketing consultant.
“Like you said, I’m really busy right now. I’ll figure out dating when things slow down.”
Just then, we pass a young couple walking hand in hand, smiling up at each other, and my dad says, “Remember when we were like that, Marjorie? Young and carefree, two kids in love.”
Mom drops my arm and turns on her feet to place her hands on his shoulders. “Watch yourself Lou, I’m still carefree and in love.”
Dad leans down and pecks a sweet kiss to her lips. “Just not so young anymore.”
As a kid, I would get grossed out by how affectionate my parents could be sometimes. As an adult, it just makes me long for something I don’t have.
“Well, Luca won’t be so young, either, if he doesn’t get a move on and find a partner to live life with,” Mom presses on, but thankfully, Dad steals her focus with another kiss.
“Leave him alone, Marge.”
Mom huffs but turns to me and smiles fondly. “Is it so bad for me to want my incredibly handsome and wonderful son to find someone to fall in love with? I just don’t want you to wake up one day and realize you’ve gone through most of your life alone.”
“You make it sound like I’ve never been in a relationship,” I point out, stuffing my hands in my pockets as we come to a stop at the railing and look out at the water. Not that there’s much to see with how black the night sky is this time of year.
“I do think you’ve never let yourself fully be with someone. You’ve always held yourself back, Luca. What I don’t understand is why.”
I scoff and start to speak, but this time, it’s my father who pipes up. Apparently, they’re double-teaming me tonight.
“Son, if you mention one thing about your leg, I’m gonna smack you silly, grown man or not. Missing part of your leg does not make you any less worthy of finding love.”
“Nicely said, honey.” Mom pats his chest lovingly before turning back to me.
“You’ve been through a lot in life. More than any child should have to endure.
It made you strong, but it also hurt you.
Don’t think we don’t know that. Being alone won’t make that hurt go away.
If anything, it will make it fester. We’ll stop nagging you as long as you promise to at least think about what we’re saying.
You deserve to be happy. Completely, fully happy. ”
“And I can’t be happy alone?” I fire back, my voice full of more annoyance than they deserve. I can’t help it, they’ve hit a nerve. One I don’t want to look at too closely right now, when I just want to hold onto the memory of kissing Isla, and not get lost in the what-ifs and maybes of the future.
I know my parents mean well, but they don’t realize that what they have, this perfect, unconditional love, isn’t the norm. Not everyone gets to have that.
I’ve always believed I don’t get to have that, and it would take a lot more than one perfect kiss to convince me otherwise.
“No, Luca, you can’t. Some people, yes, absolutely, they can be fulfilled and perfectly happy living their life alone. But you have so much good, so much love in your heart, I know you’ll never be fully content without someone to share that love.”
My mom gets her wish, and I don’t stop thinking about what she and Dad said all evening. I drop them at home, then return to my penthouse apartment. And I find myself noticing how stark and empty it is, in a way I haven’t before.
It’s big. Too big for one person. I bought it after my mom fell in love with the rooftop patio. A patio that has a hot tub and seating area I’ve used maybe half a dozen times in the months I’ve lived here.
The main living area is a blank canvas. Hell, it might as well be a hotel room.
All there is in the way of decorations are a few photos on the mantel of me and my parents.
Everything is off-white or grey, with the exception of my dark blue couch.
I know without looking that there’s only four sets of dishes and cutlery in the kitchen.
I never have people over other than my parents, or Dom and Coral, so why do I need more?
Besides, when I left Ontario, and the apartment I shared with my ex, I let her keep just about everything.
But I’ve been in Cedar Creek for almost a year now. And what do I have to show for it, other than a baseball team I’m trying to rebuild? Since I moved back, I’ve been focused on my parents, and the team, and nothing else.
Depressed by my own damn thoughts, I move into the large open kitchen, open a cupboard, and reach into the back for the jar of Nutella I keep hidden away.
Jar in hand, I fish around in the cutlery drawer for the special spoon my mom got me as a gag gift one Christmas, back when I was in university.
It has “My Nutella Spoon” engraved on it, and I only ever use it at times like this, when I need the dopamine rush of a scoop of Nutella.
I take my treat over to the couch and sink down on one end. The same end I always sit in. On the only cushion that’s even a little bit worn or sagging, seeing as it’s rare for someone to be sitting in the other spots.
Fuck, that’s pathetic.
Maybe Mom and Dad were right, and I won’t ever be fully happy alone, but I can be content, right? And isn’t that better than being in a relationship that will never measure up to the impossibly high standards they set with their marriage?
I probably shouldn’t hold every relationship up to theirs, I’m sure there are plenty of other happy couples out there. But when you grow up witnessing firsthand what true, unconditional love and acceptance and support looks like, it’s hard to accept anything less.
And no one has ever made me feel like unconditional love is possible for me. No one has ever sparked that deep of a connection.
No one until a particular redhead knocked my entire world off its axis with one kiss… I shut that train of thought down quickly.
I can’t go there. Not yet. Not after only one damn kiss.
Sleep doesn’t come easy, and when I wake up the next morning, I’m glad it’s only Sunday. I drag myself out of bed, get ready, and head over to Dom and Coral’s for brunch, a monthly tradition we’ve had since I moved back.
Coral opens the door, her tightly-cropped black curls covered in a colourful scarf. “Ooh, you brought the good croissants.” She grabs the container out of my hands before stepping forward and kissing my cheek. “Morning, Luca.”
“Morning,” I reply, stepping inside their house. It’s everything my apartment is not. Warm, cozy, full of colour, life, and love.
My best friend comes out from the kitchen wearing an apron that says “Kiss the Cook.” All I do is look at him, and he lifts the pair of kitchen tongs he’s holding and shakes them at me.
“Not one word, or I’m not cooking the rubbery shit you call bacon.”
“There’s nothing wrong with tempeh bacon,” I say as we all move back into the kitchen.
Dom shudders as he returns to the stove where he’s finishing up the food for brunch. “There’s so much wrong with it, I don’t know where to start.”
Conversation is easy as we all work together to get food on the table. It’s always like that with the three of us, which makes sense, considering we’ve been friends for over twenty-five years.
After we eat and clean up, we head into their living room and sit. None of us is in any hurry to get on with the day, but especially not me, since all I have to look forward to is going back to my empty apartment and overthinking everything some more.
“I need more coffee. I’m gonna go start a fresh pot,” Dom announces during a break in conversation. He goes into the kitchen, and the sounds of him getting out the beans he likes to grind fresh filters back into the living room where Coral is now staring at me.
“Alright. Spill.”
Damn it. “You’re way too observant sometimes,” I gripe, leaning forward and placing my elbows on my knees.
“Don’t have to be that observant to realize you’re caught up in your head about something, or my husband would’ve realized it.”
I laugh. “Trust me, he knows, he just doesn’t want to talk about it.”
“Well, I do.” Coral moves to the spot on the couch next to me, and leans her elbow against the back of it, tucking her leg under her body and giving me a soft smile. “What’s going on, Luca?”
I lean back, letting my head fall against the back of the couch so I’m staring up at the ceiling. “Do you remember how I used to complain about my parents, how affectionate they can be with each other and how they finish each other’s sentences and shit?”
Coral sighs. “Of course, I do. You and Dom thought it was corny and gross, and I thought it was romantic.”
“Dom only thought it was corny and gross until he realized he was in love with you, and then he started doing the same damn shit.”
Coral laughs, and her hand lightly slaps the back of my head. “Don’t make fun of my man.”
“It’s kind of my job as his best friend.”
“Whatever. So why are you bringing this up?”
I take a deep breath in and out. “I don’t think I’ve ever believed a love like that was possible for me.”
“Why the hell not?”
“I guess it just always seemed so perfect. Too perfect, you know? Out of reach for most, attainable by just a few. But I never believed I would be one of the lucky ones. I don’t know who does get to have it, or why not me, I just know it’s not me.”
When I finish my confession, I feel raw. Exposed. Then Coral bursts into laughter.
“Luca Calloway, for a very smart man, you are being a big idiot right now. What the hell do you mean, true love isn’t for you?
There’s not some finite limit on love, you dummy.
If someone doesn’t have it, that does not mean it doesn’t exist.” She heaves a loud sigh.
“Look. You’re a great guy. Easy on the eyes, rich, smart, funny, and kind.
You’re a catch. But if you ever tell Dom I said that, I’ll murder you.
My point is, any woman would be lucky to be with you.
But what matters is how you feel. Nothing is going to change unless you pull your head out of your ass and realize that maybe no one else will have a love exactly like your parents.
But that’s because no two people are exactly like them, either.
Love isn’t a one-size-fits-all thing. So shut your mouth and open your heart.
And if there’s a particular woman that’s causing this very depressing self spiral of yours, smarten up and don’t let her get away. ”
“Damn, Coral, tell me how you really feel.” I try to sound light, but the truth is, she hit the bullseye.
“I am, Luca. You’re too good of a guy to be alone forever. Don’t deny the women of Cedar Creek a chance to be with you. And don’t deny yourself the chance of finding someone who’s really right for you.”
Our conversation ends when Dom walks back in with fresh mugs of coffee for all of us, but I don’t miss the meaningful look Coral gives me. The one telling me to shut up and listen to her.
The thing is, even if she’s right, it might not matter. Because the one woman who I’m starting to feel could be the one for me is right in front of me. And I might have no choice but to let her get away…for now.