Chapter 14 #2
“Of course. Catch you later.” God, I love my sister. I leave my drink on the bar, take Hailey’s hand, and escape.
We weave our way through the noisy crowd before heading down the hallway, slipping into an alcove away from the bathrooms.
“You looked like you needed a rescue,” she says, releasing her hold after a reassuring squeeze.
“I did, thanks.” I blow out a harsh breath, placing my palm over my stomach. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
She gives me a soft smile. “Charlie Radcliffe is what’s wrong with you.”
I wave her away. “What? You’re crazy. Can’t you see he wants nothing to do with me? I might as well have the plague.”
“No, dummy, I don’t see that at all.” Her expression twists with exasperation. “I see a guy staying away because he thinks you’ve moved on to someone else.”
Maybe I overcompensated a bit, but I can’t help thinking the guy I’d met in the bar would have understood my motives weren’t about another guy. That he didn’t disappoints me.
I’m unsatisfied and out of sorts, like I did something wrong. I sniff. “If he bothered to ask, he’d know the truth.”
Hailey rubs her forehead like I’m giving her a headache. “On Saturday, every time you were in the same room with Charlie, you ignored him and acted like you were ready to take Cole upstairs with you the second you had the chance.”
“I wasn’t that bad!”
“You were. And because I know you better than anyone, I understand it’s because you’re scared to death and don’t know how to act.
But Charlie doesn’t know that. He read the cues you gave him and rightfully stayed away.
” She reaches out and brushes over my forearm, giving me a soft smile.
“Now, I know you don’t want to hear this, but I think you should talk to him. ”
Just the thought of it makes my stomach twist. “I can’t talk to him. What am I supposed to say?”
“Tell him you’re an idiot and you want to stop playing games.”
“No. I can’t give him that kind of power. Are you crazy?”
“Being honest with him isn’t giving him power. It’s freeing yourself.”
“That doesn’t make any sense at all.”
“I’ve never seen you like this. Take the risk and go for it, Jessica.”
“No! There’s a laundry list of reasons that’s a terrible idea.”
“Like what?”
I lower my voice. “He’s Ryder’s boss and friend. He’s complicated, and I don’t want complicated. We have no future. So what? I have an affair with him, which will, of course, end awful, and then everyone will hate me.”
I don’t add the again.
She raises her blue eyes up to the heavens. “You’re scared.”
“I’m not. Besides, I’m taking a break from all that, remember? I’m focusing on my new life.”
She crosses her arms over her chest. “I think Charlie’s a great break from being so mind-numbingly bored you don’t even notice the guy you’re sleeping with is going to ask you to marry him.”
“That wasn’t my fault. I was clear. I told Travis I wasn’t interested in a relationship, over and over again.”
“That’s not the point I’m trying to make. It’s not about fault. It’s about you. Don’t you want to see what it’s like with a man who challenges you?”
“Charlie doesn’t challenge me. He won’t even look at me.”
“Oh, Jessica.” She shakes her head. “You’re so into him you can’t even string a sentence together.”
Agitated and defensive, I screech, “That’s not true. He doesn’t like me anymore.”
“You’re so busy feigning indifference, you can’t see how he looks at you.” She blows out a breath that sends her blond hair flying. “Why do you think Ryder keeps hounding him?”
Surprised interest has me cocking my head. “He does?”
“Yes! Jess, the guy looks at you like he’s one second away from ripping your clothes off.”
“No, he’s mad at me.”
“Well, yeah, and I can’t blame him. But according to the detailed account you gave of the night you spent with him, that was when he did his best work.”
That’s…true.
Oh my god, this is the worst.
I press my fingertip to my temple. “I’m so confused.”
A small smile forms on her lips. “That’s why you should talk to him. I’m being a good writer and pushing you in the direction you need to go for your character development.”
Is she right? Her words sit in my sternum as truth.
“What’s the worst that can happen?” she urges, her voice gentle.
“He’ll reject me, and I’ll be humiliated.” Which would be awful, but at least I’d be out of this strange, tense, awkward limbo I’m currently in.
She laughs. “If, for some reason, lightning strikes and he rejects you, you can plot revenge and make him suffer.”
I chew on my lower lip. “True.”
“Take a chance and see what happens.” She points toward the bar. “I’m going to go back.”
She walks away to where we were sitting.
I lean against the wall and blow out a hard breath.
If Hailey is right, and she usually is, I’m going to have to initiate the conversation.
I can send the first text. I wouldn’t even have thought about it a week ago. A week ago, I had no shame about begging him for attention.
I take out my phone and open our text exchange. I run my thumb over his name on my screen. I care too much. Want him too badly.
His response matters, and I can’t have that.
I slip my phone back into my pocket and head back to the table.
Charlie
Why did I think this was a good idea? I’d blame Ryder and Griffin for dragging me out, but it’s not the truth. The truth is, I knew Jessica would be here, and for some stupid reason, I needed to see her.
I thought if I could gauge her behavior when it’s not in an office setting, maybe I’ll get more clarity about what the fuck is going on.
And since she was once again glued to Cole Montgomery’s side, I guess I got my answer.
My jaw clenches as I fight the urge to watch her go when she wanders away with her sister.
She’s wearing a navy knit dress with a square neckline and sleeves that end at her elbows. I feel like I’ve memorized every detail of her, and I’m still not tired of looking.
So, instead of letting my gaze drift to the direction she took off in, I take a sip of my drink and find the three men watching me.
I point to the table where the girls are. “Ready?”
Griff gives me a shit-eating grin and holds up the beverages. “The wife is waiting.”
Cole gestures to the fire department crowd. “I’m going to head back. See you guys later.”
Thank fuck. I can’t stand one more second standing next to him.
When she gets back, she’ll probably go to him. The thought of her smiling up at him, flashing those eyes, daring him, makes me want to punch something.
Another reason it’s good we’re over.
Through the crowd of people, I catch Sam’s gaze on me. I tense, but before I can turn away, he indicates he’s coming my way.
It gives me an excuse to stay behind, so I say to Ryder and Griffin, “I’ll catch up with you.”
Ryder gives me what now feels like a permanent frown before they move away.
I lean over the bar and wait, longing for the days when Sam’s bar was only for barflies and friends. It’s still like that sometimes, especially when Big Red’s from the town over has entertainment and line dancing, but more and more, the townspeople of Revival find themselves here.
He finishes up his last customer and comes over, throwing a bar towel over his shoulder. “Hey, you doing okay?”
A knot of defensiveness settles in the center of my chest. “Yeah, why?”
He leans across the bar so I can hear him. “You sure?”
The eagerness to ask about her, to demand he give me clarity instead of confusion, irritates me. “If you have something to say, just spit it out.”
“You should talk to her.” At his words, a pulse of soothing warmth washes over me.
The need to go to her, take her by the arm, and demand she talk to me is so loud, my fingers tighten around my glass, but I can’t give in. Can’t reveal how much she means to me. “I don’t know what you mean.”
He glances over my head. “Jessica Moore. Talk to her.”
“I talk to her almost every day at work.” An exaggeration. I’ve mainly avoided her whenever possible.
“Sam!” A voice rings out from the other end of the bar.
He nods in the direction of the customer before saying, “I’ve got to run, but trust me. Talk to her.”
As he takes his leave, my gaze slides over to the table where Hailey Moore now sits in a chair, but I don’t see Jessica. Will she go to Cole when she comes back?
I think of him taking her by the hand and pulling her toward the front door.
Of watching them leave together.
Yeah. Fuck that.
I drain my bourbon in one big gulp, put the glass on the counter, and duck out without saying goodbye.