Chapter 21 #2
“Mayhap in not so many words, but Fanny, all you did was fill her head full of tales of officers, how to flirt, and that catching a man, any man, was more important than anything. Combine that with the fact you agreed to allow her to forgo the lessons with Mrs Mulberry, and have never, ever disciplined her no matter what she does. No, you never told her to have relations with a man before matrimony, but you never told her not to! Your clear message to her for all of her years is that she may do anything she chooses as long as it is what she wants. Given all of that, why would you be surprised that Lydia acted as she did?”
Fanny fell back into the armchair in which she had been sitting. There was no caterwauling, no effusions about palpitations, spasms, nerves, or flutterings. Rather, there was genuine sobbing as the weight of her mistakes pressed down on her shoulders.
Maddie sat for a full ten minutes and allowed Fanny to cry and reflect on her behaviour.
Eventually Fanny began to dry her eyes. “I have not been a good mother, have I?” It was not said to seek contradiction or sympathy, but rather as a simple statement of fact.
“I would be prevaricating if I said that was not true,” Maddie stated, “and I will not do that as it will not assist you in changing and making corrections as you go forward. The fact that you have realised that without prompting means that you can repair things. But Fanny, I will not dissemble, it will not be easy. There is a good chance you will be able to fix your relationship with your three middle daughters, but the problems between you and Thomas will be more difficult to make right.”
“You did not mention Jane and Lydia,” Fanny observed.
“I did not. Jane will be easier. Fanny, are you aware that Jane dislikes being seen as nothing but a pretty face? When you say ‘you could not be so beautiful for no reason’ your eldest cringes inside. You have seen how Jane likes to see everyone and every side as good, have you not?” Maddie saw Fanny nod.
“That is her defence against the tension in the house. Do you think she does not see the problems between you and Thomas? Do you know that when you tell Lizzy, Mary, or Kitty that they are nothing to Jane, you hurt Jane more than the others? And by the by, you are very wrong. You seem to be the only one who cannot see that you have five beautiful daughters, and notwithstanding that she does not look like you, Lizzy is the prettiest of them all.”
All she could do was sit with her mouth hanging open. When Fanny remembered something Maddie had said earlier on. “Did I truly chase Mr Bingley away with my inappropriate behaviour and effusions?”
“My belief is that you contributed to it. Fanny, I must tell you something now as it will explain why I know as much about the Bingleys and Hursts as I do. Edward and I own Netherfield Park.” Maddie was impressed, rather than vulgar utterances, Fanny kept quite calm.
“That is how you had footmen here to save Lydia, is it not?”
“Indeed, and had Lizzy not written to us, we would not have known to come or send the men to make sure nothing untoward occurred. More on that soon.” Maddie could see that Fanny wanted to interject some questions.
“Mr Bingley has not a resolute character; he is led around by the nose by his two sisters, and to a lesser extent, his good friend, Mr Darcy. I think that you gave them the ammunition they needed to have Mr Bingley stay away from Netherfield Park and abandon Jane. That being said, the responsibility ultimately rests with Mr Bingley. If he was not so capricious, and truly loved her, nothing anyone said would stop him coming to speak to Jane and moving forward.”
“You said you would tell me about why Lizzy wrote to you. Did she know what Lydia planned and told you rather than us?”
“No, Fanny, she wrote because she had been fooled by the same man who almost ruined Lydia. As Edward and I know the truth about him, we knew how to act, and did so. After you, I will be speaking to Jane and Lizzy together.” Seeing Fanny’s questioning look, Maddie explained, “They have different issues which need to be addressed, Jane needs to begin to see the world as it is. What Lizzy will be told and shown will help Jane in that.”
“That is why Thomas locked Lydia in the nursery is it not?” Maddie nodded. “Why was I not informed?”
“Fanny, think of how you would have reacted to such news, and then ask yourself that question again,” Maddie suggested. “Be honest with yourself and the reason will come to you.”
After cogitating briefly, Fanny found the answer. “I would have made it about me.”
“Do you have more questions for me? If not, I need to go see Jane and Lizzy.”
There was more Fanny wanted to discuss, but she knew she had much to consider first. She shook her head.
~~~~~~~/~~~~~~~
The previous night, Darcy had a devil of a time falling asleep. Now he sat in his study, still perturbed. Words his cousins and Lambert had said haunted him. He had begun to think back over his actions and behaviour and had not enjoyed the picture which had been painted in his mind.
At various times, Andrew and Richard had called him an arrogant horse’s arse. Although he had never said it in so many words, Lambert had told him the same, and his pride had never allowed him to see the truth of their words.
The only one who had not told him that was Bingley, but then again, he would never say anything to gainsay or upset Darcy.
The realisation had caused Darcy to sit up in bed.
He had used Bingley’s friendship and not wanting to lose it as an excuse to not say what was needed to Mrs Hurst and Miss Bingley.
He had stood by when they had behaved like shrews and thought themselves above those they were, in fact, below.
Why did he, who was so fastidious about that which was proper, allow them to behave that way in his company?
He now saw it for what it was—an excuse, because his fear of losing Bingley as a friend was irrational.
It was Bingley who feared losing him as a friend.
Also, Darcy realised that like his refusal to act against Wickham he was taking the path of least resistance.
The more he considered his behaviour, the more sickened he felt.
One of his principals he claimed he would never break was that he hated any sort of disguise, but had he not obscured the truth when he had advised Bingley that Miss Bennet had no tender feelings for him?
Was it not a way to protect his own heart from Miss Elizabeth Bennet?
He was fast coming to realise it had been lost to her already.
When he truly thought of the situation, he felt like a cad.
The truth was that Miss Bennet was a very proper lady, and unlike Miss Bingley, she did not throw herself at a man; she would wait until he spoke first as was proper.
Had he robbed Bingley of happiness for his own selfish motives?
One thing made him feel slightly better.
Like he had before with his angels, as soon as his sisters and Darcy himself raised any objections to Miss Bennet, Bingley had dropped her like an old broadsheet.
He had not intended to do so, but he had ended up assisting Miss Bennet.
What if Bingley had returned and offered for her, before losing interest as soon as the newest shiny bauble was before him?
The last thought made Darcy realise that as much as he had not wanted to admit it, Bingley’s behaviour with women, while not rakish, was not honourable.
He excited expectations, and with Miss Bennet, Bingley had gone as far as to dance the three significant sets at his ball with her.
That alone implied a coming proposal. Bingley’s honour should have been engaged.
Seeing that only made Darcy feel worse about his own actions, he had provided an excuse for his friend to act in a way no gentleman should. What did that say about his own honour?
He remembered Miss Elizabeth’s words at Netherfield Park as clearly as if she was before him. They had been talking about faults, and of course, Miss Bingley had claimed he was without any.
“Certainly,” Miss Elizabeth had replied, “there are such people, but I hope I am not one of them. I hope I never ridicule what is wise and good. Follies and nonsense, whims and inconsistencies, do divert me, I own, and I laugh at them whenever I can. But these, I suppose, are precisely what you are without.”
“Perhaps that is not possible for anyone. But it has been the study of my life to avoid those weaknesses which often expose a strong understanding to ridicule,” Darcy had replied haughtily.
“Such as vanity and pride,” Miss Elizabeth had shot back.
“Yes, vanity is a weakness indeed. But pride, where there is a real superiority of mind, pride will be always under good regulation,” Darcy had claimed.
Miss Elizabeth had turned away. He had thought she did so to hide a smile.
He had believed that she was flirting with him, but no, that was his improper pride speaking. He had been under the misapprehension that no lady would not want him, but that is exactly what she had been saying, albeit politely. It is why she had emphasised the word pride. What a fool he had been!
He had not raised Miss Elizabeth’s expectations. She did not like him! How could she, as he was now seeing the way he had acted with clear eyes. He was not sure he liked himself very much either.
He and he alone had almost been the author of Anna’s ruin.
His sister was learning from that experience, but he had not.
Rather than humility, he had persisted in his way, never regulating his improper pride.
Had he, like a gentleman should, moved to protect the people of Meryton, including the lady he believed he loved from the scourge that is Wickham? No, he had turned tail and run!
He told himself it was unjust to blame the Gardiners if word of Ramsgate got out. They, unlike himself, had actually taken steps to spike Wickham’s guns. He keenly felt his failure for failing to do so.
He was not ready to speak to anyone in London yet, but he did want Lambert’s counsel. Darcy would write to him, not hiding anything.