Chapter 19
BILLIE
Was pretending I had to reply to emails, so I didn’t have to speak to Adam on the drive back to Bailey’s a copout? Yes, yes it was. But I could barely look at him, much less speak to him.
What happened between us was…I couldn’t process what had just happened. For years I’d built my first time with Adam up in my head, never actually thinking it would become a reality, and now it had. And it was better than I’d ever imagined.
Being with Adam wasn’t just having sex, it was more than that. I felt connected to him. One with him. Owned by him. But now…now what? Nothing had changed.
He left. He didn’t speak to me for twenty years. He had twin daughters. I don’t want kids. He’s just broken up with a British supermodel, G.I. Jane, who he was probably going to get back together with.
That was rebound sex for him. It had to be. So many thoughts were swirling in my head, and none of them were good. All I knew was that I needed to get away from him.
I was almost tempted to stay with Birdie. If her rocker fiancé didn’t drop into town whenever he felt like it because he basically treated my baby sister like a booty call, I would stay with her. But there was no way I wanted to be the third wheel when there were no walls.
There was always a hotel, but my sisters would freak out. And I couldn’t blame them. I’d feel the same. The only logical choice was Grandma and Grandpa’s, now Bailey and Cole’s. There was plenty of room, despite six people already living there.
Adam pulled up into his driveway, and as I reached for the handle and said, “Thank you—,” he locked the door.
My head spun toward him.
“We need to talk.” His tone, expression, and stare were serious.
Why couldn’t he be like every other man on the planet and want to brush something under the rug?
There was the one time he’d famously run away and avoided having any conversation altogether, but besides that, Adam had always been a good communicator, with me at least. Everyone else he barely said shit to.
I could guilt trip him for wanting to talk now, suggesting it is too little too late. Or I could just tell him that it’s been a long day, which it had.
Too little too late? Long day?
“It’s been a long day,” I sighed, he had zero reaction. “It’s been a long couple of days. I haven’t been sleeping.”
That wasn’t even a lie, it was the truth.
His eyes dropped and I reached for the handle again.
“Stay with me,” he blurted out, and I froze.
“What?” I whipped my head back to him.
“Stay with me,” he repeated. “Not with me. You don’t have to stay in my bed. I have plenty of room.”
My heart sank. Of course, he wasn’t offering for me to stay with him, for us to be together. He was worried about me, and he wanted me under his roof. He’d always been protective of me.
“I’ve missed you. We can talk. Catch up.” He paused. “Honestly, I could use the help with the girls, so you’d be doing me a favor.”
As tempting as it was to say yes, because honestly, there was no other place I would rather be than under Adam Knight’s roof.
I had to have some self-respect. Also, taking pride completely out of the equation, my feelings for Adam were too strong, too complicated.
I’d never gotten over him the first time he left.
I knew there was no way I’d be able to handle it again.
Ego aside, I had to deny myself what I wanted most now for what would be best for me later.
“Please, Billie. I know it’s my fault, but I have missed you so much.”
Fuck. When he put it like that…
“O—” The first syllable of my agreement had left my lips when his phone rang.
We both looked down where it sat in the console, and I saw that it was Genesis calling. My stomach dropped out from under me. “You should get that.” I gestured towards it.
“Billie, stop.” He tried to grab my arm, but I pulled it away, unlocked the door and opened it as I grabbed my purse.
He was out and around to my side like he was Sonic the Hedgehog. Honestly, I had no clue how he did that. By the time I stepped out, he was standing in front of me.
“Genesis and I are done,” he insisted.
I tried to walk between him and the SUV, heading to the back of the truck to get my bags. “You can’t just be done, like that, you just broke up tonight.”
He blocked me. “It wasn’t that serious.”
I sighed. “You were together for three years.”
“It wasn’t that serious,” he repeated.
I moved around him again to go get my overnight bag. “You were going to move to London for her.”
“It wasn’t that serious,” he maintained as he once again stepped in front of me.
My hands flew up in frustration at his defensive moves, at this point we were just dancing. “How can you say that?”
“Easy, she wasn’t you.”
I stared up at him, and my mouth opened and then closed. It opened again and then closed. I wasn’t sure what to say to that.
His lips curled at the edges as he lifted his hand and cupped my cheek. “No smart comeback for that, huh?”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to slap him or kiss him. Probably both. Definitely both. I didn’t get the chance to do either.
“You’re back!”
“You’re home!”
The twins’ shouts burst the bubble we were floating in.
I stepped away from him, and his hand fell down to his side.
We both watched as the girls raced towards us and launched themselves into his arms. Witnessing him hold them, one on each side, made my chest hurt in a way that was entirely new and, frankly, unwanted.
“They checked out the window and saw your SUV in the driveway,” Carly explained as she walked out onto the porch.
“Thanks again for watching them. I’ll Venmo you.” Adam nodded towards her.
“Awesome!” Carly beamed, then before heading back inside, shouted a loud. “Thanks!”
“You promised we’d have pizza night, but you were late.” Joey’s voice had the gravitas of a judge pronouncing sentence.
“I know. I’m sorry,” Adam apologized. “I was hoping maybe some ice cream would make up for it.”
“Yes!” Joey cheered.
Andi only smiled but looked equally appeased.
Adam set the girls down and opened the hatch, pulling out my duffel and garment bag. He slung them both over one shoulder and started toward Bailey’s porch without missing a beat. The man’s stubbornness had always been as reliable as gravity.
“You don’t have to play butler, Adam,” I called after him, trying to inject some lightness into my tone.
He didn’t even turn around. “Consider this bodyguard duties.”
He placed my bags neatly by the door, then wiped his hands on his jeans as if the action could erase all the things he wanted to say but couldn’t. I wanted to thank him again, or hit him, or kiss him, or cry or all of the above.
“You want to come over for pizza?” he asked with a lopsided grin that did very funny things to my insides.
“If I eat pizza two nights in a row I won’t be able to fit into any of my clothes.”
His eyes flickered with amusement. “Great! Then it’s settled. Pizza night it is.”
He bent down and picked me up just like he used to when we were kids, throwing me over his shoulder and started carrying me over to his house. I laughed but was hitting his back and telling him to put me down.
The girls started jumping up and down asking for him to carry them. He took me across the yard but then brought me back to my porch and set me down. The girls chased after us asking for rides.
“Anyone who wants a ride, go wait on that rock.” He pointed to a rock in his yard that was far enough away they couldn’t hear us talking.
Both girls dissolved into fits of laughter and raced each other to the rock.
Adam turned back to me, his eyes turning serious. “You should stay with me.”
“I’m not staying with you.”
“You should come have pizza.”
“I’m not having pizza with you.”
“I remember you being a lot more agreeable.”
I grinned. “Yeah, I was.”
“I am sorry,” he apologized, again, and I knew he meant it.
“I know.”
With that he turned, walked over, picked up both girls, one on each shoulder, and pretended he was an airplane flying them through the air to their home. He made all the noises and sound effects. They were giggling like I’d never heard them giggle before.
To see those girls, you would never have guessed a traumatic event had happened only a couple of weeks ago.
They looked happy and carefree, like children should be.
Of course, I knew this was just a snapshot of time and their situation was complex, but the fact that he’d facilitated so much joy in such difficult circumstances was remarkable. A true testament to the man he was.
He set the girls down and walked up onto the porch and didn’t look back, not once, before he went inside and closed the door. I couldn’t decide if that made me angry or relieved.
I remembered watching him walk away from me the first day we met. I felt the same way about him now as I did then, I wanted to see him the next day and the day after that and the day after that… and that was the problem.