Chapter 5
Five
Bright light disturbs my onyx peace. Exhaustion coats my limbs; I doubt I slept over three hours after returning from Gwenda’s. I sigh, rubbing my eyes and coaxing them to open.
Zellie Toro
Station: None
The constellations are the only constant.
“Thank the stars,” I mutter, closing my eyes.
I’m so tired. The lack of sleep and my brain working in overdrive are catching up to me.
How did I manage to not land an assignment today, of all days?
Our days off are chosen at random, but I can’t help but wonder if this is more than a mere coincidence.
I didn’t tell Gwenda any details last night, terrified that my every move was being monitored despite my previous false sense of freedom.
All I shared was that I had a lead that I intended to follow up on—no false hopes, no assumptions, no broken rules.
My head is reeling, and anxiety is freezing me in place.
Should I be more excited about this? From what I read, this is an opportunity.
It is possible that I’m overthinking the situation.
Could this lead to something that I didn’t even know I needed?
What I need is to not be alone with my feelings right now.
Sighing, I realize I’m never going to fall back asleep.
I grab my journal off my desk and fall backwards onto my rustled sheets.
I record everything, leaving no detail unturned.
I tentatively shower and dress, opting for yet another charcoal gray camisole and black cargo pants.
Equipped with my boots and bandana, I quickly part and make two plaits.
Jay doesn’t answer when I knock, and I head towards the Commons with one goal in mind: I need to find Jada.
Each step I take feels heavier than the last. I’m waiting for something, but what?
The other shoe to drop? Someone to pop out and snatch me?
Another mysterious invitation to magically appear?
None of these scenarios happens, of course; however, this nervous energy leaves me feeling on edge.
I stand with my hands on my hips, searching for Jay.
My eyes scan the busy Commons, streaks of color passing by.
Sea green, orange, brown. I find a pink head but quickly realize it’s not Jada.
A silver and black braid swinging captures my attention instead, and I hone in on Faye making her way to the exterior corridor.
I follow her, taking in the orb lights that dangle at varying lengths and glow lightly.
The sun is out, appearing as an intense brightness far off in the distance, while the rest of the sky is dotted with different-sized stars and drifting asteroids.
I wish I had more time to appreciate the beauty of the day, but I feel like I’m unknowingly racing against a clock.
“Faye! Hi!”
Faye glances up from her tray, her expression unreadable. “Hello, Zellie.”
“I’m looking for Jada. Any idea where she was off to this morning?”
“The Knittery—she was going on about needing new shirts, or something.” Faye gives me a tight smile… or is that her usual smile? Who knows—she is wound a little tightly.
“Got it, thanks a bunch!” I turn and wave over my shoulder, heading towards the spoke with no time to waste.
The Knittery resembles a small street, complete with a brick road and shops with orb lights lining the way.
There’s the tailoring boutique, where Gwenda works, along with a shoe repair kiosk and the apparel store.
You can find a kiosk for threads, and occasionally, lessons will be offered for knitting or embroidery.
The Knittery is a lively place, a place that feels like love.
I head to the apparel store, greeting the shopkeeper as I enter.
Helena’s in her mid-forties. Her silver hair is framed by two thick strands of seafoam, similar to how my color is displayed.
She’s compassionate and has fulfilled her dream of running the store after working towards the goal for many years.
A Pisces through and through, she has always been kind towards me, even after I repeatedly rejected her colorful designs for my signature gray and black.
I’m drawn to Jada like a magnet, but to be honest, who isn’t?
She’s beautiful and larger than life, inside and out.
She’s sifting through a rack of tops, muttering to herself, looking entirely at ease.
I hesitate, not sure what to say or how to approach.
My thoughts are muddled—what can I say? Jada does a double-take as she notices me standing nearby.
“Hey, you!” She wraps me in a hug, and I savor it.
When will I hug her again? I will the tears welling to disappear.
The last thing I want is for her to worry about me.
Deep down, I know that is precisely what will happen once I vanish without a trace like the others.
To me, it’s not a matter of if, but when.
Jada releases me, still holding my shoulders. “Everything okay, Zell-Bell?”
I want to say no. The word is on the tip of my tongue. “Walk with me? Outside?”
“Okay…” Jada casts me a worried glance before joining my side and walking out of the shop.
Breathing in deeply, I begin, “I think something is going to happen.”
“Something like what?” Jada’s feet stop moving, and I pivot my body to face hers, taking her hands in mine.
How do I explain? “You know I would never willingly leave you, right?” The words feel sticky, and I swallow the lump in my throat. What if I never see her again? What if something happens to me? For the first time in my life, I’m experiencing genuine fear, and the feeling is paralyzing.
Jada gives me a soft smile and squeezes my hands. “Where would you go, Zell? It’s not like we can go out there.” She gestures to the window and the galaxies beyond.
“Yeah.” I force out a laugh, but the sound falls flat. I make the following words come out of my mouth. A promise. “I’ll always come back, okay?”
Jada’s eyebrows push together, and she leans in closer to my face. “Zellie… you’re scaring me. What has happened?”
This time, I can’t stop the tears. My voice wobbles as I say, “I can’t tell you. I will always come back, though, I promise.”
My body feels like it’s overheating, and a tingling sensation shoots down my spine. Realization slams into me, along with a singeing burn across my skin. This is the Kosmos’ doing. Are they killing me? I’m not ready to die. What did they do to me?
“I know, Zellie. You’re my best friend. I love you.”
Jada’s voice sounds far away, like an echo in my head. Even the pressure of her hands squeezing mine is lessening. I’m disappearing, and everything is so fucking hot. Panic consumes me as I struggle to form a response. “I love you mo—”
Jada is suddenly out of reach, my fingers slipping through the air until I can no longer see her.
No, no, no, no, no! Lunara and the units whiz by me in a blur.
Am I flying? Is this death? The movement is so fast, I don’t have time to comprehend what I’m seeing.
Colors dance in my vision. The momentum and the pressure swallow my body whole; I’m unable to move, unable to breathe.
The crushing weight of my fear and pain envelops me.
Oh stars, I’m not ready. I’m not prepared.
I feel like I’m on fire, energy pulsating from my veins. I’m burning, burning so brightly.
And then there’s only darkness.