Chapter 38
Thirty-eight
On our rest day, Celeste and I opt for a girls’ day in.
“What’s your plan, Zellie?” What is my plan?
I’ve been so preoccupied with my emotions, with the games, that I have created nothing concrete.
I’ll need to talk with Leo and Orion, especially as we get closer to the end of all of this.
What do I do? Win. Get a job like Orion within the Order?
Evoke change by convincing others to reevaluate the system?
Or go for the jugular and take Pluto on himself?
He’d likely star-shoot me straight back to Lunara.
“Still working on it,” I shrug, crossing my legs beneath me.
“All I know is I feel different in here.” I place my hand to my chest. Being here has made me see things, recognize things I didn’t know existed.
I’m angry at the injustice, at the imbalance.
Why are humans forced to live the way we do when we could all be living like this, in harmony?
Or coerced into participating in the Games?
Why are we the ones to suffer? I feel like they’ve pulled the rug out from under me by showing me all of this.
Life was so much simpler before, but I can’t go back to who I was then; I know too much.
Celeste stretches her legs out on the couch like a cat, her toes digging into my thighs. “Tell me more,” she encourages me.
“They hand out magic like it’s a prize. They have the power and the energy to do more than sustain us.
We could thrive. Our lives could be like this.
And I’m not saying I want magic or power.
I want color and beauty. I want rest and food with flavor.
A city full of life, not sterile chambers to contain us.
Is that asking too much? We deserve our place in this galaxy just as much as they do. ”
Celeste absorbs my words, nodding along enthusiastically.
“You’re right, Zellie. This place, and these games, are changing us—shaping us into something new.
I feel it, too. Of course, your vision has shifted.
I believe in your dreams. You know that no matter what happens, I will always have your back, right? You’re stuck with me indefinitely.”
“But what if what I’m being shaped into is something… worse. Harder. I fear I’m becoming a monster, like them.”
“Change is scary, but it’s not always bad. Both light and darkness can exist within you at the same time. The stars know who you truly are, and so do I.”
“I don’t deserve you. You know, Lenny was wise beyond his years when he said we feel like family. Family is who we love, who feels like home. Losing you guys…” I trail off, tears in my eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do.”
“My favorite family I’ve ever had.”
After Celeste leaves, I use the service center on the wall to call for Orion. He’s dressed more casually than I’ve ever seen him, in light joggers and a short-sleeved shirt. It’s so at odds with what he usually wears.
“Are you done ogling me?” He slips his shoes off and walks to where I’m sitting at the island.
“I’m not ogling.”
“Definitely ogling; I can see it in your eyes.”
“Stop it,” I laugh. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you dressed like this.”
“Yes, we mighty Astrals have rest days too. Hard to believe, with me being so important, I know.”
“You’re so full of yourself, it’s ridiculous.” I give him a playful shove.
He catches my arm, leaning in close. “You love me.”
“Get over yourself.” My voice falters as I note his expression, the way his eyes trail to my lips. Heat unfurls within me, but I can’t acknowledge it—I won’t. Confusion covers my senses in a fog. “Orion…”
He breezes away, but I swear I hear him mumbling curses. “I know. I’m sorry.” He clears his throat and physically removes himself, placing the island between us. “Why did you want me to come over?”
“I want to establish a plan.”
“We have a plan: win.”
“Beyond that. Pluto is unbearable. Are any of the Kosmos going to hear us?”
“If you want them to see you and take you seriously, you must not appear as a threat to them.”
I scoff, “Me? A tiny little human threat?”
“I’m serious, Zi. They can’t feel threatened by you. This has to be a slow process.”
“Not my style.”
“Then adapt a new one.” He lets his words sit quietly. “Let them think you’re not a threat. You win, you become a Celestial, and you ascend into power.”
“I don’t care about the power, Orion.”
“Oh my stars, woman! Just let me finish!” I remain silent, waiting for him to proceed. “We will work closely with them. Earn their trust, learn their secrets. We’re bound to discover something to use against them.” It’s patient, strategic—like him.
“It’s a terrible plan.”
“You have a better one, Princess?”
I release a breath, moving to look out the window. I don’t—I really don’t. Could I do it? And stay here? Could I do that to Jada or Xander back home? Guilt wracks me. I’ve barely thought of them, or Lunara for that matter. Do I even want to go home?
What does that say about me?