Chapter 41
Forty-one
One morning, two weeks into the training cycle, Merri and Lenny knock on my door before our day starts. “Do pastries interest you?” Lenny asks as I greet them.
“Do you know me at all?” I feign disappointment.
“We’re about halfway through our time here, and I want to experience and enjoy the city as much as we can. We have a little time before training starts!” Bless Merri and her endless positivity. Has it been two and a half months already? Time has a peculiar way of fooling you.
We walk through the city, over the flower bridge, flarelets twirling through the air around us, the darkened blue cobblestones sparkling beneath their light.
Our group finds a delightful bakery nestled into a row of businesses.
Stepping inside, we’re greeted with the smell of lavender and browning butter.
The walls are velvety mauve, the color more pink than the grass that sways outdoors.
The hue is offset with golden-framed mirrors and artwork.
Various shades of pastel seating surround marble tables of mismatched shapes and sizes.
The marble carries through to the counter placed beside the enchanted open case of baked goods.
The line of pastries and muffins floats up and down in a slow, mesmerizing pattern. It’s great marketing—I can’t look away.
Quiet chatter fills the room as individuals sip hot beverages and bite into scones.
The barista greets us with a cheerful smile.
Beauty and grace personified, she has lilac curls, violet eyes, and a small birthmark on her cheekbone.
She’s petite but emits enough positive energy to warm the entire bakery.
As we place our order, she turns her attention to me.
“Zellie, right? I loved your performance in the last game!” I stare blankly at her as the words register.
“Performance?” My voice is unnaturally calm as a chilling anger takes hold of me. The bright smile disintegrates on her face. “You realize that this is my real life, right? And my participation exists solely because the Kosmos backed me into a corner?”
“No, I didn’t realize,” she all but whispers, that positive energy shrinking rapidly.
Merri places her hand on the back of my arm. “Zellie…” I put my arm up to silence her, my need for vengeance taking over my senses.
“Do you know what it’s like to live as a human?
To have magic that’s freely given held over our heads?
To be won, to be earned? Do you know what we have to sacrifice of ourselves to be ‘blessed’ with the Kosmos’ approval?
” I lean forward with each word until I’m practically falling over the counter.
“Zell, that’s enough.” Lenny tugs me back against him and into reality.
How are they so blind to how we are treated?
Are they so unaware? Or has the Kosmos deceived them?
My knowledge of the Order leads me to assume the latter is the answer.
An icy rage burns through me, and I shake off his touch.
The entire store has gone quiet, all eyes on me.
“Your order will be right up,” the barista squeaks before scurrying away.
“I’ve lost my appetite. See you guys there.” I pat Lenny’s shoulder before bursting through the doors and disappearing into the city.
Orion splits our time between the training grounds and the river.
My time underwater has increased by seconds, which feels insignificant, but he assures me it is remarkable progress.
I keep pushing the limit and going under; the need to be stronger, faster, and better consumes me.
Black dots dance at the edge of my vision, and still I remain.
A burn edges into my chest and up my throat; the urge to breathe alarms my senses. Just a few more seconds…
Strong hands pull me out of the water. I gulp precious oxygen, chest heaving. “What the fuck are you doing? You’re going to hurt yourself!” Orion has his arms wrapped around my chest, my body flush with his as he pulls us out of the water.
“I’m fully capable of calling it!”
“You were about to pass out!”
“I don’t need you dictating what I can and cannot do.”
Orion plops us into the grass, his arms still wrapped around my ribcage. His voice growls in my ear. “It is my fucking job to keep you safe, Zellie.”
“Oh, so I’m a job to you?” I push his hands away, standing.
He runs his hands across his face. “Damn it, Zi. You are so much more, and you know it. Why are you lashing out at me?”
I brush the excess water off of me, distracting myself from meeting his eyes. He’s right, of course. I haven’t been able to shake this mood since earlier today. “I’m sorry, I’m drained. Let’s be done for today.”
“Tell me what’s wrong,” he demands as I stomp towards the pathway.
My body twists towards him, wet hair whipping into my face with the motion as my anger flares. Voice raised, I shout, “We’re not important! My life doesn’t fucking matter to anyone. No one knows, Orion. They think it’s all a production.”
Orion strides towards me, cupping my face gently. “Your life matters to me.”
The words slip out of my mouth, laced with venom. I know I shouldn’t say them. I know there isn’t truth to them, but I can’t stop myself. I’m too far gone. “Yeah, so I can win this for you. Just another pawn.” His hand instantly drops from my face.
I turn away, shame replacing my fury. Orion lets me go without another word, but part of me wishes he had stopped me.