Chapter 66
Sixty-six
With one week left until the game, I’m itching with desire and fury more than ever. I had to share with Brinn that the plan had failed, that I had failed. She reassured me, stating that the scenario was at best impossible. I thought I had him. I could have killed him. If not for…
Orion.
I sigh, unfocused, rubbing my eyes and moving away from the crossword puzzle I had been working to solve. How did everything fall apart in one night? That kiss sparked feelings I’ve tried to subdue, feelings I shouldn’t have because he is my best friend. That, and because of…
Leo.
I groan, banging my head back against the headrest of my bed. What is he doing with them? He’s been withdrawing for weeks, the distance between us vastly growing. He kept secrets from me. My heart hurts. Emotions are so messy.
I hop off the bed, quickly changing. There’s no time to get wrapped up in these tangled thoughts. I evaded both men during training today, but I can’t do that forever. I need to figure my shit out.
I knock on Celeste’s door, hoping she’s still awake. “Girl, what are you up to?” She asks, assessing my training attire. She’s dressed in pajamas but thankfully doesn’t appear as if she were asleep.
“I…” I stop, unsure how to ask for help.
Everything feels so hard right now, as if every complex emotion within me is leaking toxicity through my body, and my brain is short-circuiting, trying to figure out how to sort through the muck.
“I don’t know what I’m doing, Celeste. Will you come with me? ” My voice cracks as I ask.
Celeste’s eyes search mine, her eyebrows furrowing. Concern and confusion line her features as she tries to assess what is wrong. With a firm nod, she leaves the door open and heads towards her bedroom. “Of course, let me change real quick.”
As we sit beneath the stars at the training grounds, I pour my heart out to Celeste.
“A group of citizens and I that are against the Kosmos have been meeting regularly. We’ve named ourselves the Children of the Constellation.
We want the same things—equality, changes to the system.
But they are all looking at me like I’m going to personally spearhead the takedown.
What if I fail? If I don’t win this final game, then I won’t even be here to make any changes.
But if I am… what if I can’t meet their expectations? ”
By the time I’m finished, Celete’s eyebrows are raised so high they may permanently stay in the position. She blows out a long breath. “Damn, girl, that’s heavy. You’re only one person; you cannot carry that alone. You won’t fail anyone. You can only do your best.”
“I’ve already failed, Cel.”
“What do you mean?” The eyebrows move to a scrunched position—at least they’re not stuck.
“I may have tried—and failed—to kill Pluto.”
“I’m sorry, what?” She shrieks.
“At the last ball. I had an opportunity alone with him, and I was going to, but Orion jumped in, and then we ended up kissing. And I think I may have feelings for him. I think I’ve had feelings for him, and —”
“Woah, woah, woah. One thing at a time here. What about Leo?”
Closing my eyes, I shake my head. “I can’t trust him.” I share my hurt and anger regarding what happened, how he’s had conversations with Portia, and how he is keeping something from me.
When I’m done, she simply says, “Well, this is the messiest love triangle I have ever encountered.”
A beat passes before we both burst into laughter. I can always count on Cel to lighten my load. It’s freeing, in a way, to lay your secrets bare.
Through her giggles, she adds, “You looked at our situation with the games and said, ‘Nah, this isn’t dramatic or stressful enough.’”
“What do I do, Celeste?”
“You just be yourself, shut out all the noise, and get through this next game. There’s no one telling you that you need to figure everything out right this second, so don’t.” Her shoulders raise in a shrug. “Acknowledge the feelings and let them go.”
“When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve stored these gems away, saving them for when I need them.”
I snort. “Thank you.” She’s right, of course. I need to stay focused.
“It’s what friends do for each other. Maybe one day we’ll laugh about all of this as a distant memory—the grand adventures of Cel and Zell.”
“Maybe we will.” I point to a cluster of stars, one of which shines brightest towards the edge. “There’s Lenny.”
“He’s watching over us, rooting for you to win.”
“I promised him I’d make them pay.”
“You will. I miss him.”
A wet teardrop rolls down my cheek. “I miss him, too.”