Chapter 15 #2
“I will always be there for you, Daisy,” he rasped, and as my gaze lifted to his face, I caught the violent quake of his chest, the rain having molded the fabric to his muscles.
“Not because of what Todd did. Not because you were his fiancée. But simply for you. For your baby. I will always be there for you. Always. And if that means a white lie to make sure you’ve got a roof over your head or a temporary marriage to make sure you’re safe, then so be it. ”
My lip trembled. How could someone be this good?
“I know—”
“No, I don’t think you do.” Max skated his hands to the sides of my face, holding me to his stare.
“I’m sorry your mom didn’t show up for you when you were young, Daze.
I’m sorry she warned you no one else would either.
And I’m sure as shit sorry that Todd proved her right.
But I won’t. Just because none of them showed up for you doesn’t mean I won’t.
I’m not repeating this cycle, Daze. I’m breaking it.
I want better for you. For her. And I’m going to do everything in my power to give it to you. ”
Was my jaw on the ground?
I’m not repeating this cycle, Daze. I’m breaking it.
Did I even want to pick it back up?
My eyes sank to his lips, and I breathed in deep. Fresh rain. Charged oxygen. Mint and raw male. I want better for you. His promise turned over and over in my mind until it turned completely into a question. Who wanted better for him?
Max was always giving. Always doing for others.
Who took care of him? Gave for him? Sought to please him?
I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him with a woman, let alone the last time Todd mentioned he was dating anyone.
I knew he was busy—knew he carried the weight of his business’s success and the livelihoods of the people he employed solely on his shoulders.
But even then—especially then—how could he not have anyone to take care of him? To be there for him?
And I wasn’t talking about his family.
He might be able to hide behind a busy schedule to them, but I saw how he was selling his house because it was too big, rather than searching for someone to share it with.
I saw how he made time to get dinner with me most nights of the week.
I saw every effort he made to be thoughtful for me, whether it was buying me clothes or bringing me back blueberry cobbler for dessert.
It wasn’t a lack of time or effort that stopped him from finding someone to be with, so what was it?
Me.
The answer clawed from somewhere deep inside my chest. Because I was his wife.
“Max…” I reached out and spread my palm on the wet fabric on his chest, feeling the hard thump of his heart, like it wanted to punch right through his ribs and put itself in my hand. A grenade with its pin pulled, waiting to let loose everything I’d watched him contain for years.
Wanting. Aching. Longing. I wanted better for me too. And Gigi was right. There was no man better than Max Hamilton. Not for me.
“What about you?” I asked, my tongue slipping out and over my lips, trying to calm the quell of my nerves. “What if I want better for you?”
Better than a fake wife. Better than having to care for his best friend’s ex and unborn baby.
The warm ebb of his breath turned ragged, and I realized something changed then. Now. The way he looked at me, the way we looked at each other…there was something there we’d tried to keep hidden before, but there was no hiding it anymore.
His head inched closer, and I realized how little space separated us, how my legs had drifted apart to make room for him.
“Daisy,” he drawled, his voice hardly above a whisper as his thumb skated along the edge of my bottom lip. “There is nothing better for me than you.”
My eyes, which were almost shut, snapped open wide and up to his. I couldn’t have heard…He couldn’t mean…
I’ve had years of moments spent with Max. Public moments. Private moments. Sad moments. Happy moments. But no moment ever felt like this. No moment had ever felt both intimate and combustible at the same time, like a seam about to burst.
“Max…” His name wasn’t a sound, but the hum of longing in my chest.
His lips tightened like he was trying to rein them in, trying to keep them from kissing me. But god, all I wanted was for him to kiss me. All I wanted was to taste every promise he’d made me on the edge of his tongue. All I wanted was to give something to the man who gave everything.
“I’m sorry…”
I reached up and grabbed his wrists. “Don’t” was all I could manage. My tongue was too thick to say more, my lungs too clogged with lust.
I didn’t want him to pull away now. I wanted him closer. I wanted those lips on mine. I wanted even more from this man who’d already given me too much.
His muscles tensed as I slid my hands up his arms, his gaze tracking them like they were snakes—predators—and he wasn’t sure if it was safer to shake me off or stay perfectly still. In the end, he didn’t move until my fingers found the side of his face, and his whole body released a shudder.
For a second, I thought the sound I heard was thunder, but it wasn’t. It was the groan that quaked from his chest, the one that sounded an awful lot like restraint breaking under the weight of longing.
“Max,” I whispered, the tip of his nose bumping mine. We were so close now, not even the rain had space to fall between us. Instead, it splattered on my cheeks as I tipped out of the protection of the truck.
All my life, I’d been so focused on protecting myself from everyone who could hurt me or let me down. But not now. I didn’t want to be protected from him.
He would never hurt me.
“Kiss me.” The plea spilled from my parted lips.
“Dammit, Daze,” he groaned. “What are you doing to me?” I had no idea, but it felt like the same thing he was doing to me. My eyes fluttered shut as his head dipped. The warmth of his breath greeted my lips, and he moved his hand on top of my left one, where I held his cheek.
“Shit.”
My eyes flung open. His tone changed. Everything changed.
The longing in his gaze was now soaked with pain, and instead of kissing me like he’d been about to—like I begged him to—he turned his head away and pressed his lips to my palm, his eyes squeezing shut like the taste of my skin was his very last meal.
“You’re getting soaked,” he said, releasing my hand and stepping away from me. “Let’s get you home.”
My tongue was too thick to protest. I was getting soaked, but it had nothing to do with the rain and everything to do with him. Everything to do with the fact that the barriers that we’d stacked between us for years felt like they’d finally come down. Until he pulled away.
To protect me.
I knew Max, and it was the only reason I could think of as he bundled me back into my seat and carefully closed the door.
How did I convince him that holding back wasn’t protecting me? That he wasn’t taking advantage of me by kissing me?
I’d never felt a silence so thick and heavy as the one that filled Max’s truck on the remainder of the drive back to the apartment. It was almost as though…
I turned to him. “Max—”
“Let’s get inside before it starts up again,” was all he said before he let himself out of the truck, making it to my side just as I slid my feet back into my sandals.
He helped me down, used his jacket over me to protect me from the drizzle, and held the door for me to enter first. It was like he wanted it to be like nothing had changed. Except it had.
He’d almost kissed me. And I’d wanted him to.
“Why did you stop?” I asked quietly when I reached the top of the steps, positioning myself in front of the door so he couldn’t reach it.
Here in the stairwell, he only had two choices: answer my question or turn around and leave.
Max’s jaw tightened. “Daisy—”
“I wanted you to kiss me, and you didn’t.
Tell me why,” I said, lacking all bandwidth to be anything other than demanding.
Anything less, and my reservations would be too overpowering.
My fears that it wasn’t right or fair or the right time would drown out the one thing I wanted for myself.
Him. “The whole truth, Max, or say goodnight.”
The choice warred inside him for a split second, and then he gave me what I asked for. I shouldn’t have been surprised when it shattered me.
“I won’t kiss a woman who’s wearing another man’s ring.”
My gasp echoed his retreating footsteps, my eyes sinking to my left hand. The hand his closed over when we were outside. He’d felt the engagement ring, and that’s why he’d stopped. Why he’d changed.
Even though Todd wasn’t here. Even though we were technically married. Even though I’d begged him to kiss me.
Max wouldn’t settle for just a piece of me, and I wasn’t sure if I was brave enough to give him anything more.