Chapter 33
Tessa
Fingers tangled through the strands of my hair as I felt Levi’s palm settle against the side of my neck, and my eyes flicked open to meet his stare.
The feeling of one man’s unconditional love paled in comparison to what it felt like to be loved evenly by both Lucas and Levi in an infinite capacity.
So why was it so hard for me to let go? Every time I tried, there was something that held me back, something preventing me from falling all the way…
“Babygirl…” His sleep-induced rasp was enough for me to know that he’d only just woken, and the first thing he did was play with my hair. Instead of looking for a reason to leave, he found an excuse to stay and linger a little longer.
“What time is it?” I tilted my head toward the sheer curtains behind me to see how high the sun had risen.
“Does it matter?” Levi yawned, pulling me and my attention back to him. “I don’t plan on leaving this bed anytime soon. At least, not if you’re in it.”
“What about—”
“Luke? I’m sure he’s already made plans at the gym to train with the rest of the dancers this morning and won’t be back until lunch.
” Levi turned onto his back and stretched out long, rolling his wrists and ankles in the process.
“And before you even think it… I do care about my brother’s feelings.
You aren’t the first woman we’ve shared, but you are and will be the last.”
“How do you two make something so complicated seem easy?” I questioned, furrowing my brows, still unable to fully comprehend our current situation.
I was excited about what we were doing, not having to choose between them, and the overall idea of having both. But, never in a million years could I see myself sharing a partner with someone else, let alone my sibling. I could only imagine the selfishness; the jealousy.
“Because we value our relationship too much to allow anyone to destroy what we have. Luke and I can be greedy and selfish at times, sure, but as long as ultimately, we both get what we want, does it really matter who had it first?”
I suppose that’s one way to look at it…
“What about jealousy? Wasn’t that ever a concern for you?”
“Hard to be jealous when we’re standing on an equal playing ground. Did you forget that we’re carbon copies? Aside from Luke one-upping me in the piercing department, we are essentially the same in every way. What’s there to compete with?”
Point taken… I didn’t want to pry further, but the way these two talked about each other and their bond was… Heartwarming.
“Lucas mentioned that you two had a rough life… before all of this…” Pressing my lips between my teeth, I stalled. Unsure of how to articulate my train of thought without offending or upsetting him.
“Did he now? What else did my brother tell you?” His voice was soft and calm, unbothered by my interest in their backstory.
“Nothing in too much detail. Just how he loved and cared about you and your relationship. Similar to what you just said, but phrased differently. And that for the longest time, the two of you have only ever had each other to depend on.”
Levi forced out a sigh, dragging his tongue along his inner cheek as his eyes wandered from mine down to the sheets, lips puckering and rolling together in thought, as I patiently waited.
“It wasn’t necessarily a rough life… There was a time when family was everything to us, and we had—what we thought—was the perfect upbringing.
But as we grew up, we became more problematic—susceptible to peer pressure, bad influences, and all the other forms of destructive behavior that came with being a teenager.
Our parents inevitably started to fight… because of us...”
I swallowed, staring attentively at the side of his head as he continued to speak, his eyes fixated on the bedding, flicking from side to side as if recalling memories from an old photo album.
“In the thick of it, my father turned verbally and emotionally abusive when our mother fought to defend us. Eventually, she buckled under the pressure, and when the time came to actually pick sides…she chose him. We weren’t delinquents by any means, but I’ll admit we were far from the idyllic sons they’d expected us to be.
I guess that’s the downside when it comes to unrealistic expectations…
No matter how hard you try, you’ll never manage to meet them.
In the end, all they do is set you up for failure. ”
“And so…”
“So, all I had was Luke after losing the one woman who I believed would love me unconditionally, flaws and all. She was the first and only woman I’ll ever allow to break my heart.
My brother wasn’t as close to her as I was, so he didn’t hold our mother accountable for her decision and got over the loss a lot faster.
I still think back to the memories of our past and miss that piece of me, one that I’ll never get back.
..” Levi paused, just before lifting his gaze to meet mine, and it was as if the blue of his eyes had deepened, taking on a more vibrant and vivid shade.
“At least… I thought I’d never get back. ”
His intense gaze held a one-way ticket straight into my heart, overwhelming it with emotion and profound understanding of why they were so protective of one another. I knew that agonizing feeling of abandonment and disappointment all too well… from my father.
“Levi…”
“I’ve done a lot of things, made thousands of mistakes, but you…
Finding you is like being given a second chance.
An opportunity to finally experience what it’s like to have someone who sees past the flaws, to reach the surface and breathe sweet air instead of suffocating under a blanket of silence. ”
He spoke to my soul, without even trying.
“There’s so much that I’ve opened up to Luke about.
I don’t and won’t ever hide anything from him, but unloading my innermost thoughts onto my brother is no longer enough.
I’ve been craving the attention and affection of a woman who can make me feel faultless and forgiven, no matter the reason.
And no one has managed to come close to doing that faster than you. ”
There was so much more to these two handsome men than their gray sweatpants and chiseled abs let on. And they both allowed me to see that even as gorgeous as they were, they actually felt flawed in the light—just like me.
“I’ve been afraid to let my guard down with you…
To risk allowing another woman to hurt me, or see the vulnerability that stays hidden underneath my confident exterior, but for you?
I’d rip my heart from my bare chest and place it in the palm of your hands just so you could feel the weight of what you do to me.
The racing rate at which my heart beats only for you. ”
I knew what was coming next, because I felt it all the same, just as I had with Lucas—the passion that radiated from his words, the unconditional adoration in his tone. I wasn’t blind to the obvious, but I was still too afraid to acknowledge it.
“You know what.. Fuck waiting. Fuck taking things slow. If I’ve learned anything in the weeks leading up to this moment, it’s that this life is too short to be spent playing it safe.
There are things we can and can’t control, and right now, right this very second, I’m acknowledging the fact that I can’t resist what you do to me any longer.
How you coax my soul out of hiding, begging it to be set free from the darkness I'd buried it in. Babygirl, you’ve become my reason to fight for what I lost instead of giving up.
.. You’re my understanding of the true meaning of love and the ability to feel it once again. ”
Until now, I had never felt more seen. Lucas wasn’t kidding when he said that Levi’s soul was a beautiful thing to behold. He was right, and after seeing it firsthand, I never wanted to leave.
And nothing could convince me otherwise.
The doorbell rang just as I was passing through the kitchen into the living room, and since the guys were already lounging between the couch and sofa, I took the liberty of answering it myself.
Upon opening the door, I was met by a male courier who had an intricately wrapped package tucked under one arm while holding a clipboard in the other.
The medium-sized box was matte black with enough matching silk wrapped around it that the tails of the elegant bow cascaded over the edges like a waterfall.
Luxurious.
“Hello, can I help you?” I asked, tilting my head to the side as I inspected the item in question, trying to guess what might be inside.
“Uh, yes, I have a delivery for a Mrs…” He thumbed through the papers secured to his clipboard, and I hummed my anticipation, unable to tear my eyes from the box. “Tessa… Castiel?”
“Tessa Cast—” I choked at the last name, my stomach twisting, but not from his sad attempt at pronouncing it. “That’s… me?” I ground out through clenched teeth, trying my hardest to remain completely composed and not lose my shit in front of him. Don’t shoot the messenger…
“Wonderful, if you’ll just sign right here, then I’ll be on my way.” I took the pen, and the man beamed like a ray of fucking sunshine. Biting back my fury, I signed for the package—my package, and then returned the clipboard.
After handing the stunning parcel over to me, the man nodded curtly, tipping his courier hat as if he were on the set of Pleasantville, and I slammed the door shut before aggressively pivoting on my heel.
“Levi! Lucas!” I screamed their names so hard my throat rattled.
Within seconds of catching my breath, I could hear heavy feet, furniture crashing to the floor, and doors slamming in my wake. “Tessa-motherfucking-Castiel?! You two have some explaining to do. Get your pretty boy asses back out here, right now.”
I stormed into the kitchen, throwing the box onto the counter before turning down the hall and taking calculated strides to Levi’s door, violently bashing on it with my fists.
“Levi, I know it was you who did this. I don’t know how the fuck you managed to pull it off, but I fucking know it was you.”
“Are you saying I’m not capable of getting you to indiscreetly sign a marriage license?
” A chuckled scoff came from over my shoulder, and I spun with a swift swing, right at Lucas’s sharp jaw.
“Rude.” He feigned a gasp, catching my knuckles with his palm, and latched down on my fist so I couldn’t take it back. Goddamn him.
“Rude? That is what you consider to be rude?” With a venomous sneer, I went in for another shot using my other hand—weaker and less efficient, but worth the try. “Ugh! How long?!”
Lucas didn’t even flinch as he casually leaned back to dodge my second attempt with a smirk and a mischievous spark in his eye.
I threw all of my weight into that second hook, and when it missed him, my body twisted with the force, so he took the open opportunity to restrain me with my back pressed to his chest.
“Hm? How long what?”
“How long have we been married?” The word felt like lead on my tongue, an unjustifiable weight, and having to say it out loud only pissed me off more.
But was I actually mad at him? Did I honestly not want this? To be married to them? Was I self-sabotaging, as I often did when I was offered something I didn’t feel I deserved?
They’ve both openly admitted their love for me. This wasn’t a game to them. So why the fuck was I mad?
Lucas took both of my wrists in his hand before roughly turning me to face him, and the instant our eyes met, he had me pinned against the door frame with my arms locked above my head.
“My beautiful, violent princess.” He pressed his body into mine as he breathed his desire across the shell of my ear, and I melted at the decadent lullaby of praise.
“As much as I would’ve loved to have had the honor, your initial assumption was correct.
Levi married you. He is your lawfully wedded husband.
I just get to claim his wife as my own.” As he leaned back to witness my reaction, his words began taunting my sanity and my patience.
If only I could take another swing at him.
“You two are fucking… fucking—” What’s that goddamn word. “fucking something…” I growled my irritation as I fought to figure out what the fuck I was trying to say through my uncontrollable frenzy of emotions.
“Oh, we’re fucking—you, to be precise, gorgeous. And it sounds like my girl needs a little something to take the edge off.”
“Let me guess, you’re going to fuck the attitude right out of me, huh? Is that what all the boys are saying these days?” I laughed at his obnoxious confidence.
“That depends. Is that what you want?” Lucas arched his brow, his eyes scanning me like the nutrition label of a cereal box.
“I mean, I’m more than happy to oblige—ignoring the fact that you just tried to insult me by calling me a boy.
” He added with a mocking tone before grinding his hips into me so I could feel every inch of his hard length through our clothes.
“Whatever my girl needs to make her relaxed and less prone to hit me, I’ll give it to her.
Although I kind of like this side of you, very… Quentin Tarantino.”
“You’re so cliché and un-fucking-believable.” My voice trembled as my resistance wavered, giving in to the demand of my body.
“Keep going… Let it all out like I’m your verbal punching bag, princess.”
“Typical alphahole...” I spoke through my tightly clenched jaw.
“I’m still not hearing ‘no’…” Lucas sang as he seductively bit the side of his bottom lip, eyes dropping between us.
“Is she ready to fuck or fight?” Levi interrupted with a lilt tone from across the hall, and I lost my ability to breathe.
I didn’t even hear his door open through the blood pounding in my ears, but lo and behold, there he was, smugly watching Lucas and me as he leaned with his forearm pressed against the door frame, and a hand resting on his hip.
“What’ll it be, princess? Remember to use your words.” Lucas smirked, a wildfire of carnal craving blazing in his eyes.
Well… fuck me…