Chapter 45
Tessa
There was something beautiful about being stuck between two planes of existence, seeing the world around you through a lens that wasn’t quite your own anymore.
I watched as Lucas and Levi spent hours at my bedside, like watching a movie with no sound.
I couldn’t hear anything that was spoken between them as they argued, comforted, and cried their way through the night.
Their body language said everything; it showed the pain, the anger, and the frustration from what I’d done.
But it also brought forth the love and understanding they had forced themselves to accept. And suddenly I wondered why I had ever done it in the first place.
Why didn’t you just leave when you became an adult?
There were a thousand reasons why I never had the option, even after turning eighteen and being allowed to make my own decisions—like moving into my own beach home and leaving my parents’ house for good.
A clean break didn’t exist, and by the time I could’ve tried to leave, I had become so broken and alone that I didn’t believe I held any real value outside of the cage I grew up in. I had no worth off a stage set…
Fear controlled my life, from start to finish.
The fear of failure, disappointment… of being forgotten. Craving the attention of others is a fundamental human need, and I craved it more than anything. Some days, I strongly believed that their approval was the only thing keeping me going…
Just because you have control in your life doesn’t mean you have it entirely. There’s always going to be something holding you back, steering you in a direction you no longer wish to follow.
I was born and raised in the life of fortune and fame. You don’t just wake up one morning and leave everything behind because you’re over it. It doesn’t work like that. You can’t ghost an entire fan base and expect them to respect your choice and leave you alone.
They will always pry. Always come for you when you least expect it. Which is why I saw no other alternative, and yet now, watching the two men before me who had become my entire world, crumble at the sight of my reckoning…
There are things in this world that you can’t control, and sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and see where it leads you, accepting the consequences along the way.
Just like before, I had two choices. To stay, or to leave. I dragged my attention away from my shattered husbands to the door on my right, and I saw a beaming bright white light shining through the crevices of the doorframe. An outline of a beacon that was calling to me…
Come home…
Come home, princess…
Come back to me…
Don’t walk through that door, Tess…
My head felt as though it had been submerged underwater for a long time—disoriented, the voices around me bouncing off the walls of my skull, pounding against my brain. At the same time, Lucas’ plea continued to echo in my head along with another… Teddy? He was here?
It was a struggle to force my eyes open, something tugging at my eyelids with a blinding light, as another, new and unknown voice entered my fogged-out mind.
“Well, she’s definitely responsive. Eyes dilating nicely…” The foreign voice snapped his fingers at me. “Tessa?” My lashes barely parted, revealing nothing more than black splotches against a blurred background of creams and browns. “Tessa. How are you feeling?”
“I’m—Fine? Who are—Where’s Teddy? Is Teddy here?” Did I imagine him? My throat felt like sandpaper as I spoke, dry and rough. I couldn’t utter a sound above a whisper, no matter how hard I tried.
“Hey…” His voice was soft spoken, the tone he always used with me, and one that I’d longed to hear just one more time. A reminder that I had someone to lean on when I needed it most. “I’m here, Tess.”
“I’m-I’m s-sorry… Teddy.” I struggled to form words, but I needed to apologize. For the way I said goodbye, for the way things ended between us, for the regret I continued to carry after the day he left. “I’m so, so sorry…”
“Shh… Don’t.” I still couldn’t see him as my vision evened itself out.
But I felt his warm palm as it rested against my forehead, his thumb therapeutically dragging along the center of my brow.
“You’ve been through enough. You need the rest.” How did he find me?
I never told Lucas or Levi about him… “But I will admit, amongst the chaos you tend to create, you managed to find two solid men this time around.”
Of all the times to bring out his Dad humor—which he absolutely sucked at—this had to be one of them…
I brought my hands up to rub my eyes, growing frustrated with the haze that was blinding me to the people in the room.
When I blinked them open once more, the first set of eyes that caught my attention were those of bright sky blue.
Lucas and Levi. My husbands, and the reason I’m continuing to breathe.
There was a large part of me that clung to survival. My soul and heart clawing their way back home, refusing to break, fighting for love.
They didn’t need to be here, I shouldn’t have been here… But there they were, and I unraveled all over again—hating myself for yet another poor decision made by an unstable and fragile conscience.
“Lucas… Levi…” I whimpered, my lip trembling as I spoke the two names I never thought I’d have the chance to utter again.
“Hey, babygirl…”
“Hey, princess…”
I pressed my palms into the bed, pushing myself forward so I could reach out, missing their touch, their warmth. I needed to feel them to ensure that this was real and I wasn’t dreaming. That I had come home to them, and this wasn’t my twisted version of purgatory.
“Whoa, hang on there, Tessa.” A firm hand was set against my chest, forcing me back down and refusing to let me up. “Your body’s been through a lot over the past six hours. I need you to take things slow right now. Can you do that?” Who in the hell?
Tearing my gaze from the two men at the edge of my bed, I shifted my attention to the man standing beside me, taking note of the last name Morris embroidered on his white lab coat, and immediately flipped into flight mode. A Doctor. Psyche?
“No, no, no, no, no, please. Please don’t take me away.” I cried, every breath becoming more erratic as I attempted to push him away. “I don’t want to be committed; it was all just a mistake, please.”
“Tess. Breathe.” Theodore gripped my bicep from my opposite side, giving it a firm squeeze to calm my body and nerves as both Lucas and Levi stepped in front of the Doctor. They both whispered something briefly before ushering him away and filling his place at my bedside.
“You’re not going anywhere except home with us, babygirl.” Levi cupped my face in his cool hands, my skin flushed from anxiety as his thumbs dragged soothing circles along my cheekbones. Oh, how I loved the feeling of his palms, their sense of security.
“He’s one of… us,” Lucas added with a slight pause and clearing of his throat, lending a side-eye to Theodore as he gestured with his head for the Doctor to leave.
“I’ll be back in about an hour to prepare her for discharge and release her into your care.
Until then, none of the hospital staff shall enter this room without my approval first. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to press the call button.
” The man announced right before exiting the room, softly shutting the door behind him.
They weren’t taking me away… Home…
“I want to go home.” I rushed out the second the lock clicked into place.
“And we will, princess. But we need to make sure you’re okay before we can do that.”
“Promise me…” I pleaded desperately, reaching up and gripping Levi by the collar of his shirt, pulling his face down to meet mine as his brother laid a hand on my thigh for reassurance.
“Promise me you won’t leave me here—on another floor…
” I searched his eyes and saw them soften, sighing as if he couldn’t believe that I would even consider that as an option—for either of them.
“Babygirl—”
“They wouldn’t dare.” A rough voice finished from over my shoulder, and I loosened my hold on Levi as he gestured with a flick of his eyes to the man still standing behind me. Theodore…
“Teddy, what are you doing here?” He had my full attention, but I still couldn’t manage to bring my gaze high enough to meet his, focusing more on his shoulder and arm than his face. Every time I thought about that day…
“I saw the news. Dropped everything to come and find you.”
“H-How—” I felt embarrassment washing over me at the fact that what had been leaked was the reason why he was here. That even after retiring, I was still affecting his life, tearing him away from his family again.
“I have my ways. Just like your boys seem to have means of their own...” He glared at Lucas and Levi before clearing his throat, not asking or pressing for answers they couldn’t give.
“And seeing as though you are in good hands with these two, I think it’s finally time we announce your retirement, the right way.
You’ve sacrificed more than enough of yourself—your life. ”
“You’re saying I can—I can leave? Be done with everything and just… leave?” There was disbelief in my tone because I never thought I would have this moment. Forever a prisoner to a life without purpose other than for someone else’s entertainment.
“We’ll sugarcoat it one last time, but once everything’s been said and done, you’ll be free to be you, without the chains and the eyes of the world weighing you down.
You’ll become a memory faster than saying goodbye, but in a good way, and all while keeping your name.
Your new one, that is... Mrs. Castiel.” Theodore grinned, and I blushed from the sound of their last name on his tongue.
I suppose at some point while I was unconscious, they told him. But that minor detail aside, I could finally be me—theirs, without the strings, the fear of judgment, or the constant need to hide who I was.
Because for once, no one would care. I would no longer come with a price tag. I would be irrelevant to everyone. And that word felt more like freedom than it should.
As I silently celebrated my new outlook on life and what this meant for my future, Theodore smiled, taking a step away from my bedside as he pulled a phone from his pocket.
“I think I’ve said more than enough since arriving here. I’m just glad that you’re safe and well protected, Tess. I’ll get a start on things, and when you’re ready, come back to Malibu to say your formal farewells.”
I watched as he strolled toward the door, tapping away at his screen, but this time it wasn’t as hard a goodbye as before. This time, I had closure, and I accepted that he was leaving.
“And you two…” Theodore looked back one last time, his stern eyes set on my husbands, glowing with a threat he’d more than happily cash in if the need arose.
“You have my blessing to care for the woman I tried my fucking hardest to raise. To be the light she needs when her world falls dark… To love her for all she’s worth and more.
” His watery eyes held on to mine, and I felt my heart nearly burst from my chest at the sight.
“I should have said this a long time ago... I love you like a daughter, Tess. I always have, always will.”
“Teddy…”
“Let these men give you what no one else could. I see the good in their hearts, especially after what they’ve managed to pull off since the news broke. They deserve you, and I’ll stand by those words.”
With that, Theodore left the room, and I suddenly felt like a whole new person. Lighter, happier, fulfilled as I brought my attention back to Lucas and Levi, who continued standing by my side, patiently waiting as they had always had for me.
And I broke.
“I’m sorry… I’m so fucking sorry.” I couldn’t stop the tears that streamed down my face, my emotions rushing through me like a freight train.
“Hey, hey… stop.” A soft hush from Lucas. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“But I—”
“Theodore explained everything so you wouldn’t have to…” Levi…
Teddy did the one thing I couldn’t. He’d openly explained my traumas and all the pain I’d bottled up inside for years; a lifetime of mental anguish that inevitably led to my impulsive decision—surrendering to the darkness and letting my suicidal thoughts overpower me.
They listened, understood, and they were still here.
“I’m ready to go. Home. To our home.” I breathed a long, refreshing sigh of relief as I fell back and melted into the bed, ready to move on—forward.
“I’ll get Chase. I want to finally get the fuck out of here and shower our girl with all the love and attention she needs.” Lucas greedily rubbed his hands together, a sly smile plastered across his pretty face.
“We’re going to have to reconfigure the bedroom situation,” Levi added with a hum, his eyes rolling to me.
I had mentioned it once or twice in private—how badly I wanted us to share a room so I wouldn’t be choosing between them every night. I’d sleep in the middle, of course, gladly.
“IKEA?”
“Don’t start…” Levi sternly shut down his idea with a warning.
“What? What did I miss?” I giggled with lilt confusion, my face scrunching and lips pursing as I tried to think back to anything relating to furniture—specifically IKEA.
“Nothing, princess…” Lucas laughed, patting his brother on the back before making his way out of the room to grab the Doctor and get us the hell out of here.
“We’ll tell you later, I promise.”
Never did a promise sound so good…
I was finally free.