Chapter 6
Six
“Is everything all right?”
“Yeah, we just need to get this tree secured, and we’re good. I was thinking of doing some cleaning today after the kids decorate. There are enough of them to do it, and Brandon can help while we clean.”
Emma stood holding one side of the tree while her husband did whatever he needed to secure it. Thoughtful and needing something to do after spending too much time outside, Angela went into the house and closed the door.
“Whew, it's cold out there, and my son just went for a walk. He’s crazy. I’m going to start on Dad’s bedroom if that works.”
Emma flashed a grin. “Gotta love Maine winters. Yeah, I’m going to hunt down all the decorations for the tree, and they should still be where I left them last time. Dad hated decorating, so every year I did it. You clean his room up; I know there are some boxes in the garage.”
Angela wasted no time grabbing what she needed and a few of the dozen cookies she’d baked, without the kids noticing yet.
“Goodness, where to begin?” The room was a mess, with clothing and newspapers scattered everywhere. Her mother’s photo still sat on the nightstand beside her father’s bed, where it had been since she passed away.
Finding her mother’s favorite shawl hanging in the closet was no surprise; still, she folded it and placed it on the window ledge for safekeeping.
“The only thing left of Mom right now is the jewelry we got from Dad long ago. Might as well keep the shawl in case any of the grandkids or Emma want it.”
Secretly, she directed the thoughts toward them, while her heart yearned to wrap the shawl around her shoulders to feel close to her.
Angela was busy for quite a while, boxing up knick-knacks, mostly chosen by her mother, and clothing that smelled of her father. Halfway through cleaning his room, she wondered why she had taken on the task of doing this room when she found a photo of herself, Emma, and their father.
“Oh, Dad.” Sitting on the bed and overcome with emotion, it was easy to ignore the chaos outside the half-open door.
She studied the picture, with her on one side of her father and Emma on the other, all three smiling as if nothing in the world mattered but that moment. That memory, clear in her mind, touched a spot in her heart she wasn’t ready to feel.
The tears streamed down as she held the picture close to her heart. “Mom’s birthday. We went to the festival every year for Mom’s birthday to honor her memory after she passed. Oh gosh, Dad.”
So loved, her mother’s life became a reason for celebration in the years that followed her passing. Her father had always been a mess that day, reciting poetry he’d used to win her heart and feeling joy over the blessing of the birth of the woman who’d made his life whole.
He’d cry, they’d all cry, laugh, and have a blast celebrating her day, complete with birthday cake and something fun to do. That year, a local festival was held in town. They’d take a photo and make multiple copies, one for Mom’s grave, another for Jack, and one for her and Emma.
He’d always end the night drunk, drowning in the sorrow that finally overwhelmed him after reality hit and his love was no longer there. Emma was usually the one who’d tuck him into bed, promising that one day he’d see her again in due time—they all would.
The joys and sorrows of life without a mother they desperately needed were nothing compared to the sadness of living with a father who needed her more. This moment she held close to her heart, one of the few joyful moments captured to remember.
When she’d cried too much for her own liking, she tucked the photo in her pocket, refusing to put it away. “Dad…I always loved you, even when you didn’t love me so much. I forgive you for that. I know being pregnant out of wedlock was hard, but sending me away was even harder.”
The day was spent cleaning, and by dinner time, she’d cleaned all but the nightstand that held an assortment of things when she’d opened the top drawer.
Steven had come and gone, checking on her, as if needing something from her but holding back from joining in the tree decorating or being part of something. It made her feel good knowing he had family around him at a time like this. She, not so much.
Over the years, Angela had become accustomed to living on her own and handling things herself. While she and Emma remained close, and visiting the ranch was a joyful occasion, it was often more than she could handle.
Admitting she was more like her father than she realized would have been a stretch, but deep down she knew it.
“Are you coming out for dinner? The tree is decorated, and I baked the rest of the cookies you had in the fridge for dessert. I figure we can put the angel on top of the tree after dinner when we light it up.”
“Okay, I’ll be out in a minute.”
Angela kept moving, cleaning up the mess she’d made while trying to create order. A stack of boxes, garbage bags, and bins sat beside the door where Emma stood, her cheerful smile always welcoming.
“It looks good. Saving the nightstand for last.”
“Yeah, we both know that’s where he kept the important things. The rest was easy. If I don’t get to it tonight, I’ll go through it in the morning.”
“Thanks. Come on, leave that.” Emma held out her hand.
Feeling the need for connection and her emotions weighing heavily on her, Angela set aside the things she was holding and took her sister's hand. “I love you, you know that, sis?”
“I do, and ditto, love you more. This is hard work, especially for you, but I think it's good—you can finally make peace with him even if he’s not here.”
Those words stayed with her through the wonderful pot roast dinner Emma and her family prepared. “This was so delicious, Emma. I think I need to get a fitness center in Oklahoma. That way, I have an excuse to visit and have dinner.”
Angela neatly folded her napkin, not at all surprised to see Steven get up from the table after being quietly thoughtful for most of it.
“Thank you. Yeah, we could use one of those where we live.” Emma clasped her husband's hand beside her, their loving gazes meeting.
“I love you just the way you are, and no gym is going to change that. Though, it might be good for both of our health.” He kissed her hand warmly, sparking a wave of envy inside Angela.
“Come on, we’re going to hang that angel and light this tree,” Emma said as she got up, pushing the ladder Brandon had already set in place.
Hand in hand, they climbed the ladder, one below the other. It was hard to ignore the hum of joy and excitement pulsating through the room from the kids and dogs. Sadie barked happily from one corner, with the other dogs chiming in from various spots on the couches, chairs, and floor.
“All right, hand it over, Angela. Okay, one, two, three, Brandon, turn on the lights!”
The room erupted into a thunderous roar of cheering and laughter, and the lights twinkled and danced in response. The angel sitting above it all looked down with blessings, much like Angela believed her mother had done all these years.
“Wow!” Angela stepped off the ladder to admire it all.
Emma followed suit, dusting her hands off as she moved. “Tell me about it! I think if Dad were still here, he’d love this. He’d never say it, of course, but he’d admire it, secretly.”
Angela sat with her sister for a long time, admiring the tree long after the kids went to bed, and Brandon retired after settling the dogs. Together, they sipped cocoa as the wind outside blew across the all-glass-windowed great living room.
“I think I’ll finish his bedroom tomorrow morning if that’s okay.”
“Sure, Angela, you two may have been estranged, but he always asked about you. He loved you just as much as he loved me, but he just couldn’t let it go. You know.”
“I do.”
“I think if you’d made a bigger effort to let it go, too, brought Steven back here often, and forced him to acknowledge his grandson, he would have.
It would have been hard, but he would have done it.
He suffered just as much as you both did.
Wrong, yes, he was for what he did, and I told you this a thousand times, but it needed to be both of you making the effort. ”
Angela’s emotions were suddenly raw, and she nodded, unable to deny or agree.
“That's water under the bridge now. Your son is grown, you’ve got a great life, we both do, and Dad is with Mom.”
“I know this.”
“But you're worried about Steven. Honestly, when I talk to him, he doesn’t seem like the same young man with issues like you dealt with. Sure, he’s quiet and thoughtful, maybe a bit too much, but that could be who he is and who he will be.
As long as he’s not in trouble with the law or doing bad things, let him be who he is.
He will find his way. I’m betting some of that comes from how he grew up as he did and some from Evander. ”
Curious, Angela looked at her sister, still feeling a bit of love for the father of her son. “How so?”
“Not in a bad way, just who he was. When you and Evander were together, it was lightning bolts and fireballs of love, passion, and excitement. You two lit each other up, but alone, when I saw Evander back then, he was different—kind of like Mom and Dad, I guess. He was quieter and more thoughtful—deep, I guess you could say. Whereas my Brandon, he’s a workaholic, just dying to get back to the ranch and normalcy.
If you remember, Evander didn’t know himself at first, but he had ideas he only shared with you until he was certain of himself. ”
“You’re right, Emma. What would I do without you?”
“I don’t know, but I feel the same.” The shared hug was a perfect ending to the day as they both stood up to walk down the hall. “Good night, sis.”
“Night, Emma.”
It was a horrible night's sleep, as thoughts and feelings she couldn’t control invaded Angela’s mind. She woke several times. She was glad when the sun came up and she could continue cleaning quietly.