Chapter Four – Mabel
My dad asks about the appointment on the drive home, and I do my best to answer him. “Dr. Wolf seems really nice,” I say, although my mind is elsewhere.
Where? On the other man living in his house.
My dad taps the steering wheel as he makes a right turn. “Oh, that’s great. I’m so happy to hear that. I hope he works out for you, kiddo. You feeling like some takeout tonight? I’m thinking we can try one of those pizza joints in the city, if you’re feeling up to it?” He sounds so hopeful, desperate to do something normal when nothing in our lives can ever be normal again.
Who am I to say no?
I give him a smile. “Sure. I can always go for pizza.”
Around here, nothing is close. It’s a solid forty-five minutes before my dad and I are seated in an old wooden booth in the chosen pizza joint, drinks on the way and our order put in. It’s a little early for dinner, but that just means the restaurant isn’t too busy. Although, to be honest, I don’t know how busy any restaurant gets here.
Dad’s busy checking the specials menu off to the side of the table, but I still can’t take my mind off that man. Whoever he was. All those scars… he had to have given them to himself. I’m curious about him. I want to know more.
It’s only after the drinks are set on the table that I finally muster up the words, “I saw Dr. Wolf’s other patient.”
My dad takes a long sip from his glass. “He did mention he’s got a live-in patient, but he assured me he wouldn’t interfere with your appointments.”
“He didn’t,” I quickly say, and I watch as my dad visibly relaxes. This next part I don’t know if I should say, but since I already brought him up, I might as well. Just touch on the subject. “He’s got a lot of scars, like he… he hurt himself a lot.”
My dad nearly chokes on his drink. It touches too close to a subject he doesn’t want to discuss. I get it, because I’m hesitant, too. In fact, I’m the one who shouldn’t want to talk about it, not him. “Oh… yeah?”
“I didn’t really talk to him, if that’s what you’re worried about,” I add, hoping to put my dad at ease.
He gives me a sad smile. “I’m not. It’s… it’s not that. You know, I just—I worry about you, after everything.” Even now, he can’t say it.
The shooting and everything that came after. The fallout that destroyed our lives and took my mom, his wife, from us, and made it so that our family was just the two of us.
“I know,” I softly say, and that’s all. I grow quiet, and the rest of dinner is awkward. My dad and I… we don’t really have anything down. We’re still broken, still searching for answers. Of course, I already have all the answers.
No matter what my dad says, no matter what Dr. Wolf says… it really was my fault.
That night I can’t sleep. It’s not out of the ordinary for me; sleep has been slow-coming since that awful day that changed everything, and on the rare times I do fall asleep early, I’m always plagued by dreams that haunt me.
Dreams that are more like memories than anything else. These memories… they’re not ones I care to relive. These particular memories are ones I’d gladly give up forever.
A typical night where I don’t sleep, I end up lost in the what-ifs. What if I would have said something different? What if I never would’ve went along with the game? What if… what if I could’ve stopped him somehow?
But not tonight. Tonight, as I lay there, wide-awake in a new room that still smells a little musty, like it’s been sitting empty too long, I think of the day’s events. Of Dr. Wolf and his other patient.
Mostly the latter, if I’m honest, and the scars littering his skin.
I know it then: the man, whoever he is, can play as a distraction from the truth. I don’t know who he is or why he appears so broken, but I need to know more about him. I want to talk to him… but how?