Chapter Four
Danny’s comment hurt. Acute and searing, it burned like he’d put out a cigarette on my heart. Pretending the past didn’t exist had been an undeserving wish. It was a stupid one too, because being in our high school gym only propelled me further back in time.
I could see Mariana’s touches on the decorations and the whole setup. She went hard-core on the Commonwealth navy-and-silver color scheme for maximum school spirit. In spite of a few upgrades, the gym was the same as I remembered it. The wooden stadium seats were folded against the walls like they’d always been for school dances, preventing introverts like me from staying on the sidelines.
A DJ was setting up on the far end of the basketball court, testing the sound. The first song she played was “Dance with Me”
by 112, and suddenly I was transported to junior year—Nat and I bobbing our heads to the song in our matching tennis uniforms during homecoming because our away game ran late and we didn’t have time to change. It was odd. I hadn’t thought about that day in years, but somehow it felt like it was yesterday.
Was that why Danny was still holding a grudge? Maybe I was stupid, thinking we could ignore how we left things. But I’d changed! Teen Rachel cared so much about beating everyone. I wasn’t like that anymore. I didn’t give a fuck about any of that anymore. I was too tired to care. If Danny would just talk to me for more than five minutes, he’d see that.
“Why aren’t you clapping, sexy lady?”
a voice called out. I turned around and found Vivienne clapping, as the song commanded. If it weren’t for her playful voice, I wouldn’t have recognized her. I was accustomed to seeing her in gym clothes, which was her punishment from the principal whenever she tried to wear rave outfits at school. The Viv standing in front of me was wearing a sky blue, long-sleeved linen dress that looked like something you’d wear if you were about to frolic as though the hills were alive.
“Viv! Oh my god! How are you?”
“Oh, you know,”
she demurred, leaning in for an air kiss on each cheek like we were European. “Got married. Had a couple kids and started freelancing. Did you know I was a club promoter for a while?”
I opened my mouth to say yes, that I kind of remembered hearing that back in college, but Viv kept talking. “Well, after I met my husband, I quit doing that so I could start my own business. You may have seen me on Instagram. I sell high-quality essential oils, and if you’re interested, I have samples in my car.”
My stomach clenched. Strong smells and I didn’t mix. “I had to come early to help out, but when you have a second, I can show you what I have. But enough about me. What about you? What are you up to?”
“I—”
I was a little dizzy from how quickly Viv recapped her life. My mind was so focused on Danny that I hadn’t thought about my life summary. Other than work, I didn’t have much to report. I had managed to avoid every major life milestone one was expected to reach by middle age. No house to speak of. No husband. No kids. I was really living the spinster life.
“I work in entertainment.”
Thank god for Nat. Being her assistant hadn’t been titillating, but at least the job allowed me to say something truthful.
“Yes, I see you in Nat’s IG sometimes at those red-carpet events.”
Viv looked over her shoulder. “Where is she?”
That was a good question. “I’m sure she’s on her way.”
“Well, I can’t wait to see her! Who would’ve thought that someone from Commonwealth would become famous? Oh wait.”
Viv tapped my hand to stay put. “Mariana put me in charge of check-in.”
Viv scanned the table until she found my name tag among the many laid out, glancing at it before handing it over. “Love it.”
I had to hand it to Mariana. She thought of every little detail. My name tag had a freakishly clear copy of my senior portrait along with my select accomplishments.
RACHEL DANG
2003 Scholar-Athlete (Tennis)
Most Likely to Succeed
Damn. Who knew a two-by-three sticker could be so savage? If anyone made bets that I was going to succeed, they lost their money. I might as well cross off the last line and write “loser”
instead. My only consolation was that my portrait looked good.
“Rachel!”
I turned around and found a swarm of old friends, who started taking turns to hug me.
“I don’t even remember the last time I saw you,”
Belinda said. I didn’t think it had been that long since I’d seen her, but it must’ve been because Belinda’s natural hair had since turned halfway gray.
“It might’ve been your wedding to this guy,”
I said, giving Oscar a nudge. I spotted the bold “Dr.”
prefix on his name tag and Belinda’s. I wondered if they had matching “Dr.”
and “Dr.”
towels in their house, even though they were from different disciplines. Oscar was a doctor who dealt with colds. Belinda dealt with modern art. “Are you still at Cal State LA?”
“No. I’m at UC Irvine now,”
Belinda replied.
“Tenured,”
Oscar proudly added.
All I heard was job security. What did that feel like?
Tina Vo greeted me next with a flash of her perfect teeth—a requisite accessory, I imagined, for an orthodontist. “Rachel, you hot bitch.”
“Who, me?”
I wasn’t one to turn down a compliment. I spun around to revel in it while the serotonin boost lasted.
“God, you still look the same,”
Tina said as she continued holding on to me to examine my face. “Do you use retinol?”
“No.”
“Vitamin C?”
I shook my head. Tina looked at me like I was a unicorn. “Gua sha?”
“Gua sha”
sounded like something I should know as an Asian person, but I didn’t. Before I could ask her about it, she snapped her fingers. “You don’t have kids, do you?”
Tina laughed the question off like she was sure she had discovered my secret, even without confirmation from me. I laughed it off too, to end the conversation, not because I thought it was funny. I knew becoming a parent took a lot out of someone. Angela was exhausted when Hailey was first born. But it wasn’t like I was childless for a lack of wanting. My career had never coincided with finding the right person to start a family with. Just wanting to have it all didn’t mean I could have it all at the same time.
“Is this your husband?”
I blurted out, pointing at the ridiculously good-looking man next to Tina. I was eager to get off the topic of children, but in my haste I must’ve guessed wrong. Everyone in the group burst into laughter.
“You don’t recognize me?”
the man asked, even though it was obvious I didn’t. He had the chiseled face and shiny, slicked-back hair of a model in a cologne ad.
Model Man laughed, delighted. He finally stretched his lapel over his broad chest and showed me his name tag. “It’s me, Bo.”
As in Bo Zheng? I almost gagged.
He looked nothing like his senior portrait. Bo had sported a bowl cut all four years of high school and wore the same rotation of Commonwealth shirts and ironed khakis. He was a nerdy nerd, and that was coming from a veritable nerd myself. I stole another glance at his total makeover. It was unreal how tailored clothes and a haircut transformed him into this cdrama-worthy man. “You look . . .”
Great? H-hot? Ew, no. I couldn’t even say it in my mind.
“. . . different.”
Bo flashed a smile that was dripping with swagger. He was loving this. Well, he deserved it. His glow-up was exquisite. “It’s great to see you too.”
He extended his arms. I didn’t have “hugging Bo Zheng”
on my bingo card, but here we were. With everyone watching expectantly, I leaned in and got it over with.
“Rachel!”
Mariana said, making a beeline toward me from across the gym. At the sound of her voice, my group of friends disbanded.
“We have to get back to setting up. Mariana’s got us on a tight schedule,”
Tina explained in a whisper, not without a quick eye roll behind Mariana’s back. Mariana didn’t see because she zoomed right into me for a quick hug. “Rachel! Just the person I wanted to see!”
“Here I am!”
Unsure what to say next, I took a cursory glance around the gym. There were new banners flanking the upgraded scoreboard. The badminton team had won the state championship from 2017 to 2019 and picked up their streak in 2021 and 2022. “Look at that. Commonwealth was always good at hitting cocks.”
Mariana laughed like we were old friends, as she probably thought we were. Mariana never knew she was my rival. I didn’t need to look at her name tag to remember her accolades. She was captain of the water polo team and student body president. Twelve of us may have earned the distinction of valedictorian, but the school allowed only one speaker and it was her. I should’ve known that she’d be a shoo-in for the Student of the Year Award. And her success didn’t end there.
Unlike Danny, Mariana was easy to keep up with. She added me on LinkedIn years ago, so I knew she was the CEO of a nonprofit that provided low-income kids in LA with school supplies each year. And when she surpassed ten years of service, she was given one of those pronouncements by the mayor of Los Angeles that looked like a page out of an old storybook. She posted a photo of it with her wife and her child, a toddler at the time. Mariana had everything I ever wanted, then and now.
Old rivalries, even the one-sided ones, never die, apparently.
“How’s life?”
I said with a big smile, trying to cover the reek of jealousy.
“Oh, you know,”
Mariana said, flicking her wrist like it was a silly question to ask. “Work. Spending time with family. Same old same old.”
“I bet.”
I didn’t know Mariana’s same old same old, though. Wasn’t that the point of putting together this reunion? “How did you even find the time to organize the reunion?”
Mariana’s eyes fluttered as she exhaled a short breath. “Well, last year, I called the school about planning the reunion, and the principal brought up that the school needed some new tech. Naturally, they thought of me to put on a fundraiser.”
Mariana was within her rights to brag. She was always good at bringing resources in, whether it was selling boxes and boxes of chocolate bars for new water polo equipment or organizing the school’s first food pantry. It made sense that she did this for a living. This was her niche.
“We’ve got some great prizes. I hope you’re ready to spend some cash.”
Mariana dragged me to the tables set up by the basketball hoop where the donations were displayed. There were a lot of good items up for bid. There was a “Night on the Town”
basket with a gift certificate to the local AMC theater and a new brunch spot on Main Street. Someone generously donated a weekend at their rental property somewhere in the woods of Oregon. At the end of the table, a basket donated by the school was filled with Commonwealth swag, including cheerleader pompoms, a CHS hoodie, and a letterman jacket.
“Mmm.”
I hoped that sounded somewhat agreeable. The school apparel looked cute, but I wouldn’t know when I’d wear it.
“Where are they?”
Mariana went behind the registration tables and searched the boxes stored underneath.
“What are you looking for?”
“The programs.”
Mariana huffed as she stood, hands on her hips. “I wanted to show you your profile. We included a picture and bio of all the honorees.”
“My bio?”
I coughed to recover from my squeaky voice. “Where did you get my bio?”
“I hope you don’t mind, but we swiped it from your LinkedIn,”
Mariana said.
Ah yes. The one social media platform I hadn’t updated yet. I should have been grateful that she didn’t say my IMDb. Playing “Asian Girl #2”
wasn’t groundbreaking representation, even for its time.
Our conversation was interrupted when the side door opened. Danny, sans suit jacket, was carrying a stack of chairs over to the registration tables. I couldn’t help but notice how his dress shirt was stretched taut against his body. I only managed to look away when Danny caught me staring. Mariana’s attention had diverted to the beverages being set up by the buffet tables.
“Is there a bar?”
I asked. God, I hoped so. Socializing was hard on a normal day, but today was a whole other ball game.
Mariana made a face that didn’t quite qualify as a smile. “I wish. Alcohol is prohibited on campus, but we have some sparkling cider.”
Great. Just great. We were being served the choice beverage for kids at holiday parties.
“Makes sense,”
I said, even though it didn’t. No one at this event was remotely underage.
“Where’s Nat, by the way?”
Mariana asked.
“She’s probably on her way.”
What was everyone’s obsession with Nat? No one cared much about her when we were in high school. She was the quirky drama kid people kept at arm’s length because she loved breaking out into song.
Mariana frowned. “She told me that she’d donate backstage passes to the Beyond the Dark wrap party.”
“When did she agree to that?”
I couldn’t recall anything in Nat’s inbox about giving away backstage passes. I would have seen it if the offer had been made within the last three months. “When did you email her about it?”
Mariana was taken aback by my sudden questioning, and I realized too late that it was strange of me to ask. Nobody knew I was Nat’s assistant. “We still talk a lot,”
I added, trying to keep my voice nonchalant, “and I would’ve remembered if she mentioned it.”
“Uh-huh.”
Mariana didn’t seem to buy my explanation, but also didn’t think too much about it. She tapped on her phone screen. “Do you think she’ll reply if I shoot her an email?”
“I don’t know. She’s probably driving from set,”
I said. “I could call her if you want.”
“Could you? I have so much to do before doors officially open.”
“Yeah,”
I replied. When I didn’t immediately take out my phone, Mariana’s smile turned extra smiley, implying Right this second. I took out my phone and pointed at it to show her I’d step out to get right on it.
I walked out of the gym, far enough away so that no one would hear me. It rang several times before Nat picked up. “Hey, Nat. Are you on your way?”
“Not even close.”
Nat sounded exhausted. “It took forever to set up the shots, so we’re running late today. I don’t think I’ll make it on time.”
Damn. Nat was supposed to be my safety blanket at the reunion in case Viv attacked me with tea tree oil. I shuddered at the thought. “Well, do you remember donating a pair of backstage tickets?”
“Oh shit! I forgot about that. Can’t I ship them later?”
“You know Mariana. She wants them here.”
It made sense. It was easier to drive up the bids if people could take them home right away. No one wanted to put all their bets on a maybe.
“You know Mariana and I made out once?”
Nat said this like she was letting me in on a secret even though she brought this up whenever we reminisced about high school.
“Yeah, yeah, at one of Tao’s parties.”
Tao had a big, boastful personality that veered into obnoxious. People mostly tried to ignore him, impossible as it was, until he started throwing parties as loud as him. Tao graduated from Commonwealth on a high note. “It was the Smirnoff Ice. Everyone was experimenting. She’s married now,”
I said, bursting her bubble.
“I won’t let you ruin my memory,”
Nat said with a huff. “That’s the stuff of teen movies. The weird drama kid kissing the most popular girl in school.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I couldn’t let Nat get too far on a tangent or else we’d be talking on the phone forever. It wouldn’t be the first time that had happened. “Where are the passes?”
“I think I brought them with me,”
Nat said, her voice coming in muffled. “Sorry, I’m getting makeup touched up. Let me drop you a pin.”
“Wait—”
Nat hung up on me. A few seconds later, a notification appeared on my phone screen. Nat was filming four miles away at the Huntington Library. I wondered which botanical garden a group of fictional space scientists were going to land in. Nat needed to explain that one to me. I checked the time. If I left now, I could get to Nat’s trailer and be back before the reunion started.
“You’re leaving already?”
My body stilled at the sound of Danny’s voice, bracing for an incoming argument. But when I turned around, Danny seemed to not know what to do with his hands. “I— If you’re leaving, I want to apologize for earlier. I shouldn’t have been— Can we start over?”
Watching him trip over his own words sent my heart tumbling. Danny had no idea how much he’d charmed me with his awkwardness. In a way, it made me feel comfortable with my mediocre social skills, as if two weirdos made a right.
“Yeah. I’d like that.”
I shook my head when Danny gestured back toward the reunion. “Actually, I have to pick up Nat’s auction donation. I should be back soon.”
“Oh.”
He palmed the side of his neck, scratching a spot behind his pink ears. “Do you want me to go with you?”
Yes. The answer appeared in my mind faster than I could blink. “Can Mariana spare you?”
“Everything’s done,”
he said with a sheepish shrug. “Although”—Danny sucked in a breath through a nervous smile—“the last time I got in your car, my life flashed before my eyes.”
“Oh. My. God! It only happened that one time!”
The excuses were on the tip of my tongue. It was my first time driving on the freeway in the dark. That concrete island near the off-ramp came out of nowhere. No one got hurt. But I refrained from reasoning with him, knowing my words would fall on deaf ears. I’d have to prove to him that I was a far better driver now. “Let’s get out of here.”
March 2003
Nat begged me to be her date for the Spring Fling.
“I don’t have time,”
I had told her. I’d found old AP test prep books in Angela’s bedroom, stuffed in her closet (she was hiding the goods!), and I was going to spend my weekend on practice tests. But I begrudgingly went dress shopping at the Montebello Mall after Nat said my plan was the saddest thing she’d ever heard.
There were so many options, but nothing that fit the occasion. On one end of the spectrum were sundresses that were too casual, and on the opposite end were quincea?era princess ballgowns. I needed something in between. I wasn’t sure why I was putting so much thought into my dress when I wasn’t planning on dancing. I had nothing against dancing, but I disliked being bad at it. My plan to stay off the dance floor was to serve food, and I didn’t need a sparkly dress for that.
I left the dress store, ready to cut my losses with a pretzel, when I was approached by an Asian guy wearing a baggy hoodie and an even baggier pair of cargo pants.
“Miss. You look like you could use some new shades,”
he said, stepping to the side to reveal a display of sunglasses at his booth. There was nothing unique about any of his merchandise, which included cheap watches and jewelry. They all looked like goods you could get in Chinatown for five dollars if you bargained hard enough.
“No thanks,”
I tried to say, but the guy was persistent. He pointed at the shelf with necklaces and belly-button rings.
“Perhaps some jewelry for prom?” he asked.
I humored him by picking up a pair of silver earrings that looked cute, but then put them back down. “Next time.”
I don’t know why, but I felt like I needed to give him a reason or else he’d keep trying to sell me something. “I don’t have a dress yet, but I’ll come back when I do.”
“Be sure that you do.”
The guy clapped his hands, rubbing them together like they were cold. “My associate can help you too.”
I turned around and found Danny, confused by my presence, as he walked up to the booth with a corndog. “Rachel? Uh . . . what’s up?”
The mood shifted, and I couldn’t figure out why. Danny’s posture was rigid, like an action figure without movable joints.
“You know her?”
The sales guy’s face lit up as he gave me one of those acknowledging nods. “I’m Jimmy.”
“Hi.”
I barely got the word out before Danny shifted to stand squarely between me and the booth.
“Jimmy. I forgot I can’t work today. I have to do a project with Rachel. Can I swap shifts with you?”
I picked up on the lie and played along.
“Yeah, a project. Got it,”
Jimmy said as he stole Danny’s food and waved us off. “Take my Friday shift.”
“Yeah, okay,”
Danny replied, though it sounded like he would’ve agreed to anything Jimmy suggested. His hand landed on my back, sending a shock through my body from the sudden contact. He turned me around and nudged me toward the exit. Somehow, my body grew warm, despite the mall’s frigid air conditioning.
“Who was that?”
I asked as we dodged other shoppers on the way out.
“My brother,”
Danny said with a bit of reluctance. He shook his head, annoyed. He didn’t seem to want to talk about it, so I didn’t ask. When we made it to the parking lot, Danny’s face was struck with a realization. “Uh, I came with Jimmy. Did you drive here?”
“Yeah.”
“Can you take me home?”
“Yeah, okay.”
Disappointment settled in my stomach. I didn’t think Danny would want to do practice tests with me, so I was going to suggest getting some shaved ice or something. Instead, I drove him home.
SuperxSaiyan85: I’m never getting in the car with you again
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: I got scared! That other lane is supposed to yield!
SuperxSaiyan85: we’re lucky to be alive
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: it wasn’t that bad
I didn’t want to spend the rest of the night getting made fun of, so I changed the topic.
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: ask your brother for a ride next time
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: Jimmy seems nice
SuperxSaiyan85: try to avoid him if you see him
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: why?
It took Danny awhile to respond. I thought he had stepped away from his keyboard.
SuperxSaiyan85: he’s not the most reliable guy
SuperxSaiyan85: sometimes it feels like I’m the big brother, not him
xxaznxbbxgrlxx: i see
My fingers went still on my keyboard. It didn’t feel right to pry. I wished we could’ve had this conversation in person. I couldn’t tell the tone of these instant messages from reading them. I’d offer to meet up, but there was no way my parents would let me out at this hour. I was going to suggest talking over the phone, but it was too late. Then, with the sound of a door slam, Danny had signed out of AIM.