Chapter 18
18
During the following week, Vi continued to search through the letters, now finding them more interesting as the love story between Kathleen and Don became more and more intense. There was no doubt that they were deeply in love and also that they were careful not to rush into anything too soon. They had dated in secret for over a year, and Kathleen wrote to Fidelma that she had never been happier.
All the pain of the past is disappearing and I feel as if I’m walking on clouds rather than through fields of barbed wire. I rushed into relationships with the wrong men for the wrong reasons twice, and I’m being careful not to do it again. Don has been married before, not happily at all, so he is just as nervous as me. We’re not always in tune, we have a lot of arguments from time to time. I get so mad at him I want to scream sometimes, especially when Don accuses me of being attracted to my leading men. But then, when my temper cools, I regret my outbursts and have to apologise profusely. Sometimes Don blows up and has to do the same while I sulk for a while before I forgive him. Making up is very sweet! Despite all that, we’re slowly getting to know each other and feeling our way, having lots of fun meeting in secret. My agent and some of the people at Paramount have been very kind and have not told the press about us, as we have promised to go public as soon as we’re ready. If we ever are.
Vi put the letter away, thinking that the love story on the screen would have to be as deep and real and true as Kathleen described it. And as wild. She had no problem imagining how she would tackle the part and those scenes, but then… How could she stop being Kathleen off-set? She was very attracted to Jack, especially now after their trip to Cloghane, when he had shown a vulnerability that had surprised her. She had never been in this situation before as the roles she had played had not involved her characters falling in love.
As if reading her thoughts, Jack texted late that night, asking if he could call.
Sorry for the late message. We ran into problems shooting the last scene. Hope you’re still up.
Vi, sitting up in bed, about to turn off the light, texted back to say it was fine to call as she was still awake.
‘Hi,’ he said when she answered. ‘Thanks for taking the call.’
‘You’re welcome,’ Vi said. ‘Tough day?’
‘To say the least. I’m trying to forget it over a shot of Glenfiddich. Several shots, actually. The hotel is terrible too. Can’t wait to get out of here.’ He let out a grunt. ‘Sorry to be such a grouch. How are things with you?’
‘Not too bad. In fact, pretty good. Except…’ Vi hesitated, wondering if she should mention the photo but then felt she had to. ‘Someone took a shot of you and me coming out of the pub together and it was in one of the Irish tabloids.’
‘Oh. Well, that’s no big deal, is it? Has it caused you any embarrassment?’
‘Not really. It just gave me a bit of a jolt. I realised what a public figure you are.’
‘Yeah, well, I’m used to it. If all the tabloids do is reveal I was in a pub with a pretty girl, then that’s nothing to worry about. Is this all over your home town now?’
‘Yes, but I don’t think it has caused huge excitement, actually. Everyone knows about the movie anyway.’ Vi smiled as she remembered how Rose thought it would annoy Sinead Morrisson. ‘I just thought I’d mention it since you went to such trouble to hide your identity.’
‘Okay.’ Jack seemed to take a sip of his whiskey.
‘I got Kathleen’s letters,’ Vi said. ‘They’re very interesting.’
‘Anything in them to add to the script?’ Jack asked.
‘Yes, actually. I think so.’ Vi paused. ‘Don and Kathleen were constantly arguing, it appears. Don was sometimes jealous of Kathleen’s leading men. They both had hot tempers which resulted in screaming matches, door slamming and sulking and near break-ups. Then they made up and all was well again. Until the next row.’
Jack laughed. ‘That sounds great. I must get on to Liz and tell her the script should be adjusted to add a few ding-dong fights. In fact, I’ll put in some suggestions and email them to you for a start. And then we could read the new material together to see how it feels. And then do the make-up scenes, of course. Won’t that be fun?’
‘Maybe.’ Vi felt her face flush as she thought of the make-up scenes. ‘It’s all a big challenge for me. But there is still time to get used to the idea. In any case, I’m getting a handle on Kathleen just by reading these letters. I’m beginning to like her a lot.’
‘At least she wasn’t boring.’
‘Anything but,’ Vi agreed. She stifled a yawn. ‘Sorry. I’m very tired.’
‘I know. It’s late. I’d better let you go. I’m still feeling wide awake, though, so I’ll work on the script and then you should have the new stuff in your email tomorrow morning. Let me know what you think of it.’
‘That would be great,’ Vi said, excited at the thought of working on the script with him.
‘Good. I’m glad we had this chat. I really just called to hear that lilt in your voice and to tell you how much I enjoyed seeing you. And meeting your grandmother. Wonderful woman.’
‘She is,’ Vi said proudly. ‘She’s having us all over for Christmas dinner in the big dining room. She has invited any of the tenants in the apartments who are alone to join us.’
‘That’s very kind,’ Jack remarked. ‘I’d say you’ll have a wonderful day with all your family.’
‘Yes, I’m so looking forward to it,’ Vi said. ‘And Rose and I have had a talk, so all is well between us again. Lots of things going on beforehand, too, like the ballet school’s Christmas show. My little niece will be a fairy. I have promised to go and watch her and that is something I mustn’t miss.’
‘You’d better not,’ Jack agreed. ‘I’ll be going to Yorkshire to spend the holidays with my mother and sister and her family. Haven’t seen them for a while. Looking forward to going there and closing the door to the big bad world out there.’
‘I’m sure that’ll be lovely,’ Vi said.
‘Yes, it will. Well,’ Jack continued, ‘I’d better let you sleep. Thanks again for taking the call.’
‘No problem. Nice to talk to you.’
‘It was. I’ll be in touch. Goodnight, Violet. Sweet dreams,’ he said softly and hung up.
But after turning off her phone, Vi found she couldn’t go to sleep. Jack hadn’t said anything important or startling, he was just lonely and needed to hear a friendly voice. But his warm voice had made her feelings for him stronger and now she wondered if he felt anything at all for her. These thoughts made her worry even more about how she was going to deal with him when the cameras stopped rolling. How was she going to handle all this confusion?
There were no manuals on this, or any tips in any acting courses about how not to fall for your co-star. She knew this happened from time to time between actors and that the relationships then crashed and burned afterwards, more often than not. She didn’t want that to happen to her as she was sure it would eventually end in tears. But then she pushed all those thoughts away, chiding herself for being so unprofessional. She would have to do what other actors did – be cool off-set. That was probably what Kathleen herself had done, so Vi would have to do the same – if she could.
Vi checked her email as soon as she woke up and found a message from Jack with an attachment.
Just a quick sketch , he wrote. A scene I thought would work. An argument between Kathleen and Don where he is jealous of her leading man, as you hinted that that was an issue with them. Read it through and then we’ll discuss it when I call you tonight.
The scene he had written was very well done, the dialogue snappy with an undertone of distrust from Don and huge distress from Kathleen when she was trying to explain that she only loved Don and that her attraction to her leading man was simply good acting and not real in any way. The subsequent storming out by Don was dramatic and true to the impression Vi had had from reading Kathleen’s letters to Fidelma. It felt very real to Vi and she was amazed at Jack’s writing skills.
‘You’re so good at writing dialogue,’ she told him when he called that night on FaceTime.
‘I just had that gut feeling about Don and Kathleen based on what you told me,’ Jack replied, smiling at Vi. ‘But thank you. So… are you ready to read this with me? Starting with the first line on the top of the page.’
Sitting on the sofa, Vi picked up the pages she had printed. ‘I’m ready.’
‘They are in her trailer during a break from filming,’ Jack explained. ‘Kathleen is in period costume, including a very tight corset. You need to feel that as you say the lines.’
‘Great image. I’ll bear that in mind.’
‘Good. So… action!’ Jack exclaimed.
‘“What do you mean I must be in love with him?”’ Vi said in the Kathleen-voice she had practised. ‘“It’s not real attraction. It’s called acting.”’
‘“If that’s only acting you’re doing an Oscar-winning performance,”’ Jack/Don growled in a slight Texan accent. ‘“I could tell that you’re more than acting in that last scene. It was in your eyes and in the body language.”’
‘“Are you saying I’m lying?”’ Kathleen asked.
‘“If that’s what you want to call it,”’ Don drawled.
Vi felt suddenly angry on Kathleen’s behalf and she read the rest of the lines in the scene with such fervour Jack started to laugh. ‘I’m glad we’re not in the same room,’ he said. ‘Or you might hit me.’
Vi, feeling breathless, looked at Jack on the screen of her phone. ‘Yes, I might have. Sorry, I felt so into it I thought I was her for a while.’
‘That’s brilliant,’ Jack said, smiling back at Vi. ‘But maybe you should try to take a step back now. Try to think of something else just to get back to yourself.’
‘Okay. We could just chat,’ Vi suggested. ‘How is the filming going over there in Scotland?’
‘It’s okay. A bit of stop-start as the weather changes all the time. But enough about me. I want to hear all about those letters you’re reading. Anything else startling?’
‘Nothing much,’ Vi said. ‘Just that Don and Kathleen didn’t speak for a long time after that row. And then he called her and they started seeing each other again. He was a little bit cool and distant for a while until they made up and then everything was fine.’
‘So no more hints about her background or early life that might explain her insecurities?’
‘Nothing so far.’
‘I might look up some of the archives at Paramount,’ Jack suggested. ‘I have a friend who works there. A long shot but you never know.’
‘Yes, I think we have to search everywhere to get a handle on her true persona,’ Vi said.
‘You’re so dedicated,’ Jack remarked, smiling warmly at her. ‘I like that.’
‘Thank you,’ Vi said, the compliment making her blush.
‘But now I will let you go,’ Jack said, stifling a yawn. ‘I’m falling asleep here. That was great reading by the way. I’ll be in touch about the script, and you must let me know if you find anything else we should include. Bye, Violet,’ he mumbled and then hung up.
Vi blinked and stared at the screen, wondering why he had been so abrupt. Had she revealed too much of how she felt about him, or was he just tired? Vi put her phone away, confused, worried and still wound-up after the intense scene she had just rehearsed. She would never really get a handle on Jack and his feelings. It would be best not to try too hard and put him out of her mind as much as she could. If that was even possible.
But she couldn’t get Jack out of her mind now no matter how much she tried. When they had rehearsed the scene, she had felt such passion, not for Don and Kathleen, but for herself and Jack. He had complimented her on her acting skills, but she hadn’t been acting. She had used her feelings for Jack and imagined him being jealous and not believing that she wasn’t interested in flirting with other men. She had imagined how it would feel if Jack didn’t trust her and she had felt Kathleen’s anger as if it was her own.
When she went to sleep after their FaceTime session, Jack’s face floated in front of her, his beautiful eyes warm and loving as he looked at her. In her dream, Jack told her he was falling in love with her as they walked on the beach, their arms around each other, looking at the sun setting into the ocean, bathing the sky and everything around them in a rosy glow.
Vi woke with a start in the middle of the night, realising it had only been a dream. She had been intent on not having any kind of romantic notions about Jack, but here she was dreaming about him like a besotted schoolgirl. How unprofessional , she thought, turning her pillow to the cool side and punching it into shape, at the same time mentally slapping herself for being such a twit. Grow up , she told herself sternly. He doesn’t care about you in that way at all. But still, she couldn’t help trying to imagine what it would be like to kiss him…
During the following week, Vi tried her best not to overthink it and concentrated on her ballet lessons and voice coach sessions. She told herself sternly that Jack had just wanted to rehearse the scene he had just written. It was all about the movie and not about Vi personally at all, she told herself sternly. She tried to distract herself and turned to her family in order to keep busy. She spent many afternoons helping Lily with the children, enjoying getting to know them. Rose said she was now back at work as Sophie was settling in well at the crèche and sleeping much better.
Christmas was fast approaching. Vi helped Sylvia to prepare for the big family dinner and also bought presents for everyone, foraging in the lovely little boutiques in Dingle town for all kinds of hand-crafted goods. The toy shop was a delight and Vi indulged in spending a lot of her money on presents for Naomi, Liam and Sophie. She also bought woolly hats for her brothers-in-law. She found a little shop selling jewellery made of sea glass and bought lovely earrings for both Lily and Rose. Sylvia would get a cashmere pashmina and Arnaud a silk cravat. Henri was the most difficult person to find a present for, but she finally decided on a dry robe to put on after surfing.
Vi then went searching for a present for her mother, who was in Donegal sorting out Vi’s stepfather’s estate after his death over a year ago. It was so sad to think of her mother having to cope yet again with losing a husband and Vi had been trying her best to help in any way she could. There wasn’t much she could do, except keep in touch by phone and FaceTime. Patricia had visited Lily and Rose during the summer and now she was hoping to come and spend Christmas with them all, her first in many years. But what to get a woman who was going through a tragedy for the second time? Then Vi found a beautiful blue cashmere sweater with a matching scarf which seemed perfect for wrapping around her mother, like a permanent hug. It was very expensive, but Vi dug into her savings as she knew her mother would love the sweater and the thought behind it.
That done, Vi went back to the letters, deciding to get through the last ones before the holidays so she could get a final take on the relationship between Kathleen and Don.
Vi had to go back to London at the beginning of January to rehearse and prepare for filming that would start at the beginning of March. Some of the interior scenes would be filmed in London before they started shooting outdoor scenes in Kerry later that month. Vi decided to go back to the letters so she could finally get a clear picture of Don and Kathleen and their marriage. She picked up a letter at random to read while she had a mug of tea in front of the fire in the living room. It was dated 2 May 1960 and started with the usual Dear Fidelma, I hope you’re well, I’m fine and working on the script of a new movie. But I have some exciting news, so get ready for a scoop. The next few sentences made Vi sit up, her heart beating faster as she read on.
Don has proposed! We’re coming back to Ireland to get married in Kerry and then we’re spending a year in Dingle town. I am taking a full year off filming and Don will be taking a sabbatical leaving his associate in charge of the business.
I can’t tell you how happy I am. I feel that this time, it’s the real thing: true love that will last forever. We have been dating for over a year and now we truly know each other inside out. Despite our occasional rows, we’re very much in love. Don is a wonderful man, kind, loving – he’s a little domineering but I think I need someone to be solid and strong. I have told him everything, even the secret about my identity that only you know. And now Don knows too. He wasn’t shocked at my revelation, only said that every actor creates an image in order to give the public what they want. I think this is true, and I’m so happy he understands and doesn’t think I’m living a lie.
Vi put down the letter and stared into the fire as she digested what she had just read. Living a lie? What was that all about? Only Fidelma and Don knew and now only one of them was alive to tell the tale, Don having passed away shortly after Kathleen. Vi knew instantly what she must do: go to Dublin and see Fidelma as soon as possible. But there was only a week until Christmas and she had promised to help Lily with the children so she could prepare for the Christmas tea party in the orangery. Vi couldn’t possibly let her sister down and now that Naomi and Liam were getting so fond of their auntie Vi, they would be disappointed if she didn’t turn up. And then there was Claire’s dance studio’s Christmas show. Naomi was dancing the part of a fairy and Vi had promised her to be there to watch. She couldn’t possibly miss that.
Vi decided to put off the visit to Dublin until after Christmas. She had to go to London soon after that anyway, so she might visit Fidelma a day or two before her trip. That seemed the best solution. But first she had to find out which nursing home Fidelma was in. Vi called the dance studio in Dublin, hoping Finbarr might give her a clue, as he had been in touch with the old lady’s daughter. But when Vi rang the number, all she got was a recorded message that said the dance studio was closed for the holidays and would open again on 4 January. Frustrated, Vi hung up, deciding it would be better to wait until January to pick up her research again.
Her phone rang just as she put away the letters. It was her agent Hugh calling from London.
‘Hi, Hugh,’ Vi said. ‘How are things with you?’
‘Not too bad,’ Hugh replied. ‘But there’s something I want to go through with you before the holidays. I suppose you’ll be with your family in Kerry during Christmas?’
‘Yes,’ Vi replied. ‘I’m looking forward to it. So what was it you wanted to discuss?’
‘The publicity people at the movie company have been in touch with me. They want you to raise your profile a bit before the shooting starts. Create a bit of a buzz, they said. They saw the photo of you and Jack at the pub a few weeks ago and now they think you should post it on your Instagram profile. You don’t need to say that the two of you are an item or anything, just that you had a good time and are looking forward to working with him. That kind of thing.’
‘That kind of thing?’ Vi repeated. ‘Oh, please, Hugh, you know I don’t like social media much. I have a Facebook account and an Insta profile but I don’t have many followers apart from my sisters and my granny and a few stray friends. I think it amounts to about thirty-five or so on each of them.’
‘So get going and get some more,’ Hugh insisted. ‘Most big stars have thousands of followers, especially on Instagram.’
‘Yeah, but…’ Vi paused, thinking Hugh might be right. She should raise her profile a bit and go out there in the world of social media. But it seemed scary and not at all her thing. ‘What about all the negative publicity?’ she asked. ‘I’ve heard so much about trolls.’
‘Just ignore them,’ Hugh said, sounding a little fed up with her hesitation. ‘Don’t think you have to expose all the details of your private life or your family. You can be outgoing and still retain your privacy. Just talk about your job as an actress and hold back on the personal stuff. That’s what the big stars do, so why can’t you?’
Vi sighed. ‘Okay. I’ll do my best. It won’t be much in the beginning, but I’ll try to get more followers. Maybe I can find someone to help me out with it? So is that all you wanted?’
‘Yes, and to see how you’re getting on,’ Hugh said. ‘Rehearsals start in London on the fifth of January. You’ll have to go through the script and learn your lines over the holidays.’
‘That’s no problem,’ Vi said. ‘I’m already doing that. Jack and I have been in touch and read some new material together.’
‘Good. I’m looking forward to seeing your Instagram posts. Maybe you could do TikTok as well? Post a video or two, perhaps.’
‘Maybe,’ Vi said. ‘Anyway, Hugh, I have to go. Have a very happy Christmas. I’ll be in touch before I get back to London. Cheers.’ Vi hung up before Hugh told her to do anything else. She wasn’t thrilled at the prospect of raising her social media profile, but if that was part of being a mainstream actress, that’s what she would do.
But the problems with the script were more important. The more Vi read Kathleen’s letters, the more she felt that the whole story should be changed. How could she possibly make that happen? She knew Jack was positive to the idea of rewriting a few scenes, but the whole script? That might be impossible. Vi began to wonder if she could play the part the way it was written now. Or… should she quit rather than portray a false image? Kathleen’s story deserved to be told truthfully. Or not at all.