Chapter 4 Reversed Roles
Breaking up with Chen Yanzhou took no effort at all.
In the morning when I brought it up he only looked up at me once. It seemed he had not expected me to suggest it.
Then his lips tightened. He lowered his gaze and said,
"If you've thought it through, that's fine."
I packed my luggage while he sat on the sofa without saying a word.
Breaking up with Chen Yanzhou hurt just as much as I had imagined.
I knew clearly that he did not love me. But after loving him for so many years, letting go was not easy.
Coincidentally he became the client for our company once. After dinner he unusually walked up to me.
"Where do you live now? I'll drive you."
I did not refuse.
When we arrived at my place he frowned and pressed his left hand to his stomach.
"My stomach hurts. Can I go up for some hot water?"
But before we even reached the door he pinned me against the wall in the dark hallway.
In the chaos I did not know who kissed whom first. That night Chen Yanzhou showed no sign of stomach pain. His stamina was as good as ever.
In the morning when I woke up he leaned against the headboard listening to the noisy morning market outside. His expression did not look great.
"I gave you money. Why are you living here?"
"It's pretty good here," I paused. "I like the lively atmosphere."
Big apartments and villas were nice too, but they felt too empty. I always felt cold in them.
"Move back," Chen Yanzhou finally lowered his head for once. "I just heard from your friend about what happened that night. That day—it was my fault. I won't ignore your calls anymore."
I looked up at him and suddenly wanted to cry.
Not from joy or being touched, but from sorrow.
I realized sorrowfully that I still loved him.
His one sentence still made me want to turn back.
I closed my eyes.
"...Okay."
After that Chen Yanzhou did make changes as he promised.
He started replying to my messages and kept his distance from Feng Linlin.
However the happy reunion I had imagined never came. The erosion of our feelings did not stop. It only grew stronger.
The past hurts could not be erased. I could not forgive Chen Yanzhou. I could not treat him the way I used to.
I stopped clinging to him. I stopped caring for him so attentively.
Instead Chen Yanzhou began to pay more attention to me. For a while our roles seemed completely reversed.
Suddenly the door was pushed open. I startled awake and saw Chen Yanzhou standing by the bed.
He reeked of alcohol, his face dark. He had not even changed his shoes.
"What are you doing? What's wrong?"
I sat up, frowning involuntarily.
Chen Yanzhou's voice was low and heavy.
"Why didn't you come pick me up today?"
"What?"
"Don't you know? All their girlfriends called to urge them home and even came to pick them up. You're the only one who didn't call me at all."
"When you got back at night you didn't wait for me either. You used to wait so we could sleep together."
I did not know if it was my imagination, but I thought I heard a hint of grievance in his words.
Indeed, before when he went out to eat I would go pick him up. If not I would leave the light on in the living room waiting for him.
I looked at him for a while and said calmly,
"Didn't you say before that I always pestered you and it annoyed you? That I shouldn't call you all the time?"
"Chen Yanzhou, isn't this exactly what you wanted?"
He was stunned.
I thought he had not understood and explained,
"That time I went to pick you up you said I was annoying and told me not to bother with you anymore."
"I didn't mean it that way—" He stopped midway, at a loss for words.
"Rest assured," I pulled the covers over myself and turned away. "I won't bother with you anymore from now on."
Chen Yanzhou stood there for a long time without speaking.
That night the breathing beside me never calmed down. Chen Yanzhou tossed and turned, unable to sleep.
I ignored him, closed my eyes, and fell asleep.