Chapter 7
When Ozanna first became pregnant, I recognized the inner animal our new bond had stirred. I met its eye, metaphorically, and knew what it was—what role it was meant to play in this progression of my life. I welcomed it as the part of me that would protect hearth and home. It was there to tell me when my offspring needed me or if Ozanna was in distress. It was magic born of instinct. It existed within me, making its presence known by a stirring within my ribs, as if it were making itself at home, establishing a firm connection before it was ready to reach outside and finish this gradually forming bridge between Ozanna and I.
In hindsight, I pictured it as a great gaunt wolfhound, stoic and steady at my side. In the few days leading up to losing that pregnancy, I became accustomed to its presence, and mourned when I found it wandering, fruitlessly searching for the life that had summoned it into existence. Rationally, I knew and understood what happened, but this animal didn’t. It showed me the grief I was all too ready to dismiss through empathy for the beast. The creature gradually diminished. Becoming less active, like an elderly hound that was content to simply nap by the hearth it had once guarded. It didn’t have time to fade completely before Oz had been stolen away, though. That’s when it once again lifted its head and started searching … though this time it was searching for her.
At first the hound was only agitated, constantly pacing and in turn making me restless. It pestered me while I tried to sleep, as if it wanted to keep searching, rest be damned. It barked to keep me awake while Lobikno slept fitfully with Ozanna’s kerchief around his neck. Then it started a near constant snarling, nipping at my heels when I stopped to even relieve myself.
Finally, it started stalking Lobikno.
Lobikno with the one piece of her that wasn’t mine anymore. It was he with purchase on the bedrock of Ozanna’s steady spirit, with a connection that would be waxing instead of waning. Worst of all, he didn’t even want it. Something I so desperately desired that I couldn’t help but be furious with him. He wasn’t ready for this while I finally was. And poor Oz. To be bound to someone so shattered wouldn’t be easy, though I knew she’d rise to the challenge. It was just incredibly unfair to everyone involved.
After the outburst and subsequent attack on Lobikno, I told him I needed space. Not just to keep him safe, but also to consider the insight he’d imparted afterward. This gift from a goddess I didn’t worship was extremely problematic considering the length of this journey. If Lobikno hadn’t been lied to about the nature of Irnon’s curse on our kind, how long would it take before it drove me mad? Could it be reasoned with? Surely there was no benefit to driving a male to self-destruction before he could see his mate safe. Then again, Irnon had little use for males. Maybe it didn’t matter.
But the distance between my brother and I had calmed the restless, irritated creature behind my ribs. Without Lobikno’s presence, I could trance, which often led to real sleep.
Only then did I stumble upon a very peculiar place, just between trance and sleep, where I felt the steady throb of Emma’s blessing along with the beat of my heart. My magic reached for it every time but fell short of catching it. The few times I’d tried to guide the magic, it had pulled me out of rest altogether which I couldn’t afford. I gave it freedom instead, and it appeared to get closer every time.
I didn’t catch it until the morning before we’d arrive at the fortress. It wasn’t more than a brush of the fingers on the glowing orb of sunlight, but, as strange as it sounds, the blessing took notice of me. It halted my descent into sleep, holding me suspended in this between-space and asked me, What do you need, friend?
I didn’t answer right away because I’d never conversed with a blessing before. Assuming all it required was an intentional thought, I focused on a counter to Irnon’s curse.
I was abruptly thrown into consciousness, heart hammering against my ribs as though I’d been running for my life. The blessing thump-thumped against the racing tempo and I almost melted into the bedroll. The animal within calmed, the restlessness vanished, and weeks of exhaustion left me bone weary. I dropped off into the deepest sleep I’d had since our tower imprisonment.
It was dark when I awoke to find Lobikno prodding me with the toe of his boot.
“I let you sleep longer, but we need to go,” he grumbled quietly.
The creature within woke as well and startled me by clawing at the inside of my ribs. I winced and clutched my chest. Emma’s blessing thump-thumped again and the claws disappeared before my next breath.
Lobikno frowned at me. “You okay?”
“Never better,” I groaned and got to my feet. My head felt like it was full of soggy wool, but it was from having slept hard and deep. It would eventually clear, and I was sure I’d feel much better. Though I scowled when I met Lobikno’s eyes. I didn’t want to kill him, but I also felt the creature in my chest stir unhappily at his presence. If Emma’s blessing could at least let me sleep and keep the worst of the discomfort of Irnon’s curse at bay, it would be more than I could hope for.
Let the thing growl at Lobikno. We can survive that.
After seeing to the rest of my body’s needs, I packed up and we got back on the road.