Thayla #2
“Good. N-now…” She clears the stutter from her throat and shakes her head out.
“Map out their bodies and get a sense of your barrier surrounding them. I can feel it already. There’s just one lingering over them both.
Once you have it, you’re going to call it back to you.
Think of that as like you slowly pulling your curtains open.
When yours starts to withdraw, I’ll add mine. ”
Her arms and voice trembled through that explanation, and I know it wasn’t because it’s physically exhausting for her to hold her arms out like that.
This is more morbid than I expected.
I mean, don’t get me wrong, I knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant experience, but even with them covered, this feels like a violation.
Yeah, dying due to natural causes is impossible for us immortals, but death itself isn’t. Obviously. When that happens, the process is supposed to be peaceful. You die, your soul goes wherever it deserves to go, then your bodily vessel is supposed to decompose.
I can’t help but feel like I fucked up a sacred cycle.
A very short time ago, they were two living, breathing people.
Who drugged and kidnapped you.
Under duress.
The justification flashes through my mind, unasked for, and my stomach twists.
If you—correction—your power hadn’t done this, though, would Amick even have physical proof of their deaths?
Let’s be honest, if you had never pissed Harriseen off…
I shove the thought from my mind and command my power to sense the barrier we created. It stays locked in place at my fingertips.
I try again, more forcefully this time. My power hums, restless under my skin, but it won’t move.
Come on, Boundaries. Don’t be a dick.
Fix what we did.
The longer my gaze roams across the perfect impressions of their bodies, the more my mind wars with me, and my power doesn’t listen. My frustration at its reluctance to comply and just do as I command it to intensifies with every passing second.
“Your mind, more importantly, what you haven’t accepted, is blocking your power.”
My eyes snap from the Attendant on my left to Iric, who’s moved to stand behind Yemi. He isn’t talking to her, though. That’s clear as fucking day as his steady gaze stays on mine.
“You need to face feelings with facts, and the facts are that they kidnapped and drugged you and Yemi because Harriseen threatened them. He put them in this position, and one way or another, he would’ve killed them. That was his decision.
“In our lifetimes as gods, we can decide to die fighting for what we believe is right and wrong, or we can comply. Many of us have already been placed in that predicament, and we each chose to fight for what we thought was right. These men also had decisions. They knew who you were and they could’ve run to Amick for help.
Instead, they chose to give up and comply. ”
“That’s easier said than done when your life is on the line. We all want to choose survival. They were probably scared shitless and that’s what they thought they were choosing,” I argue.
“I’m not saying they weren’t afraid. Fear explains their choice, but it doesn’t erase it. You’re too focused on their choices, but that isn’t what’s stopping your power from listening to you right now.”
My pulse stutters as his power surrounds me. “Then what is?”
“Your back and forth over being both angry at these men, while also feeling responsible for their deaths and what came after.”
His hands motion toward their prune, preserved forms and I grunt.
“They did die because Harriseen wanted me out of the way.”
“Yes,” he agrees immediately. “But what about that is your fault? Because you didn’t bend to his every command?
He didn’t kill them because of you. He killed them because they jeopardized exposing his truth.
You didn’t force his hand. Neither you nor they were the first he tried to silence, and you wouldn’t have been the last if he were still alive. ”
My throat tightens as the silence hums between us. Yemi’s eyes soften when I meet them for a fleeting second.
Iric’s are just as steady and calm as they have been, but they’re glowing bluer than I’ve ever seen before.
“You didn’t create his violence. You’ve revealed it, clear as day, and your power is resisting because you’re asking it to accept a lie.
Your mind is convinced you and your power played a part in these men’s deaths and created a disruption in the natural order of death.
It didn’t. Your power reacted the way it was built to by creating distance between you and the threat they posed at the time. ”
My mouth opens and closes repeatedly. “It still feels like their blood’s on my hands, and like I’ve created more of a problem for Amick.”
“Of course it does,” he says. “You’re empathetic despite the fact you try to pretend that you aren’t.”
My breath shudders and my fingers tremble.
Empathetic.
The word scrapes uncomfortably deep, dredging up shit I’d rather not acknowledge. Like how I now know, not only did others twist my empathy, but I, myself, did as well.
I do feel things, sharp and fast. Too many times, though, instead of letting my understanding and ability to see something from someone else’s perspective sharpen my judgment, I used it to dull it.
I questioned myself and oftentimes convinced myself I overstepped when I was really just making excuses.
For the cruelty, manipulation, and abuse inflicted upon me.
Just like I’m doing now…
My mouth, attitude, or refusal to do everything Harriseen told me to do didn’t plunge the dagger into these men’s hearts. He did that.
They didn’t have to drug and kidnap us, but they did.
My power didn’t condemn them. It protected me.
None of this is mine or its fault.
The block at my fingertips loosens, and so does Iric’s power. Mine flows freely, and I instantly recognize the barrier surrounding the bodies on either side of me.
“Come to me,” I command.
A slow and steady breath pours through my lips as the warmth of my power glides to its spot against my spine. Yemi gives me a soft smile as she senses my barrier fading, and she releases hers a heartbeat later.
My arms lower once everything settles completely inside of me.
“There we go,” she breathes, dropping her hands.
“That’s it? They’re good?” I ask.
She nods. “Yep. It’ll hold until I—”
I turn from her and march my way through my men and out of the room. Their footsteps follow behind me, but I don’t peer back.
“To the left, angel.”
I don’t second-guess Riven’s direction.
My body slips through a wall and the bright sun greets me. My head tilts back toward it, and I sigh.
“Thay, you okay?”
My lids peel open and I’m greeted by Lambrit’s and Rose’s concerned smiles. Two seconds later, my men press in behind me.
“Yeah, I’m fine. You ready to train, Rose?” I ask, letting excitement I sure as fuck don’t feel lace my voice.
She looks down and picks at her armor like it’s the most foreign thing she’s ever worn.
“Nervous, but yes, I’m ready.”
“Good. Let’s go.”
I make it a step forward before fingers lace their way through mine and tug me back.
Amick’s lips crash into mine and I give myself over to him.
Slowly, but surely, my racing heart calms.
To my shock, when he pulls back, he doesn’t push. He holds my gaze for a long second before laying his lips to my forehead.
“I’ll see you soon.”
I nod as he walks away, and Lambrit falls in step beside him.
“My turn.” That’s the only warning Riven gives me. He grumbles at me as I laugh through his kiss. “Don’t kill anyone today without me.”
I snort. “Don’t kill anyone today, period.”
“Fun sucker.”
He boops me on my nose, then starshoots away before I can say anything back. His sudden disappearance leaves me staring at Yemi.
The concern and guilt on her face have my stomach hollowing out.
“Ready to go?” I ask after clearing my voice.
“Yeah.”
“Starshoot to the entrance at the Court,” Creed commands, and I call my power forward.
A breath later, instead of staring at Yemi, I’m gawking at the large group of Attendants piling through the entrance hall of the Court.
“Shit, that’s a lot of people.”
Kyzen gives my hand a squeeze. “It won’t seem so overwhelming once we separate them out.”
I suppose that’s true.
“Sevryn and I are going to talk to Gladian and make sure he takes his ass to the barrier like he’s supposed to. I’ll come tell you bye when we’re done.”
“You really aren’t staying?” I ask, arching my brow at Creed.
He told Kyzen and me he wasn’t going to encroach on our trainings, but I honestly didn’t believe him. It’s not that I think he doubts our ability to do this, but more so isn’t going to know what to do with himself until this afternoon.
“I’m not. Not at least the whole time. I’ll be back way before my rotation, though.”
He pulls me to him by the collar of my armor, and I bite his bottom lip the second he lays it against my mouth. He grunts, and I smirk.
Serves him right for his manhandling.
“Be good,” he orders before nodding for Sevryn to follow.
“Let’s—”
“Thayla, can we talk before going in? Please.”
My gaze moves to Yemi, and guilt forms a knot in my throat.
“Come on, Rose. I’ll show you around while we wait on them,” Kyzen offers, giving me an encouraging smile.
The two of us stand here silently as we watch them walk away.
“Thayla, I’m so sorry. Iric—”
“You don’t have to apologize for him, Yemi. I get it. He’s had to bottle up his power the last few days thanks to Sevryn, and I guess being confined in a space so close to me sent him over the edge.”
Her shoulders and jaw drop.
“That’s exactly what he said happened.”
“Yeah, his bright-ass eyes kind of gave that away.”
“He feels awful. I feel awful. I didn’t expect that to happen or I would’ve told him to stay in the hall. He’d like to apologize to you and explain things himself.”