Amick
The sensation of being… overwhelmed is foreign to me.
More often than not, I enjoy always having something to work on or research. Right now, it’s conflicting. The list is extensive.
Evaluate and profile the Attendants, then place them where they need to go.
Stage one of that mission was completed when Ellian, Kyzen, Lambrit, and I worked together after his address. Now I need time to meet with each of them to get a better picture of them and what they want out of their future.
Finish preparations for my trial. Which is five days away.
That task is far more daunting than I’m willing to admit. My evidence has to be indisputable to the point that any argument my father attempts to make looks foolish. If not foolish, obvious that he’s trying to sabotage me.
Then I need to make sure I know the Law of Neglectful Use of Power and Status inside out so no loopholes surprise me.
Next…
Make a list of Domain Gods we could get signatures from.
Since Derivius’s and the God of Consequence’s support stands on its own, that leaves me with needing ten signatures according to the Law of Doppia Disaccord. I’ve already started writing them down but will need to converse with my brothers to get their opinions on a few.
Find and confiscate the remaining Gods Binding replicas. Two down, five—somehow, some way—to go.
Find the location of the original Gods Binding.
Between Kyzen and me, we’ve searched the Sanctum high and low over our years here so far. It’s there, though. We have to look harder.
Help Ellian get the Godsdawn in order. First step, the Attendants.
Figure out why the Veilatara are truly trapped and how to free them.
Help Creed sort out Hellveilious. I’m not sure where to begin there. Not allowing his soul to tie tighter to that place seems like the obvious first step.
Work with Thayla on her powers.
I’m confident she’s comfortable with her Chaos, Seduction, Creation, Boundaries, and Obliteration, although she doesn’t want to admit that.
Consequence and Accord are only giving her a problem because she hasn’t completely grasped the concept of awareness. After Derivius’s explanation, I feel that she’s had a shift in perspective—as have I—in the way the power of Consequence works.
Accord is a different challenge on its own. It’s very layered, just as the Guiders Designation is, but I don’t doubt her or her ability to learn something. She will figure it out once we have time to go through it thoroughly.
Time…
Spending time together without something coming up seems like it’s going to be a task itself.
This list goes on and on.
All these things need my attention, and they all have great importance. They aren’t filing into my mind in an appropriate order.
They’re ambushing me at once.
It doesn’t help that my brain has decided instead of ticking off one task at a time this morning, it wants to fixate on all the new and irritating emotions I’ve experienced since my Binder’s arrival.
Anger. Embarrassment. Fear. Guilt. Desire. Love.
Now, I’m overwhelmed.
I suppose if I analyze my emotions, being overwhelmed is more so an emotional state of being brought on by a combination of things rather than an emotion itself.
This state started the second V dropped Thayla into the hot spring and it hasn’t completely settled since then. It comes and goes in waves, depending on what we’re facing.
The day before yesterday, when Creed interrupted our tiring work on the Attendants schedules and told us we needed to go to the house to discuss what they discovered with the bodies, I thought that short break would relieve the feeling for a moment.
It did not. It caused it to peak.
Yes, a resolution was presented to our problem quickly, but that doesn’t erase the possibility that the truth of this issue could come back on Thayla.
Which could then lead us down the path of the Beginning Gods discovering everything about her that’s been hidden from them.
I’ve accepted the fact that once my trial begins, I’m going to have to tell the Goddesses of Creation and Accord that she’s our Binder. That’s all I plan to tell them.
To think I was worried about them finding that out during the Power Worthiness Test seems so na?ve now. That would’ve worked out far better than me having to tell them that to their faces.
My biggest concern is my father announcing during my trial that she has a tie to the Messenger. The only thing easing that worry in me is his agenda.
If he tells them, he runs the risk of one of the others deciding they want to claim her themselves, or they decide to kill her.
Both scenarios will interfere with his desire to have her and subsequently us in the Abandon, as well as provoke my brothers and me to react.
It’s a risk I’m not sure he’s willing to take.
He, unfortunately, is a very smart and patient man.
I need to be ready to face anything he may throw at us or my Binder.
She is, and always will be, the most important thing I need to focus on.
“Wow, you’re really in the zone today.”
My attention flicks to my door, then back down at the parchment I wasn’t truly looking at.
“Quite the opposite, I’m afraid. You’re back earlier than I thought you’d be. How did your binding go?”
Lambrit rubs the back of his neck as he steps into my office, then shuts the door behind him. His nerves are obvious. I’m just not sure what they stem from.
“It went. It’s a bit uncomfortable. Ellian said the…pressure on my mind would lessen over the next few days.”
I nod. “I’ve read that the bindings can create a sensation that mimics the feelings of a headache.”
“Yeah, that’s a pretty good description. Derivius actually showed up and bound me himself rather than me having to go through the Gods Veil again.”
“Why did he do that?”
“He said to keep attention off me. I suppose this change of power has more eyes than normal on the Godsdawn. Which is understandable, I guess.”
I study how he rocks back and forth on his feet as his eyes trace my office. There’s nothing new or changed in the space, but he appears to want to look anywhere but directly at me.
“Something’s bothering you.”
“I…” He sighs as he makes his way to Thayla’s chair. I don’t correct him as he takes a seat. “I believe Ellian chose me as his assistant so I could tell you all things that he possibly can’t speak about.”
“Well, of course he did.” His face falls the slightest bit, and disappointment crosses his features. “Why does that bother you?”
“I suppose because it makes me feel used and unworthy of the position.”
“Unworthy? Lambrit, please. You were destined for a role of that stature the moment your Designation was revealed. We all have a place we fit into, and Ellian’s decisions were based not only on trust, but competency. He’s been fascinated with you since your first day in the Godsdawn.
“Now that he knows you, he knows you’re beyond capable of handling this position. Not only that, but you’re also one of our closest friends, and the closest being to family our Binder has. He views you as we do, and he trusts that you’ll do the right things by him, us, and yourself.”
“You think so?”
“Think? No. I know so.”
“So I deserve this?” he asks.
“More than anyone. It’s time you do more than study and research anyway. Your talent is being wasted standing at a podium all day reading.”
“I enjoy reading all day.”
That comment nearly causes my lips to twitch.
“What a paradise it’d be if we could just sit around and do what makes us happy all day. Unfortunately, we weren’t given that privilege, and I have several things I need to get to.”
“Do you need help with anything? The Attendants, your trial evidence, or preparation? Anything for Thay?”
“Ellian didn’t have any tasks for you this morning?”
“He told me to check in with you first, then go introduce myself to Cline and Edmund.”
“Cline and Edmund,” I mimic the familiar names. “They’re both Guiders with secondary Designations in Defender. Why does he want you to introduce yourself to them?”
“They’re the new restricted room guards and they’ll rotate watch over the Athenaeum.”
I mask my shock as my mind whirls around that, but Lambrit holds my gaze, saying many things without ever opening his mouth.
“If that was your first conversation as the High Chancellor’s assistant, then I can see why you first felt used.
Truth be told, I’ve felt that way my whole life, and it’s taken me some time now to realize it isn’t in the sense that I’ll be used, then disposed of.
People—many of whom I care about—rely on me and my skill set.
“Being used isn’t inherently cruel. It becomes that way when you’re interchangeable and when your well-being doesn’t matter. That isn’t what this is. You were chosen because you matter to us and because losing you would cost us something. You’re one of us, and we all have a role to play.”
He nods mindlessly as he stares at my door.
“I know you’re right. I guess a part of me still feels like I was only offered this position because I’m one of you. More specifically, because Thayla is my best friend.”
“If Thayla had it her way, you’d be hidden so far away from all of this, you’d have no clue what was going on.
The only thing being her best friend has done for you since your arrival in the Godsdawn is to make sure you ended up on the right side of things.
If you don’t recall, upon your arrival, you had really high regards for Harriseen. ”
His wide eyes whip toward me and his lips part with his breath.
“That’s very true. If not for Thayla always talking bad about him and calling him out, I probably would’ve thought he was the gods’ gift to the Godsdawn.”
“Probably. Many do. The point I was trying to make is, you’ve earned this all on your own, and we need your help. You’ve stood at that podium day in and day out, studying, honing your power, and learning everything you could. We see your value, Lambrit. You need to see it for yourself.”
A slow smile stretches across his face before he can stop it, then he hops up from Thayla’s chair with newfound excitement.