Chapter 4
On the way to the claims, Belle couldn’t get enough of the most beautiful country she’d ever seen, since the last time she’d been here. Although then she didn’t have time to thoroughly look at it. Amos had kept their pace fast and if Belle didn’t keep up, he’d hit her. He always found a reason to hit her.
But now she gazed at huge purple mountains covered with snow from about halfway up the sides. She and Seth crossed many creeks, most caused by the melting snow and some no wider than a foot. She was glad to be wearing her miner’s boots. At least she didn’t get too wet until they reached the river tributary.
After they crossed the river, Seth stopped to do some fishing.
“Belle, see if you can find any dry wood. We need a fire because, if I’m lucky, we’ll have fresh fish for lunch.”
Seth pulled a short pole from his saddlebags and walked back to the river.
She looked for, and found, some small logs and branches for kindling. Her father had taught her to build a fire, so she made a fire pit with large rocks arranged in a circle. Then she took the larger logs and made a teepee shape before placing the kindling underneath them.
After about an hour, Seth returned with six fish.
Belle had the fire blazing and was adding another log.
Seth crouched with the stringer of fish. “That’s great. I didn’t know if you knew how to build a fire or not. I guess I should have asked before I left. Thank goodness you did. Now we’ll be able to eat that much sooner and I have to tell you, I’m hungry.”
She sat on a boulder near the fire. “So am I. Do you want some hardtack with the fish?”
“No, I think the fish will do me.”
“Me, too. What kind of fish did you catch?”
“Three brown trout, a grayling, and two char. They are all good eating. I think you’ll enjoy them.”
He had cleaned his catch at the river. He found several sturdy, slim branches and slipped them through the mouth and tail of each fish. Then he set them just above the coals to cook. He turned them over after a few minutes and let the other side cook.
“So, Belle, where did you learn to make a fire? By the way, where are you from? What did your family do for a living before you married, and how long were you married?”
“Goodness, that’s a lot of questions and I have the same ones for you. My father taught me to make the fire. We heated the water for the laundry outside. It was easier and faster than doing it on the stove in the house. As to what I did, well, I suppose what any seventeen-year-old girl does before her father sells her to the highest bidder.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that. It wasn’t right.”
“No, it wasn’t. As to your other questions, I’m from Missouri. My father was or is a farmer. I don’t know if he’s still alive and I don’t care. He obviously didn’t care about me so why should I care about him. I was married for ten years, I’m twenty-seven years old. How old are you?”
“I’m thirty-six. I’m from Ohio, I was married once.”
By the time the fish were done, Belle’s stomach was rumbling. She hadn’t realized she was so hungry.
Seth picked up one char and handed it to her. “We’ll have to use our fingers. No plates out here.”
She grasped the fish, promptly set it on her thigh and put her fingers in her mouth. “It’s hot.”
“It is. But it’ll cool quickly.”
She tested the fish with a finger. It was cooler already. Belle peeled away the skin and pulled a piece of the meat from the small bones. “What am I eating?”
“That’s a char. It’s pretty mild, with a slightly sweet taste, but I love them. You can see the flesh is firm and has the feel of melting in your mouth. Taste it.”
She pulled off a bite of fish and placed it in her mouth. The meat wasn’t fishy tasting at all. He was right. The sensation of it melting in her mouth was undeniable. “This is fantastic. I hope we get to have it often.”
He swallowed and then licked his fingers. “You’ll find we eat a lot of fish if I can catch them. And I’ll go hunting, too, for elk and deer, which will supplement our supplies.”
“I can fish, too. I’ve had trout before. What is the grayling like?”
“Well, then it will be if we can catch them. The grayling has mild white meat. The flavor is almost delicate, and the texture is flaky like trout. You’ll like it. We’ll share it. The one I caught isn’t big. It’s that one.” He pointed to the smallest of the fish.
She finished with her char and picked up the grayling. Belle removed the skin and picked some of the meat away from the bones. “Mmm. This is good.” She ate half of the fish and then handed it to Seth. “Thanks. That was a delicious lunch.”
“They don’t get any better than straight from the river to the pan, or, in this case, fire. That’s as fresh as you can get them.”
“How much farther is it to the claim?”
“Another three hours or so.” He stripped the meat from the grayling. “How are you doing?”
“I’m fine. Tired, but that’s because I’m not used to walking so much. If I get too tired, I’ll ask to stop for a bit.” She continued to gaze at him. “So, Seth, tell me about yourself. How long have you been here? What is your goal? To get rich? Based on what we spent today, you already are. Are you planning on staying the winter?”
“There’s not much to tell.” He picked up a stick and began drawing in the dirt around the fire pit. “I was married. I’m not anymore. I don’t have children and you’re right. I am rich. As to whether we stay for the winter or not depends on the gold. The claims I have are petering out and I’m not going to stay for a little flake each day. I’ve been here for two winters now and I don’t want to be here for a third.”
Seth stood and started kicking dirt to cover the fire.
Belle helped him.
Seth stirred the fire to make sure it was out. Then he took Big Red’s lead rope and looked at Belle. “Ready?”
“Yes. The sooner we start, the sooner we’ll get there, and I’m very eager to see my new home.” She grinned. “Even if it is just a tent, it will be my tent.”
“Our tent.”
She nodded. “Of course, our tent.”
They reached the claim in the late afternoon around five-thirty.
Seeing her new home thrilled Belle. The largest tent sat back from the river against two large mounds. There was a smaller tent down river from theirs.
“It looks like everything is undisturbed.” Seth took her to the largest tent she saw and then pointed at the small tent. “That is my original abode. Come.” He held out a hand. “I’ll show you the oven.”
She took his hand, admitting that she liked these casual touches.
He walked behind their tent to a little area between the two large mounds of dirt. They had set an oven into the farthest mound. It was dug out and rocks and mud had been mixed to form a sort of concrete. Then they used the mixture to construct the oven. The way it worked, a fire was built under it and they made the door of the mud and straw and fit it into the hole in the oven’s front. The design was genius, in her opinion.
Across from it, on the back side of the closest mound, sat a long table built from logs, the top flattened and sanded smooth. She would still cover it with a cloth when she made bread on it. She didn’t want splinters in the dough and she feared that could happen regardless of how well it was sanded.
She looked around and couldn’t have been happier. Belle could bake to her heart’s content, or, at least, until the supplies ran out.
Gliding her hand across the table, she turned and looked at Seth. “This is wonderful. I love it.”
He stood with his arms crossed over his chest. “I’m glad. Do you want to see inside?”
Belle walked toward him and the tent. “Oh, yes, most definitely.” When she reached the tent, he pulled back the flap and she stepped inside. What she saw made her jaw drop. “This is the nicest tent I’ve ever seen.”
Seth stepped in behind her. “It took them over a year-and-a-half to get it to this point, buying a little at a time.”
“It’s wonderful. I love the table and chairs next to the stove. We’ll stay warm while we eat. And the stove, while small, still looks to have two burners big enough for pans without being crowded.”
“I never remember Barnaby or Sadie complaining about the stove being too small.”
Belle noticed the mattresses were on cots. One cot had several blankets folded on top. He’d made up the other one into a bed. He must have seen her looking at them.
“Don’t worry, darlin’ they go together on the floor and make a lovely big bed for two people.” He raised an eyebrow and gave her a jaunty tilt of his head.
She lifted her chin. “Don’t go to any extra trouble on my account.”
“No trouble at all. And if we set them close to one cot, we can still walk on the other side without stepping on the mattress. Of course, during the day, we can fold one on top of the other so the aisle is clear.”
“Fine. I did promise to have a completely proper marriage.”
“You did and I’ll tell you now, Belle, I want children.”
She felt like a wounded animal, wrapped her arms around her waist and shook her head. “I can’t have children. In ten years of marriage, I never got pregnant.”
He waved a hand through the air. “That means nothing. It could have been your husband who couldn’t father a child. From the sound of it, that was a good thing.”
She looked down, her voice small. “Maybe, but he never let me forget I didn’t give him a son. And that it was my fault. So?—”
“So, you accepted his conclusion.”
She looked up, hands on her hips, and her eyes narrowed. “What choice did I have?” She waved a hand in the air. “Not being able to have children is always the woman’s fault.”
He ran a hand around the back of his neck. “Not always. Did he have children from any other woman?”
She paused for a moment before she answered. “No.”
“Was he ever with any other woman?”
Belle kept her arms wrapped around her waist, as though that would protect her. Just as she’d often done when Amos disciplined her. “Yes, he had other women. He said all men had women on the side.”
Seth’s jaw clenched. “He lied. Most married men are faithful to their wives. A small percentage, like your husband, cheat.”
“Are you in the majority? Or a cheater?” she asked quietly.
“I take my vows seriously. I will never be unfaithful. You’re my wife and I vowed to keep myself only unto you. I intend to honor that.”
Her body sagged a little. “I’m glad to hear it. I know you have little opportunity here in the Klondike, but when we get back to civilization, will you still keep to your vow?”
He straightened with his shoulders back. “I will never dishonor you.”
“Thank you, Seth. You don’t know how much that relieves me.” Her stomach stopped turning over and the nausea receded.
“Let’s get the horse unpacked and fix something for supper, unless you’re not hungry.”
She grinned. “I’m starving. Let’s unload Big Red and see what we can fix easily and fast.”
After they’d unpacked everything and put it away, Seth took Big Red to the lean-to he had for the horses.
Belle noticed another horse in the lean-to. It was a dappled gray with a black mane and tail.
After a meal of canned beef and soda crackers, Belle heated water and washed the dishes. While she did, Seth made the bed of mattresses on the floor. When he was done, he stood. He lined them up next to one cot, forming a foot-wide aisle on the other side.
Belle looked down at the bed. “It looks quite comfortable.”
“Only one way to find out. It’s time for bed, Belle.”
“But it’s only eight o’clock. We should play a game or something. I’m not tired yet.”
“Even after the day you put in?”
“Yes. I’ve got a lot of pent up energy. Why don’t we play cards? Do you have some cards?”
He sighed. “Yes, I have a deck of cards. What would you like to play?”
“How about poker? We can use beans for chips.”
“Fine.” He slit the top of the ten pound bag of pinto beans and put a couple of hands full on the table.
“This will be fun. You’ll see.”
After they’d played a few hands and Seth had lost them all, he gazed at her. “Are you a card shark? Where did you learn to play poker?”
“I’m not a card shark. Amos taught me so he could practice his skills. Of course, he had to win every hand. If I won, he slapped me.”
“I’m not slapping you, am I?”
She shook her head. “No, you’re not.”
“I don’t care if you win every hand, I won’t slap you, but I will be amazed at your knowledge of the game. You can win as many as you want, but be warned I won’t go easy on you.”
She sat up straight. “I won’t go easy on you either. It’s your deal.” She passed him the cards.
They played for almost two hours.
Seth finally set the cards on the middle of the table and found a cup to put the beans into. “Now, it’s time for bed.”
“I agree. I’ll admit I’m tired now.”
“So am I. Exhausted as a matter of fact.”
Belle went over and dug in her duffel bag and pulled out her nightgown. “I need to put this on.”
He shook his head. “You won’t need one. I’ll keep you warm.”
“I don’t know. I think I’d be warmer with one on.” I’ve never slept naked. Amos never wanted to. He slept in his under garment. I wonder what it’s like to feel someone else, to cuddle, to be held like I mean something.
“Belle, would it make you feel better to know that I don’t intend to claim my husbandly rights tonight? I’m not an animal who’ll rut on you. I’m a man and when the time is right, I’ll make love to you. Tonight, though, I just want to hold you in my arms. Feel your soft skin next to mine. Is that too much to ask?”
With her arms around her waist, she thought about it for a moment before shaking her head. “No, of course not. It’s just...I...I was sure you’d want to lay with me tonight even though you said you wouldn’t. It has thrown me a little off kilter, learning you really plan on keeping your word. Amos wouldn’t have.”
Seth put his hands in his pockets as he stood next to the mattresses. “Trust me, I will keep my word. And just so you know, I would very much like to make love to you, but you’re not ready. I won’t force myself on an unwilling woman. I think, if you get to know me better, you’ll feel more comfortable when we finally make love. In the meantime, we’ll just hold each other, feeling our skin touching. Learn about each other and talk. What do you think about that?”
“Thank you for the choice. I...I’ve never been given one before.”
“You always have a choice. We can make love now or later. That is a choice.”
“Suppose I don’t want to do either?”
Seth sighed. He gazed at her and tilted his head a little.
He looked weary to her.
He let out a deep breath. “That’s not the agreement, Belle. And you entered the agreement willingly. Are you saying you are not a woman of your word?”
She leaned back as if slapped. “I am a woman of my word. But I’ll be honest with you, because you’re now my husband. I’m scared.” She spoke softly. “All I have are terrible memories of having relations. I can’t call it making love because only hate was involved. I believe that’s why my husband treated me so. When we first married he didn’t mistreat me. It wasn’t until the second year when I still didn’t get pregnant that he began mistreating me. Frankly, I won’t sugarcoat things. That was when he began punching me and if he didn’t, he threatened to. I was in a perpetual state of fear. If I’d been a stronger woman I would have killed him for what he did to me.”
Seth stepped close and wrapped his arms around her.
She stiffened again, her breath catching in her throat.
He cradled her. “First, you are a very strong woman. Second, I will never ever touch you in anger, only with gentleness and caring. There is nothing you could ever do that would make me change my mind and hurt you.” He looked her in the eyes. “Do you believe me?”
She relaxed a little, the feel of his flannel shirt was soft against her cheek. He smelled like wood smoke and man. It was not an unpleasant smell. “I think I do, but it will take me time to get over this fear.”
He tightened his arms just a little. “We’ll learn together. Holding each other skin to skin is a start to trusting each other. Keeping a secret is harder when you’re totally bare.”
She leaned back and looked at him, her eyes narrowed. “Do you really believe that, or is it just something you’re telling me so you can hold me naked?”
He smiled. “I believe it. We can ask each other questions we might not otherwise. Being in the dark and holding each other can help us open up to one another.”
She leaned back, trusting he wouldn’t drop her. But how she knew that? She wasn’t sure. “What secrets do you have, Seth Kirby? What can you tell me later that you can’t now?”
“I suppose we’ll know that soon enough.” He looked down at her.
She gazed at him, her focus on his lips. Belle remembered their kiss. His lips had been firm and yet soft. His kiss had utterly taken her breath away. The quick peck she’d expected had vanished and in its place a kiss that left her limp and curious. Would he make love with as much passion as he put into his kiss?
“It’s time for bed.” Seth let her go. “We can’t put it off any longer. Morning will be here before we know it, and then you have to learn to pan for gold.”
“I admit, it’s not something I’m looking forward to. I know we have to stand in the river. When Amos and I came to the claim we weren’t even there a day. He had me help him set up camp and then we turned around and went back to Dawson City, where he left me. So I didn’t learn all the things I probably should have to be a miner’s wife. But I can tell you this, you’ll never go hungry. I know how to fish and can keep us fed that way, when necessary.”
He smiled. “What are you not looking forward to—the bed or learning how to find gold?”
She glanced at the perfectly made bed and then shifted her attention to him. “Both”
He let out a roar of laughter. “Let’s get through one thing at a time. The first thing is to get into bed. Do you want to undress first or would you rather I did? Don’t worry, I’ll turn my back until you get under the covers. While you do that I’ll light the lantern.”
“Then I’ll go first.” She hurried and removed her boots and clothes. Then she crawled under the covers and pulled them up under her chin. The cold of the blankets made her shiver. “I’m done.”
Seth removed his boots and then started unbuttoning his pants.
Belle closed her eyes to be polite, though she very much wanted to look. She felt him get under the blankets.
Then he placed his arm across her waist.
Belle gasped.
He pulled her close, tucking her against his side. “Relax, sweetheart. I’m not doing anything but holding you. I gave my word, and I will keep it, though I surely don’t want to. I very much want to make love to you and you can tell the truth of that statement from my body.”
Belle felt him and, if she was being honest with herself, it gratified her he found her attractive.
She gradually surrendered to Seth’s embrace, feeling herself relax. She was warm and comfortable. It was nice to be in bed and not be fearful. Belle turned over in his arms so she faced him. “Okay, what are your secrets? What haven’t you told anyone before?”
Seth was quiet for a moment. “I told you I was married before, but she died along with our baby son. There was an official inquiry because her parents thought I’d killed her. I didn’t, just so you know. She died in childbirth with the doctor in attendance.” He looked at the roof, his mouth turned down at the corners.
Horror washed over Belle. She didn’t know him well, but she couldn’t believe he’d done something so heinous. “That’s horrible. Why would anyone have thought you killed her?”
“Because I’d been talking about moving to California to search for gold there. Her parents took exception to that. They thought I should stay in Ohio and keep selling men’s clothes.”
“But weren’t the goldfields all claimed by then? How could you expect to make a living there?”
“That’s what Laura said. And I know she was right. I think I had some wanderlust.”
“So, after she died, you came here?”
He put his right arm under his head. “No. I had no one keeping me in Ohio. And the memories were too painful, so I thought it best to leave. I went to California first. Where I met Barnaby Drake on the train to San Francisco. We became good friends. He’s the one who told me about the gold fields in the Klondike. We made the trip to Skagway and then over the mountains together and got our claims together. He’s my best friend.” He looked at her and smiled. “I think it was the best decision I ever made.”
She laughed. “You say that now. Wait until you get to know me.”
“So, tell me about Belle Kirby. What kind of person is she?”
“I hope I’m a good person. Though, I’ve decided to never allow anyone to treat me like Amos did.”
“Good. You should never have had to experience that to begin with. Didn’t your family have questions?”
“They didn’t know. No one did. He was very careful to never hit my face or any place else it might show. Besides, after my father sold me to Amos, he was done with me. I don’t think he cared.”
Seth squeezed her closer. His mouth flattened and his jaw clenched. “I’m sorry. A father should never sell his child, regardless of the straights they find themselves in. They can always find another way.”
“I wish my father had thought so. Instead, I suffered for ten years with Amos. I wasn’t sad when he died. It elated me that my prison sentence was over.”
“You’ll never have to go through that again, and soon, I hope you will trust me enough to believe that.”
“I want to. I really do, but my experience tells me differently. I think it’s time to rest. It will take me a bit to get used to the stove and make breakfast.”
“I’ll help. You’ll have it down in no time. I don’t expect you to do all the cooking, and when you do, I’ll do the dishes and vice versa. We’ll share everything except the baking. I don’t know how and, to be honest, I’m reluctant to learn. I can make biscuits in the Dutch oven, but that’s all, and that’s in the fire, not in the oven.”
Belle laughed. “I think I’ll do the baking. I happen to like it. I’m an excellent cook, too, but I don’t enjoy it as much.”
“Tomorrow, after breakfast, I’ll show you how to pan for gold. You need to wear your warmest clothes because standing in the river will be icy.”
“The cold part is what I’m not looking forward to, but at least you bought me some chest waders. They should help keep me dry.”
“They will.” He resettled his arm around her and calmed. “Goodnight, Belle.”
“Goodnight, Seth.”
Belle turned onto her side, placing her back to Seth’s front. She’d become used to lying that way, and now it was the only way she could sleep. It had been her way of keeping Amos away, at least for a while. Perhaps she’d get used to Seth not hurting her, and she would turn toward him instead of away, but she didn’t know how long that would take. Her heart raced lying next to him, questioning if she could ever sleep without remembering Amos and fearing Seth.