Chapter Twenty-One
Kage
F inley will be okay.
Kage repeated the words like a mantra. The previous evening had shown why Kage had been shielding himself from relationships. His heart had been shattered beyond repair and his head fucked up in the span of a moment.
Seeing Finley shot, blood oozing from his arm, then passing out on their way to the hospital had felt like a bucket of ice water over Kage’s head. He’d mumbled I love you a hundred times into Finley’s hair wishing he’d said it before and been able to see his lover’s face at the confession. He’d been trembling, holding Finley’s unconscious body as tight as he could, as if simply being there could keep him alive. Something he hadn’t done for Rohan. No, he’d passed out and had been not only unable to help himself but couldn’t hold his boyfriend’s hand, cradle his head, and tell him he’d loved him one last time.
The fear of losing Finley had unearthed the true feelings he’d been trying to bury for months since he’d first started to fall for the man. Kage was broken, and maybe staying with Finley would be selfish, but their lives were intertwined now. Kage would do anything to get over his past so he could become someone Finley deserved.
Shuffling through the hospital corridor that smelled like bleach and misery, Kage balanced two cardboard cups of coffee in one hand and two with tea in the other. His hip was killing him, the pain shooting through his entire leg, but going for a walk to get his head screwed back on had been more important. He didn’t have his cane with him, but his pills were lining the pockets of his trousers. He’d take a few soon with the tea.
The doctor had sedated Finley to extract the bullet from his arm, but Kage wanted him to have fresh tea when he woke up. The coffees were for Mat and his husband, Peyton, who had arrived when he’d heard the news.
The voices coming from Finley’s room suggested he was awake again, this time sounding more lucid than before. Kage paused by the open door, not wanting to interrupt.
“I’ll make sure they get what they deserve in the can and more,” Mat said, his tone like cut glass. “Nothing can bring your son back, but I hope this will give you peace. You were a friend when I needed one the most.” He reached for Peyton’s hand and his husband leaned into him, causing his purple crop top to ride up even higher, exposing his lean waist. “I’m a call away if you ever need help.”
“I wish you two got to know Max.” Finley said, his voice still groggy. “He would have adored you and treated you like brothers.”
“Me too,” Peyton said. “From what you’ve told us, he was a hoot. We’d get into trouble and you’d be so mad.” He smiled and patted Finley’s shin through the sheet.
“We’re going home to Barbados tomorrow, but I’ll be back in a couple of weeks. We should catch up then.” Mat wrapped his hand around Peyton’s waist, splaying his fingers over the tanned skin.
“Definitely.” Finley perked up as his eyes landed on Kage at the door. “Is that tea?”
Kage chuckled, relief filling him at Finley’s smile. “Yeah. And coffee for these two.” He handed the cups out to Mat and Peyton, set the teas on the table, and took a seat on a chair next to Finley’s bed.
With his good hand, Finley patted Kage’s cheek, scraping his nails over the stubble there. Finley had never seen him in such a mess, unshaven and with hair sticking out in all directions. Latif had dropped off a change of clothes for Kage, but he hadn’t wanted to leave Finley’s side to go home.
Despite Finley being awake and looking like nothing had happened, Kage was still rattled by the events of the night before. He kissed the inside of Finley’s palm and released a sigh.
“We’ll see you later.” Mat and Peyton walked out, their sun-kissed faces full of infatuation for each other, even after almost a year of marriage.
“Come here, love.” It could have been a moniker any polite man might throw at someone without a second thought, but the way Finley said it, with warmth and sunshine in his tone, made it clear he meant it differently.
“You scared me so fucking much.” Kage scooted closer and put Finley’s hand over his heart. It had almost beat out of his chest when Finley had been shot.
“I’m fine, Kage. They took the bullet out and I’ll be back at work in no time.” Finley’s smile fell as he met Kage’s gaze. “Baby, what’s wrong?”
What did he call me? Kage took a gulp of air and tried to hold himself together. “When you were shot and bleeding… I thought—” His breath came out ragged. “I asked you for one thing. And you promised. You fucking promised, not to leave me.” His chest hurt and so did his leg. Kage fished out a blister pack from his pocket and squeezed out two pills. He swallowed them dry, ignoring Finley’s raised eyebrows.
“Look, I’m okay.” It was Finley’s turn to put Kage’s hand over his heart. It beat strong and steady. “I didn’t die.”
“But you could have.”
“I’m sorry you saw me get hurt, but I had to be there. I may have to do a stupid thing or two if the Don asks in the future. But this? I volunteered for it. Now that it’s over and they’ll be behind bars, I feel how heavy the weight of injustice was. It’s lifting slightly. I never truly moved on, and probably never will. But last night helped, and being there was worth much more than a bullet wound.”
“So, risking your life is better than getting therapy?” Kage shook his head. “I shouldn’t have said that.” Fuck, he was taking out his hurt and anger on Finley. He didn’t deserve this.
“No. It’s fine. It’s the truth.” Finley’s voice turned dangerously dry and his serious expression told Kage that he was in deep shit. “I’ll go see a fucking therapist. But will you do physical therapy?” He held Kage’s gaze in a challenge.
“What?” A cold shiver of awareness ran down Kage’s back. “I don’t need it.”
Finley’s laughter was devoid of humour but his eyes were filled with concern.
Well shit.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice the painkillers in every nook and cranny of your flat. And that your limp comes and goes. I was waiting for you to tell me about the pills, but at least now you know I’m not that stupid.”
“Is… is that an ultimatum?”
“Nope. You do you.” Finley patted Kage’s hand. “But for this relationship to work, it can’t be based on lies.”
“You lied to me too.”
“Sort of. But this was the last one, I promise. If you can even call wanting to see criminals caught a lie. I’ve done what I had to do and I’m ready to work on myself and us.” Finley nodded once and shifted on the bed.
“How?”
“For now, by going to the bathroom. I need to pee.” With a grunt, Finley stood up, brushing off Kage’s hand when he tried to help him.
The urge to scream boiled in Kage but he squeezed his thigh instead, the pain in it easing as the pills kicked in.
A knock had Kage shooting to his feet.
“Sorry,” a nurse said and cracked the door open. “I need the patient’s ID for the records again.”
“Uh, it must be in his wallet.” Kage reached for Finley’s jacket and fished out the folded leather wallet. Sure enough, Finley’s ID was first, and he handed it to the nurse who took a look at it and returned it with a curt ‘thank you’ before she stepped out.
Sliding the document back, Kage froze. The sight of the card underneath drained the blood from his face. He shouldn’t pry, but what the fuck? “Do not resuscitate?” His hands shook as he took it out, and the motion caused a tiny folded envelope to fall out on his lap. The choked sound that left him generated from deep within his scarred soul. Finley’s handwriting on it spelled “open when I’m dead”.
“You were never supposed to see these.” Finley said from the bathroom doorway.
“This looks like a suicide letter,” Kage whispered, utter terror filling his veins.
Finley entered the room, but stopped a foot away. Kage didn’t try to hide the absolute shock and anguish that must have been on his face. “Finley… What are these?” The trembling in his hands was intense, but he was holding onto the card and envelope so hard, his fingertips turned white.
“I want to say it’s not what it looks like, but that would be a lie. You should know that I wrote these before I met you. Since then, everything has changed.” Finley’s voice broke. “Everything. Believe me.”
Kage shot to his feet and wrapped his arms around Finley, careful not to squeeze his sling.
“I can’t lose you.” Kage buried his face in Finley’s neck and let out a gut-wrenching sob. “I love you.” He murmured and pulled away to meet Finley’s gaze. “You gripped me by the balls when you knelt for me, but I knew I loved you when you were willing to fight for me, when you called me out on my bullshit. I’ve fallen for you hard, no matter how much I tried to resist. Now, my heart is in your hands. Please don’t crush it.”
Finley cupped Kage’s face in his big palm. “I’ll cherish it for the treasure it is. I promise.” He swiped a thumb under Kage’s eye, looking at him like he was the most precious person in the world. “I fell for you so long ago, I can’t believe you got to say it first. I love you, Kage.” He leaned in for a brief kiss. “I’m still mad at you, though.”
“Good. Because I’m mad at you too. But now I’m taking you to my place to recover.” Kage expected Finley to protest, but all he did was nod and offer a smile that grew into a smirk.
“And you’ll feed me and snuggle me.”
It hit Kage that Finley turned it into a joke, but he knew Finley had never had anyone in his life who’d taken care of him. He’d either fended for himself or helped others. Refusing to break down again, Kage lifted an eyebrow.
“Maybe. But if you push your luck, I’ll put you over my lap.”
“For spanking?” Finley’s gaze changed from teary to interested.
“No. I’ll do it so I could play with your cunt and edge you all evening when watching some telly. After that, you’ll be very relaxed and healing fast.”
Finley opened his mouth and blinked. “Yes, Please.”
The next day when Finley left the hospital, Kage kept his promise.