Chapter 21 #2
They arrived at the children’s room and found them playing a game of backgammon while the matronly nursemaid Gretchen sat nearby with some mending.
“Miss Robbins!” the children cried, their faces lighting up when they saw Charlotte. Her face lit up as well as she moved forward and greeted them warmly.
“Mrs. Gretchen taught us to play this game,” Joshua said. “Will you play it with us?”
“First, say good afternoon to Lord Brookhaven and Miss Jacobs,” she said.
Joshua and Sarah obediently greeted their visitors. William sat down with them and played backgammon, and Hattie watched, while Miss Robbins talked with Gretchen, asking about the children. Soon they were all watching the game, as he let the children get the better of him.
Sarah cried out, “I won!” Then she immediately covered her mouth as if she’d done something wrong.
“Well done,” William said, smiling. “You and your brother are very clever to learn the game so quickly.”
“Shall we play again?” Joshua asked.
“I need to speak with Miss Robbins for a moment, but we will play again another time. And when your arm is healed, we shall have to teach you to play pall mall. Miss Robbins is the best I’ve ever seen,” he whispered loudly.
“Are you good at pall mall, Miss Robbins?” Sarah asked eagerly.
“I dare say I am.” She winked at her. “But Miss Jacobs is as skilled as I am.”
“Oh, no, I do not play pall mall as well as Miss Robbins.”
“What is pall mall?” Joshua asked.
William explained, “It is a game you play on the grass—or some flat ground—and you use a wooden mallet to strike a ball.” He explained the game, aware of Miss Robbins watching him, and even as he talked, he wished they could both be back at Lowndesbury House again, reliving the conversations they’d had, not having to worry that she might engage herself to marry some worthless young man.
Gretchen returned and said, “It’s about time for the children’s washing up and then for their supper.”
We said our goodbyes to the children, and as soon as we were in the hallway, Miss Jacobs said, “I have something to attend to. It was very good to see you again, Lord Brookhaven.”
“And you, Miss Jacobs.”
Hattie hurried toward her bedroom, went inside, and closed the door.
“You wished to speak to me?” Miss Robbins’s face was turned up to his, and he suddenly had to know.
“Miss Robbins, are you engaged to marry Mr. Welton?”
He could see the anger begin to spark in her eyes, but she remained silent.
“I am aware that I am not a relative of yours and therefore have no right to ask.” He cleared his throat, turning away from her, trying to tamp down his feelings.
“But as your friend, I thought you would wish to hear my advice, as it is well-meant.” But one glance in her direction told him he’d said the wrong thing.
Advice. Advice? “I know that you think every gentleman who comes near me is only after my fortune. Is it so difficult to believe that he might be in love with me?”
Why had I said that? I didn’t even believe that. There must be a reason for this anger. I would need to ponder that later.
“Miss Robbins, you may do as you wish, but I’m afraid—”
“Yes, I may do as I wish. I am an independent woman of means and intelligence.”
His jaw hardened, and there was that little twitch in his cheek. “As your friend, I am only trying to help—”
“Then please don’t insult me by saying that no gentleman could possibly wish to marry me for myself.” Was I overstating my point, saying too much? I felt tears sting my eyes.
“Did I ever say such a thing?”
“No.” A tear fell onto my cheek, and I quickly swiped at it with my hand.
“Miss Robbins, I am well aware that any gentleman of good sense and character might very well wish to marry you, but I am only saying that Mr. Welton is not that kind of gentleman. I only say this out of concern for you.”
Tears poured from my eyes. I could only hope, in the dimly lit hallway, that he could not see them.
I swallowed, took a breath, and said, “I am not engaged to Mr. Welton. He asked, and I refused him.”
Lord Brookhaven’s jaw went slack. Then he nodded. After a moment’s silence, he said, “Forgive me. I have been rude and impertinent. But it was out of concern for your welfare.”
His words did nothing to dispel the heat and turmoil inside me.
“You are angry with me,” he said. “What can I say to make it right?”
I could not tell him, as I was just beginning to realize that the real reason for my tears was my disappointment that he wasn’t concerned enough about me marrying Mr. Welton to marry me himself.
I took as deep a breath as I could get into my constricted chest, then another and another. Finally, I said, “You have done nothing wrong. Forgive my incivility.”
“There is nothing to forgive. We are friends, are we not? You can say whatever you wish to me, whatever you feel.”
His words undid all my efforts to dispel the tears. Friends. That’s all we were and all we would ever be to each other. Foolish girl. Did I really think an earl would want me—or my fifty thousand pounds?
“You were right about Mr. Welton,” I said, feeling humbled. “I thank you for the warning.”
“It was impertinent of me. You have deduced his true character on your own without any interference from me.”
I did not answer, as I was still fighting back the tears.
“I shall endeavor not to give unsolicited advice in future. But please know . . . I speak and act only out of my desire for you to be happy, Miss Robbins.”
His words were so softly spoken and sounded so sincere that I felt a physical ache inside my chest.
I turned aside and used my hand to wipe the tears that were threatening to drip from my chin. A moment later, Lord Brookhaven was handing me his handkerchief.
My stomach twisted, but I had little choice but to take the offered handkerchief and mop my face.
Thankfully, he said nothing as I endeavored to drive away the still-threatening tears and make myself presentable.
I simply would not think about how he didn’t love me, didn’t want to marry me, and knew that the gentleman who asked me to marry him was only interested in my fortune.
No, I wouldn’t think about that. I’d think about Joshua and Sarah, and about Samuel and Annabelle.
If for no other reason than to not hurt them, I would not end my friendship with Lord Brookhaven.
Who was I trying to fool? I enjoyed his company, and I valued his opinion, or I should, especially now that I knew he only cared for me as a friend.
“I would never wish to make you unhappy,” he said.
“You haven’t.” I wanted to tell him that I had enough gentleman callers to make me happy—that one of them, at least, would love me for myself, and he would be a gentleman of good character with his own fortune.
Together we would be very happy, so Lord Brookhaven needn’t worry about my happiness. He should tend to his own.
But I said none of those things. I needed to get somewhere quiet where I could think, where I’d have time to search my own heart and settle my feelings.
I turned and started down the stairs and heard him following behind me.
Thankfully, when we returned to the sitting room, Mr. Welton had gone. Visiting hours were over, as it was after six o’clock. We instead found Mrs. Drake and Millicent sitting in silence, and they did not smile when we walked in.
“How were the children?” Millicent asked, a bit of a caustic tone in her voice. No doubt she was angry that she’d been left behind, and I felt a pang of guilt.
“They are well,” I said. “They were pleased to see Lord Brookhaven again.”
“Mr. Welton wished to give you his regards,” Mrs. Drake said with a sour expression.
“Lord Brookhaven, it is so charitable of you to take an interest in the little orphan children. I’m sure when the boy’s arm is recovered, Miss Robbins will find a suitable situation for them both. Perhaps you can help her.”
I was in no mood to brook Mrs. Drake’s impertinence, especially after I’d rebuffed Lord Brookhaven’s so completely.
“I have no interest in sending the children to any other ‘situation.’” For I knew what she meant.
She’d have me send them to someone to work for only food and a cot to sleep on, or worse yet, to a workhouse.
She didn’t know me at all if she thought I’d even consider such a thing.
Mrs. Drake raised her brows at me. But before she could speak, Lord Brookhaven said, “Thank you again, Miss Robbins, for allowing me to see the children. I am pleased they are so well taken care of here with you. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you ever need anything.”
“Thank you.”
Then he took his leave and was gone.