Chapter 24
Twenty-Four
The next morning, I was standing near the front door and putting on my gloves for my morning walk when I heard raised voices just outside.
I started to open the door, but something told me to wait.
I heard the voice of the man from the night before, Gilbert White, and another male voice shouting back and forth about going in, staying out, taking what was his, and on and on.
Then I heard a new voice, speaking in a normal tone, which was too quiet for me to make out.
“Charlotte!” Hattie was hurrying toward me, Millicent just behind her.
“I saw from my window . . . that man from last night and another rough-looking fellow, and they appeared to be arguing. Then, just now, Lord Brookhaven and another man have come.” Her eyes were big, and she covered her mouth after she finished speaking.
I reached for the doorknob.
“I don’t know if you should—”
I opened the door. If Lord Brookhaven was outside, it should be safe. Besides, I didn’t want that nefarious man to think I was frightened of him.
“I’ll fetch the constable if you don’t give me my kin!” Mr. White was saying, his hands balled into fists as he faced the large man who I suddenly realized was probably Henson, Lord Brookhaven’s man.
Lord Brookhaven’s eyes were narrowed as he and the gentleman beside him stared Mr. White down. But when he saw me at the door, Lord Brookhaven took a step, motioning for me to stay back.
I closed the door partway, watching through the crack.
“Who are you to keep me children from me?” Mr. White was saying. “I’ll fetch the constable, I will!”
“I am the constable.” The man with Lord Brookhaven scowled. “William Thomas Beckwith the third, and I’m the constable for Grosvenor Square. So if you don’t mind, sir, I’ll ask you to stop disturbing the peace of this house and go home.”
“I see how it be.” Mr. White raised his voice again.
“The rich man and the constable are stopping me from taking what’s mine.
But I know my rights. And I’ll be back. You will see me again, and next time I’ll talk to the lady what stole my children.
Dividing families and taking poor folkses’ children.
Is that what you rich people do now? I have my rights, same as the rich. ”
He walked away a few feet, then turned around and pointed a finger straight at me. “I won’t go quiet, y’ hear? I’ll be back for my kin.”
The three men were between me and him, so I wasn’t in any real danger, but my heart beat fast.
“Sorry about that, miss.” Henson took off his hat and nodded toward me. “I wouldn’t have let him get through the door.”
Lord Brookhaven looked at me with a concerned expression.
“Come inside, please, gentlemen.”
Lord Brookhaven said something to Henson, who moved away, then he and the constable came in.
I ordered a larger breakfast, and we all went into the breakfast room. I usually ate something small—a scone or fruit tart—before my walk, and then a bigger breakfast afterward, but I wasn’t sure I would even take a walk this morning.
Lord Brookhaven made all the introductions, and Mr. Beckwith, the constable, greeted everyone politely.
“Do you know this man, Gilbert White?” I asked Mr. Beckwith. “Do you think he could have been using the children for thievery?”
“He is a known pickpocket and petty thief, so I suspect he was.”
It was all I needed to know to quell the guilt I’d been feeling.
I of all people knew the pain of having no family, no relatives of any kind.
Or at least I’d thought I had no relatives, until my uncle died.
I would have loved to have met him and to have felt some kind of connection to him.
Why would I ever want to keep anyone from their relatives?
I didn’t want to deny Joshua and Sarah a relationship with their uncle. But if this man was a thief and was using them . . . I was more determined than ever to keep them from him. But the fact that he found them useful would also make him more determined to take them back.
“What did you call your uncle?” I asked Sarah while Joshua was playing with the toy soldiers I’d bought him.
“Uncle Gil,” Sarah said quietly.
“Did he take care of you and give you a place to sleep?”
She stared at me blankly for a moment, then said, “We slept in the old building you saw. He slept there too sometimes.”
“What did you do when Uncle Gil was around?”
Sarah looked like she might cry.
“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” It was enough for me that he didn’t even provide them a safe or warm place to sleep and didn’t stay with them every night to protect them.
“I don’t think you would like me anymore if I told you.” A tear slipped down her cheek.
“Of course I would like you.” I squeezed her arm and looked into her eyes.
“There is nothing you could say to make me not like you. Besides, if your uncle made you do something bad, that is his fault, not yours. He’s a grown-up, and grown-ups are supposed to take care of children, not ask them to do bad things. ”
“He sometimes made us steal food.”
I nodded to show her it was all right and to encourage her to go on.
“He tried to make me steal from gentlemen’s pockets, but I was too scared.”
“I’m proud of you for telling me. And you don’t need to worry about him anymore, do you understand? I will protect you.”
She nodded but she didn’t look completely reassured. She bit her lip and went back to playing with her doll.
The next morning, I got ready to go on my walk as usual. Lord Markeley had not come to have his private talk, and I was greatly relieved.
Mrs. Drake and Hattie came with me, but Millicent stayed home. She wasn’t as much of a walker as I was, but she’d seemed distant lately. I hoped I was imagining it.
I nodded to Henson on my way out. He was watching the front door, and I knew Lord Brookhaven had sent a second man to watch the back and to go and fetch help should Henson need it.
Lord Brookhaven’s townhouse was not very far from mine, and I could see him up ahead, as if he were waiting for me. He greeted us and fell in with our group.
“You are very kind to accompany us, Lord Brookhaven,” I said. “But you must allow me to pay your men who have been guarding my house. It is not as if I can’t pay them.”
“Whatever do you mean, Miss Robbins?” He gave me a sly, side-eyed look.
“You know very well what I mean,” I said.
“I care about Joshua and Sarah, just as you do. I want to offer them some protection while the need seems pressing. Once we are sure Mr. White is no longer trying to take the children, I will allow you to dismiss my men back to me.”
I wasn’t sure if I should be annoyed at his high-handed way of taking charge of guarding my house and the children, or if I should just politely thank him for his care.
He immediately changed the subject and asked Hattie what she liked and disliked most about London, so I wrestled with my thoughts in silence.
Lord Brookhaven was more gregarious than usual, especially with Hattie, and I was grateful.
She’d often said she felt out of place as we socialized in London, but Lord Brookhaven was helping me to prove the point that only unkind people would ever want her to think she was less important than someone who was wealthier and more fashionable.
And the way Mrs. Drake smirked and bridled when she saw one of her old friends on the street made me want to roll my eyes. She might as well have said, Look at me. I am walking in the company of the Earl of Brookhaven. Don’t you think better of me now?
I almost felt sorry for Lord Brookhaven. How could he ever know if someone cared for him because of himself, or because of his title? How many times had he felt used by people who only pretended to like him for who he truly was?
As we neared the park, Mr. Merritt was leaning against the big oak at the entrance. His expression changed when he saw Lord Brookhaven with us.
The two gentlemen bowed to each other—rather stiffly, I thought—and we all exchanged small talk about the weather and the state of the roads.
“I shall leave you ladies in the capable hands of Mr. Merritt,” Lord Brookhaven said. He bowed and turned to leave.
I wanted to call him back, to tell him I’d rather have his company than Mr. Merritt’s, but of course I could not. I watched him go and somehow felt it was my fault Mr. Merritt was here.
Well, of course it was my fault. I still hadn’t given him an answer on whether or not I would marry him.
I would tell him today. It was not helping anyone for me to wait.
We walked through the park more slowly than I would have liked. If I were a man I could have walked at a very quick pace, but I was a woman so I had to have my chaperone, and she could not go at the pace I could.
This inheritance had taught me, however, that life was not as easy for either gentlemen or ladies as I’d once thought.
They might not have to take up an occupation as I had, but there were so many rules and expectations, so many mistakes they could make that would doom them to being looked down upon for the rest of their lives.
At least if I married a clergyman, as Mr. Merritt planned to become, I would have a purpose, as my duty would be to care for my husband’s parishioners.
But deep in my heart, I knew I wasn’t in love with Mr. Merritt.
And after what he’d said at our dinner party about my caring for Joshua and Sarah, I knew I couldn’t marry him.
Perhaps moving to London had not been the best idea.
If I’d bought a small country estate with my fifty thousand pounds, I could have walked my own gardens and grounds alone and uninhibited any time I liked.
It would have been like being at Lowndesbury House, when I wandered the lovely grounds and was happy.
Except that I would have missed having Lord Brookhaven as my companion.
No, it would not have been the same at all. But still, it was something to think about. Perhaps a small country estate near Milford and Mrs. Southey’s school. At least there I’d be close to Hattie, Susan, and Mrs. Southey.
“It looks as if we’re alone for the moment,” Mr. Merritt said, and I saw that Mrs. Drake and Hattie had wandered a few feet away and were watching some children playing a game of blindman’s buff with their nursemaids.
“It gives me an opportunity to ask if you have thought any more about my offer to love and admire you for the rest of our lives.”
I gazed into his face, half expecting him to be smiling in jest. But his expression was sober.
My stomach flipped at what I was about to say. “Forgive me, Mr. Merritt, for you know I have great respect for you and I enjoy your company. We have been good friends. But I’m sorry that I cannot marry you. I’m sorry,” I repeated, my stomach twisting into knots.
“And may I ask why you cannot marry me, a gentleman of good character and family and prospects?”
“You are a very good match for any young lady,” I said quickly, pausing our walk. “You are handsome and your manners are impeccable. But I’m afraid I cannot marry you because . . . well, I don’t believe you love me the way I wish to be loved, and I . . . please forgive me.”
If only I could think of something better to say! I hated the resentful expression, the way his lips pressed together and he avoided looking me in the eye, his brows drawn together in a scowl.
“I daresay you would have said yes if I hadn’t warned you not to ruin Lord Brookhaven by marrying him when you were his governess.”
“Perhaps I might have,” I said quietly.
“Then why do you let that come between us? Things have changed. The circumstances are different now.”
My circumstances were different. His were unchanged. But why should I point out that he only wished to marry me because of these changed circumstances? He knew it as well as I did. Why should I defend myself?
“You will forgive me,” I said. “I wish you all the happiness in the world. May you find love with the woman who will make you truly happy.”
“I wanted that woman to be you.” He turned away from me, picking the bark off a small birch tree beside us.
My chest ached, and I wondered if I’d done the right thing. Had I just thrown away my best chance at happiness? But something told me that it was all right. Mr. Merritt would forget me, and I would find true and lasting love. Father God, please let it be so.
My mind was in a fog. I wasn’t sure how we’d ended up deciding to leave the park and start back home, but we hadn’t gone far when Mr. Merritt said, “Forgive me, but I shall leave you here. Good day.” He nodded to each of us, not meeting my gaze, then turned and strode away.
We did not converse very much as we walked. No doubt Mrs. Drake and Hattie could both surmise what had taken place between Mr. Merritt and me, and I said nothing, as I was in no mood to listen to Mrs. Drake’s barely disguised criticisms.
Meanwhile, my thoughts were turning to anger.
It certainly wasn’t very chivalrous of Mr. Merritt to be offended at my refusal.
How could he expect me to believe that he was in love with me in so short a time after he’d said I wasn’t good enough for his friend, or that anything less than true love would induce me to marry him when all he had to offer was his name?
I was in a right rotten mood.
We were not far from home when a man stepped out of a side street directly in front of us. It was Gilbert White.