Chapter 31
Thirty-One
“William.” Lady Derringer accosted him as soon as he returned home. “Mr. Johnson was just here, and he said he wanted to know if you and Miss Robbins had some kind of understanding, as he’d heard a rumor that you’d given her a fortune and that was how she was able to live in London.”
“He had no right to ask you that.” Heat rose into his forehead.
“Apparently he has asked Charlotte to marry him, and he felt it was too indelicate a question to ask a lady.”
He hated the way his aunt toggled her eyebrows at him.
But even more, he hated that Johnson had asked Charlotte to marry him.
How did he dare ask such a woman to be his wife?
She was too gentle and kind-hearted and empathetic.
The weight of the responsibility for caring for so many children, of pushing herself the way Johnson did and being in charge of an entire orphanage, would be too much for her gentle, sweet spirit.
“What did you tell him?”
“I told him no, that you two do not have an understanding or an arrangement or anything of the kind, and that he should not believe every rumor he hears.”
His heart was beating in his ears.
“When was he here?”
“Less than a half hour ago.”
He turned and strode out the door. As he did, he saw Johnson leaving Charlotte’s townhouse, putting on his hat, and walking the other way.
He saw Charlotte’s face, how she’d looked the first few days after she came to Lowndesbury House, a schoolgirl-turned-teacher, a poor orphan who didn’t seem to realize she was poor. Her very presence in the world made life more bearable.
He couldn’t lose her.
It was like a lightning bolt to his soul—he’d been a fool not to ask her to marry him. Now it might be too late.
Mr. Johnson left, and I sank back against the sofa. I was alone, having allowed Gabriel Johnson a private meeting with me, knowing it would be relatively short.
How many marriage proposals had I refused?
I hadn’t expected to get another one after I lost my fortune. My days of flirtation and proposals seemed over.
I’d seriously considered marrying Gabriel Johnson. He was handsome, moral, and decent, but the thought of being his wife felt . . . oppressive somehow. Perhaps I was being ridiculous, overly sensitive, selfish even, to refuse Gabriel Johnson’s proposal. Would I regret it?
I wasn’t sure how I could financially care for Joshua and Sarah or how I’d be allowed to adopt them on my own, without a husband. But if there was a way, I’d find it.
The servant announced Lord Brookhaven.
I stood up quickly, just in time to see Lord Brookhaven enter looking slightly disheveled. His cravat was askew, and his hair was sticking up as though he’d been raking his hand through it.
We greeted each other, then he paced to one side of the room. I’d never seen that expression on his face before. Then he paced toward the other side but stopped in front of me—and fell to one knee.
“Miss Robbins, I’ve been a fool. Can you forgive me?”
I wasn’t sure how to reply, but he only paused a moment before continuing.
“Please tell me you still feel as you did when we were at Lowndesbury House. You said in your letter that you cherished our friendship and missed our talks, that you thought there was something tender and beautiful between us—and there was. I was just too much of a fool to tell you. Instead I invited people to my home who were your inferiors, people who didn’t appreciate you for who you are. ”
My head was spinning. I forced myself to keep listening, my eyes locked intently on his face.
“I know I don’t deserve you. I’ve deceived you and turned your life upside down, exposed you to criticism and gossip.
I never should have done any of it. I was wrong to do it, but please tell me you’re not marrying Mr. Johnson.
Oh, I know he appears to be the perfect husband for you, but please say you did not engage yourself to him.
I don’t believe he could ever love and cherish you as much as I do or as you deserve. ”
His face was so very dear, so intense and contrite. I could hardly believe what he was saying. Was I dreaming?
“You love me?” I asked.
“I’ve been in love with you since you stood on the roof that first night and coaxed me to come inside with you. You said you were lost and couldn’t find your way back to your room. Do you remember?”
“I do remember.” My hands were clasped in my lap, but I moved one toward him. I’m not sure what I planned to do. I certainly couldn’t touch his face or smooth his hair back, as I wanted to do.
“But it was I who was lost, I who needed help finding my way.”
He grabbed my hand and held it between his, then kissed my knuckles.
The feel of his lips on my skin sent shivers across my shoulders and stole my breath. If this was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up.
My voice sounded breathy and strange as I said, “I . . . I told Mr. Johnson that I couldn’t marry him. I refused him.”
Lord Brookhaven closed his eyes, his shoulders visibly relaxing. When he opened them, he said, “I know I’m not a good man, not like Johnson. He has dedicated himself to caring for orphans.”
I opened my mouth, trying to think how to express what I’d been thinking and feeling.
“You don’t have to explain. I know I’m not worthy of you, and I know I should have spoken sooner, should have asked you to marry me a hundred times before now, but if you will have me, if you think you could love me, please say you will marry me.”
The look in his eyes, intense and vulnerable, made my stomach flip. He was still holding my hand, but I lifted my other hand and pressed my palm to his cheek.
His gaze never left mine.
I realized he was waiting for an answer. I drew in a quick breath.
“I will marry you. And yes, I love you. I love you so very much.”
I barely got the words out before he leaned forward and covered my mouth with his.
I’d never been kissed before. The sensation was strange, intimate, warm, exciting.
My heart soared. He loved me. And he was kissing me.
When he pulled away and I opened my eyes, he was gazing down at me with such a tender expression, his arms holding me close. I felt as though I’d been captured, mesmerized by his dear face. I didn’t want to move or do anything that would break the spell.
He said in a gruff voice, “I promise I’ll always love you and care for you. You shall never be lonely or alone again. You may have whatever your heart desires, if it is in my power to give it to you.”
“Your love, your conversation, that is all I want. And to adopt the children.”
“Joshua and Sarah?”
“Yes.”
“Of course we will adopt them. That is easy.”
I pulled him closer, and he kissed me again.
His lips on mine made every other thought leave my head, except for the hazy idea that it was good that he was holding me so tight, because his kiss made my knees weak.
When the kiss ended, I suddenly couldn’t meet his eye. I pressed my face against his shoulder. Our arms were already around each other, but his tightened, and I could feel his breath in my hair and his chin brushing my ear.
“Forgive me for my unorthodox ways,” he said in a deep voice. “I know I’m not worthy of you, especially after all that I’ve put you through, but I promise to endeavor to be a better man, to treat you as you deserve. Will you be patient with me?”
I didn’t have enough breath to laugh, but I lifted my head to look into his eyes. “All is forgiven, and you are already the best man I know.”
“You truly do love me, then.”
I reached up and touched his face. It was breathtaking to be able to do that small thing, to know that he was to be my very own husband, forever. I’d nearly given up hope. And we would adopt Sarah and Joshua. They would be cared for and would not have to grow up in an orphanage.
Oh, how I loved him.
“People will talk, you know,” I said. “I am just a poor orphan, a governess, a nobody. You are an earl.”
“When have I ever cared what people say?” He sighed and ran his finger over my lips and across my chin, sending a thrill through me.
“I cared only that you wouldn’t be hurt by the jealous, gossiping society ladies.
I didn’t want them to say unkind things about you or make you feel inferior, as you certainly are not inferior in any way.
But I should have trusted you not to care about that. That is what I regret.”
“We will forget all of that now.” I stared at his lips until he kissed me again.
If his kisses continued to get better each time, I would not be able to prevent my knees from buckling.
After the kiss, he cradled my head on his shoulder and said, “But why did you not marry Johnson? He wanted the same things as you—to rescue orphans.”
“Yes, but he . . . it is difficult to explain. I suppose the most important reason was—”
He’d leaned back to look at me.
“I was in love with you.” I couldn’t meet his eye as I bared my soul. “I wanted someone to love me, and he couldn’t love me, not in the way . . .” Not in the passionate way I somehow knew Lord Brookhaven would love whomever he chose to love.
I buried my face in his shoulder again. He stroked my hair.
Marrying him was all I needed to be completely happy.