Chapter 14
CHAPTER
FOURTEEN
MAISIE
I feel slightly guilty that I made a promise that I am absolutely not going to keep.
Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I open the front door of my apartment, and Lennon’s standing there, slightly out of breath, her long, curly red hair flying in ten different directions. “What’s going on? Are you okay? What kind of emergency are we talking about right now, Mais?”
My brow arches as her chest heaves, and she presses her palm against it, dragging in breaths. “Did you… run all the way here? Why are you so out of breath right now?”
She looks confused, the space between her brow pinching. “What? No, it’s like three miles or something. That would be insane.”
“Never mind.” I reach out and tug her inside, pushing the front door closed, the words spilling from my mouth before it’s even all the way shut behind us.
“Okay, I am not supposed to tell you this, which I realize is such a betrayal—the fact that I haven’t yet, I mean—but like, this is major, Len. Like… major, major, and you can’t tell anyone. Not even Saint. That’s how serious I am.”
“Oh shit.” Lennon’s eyes widen.
I nod, pulling my lip between my teeth nervously. I’ve never been worried in my entire life to tell my best friend anything, but I’m nearly shaking as I walk over to the couch and plop down onto the cushions.
Not only because of what I’m about to tell her, but because I’m overwhelmed and confused, and it’s just a lot at once.
“Promise?”
“Um, duh. I’d hide a body for you, Mais, which I really, really hope is not what this is, but you know that I will. Even if I have to stop and throw up, I will. For you.”
She’s so ridiculous, but it’s exactly what I needed and immediately helps with the nervous energy bouncing around in my stomach. A laugh pours out of me as I shake my head. “It’s not.”
I don’t add that it might be just as insane though.
The other night, after the hockey game, I came to one very important realization in Wilder’s office.
A realization that now that I’m aware of it, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about.
Okay, slightly obsessing over.
I can’t just act as if it didn’t happen because I think it changes everything.
I realized after I spent the last few days replaying it in my head over and over, trying to, I don’t know, decipher our entire interaction, that I need Lennon.
There’s no way that I can keep this to myself any longer when I feel like I might explode from holding it all inside, even if that means asking her to keep it a secret… and breaking my promise to Wilder.
I still feel guilty that I didn’t tell her as soon as I found out that he was the man from that night, the hot stranger I gave my virginity to, the one we’ve spent so much time screaming about, but there were just so many reasons why I shouldn’t.
Because in doing so, she would have to keep something huge from her boyfriend. The man she shares her entire life with.
Because if anyone ever found out, then Wilder would lose his job, and I’m not even sure what would happen to what’s left of his reputation.
But now, since that night in his office, something shifted. Something that has confused me and turned my brain into actual shambles, and I just need my best friend.
I can’t do it a literal second longer.
I blow out an uneven breath, peeling my eyes open. “So… um, it turns out that the man I gave my virginity to… It’s, uh…” I trail off, my nose scrunching. “Wilder. I mean… Coach Hawthorne.”
Lennon’s mouth falls agape, her eyes so wide they’ve turned into giant green saucers, and I’m worried they might actually pop out of her head.
And she says nothing.
Not a single word.
Obviously, in shock.
“Say something, my God, Len,” I groan. “Don’t just stare at me like that.”
“I…” she says and then snaps her mouth shut before opening it again and broken syllables fall out. “Yo— He, what?”
I nod. “Yes.”
“Holy… hell.”
I’ve spent the last few weeks thinking that he regretted the night we met, that he was no longer interested and wanted nothing to do with me after the day we met at the rink.
But that other night, after the game, I learned just how wrong I was.
Wilder Hawthorne wants me, and it’s taking every ounce of his threadbare restraint to pretend that he doesn’t.
That he isn’t interested.
That he isn’t attracted to me.
That he made a mistake by touching me that night.
Except now I know that he’s a liar.
A big, fat, stupid, insanely hot liar that I think probably wants me just as much as I have wanted him since the night he took my virginity.
Even after I found out he was the Hellcats’ new assistant coach and acted as if he wanted nothing to do with me.
“Maisie… Oh my God,” Lennon says. “You lost your virginity… to… Coach Hawthorne?”
She keeps repeating the same thing back to me, the shock not having worn off in the slightest yet.
“Yes. Trust me, that’s exactly how shocked I felt when I found out too. I still can’t believe that he’s the same person. I mean, he’s actually probably not the man I met that night. He’s a grumpy dick who’s borrowing his body.”
Lennon throws her head back and laughs, and I do too.
At the very least, we can laugh at the situation.
“Oh my God,” she says suddenly, her eyebrows shooting up nearly to her hairline. “I can’t believe you’ve known for weeks now and haven’t told me!”
I groan with a short nod. God, I wish I hadn’t kept it from her, but I hope she understands more when I explain it wasn’t just my secret to keep.
“Yes. I’m sorry, Len, don’t hate me. Obviously, I found out the day that I met with Coach Taylor at the rink about the literacy program partnership, but God, I was in literal shock when he introduced us and I turned around and it was him. Like the odds? Insane.”
Lennon threads her fingers with mine and squeezes.
She doesn’t look upset with me, but I add, “He asked me not to tell anyone. And I was still going to tell you because obviously, we tell each other everything, but then I found out about his past that night at Jack’s, and I just…
I realized how much he has at stake, and if anyone found out about that night, it could cause him to lose his job. ”
“Yeah, that’s true.” She nods.
“Plus, he said it was a mistake and that it would never happen again. We said we were going to be strictly professional and forget it ever happened. It’s not like anything would’ve ever come from that night.”
My mind flits back to his office and the way that his knuckles felt ghosting across my thigh. How my core throbbed and ached as if it were recalling that night, a reaction I had absolutely no control over.
How desperately I wanted to touch him, to explore the hard planes of his muscled chest, to drag my tongue along the ink on his neck, but he had made it clear that whatever happened between us would never happen again.
Until he ultimately admitted how distracted he is by me.
How he’s fighting for control that he doesn’t have.
Laying his cards face up on the table in front of me.
At least… I think so. But what if I’m wrong? What if I’m conjuring up something that wasn’t there, and then I make an even bigger fool of myself for doing so?
“From the very first day when we both realized it, he said that it would never happen again. I thought he wasn’t into me because he found out I’m a student, and there’s this huge age gap between us, but that night after the hockey game, when he asked to see me in his office…
” I trail off, raking my teeth over my lip and willing my stupid racing heart to calm when I think of him touching me.
“We sort of got into a fight, but not really, because then all of a sudden, I was against his desk, and he was touching my thigh, but like barely touching it. Really just a brush of his fingers, but it was the hottest thing ever, and he was telling me that basically I’m this forbidden distraction that he can’t afford and that he’s only so strong. ”
Once again, Lennon’s mouth falls open, and then her hand flies to her lips, covering a gasp.
“I know. And now I’m just so confused because I don’t know how to explain it, but I am so, so attracted to him, and honestly, all I want is a repeat of that night, but he said he wasn’t interested. Except he really is into me, and God, Lennon, it’s just so much.”
I drop my head into my hands and let out an exasperated groan, one that I feel all the way to the shallow spot of my lower belly.
“Okay, so let me get this straight. Very quick CliffsNotes version.”
I lift my head to look at Lennon.
“The stranger who took your virginity is actually the new freaking hockey coach, and then when you both found out, he said it was a mistake and that it would never happen again, except he was lying to stop from fucking your brains out again because you’re a student and he’s old and he could lose his job. ”
“Yup? I think. I mean, basically.”
She sighs, flopping back against the arm of the couch, spreading out like a starfish. “This is literally like a plot from your book, Mais.”
Okay, yeah, it really could be.
Something I have not so secretly always wished for. A love, a relationship… a fling, whatever, out of the romance books I read.
Passion, and fire, and burning desire. Yearning.
Cheesy, but still true. Obviously, only something that Lennon knows about me.
Lennon sits up abruptly, her brows pulled tightly. “This is a lot.” When I nod, she reaches for my hand. “How are you feeling about it? Are you okay?”
“Yes. I mean… no…” I trail off, sinking back into the couch behind me. “I’m just confused now. Before this, it was easy. We said it never happened, and it was surface-level professional. I mean, easier because I wanted him, and it was one-sided. But now what am I supposed to do?”
“Yeah, like now you know you’re the apple in the garden, and he’s Adam.”
I nod. “Like this chemistry, the attraction… now I know that it’s mutual.
I think he feels the same way I do, if the other night was any indication, but it doesn’t really change the situation, right?
And like, he keeps pushing me away, I think, because he believes it’s going to be easier, but clearly, it’s not. ”
She’s quiet for a moment, and I swear I know her so well I can practically see the thoughts as they zip through her big, beautiful brain.
“Okay, I think that the only answer is that you have to tempt the man within an inch of his life.”
A ridiculous laugh bursts out of me. “Really, Len? That’s ridiculous.”
“No, no it is not. Maisie Grace Delacroix, just listen to me, okay?” she mutters, scooting closer along the cushions until we’re pressed together. “Actually, this is so weird because generally, it’s you giving this pep talk, not me. Like, holy shit, have the tables turned.”
Also true.
“But you just said so yourself that you think he’s trying to keep you away, right?
He said he wasn’t strong because you are his temptation.
Obviously, he wants you, or none of this would’ve happened.
So you’ve got to push him right off the edge he’s standing on.
That’s the only way a guy like him is going to jump.
Hello, I’m dating the same man, different font, it feels like.
” She laughs, and her eyes, a bright, sparkling green, are light with mirth. “He’s what you want, right?”
When I nod, she continues. “You have to go after the things that you want, Mais. This is your ‘I’m doing whatever the hell I want and not listening to anyone who has shit to say about it’ era.
You want him. He wants you. Yeah, he has a lot to lose, and I get that.
Truly. I understand why it needs to be kept a secret, but that’s just it.
No one has to know. It can be between just the two of you.
Whatever you want it to be, and it’s no one else’s business but yours. ”
I swallow hard. “Yeah, but just because he’s admitted to wanting me doesn’t mean that he’s going to suddenly change his mind about things happening between us.”
Her emerald eyes sparkle. “True. So show him exactly what he’s missing. This is where you seduce the shiiiiiit out of him. You’re the ultimate temptation. Bring that man to his knees.”
“Okay, and how the hell am I supposed to do that?”
Her lip pulls up at the corner. “Please, you’re the queen of romance, babe. Time to put everything you’ve learned to the test.”