The Trampoline #2
“Hence, your own bedrooms.”
“Three in a bed sounds romantic and thrilling, but you don’t get much sleep. And not for the reasons you’re thinking.”
“So that negates my next image which was the three of you in the bathroom.”
“The three of us sharing a bathroom would’ve ended in murder.”
“Billpaying? Finances?”
“Business finances were handled by professionals. Jonathan Henshe Games and Ethan’s art dealings were handled by his people. The farm and spa had their own people. I handled the household bills and day-to-day finances. The big picture of what money was where.”
“Grocery shopping?”
“Usually Ethan. He was good at it.”
“Cooking?”
“Usually Nomi. She was good at it. Ethan and I had chops in the kitchen, but we were never as good as Nomi.”
“I must say the ratio of three adults to one child sounds rather genius.”
“You know how exhausted couples wonder, How do single mothers do this? We’d always wonder, How do couples do this?”
“Who were the school parents?”
“Ah,” Dane said, pointing a finger. “Good question.”
“For want of a better word, were you out to the community?”
“In nursery and elementary school we kept it basic: me and Nomi were ex-spouses, Saskia was our daughter, Ethan was the stepfather. We lived in the same house because we were all friends. All went smoothly until the infamous sleepover of two thousand six.”
Liko raised eyebrows. “Should I get popcorn or my Scrabble tiles?”
“So Saskia’s friend Page comes to sleep over.
They’re bedded down on the floor of the den.
Nomi and I have long made a ruling that if we have a young guest in the house, it’s best I sleep in my room and Nomi in hers.
It just avoids middle of the night trouble or young guests asking nosy questions.
Ethan’s sequestered in his studio, as usual.
He’ll come in at his typical ungodly hour and go up to the attic.
Cool. That’s settled. Nothing conjugal going on while children are present. Goodnight, everyone.”
“Here’s where the Universe decides to make things interesting.”
“First off, Ethan does come in at one o’clock. But he’s feeling amorous, so he shows up in my room. Okay. Unexpected. Sort of against the rules. But we lock the door and stifle the sounds because Nomi is on call, right?”
“Wrong?”
“She’s feeling…not amorous for Ethan, but needing to connect with him in her own way. So she’s gone up to the attic to wait, and fallen asleep there. Meanwhile, downstairs, Miss Page has suddenly spiked a fever.”
“Oh shit.”
“Saskia brings her upstairs and naturally goes to Mom’s room first. But Nomi’s bed is empty. So logical plan B, Saskia pounds on my door, which is locked, because…” He turned a hand over in the air.
Liko pretended to dip fingers in an invisible bucket of popcorn and crunch. “Keep going.”
“Saskia’s yelling for me now and I can hear Page crying.
I stuff myself into clothes and open the door.
The poor kid is shivering so bad she can barely stand up.
Teeth chattering out of her head. Pandemonium.
Nomi comes downstairs. We call Page’s parents, they pick her up.
Crisis averted, we go back to bed, Nomi and I thinking Page, in her feverish state, couldn’t possibly have noticed Ethan was in my bed. ”
“But she did.”
“While debriefing her parents, Page innocently mentions that Saskia’s parents don’t sleep in the same bedroom. Mrs. Hasen wasn’t even in her room. And funny, when Mr. Strong opened his door, Mr. Hasen was in his bed.”
“Oh boy. What happened?”
Dane rolled his lips in tight, then exhaled. “I think any other parent would’ve deduced their daughter was having a fever dream and let it go. But Page’s mother was that mother. You know the one.”
“Unfortunately.”
“So we get a phone call from Sandra. Starts out friendly, Page is feeling better, thank you for taking such good care of her. But Page also said something concerning?”
“Sod off,” Liko sang under his breath.
“Nomi’s got the call on speaker but she’s motioning at me and Ethan to be quiet. Sandra relays what Page said about the sleeping arrangements. Nomi counts off five on her fingers, then says deadpan, And?”
“Textbook piss-elegance,” Liko said.
“I never loved her more. She put the ball right back in Sandra’s court, shut up and waited.”
“Spot-on. You make them say the quiet part out loud.”
“Sandra tried again and Nomi was just like, I’m sorry, what’s the concerning part?
The bitch finally got the hint, thanked us again for our kindness and hung up.
But afterward, while nothing was said to our faces, Nomi and I could feel this little change in how people acted around us at school events.
A lot of staring. A lot of conversations behind hands.
When Saskia had friends over and parents came to pick up, they’d make polite chitchat but you could see their eyes looking around the house.
Trying to sniff out the situation. Looking for…
I don’t even know what. Lube and sex toys left strewn about?
A coffee table book, The Modern Ménage à Trois: What your teen needs to know. ”
Liko touched his chest. “Well, that’s what I’d be looking for.”
“Mothers would drop baited hooks at Nomi, like, Well, ahem, God knows I could use a second husband. And more than one father started making real intense eye contact with me at soccer practice. One guy flat-out propositioned me: I’d love to get with you some time.
I actually looked over my shoulder and back at him, like, Who me? ”
Liko said nothing, only pretended to eat more popcorn.
“It was one of the few times I got bitter and resentful about my place in the relationship,” Dane said.
“I wanted to clap back, Dude, thanks, but I’m married.
But I wasn’t. Not in legal reality, and not in the cover story we crafted.
Dude, thanks, but I’m committed just doesn’t have the same shut-down effect.
And it takes too long to explain that they’re married but we’re all spouses, we’re together, and I’m the one who sleeps with both of them and I have no desire to sleep with anyone else.
You can’t condense all that into a one-line zinger. ”
“None of your goddamn business?”
Dane sighed. “I was treading carefully for Saskia’s sake. Anyway, overnight it seemed like a door opened and people were either keeping their distance, or extending invitations to swing.”
“Was anyone respectfully curious about it?”
“A few people approached us and earnestly asked advice about opening their marriage.”
“What advice did you give?”
Dane smiled. “Separate beds, separate sinks, communal socks. We really couldn’t speak to outside liaisons and openness because we didn’t have either. It was us three and only us.”
“And Saskia understood the situation?”
“Saskia was, is and always will be the sharpest knife in the drawer.”