Obrera #2
Goodbye, along with team, is another word Dane is coming to appreciate.
He’s in awe of his sister’s unflappable demeanor.
She’s not cavalier—she knows this is a precarious situation and for the two months left until Dane’s eighteenth birthday, she could face charges of kidnapping and endangering a minor, unless her attorney successfully plays out the clock.
Dane’s medical file is being held in reserve as a bargaining chip.
Multiple copies have been made and secreted.
Dane’s one job is to sit tight and turn eighteen.
“I’m afraid you’ve gone from one house arrest to a slightly more pleasant house arrest,” Maisie says, sighing.
But switching from non-stop scrutinization to freedom hasn’t been easy.
Maisie’s Norwalk home being so pleasant has Dane tied in a knot of survivor’s guilt.
He did nothing to emancipate himself. Paul orchestrated a safe passage and Dane was essentially passed like a parcel from his father’s wealthy existence to his sister’s wealthy existence.
Gideon Perfect spun his mighty Rolodex of connections and now Dane is jumping waiting lists to get in with the best physicians and psychologists.
He has an attorney on retainer and an interview with the headmaster at Kingpoint Academy—one of the best rehabilitation schools for troubled teens in the Northeast.
Meanwhile Fred and the others are still locked up in Porto’s facility and there’s nothing Dane can do while still a minor.
His first therapy sessions are spent lamenting how he feels like such a privileged piece of shit who deserves none of these rescue efforts.
It’s a long time before he can frame himself as a victim within the big picture.
A longer time before an idea of himself starts to take shape.
But all along the intense, agonizing, terrifying journey, the team is there. A pediatric urologist. The first of many psychologists. And always Natalie Obrera, wise, consistent and dependable as a head coach.
“Most intersex individuals are not chimeras,” she says.
“And most human chimeras don’t have intersex traits.
You happen to be both, but I can’t definitively say one caused the other or that the two conditions are related.
Are you intersex? Yes, technically. You present as male.
Your genitalia is not ambiguous. Would you agree? ”
“Yeah. Except for the missing ball.”
“That could happen to anyone. One percent of male infants have undescended testicles. It has nothing to do with being intersex. However, in your case, the undescended testicle wasn’t a testicle at all.
It was an ovary. And a bit of fallopian tube.
And a scrap of uterus. You had female reproductive traits.
None of them functioned properly. You weren’t making eggs or menstruating.
But when you hit puberty, your body started the normal fistfight between estrogens and androgens, and estrogens were winning.
You experienced cyclical discomfort very much like period pains.
You began to grow breast tissue. And unfortunately, you were kept completely in the dark.
You received terrible care and guidance. ”
“Yeah,” Dane says softly.
“You were abused,” she says. “Don’t dismiss it. Don’t excuse it. You were appallingly mistreated.”
“All right.”
“Do you identify male or female? Have you thought about this?”
“Yeah. Mostly male. But sometimes… I never told this to anyone.”
“You were never free to. But I’m listening.”
He tries to explain. Mostly male. A little girl-ish. But definitely the sense of both. Always, always, he’d felt both.
“Finding out about the chimerism,” he says, “actually makes me feel a lot better. It explains things. I feel like I make sense. Like I have a word for it now.”
“Other words might resonate,” Obrera says. “Gender fluid. Or non-binary. Are you familiar with those terms?”
“I think so. You don’t feel one or the other. It’s both.”
“Yes. And let me reiterate: You might identify non-binary even if you weren’t intersex, even if you weren’t a chimera.”
She starts writing words on Post-its and sticking them on the table. Intersex. Chimera. Non-binary. “These are mutually exclusive. You could be any one of these without the other two.”
Dane hesitates, then writes bisexual on a Post-it and adds it.
Obrera smiles. “You’re an extremely interesting person. I might even say one in a million but don’t cite my study, it’s not peer reviewed.”
“I don’t want to be someone’s study. Ever again.”
“I don’t blame you. You deserved to be regarded with respect and dignity. You deserved to know what made you who you are. You deserved honest answers to your questions. You didn’t have to suffer as much as you did.”
“I feel so fucking lost.”
“We’ll find you, Dane. I promise.”
Dane runs the back of a hand across his two-color eyes. “Up until now, the only we I knew was me and Diane.”
“God, man,” Liko whispered, holding Dane tight. “I don’t think I’ve met a more resilient person in my life.”
“Mm.” Dane burrowed back closer and went still. He twitched once, then his body softened and his breath blew slow and soft on Liko’s wrist.
“I loved tonight,” Liko said. Soon he slipped under the dark, resting deep and undisturbed, except for a moment when he heard someone whisper, I love you.
But surely it was a dream.