Chapter 22 #2
‘No, what I meant was… I didn’t try very hard to find alternative accommodation.
In fact, I didn’t try at all. And then I pretended – at least to myself – that I had no choice.
But the truth is, I could have done something – camped out in a park or called around to the hotels and asked about staff accommodation – even bribed one of the skippers to get me to the mainland.
I could have done a number of things, but I didn’t do any of them.
Because I wanted to stay here with you. And then last night… ’
I shake my head, dropping my gaze to the tiled floor. ‘I can’t be around you and not want to be with you.’
‘But you’re engaged.’
‘I am,’ I say, looking up to meet her eye. ‘And for that to change, I need to—’
‘You need to talk to Pippa – in person,’ she cuts in.
‘Yes. And there’ll be…’ At the thought of what’s to come, I gulp in a ragged breath, then huff it out. ‘There’ll be a catastrophic amount of fallout.’
‘I can imagine. Twelve years is a long time.’
It’s good of her to be so understanding, but we’re talking about different things.
‘Well, yes, but I meant my parents – my mum in particular. It’s hard enough on her that I didn’t go into medicine… In her mind, marrying her best friend’s daughter was some sort of consolation. And now…’
‘I’d tell you I get it, but my moms have always been supportive.’
‘Even of your dysfunctional relationship with Nicholas?’ I ask.
She inhales sharply, hurt scuttling across her face, then morphing into embarrassment.
‘Sorry,’ I say quickly, ‘that was out of order.’ Why did I so recklessly rub salt in her wounds? She doesn’t deserve that.
‘Yeah, that wasn’t very nice. Even if it’s true.’
Should I apologise again – or leave it?
‘You know, if I add up all the days Nicholas and I have spent together, it’s less than three months – maybe closer to two,’ she says, looking away.
For a moment I’m taken aback, but if Delaney needs to talk about Nicholas, the least I can do is be a friendly ear.
‘But you’ve had the time in between – phone calls and messages. That time counts too.’
‘Does it?’ she asks, her brows shooting up. ‘It’s not like he’s pining over me when we’re not together – that’s only on my end. Even this whole situation – he was pissed off about the mix-up, but that was the inconvenience of it. He doesn’t give a fuck that we’re not together right now.’
‘I doubt it’s that bad. Surely, he misses you?’
‘Yeah, right. Do you miss Pippa?’ she asks, giving me a reproachful look.
‘I— Wait, are you cross with me?’
‘No. Yes – a little. But not for me – for her.’
‘What? Why?’
‘Because you’ve been stringing her along.’
I recoil as if she’s struck me.
‘I beg your pardon – I have not been stringing her along. I’ve never once cheated, I’ve flown back to London at every opportunity to spend time with her, and I’ve even tried to schedule film shoots around the school holidays.’
‘Oh, how very gallant of you.’
‘Why are you so pissed off all of a sudden?’ I demand.
‘Because! You should hear yourself. Behold the noble boyfriend – no, sorry, fiancé. You’re making out like it’s a huge sacrifice.’
‘Like what’s a sacrifice?’ I ask, more perplexed than ever.
‘All of it. Being faithful. Spending all your free time with her. Having to rearrange your schedule. Do you hear how resentful you sound?’
‘I sound resentful? Have you been listening to yourself?’ I retort.
‘Excuse me?’ she growls, her voice dropping an octave. ‘How dare you turn this back on me. I’ve done everything to keep my relationship with Nicholas going – and I bet Pippa feels the exact same way about you.’
It’s a glimpse into another side of Delaney – and it’s somewhat terrifying. Unlike her typical affable self, this Delaney could put the fear of god into any idiot who crosses her path – something that must happen with alarming regularity on a filmset. And is happening right now.
‘I’m sor—’
‘Why else would she plan a surprise wedding?’
It’s hard to say which of us is more shocked, and we gawp at each other, stock-still, mouths agape.
‘You knew about that?’ I say after a long beat.
She bangs her palms on her forehead, anger visibly draining from her body. ‘Stupid, Delaney,’ she says, berating herself.
‘How long have you—’
‘Pretty much the whole time,’ she admits. She starts pacing.
‘Why didn’t you say anything?’ I ask.
‘Because it wasn’t my place to. Why didn’t you tell me instead of lying? A couples’ trip? Really?’
‘I wasn’t— I didn’t—’
‘Hello?’
She’s facing me now, feet planted, hands on her hips and scowling. The anger’s back and this time it’s completely terrifying.
‘I hated how it made me feel,’ I say quietly. ‘How badly I’d let Pippa down – have been letting her down. For years. I was ashamed and I didn’t want to tell you. I was worried you’d think I’m an arsehole and that you wouldn’t want to—’
‘Make your movie?’
‘No – well, yes, that’s part of it, I s’pose. But it was more about you and me – us connect—’
‘Can you not? Please.’
‘But—’
‘No, just stop. This was a big fucking mistake,’ she says, off pacing again. ‘We should never have… I should never have…’
‘Delaney, please…’
‘What?’ she demands, rounding on me. ‘You know, I’m a good, decent person and I came here to be with my boyfriend – who it turns out is really, really wrong for me and that’s fine – well, no, not fine, but now I get it and I don’t have to play the role of the pitiful long-distance girlfriend any more,’ she wails, throwing her arms out wide.
‘And then somehow, the fates conspire or the stars align or whatever the fuck happened, and you’re here instead. ’
Tears stream down her face and the urge to go to her is unbelievably strong, but she won’t want me to comfort her, so I stay rivetted to the spot, helpless to do anything more than listen.
‘And there are so many green flags,’ she continues, her voice strained, ‘but also all these red flags, like you lying about missing your frigging wedding! And my heart aches for this woman,’ she says, her fists pounding on her chest, ‘this poor woman who I’ve never met, who I am so jealous of, it’s like an entity inside me and any moment now, it’ll burst out of my chest, all fangs and claws like in Alien.
And all that stuff you said last night…’ She pauses to look me in the eye.
‘Oh my god, Nick,’ she gasps, clutching her chest, her palms flat, ‘no one has ever said anything like that to me before. I mean, fuck, it was like a line from a movie! It was perfection and, believe me, it had the desired effect. But then…?’ She shrugs dramatically.
‘Then it’s platitudes about it being wrong because of Pippa and Nicholas.
And I have no idea if I’m angrier at you for putting the brakes on or at myself because you were right.
Which makes me an asshole too. So here we are, two assholes – both of us in brain-dead relationships.
Only I’ve been doing CPR on mine from day one and you’re happy to let yours hum along on life support.
You couldn’t write a more fucked-up situation.
I mean, everything is pointing to this being a bad idea. ’
It hits me – hard. She’s calling this off. All of it.
‘Delaney, wait a mom—’
‘You need to go – now.’
The finality of her words echoes across the balcony, rooting me to the spot. Tears gloss her eyes and her cheeks are tear-stained and flushed, but there’s nothing meek about the way she’s looking at me.
And it’s painfully, painfully clear that I’ve completely cocked this up. Probably for good.
But she’s right about one thing. I need to go. I turn my back on her, scoop up my duffel, and leave, the sound of a single sob slicing straight through me as I close the door behind me.