Joel and the Bullet
Joel was pacing in his office with his phone pressed hard against his ear, listening to the disguised voice lecturing him.
“Mr. Miller, as I said, my man saw Jenny Jones’s doctor enter the post office in Auckland.
He followed him to the window. In the doctor’s hand were three envelopes. Mind you, it may have been his mail.”
“FUCK! I bet it was JJ’s mail. She isn’t a bubble-headed blonde after all. Fuck. Hey! She do any banking before she left?”
“Not that we know of… nor did we see her doctor visit any banks.”
“What about that fucker?”
“Apparently, he has returned to his practice. We believe he had feelings for Miss Jones…”
“What? She was fucking him?”
“No. She only seemed friendly with him… after all, Mr. Miller, she just lost her fiancé…”
“Whatever. I do want to know where those fucking letters went!” Joel heard the disguised voice sigh.
“Mr. Miller, may I offer you a bit of advice?”
“I’m tired of fucking advice…” Joel sat down hard in his chair with his hand over his face. “Well? I don’t have all fucking day!”
“Mr. Miller, the hole you are digging for yourself is turning into a bottomless pit. I suggest finding a country that does not have an extradition treaty with the U.S. and take a long vacation.”
“And just where in hell would that be?”
“Off the top of my head… there is Morocco, then Cuba, Nicaragua, and of course… Russia.”
Joel loudly interrupted. “All right already! Like hell I’m leaving and going to sit my ass in some third-world shithole. Fuck!”
“Just trying to help. Now, about my payment?”
“Fine, fine! Same account, yes?”
“Yes. Mr. Miller, before you do anything more… consider this advice: You have broken international law as well as U.S. law. Even if there are no witnesses to testify against you, there is enough evidence waiting out there to indict you in federal court. Vicente Assandri, Virgo Airlines' owner, is pulling out all stops to retrieve the cockpit voice recorder… as we speak. Never has a black box been pulled up from those depths, but knowing Vicente Assandri’s reputation and his friendship with Halo Raines and her family? He will do absolutely anything he can to get at it… and then, Sir? You will be screwed. Good day.”
Joel heard the line go dead. “Fuck! Can’t catch one fucking break!” He punched his intercom button and yelled. “SARAH!”
“Y—yes, Joel?” Sarah’s fearful voice came over the intercom.
Joel ignored it. “Get me Simo on the line, now!”
“Yes, Sir.”
Joel began spinning in his big chair as he held his head in his hands.
Several minutes later he stabbed his finger at the intercom button and yelled, “Where the hell is my call?” Joel waited, but Sarah wasn’t answering.
As he was about to yell again, Sarah’s frightened voice feebly came over the speaker.
“Um… sorry, Joel? Mr. Simo is here… here to see you.”
“Oh?” Joel leapt out of his spinning chair and grabbed his desk as dizziness hit him. “Fuck.” He took a breath, righted himself, and headed to his office door. Opening it, he poked his head out and saw the back of Sarah’s head. She was nodding to Simo as he was speaking quietly into her ear.
Simo’s eyes met Joel’s and Simo continued his hushed conversation with Sarah.
Joel waited, and finally heard Sarah, and she sounded nervous. “Y—yes, Sir, Mr. Simo.” She spun her head toward Joel. “Oh, ah Joel, Mr. Simo to see you.”
“I fucking see that already.” Joel opened the door wider, letting Simo into his office. “Speak of the devil! I just asked Sarah to call you…”
Simo eyed him silently as he brushed past Joel. Joel turned to Sarah. “No calls and no one bothers us.” Joel shut the tall, dark door and turned to see Simo sitting in his chair, behind the desk.
“Sit down, Joelly.” came Simo’s steely voice.
Joel looked at the guest chair in front of his desk and at Simo, sitting in his own chair, unsure of what to do.
Simo stood up and patted the top of Joel’s chair. “Joelly, how can you sit in your chair when my ass is in it? Come, sit down… now.”
Joel silently did as ordered as Simo turned the chair so Joel could sit. When Joel was seated, Simo turned the chair to face the desk. Joel watched the giant of a man glide around his desk and take a seat in front of the desk.
“Uh… Simo? What was that all about with Sarah?” Joel glanced down and saw his leg was beginning to bounce.
“Just a little warning… if she opened her mouth. Why do you care?” Simo leaned forward, eyeing Joel.
Joel found a small measure of masculinity. “Sarah is mine, after all, Simo.”
“Oh?” Simo replied, leaning back with his hands clasped in his lap.
Joel cleared his throat and set both hands flat on his desk. “So, Simo, what brings you here?”
“You.”
“Me? Hey! I’ve been keeping myself scarce just like you said. What did I do now?”
“You wanted to know more about JJ and any videos. I have your info, Joelly.”
“OH! Ok then! What gives?” Joel relaxed and sat back in his chair as he absentmindedly wiped his forehead.
“Hacked her cell. She made a video with her phone. She detailed what she saw on the plane… until she passed out on the raft. She made three saves to her phone’s memory.
She emailed a copy to herself and another to a server in Switzerland.
We can’t get through that server’s firewall yet.
We think it is a bank’s back door email account. Your girl is pretty smart…”
“Fuck.” Joel sighed and shook his head. “Who’s she been talking to?”
“Lot of people. Her doctor, Jillian Raines, Vicente Assandri’s personal secretary… not looking good for my business partner, nea?”
“Fuck, no it doesn’t! Now that she’s back, just kill her already!”
Simo’s voice lowered. “Slow down, you little shit. Don’t you think it would look funny if she came up missing so soon?”
Joel excitedly blurted out, “Who the hell is gonna miss the bitch? JJ’s mother’s mind is halfway gone in that posh nursing home Halo set her up in… hell, Halo’s mom is about it!”
Simo suddenly spiked his finger across the desk at Joel’s face and snarled. “Do I have to fuckin’ hold your little dick when you piss too? If she goes missing, they are going to be knocking on your door before you can squeeze out a fart! Use your fuckin’ head, I mean the one on your shoulders!”
Joel stared at Simo for a long moment. “Oh… I was thinking of taking a vacation?”
“Someplace warm?” Simo grinned.
Joel rubbed his chin. “Uh… I’ve never been to, uh Morocco…”
“Really? You don’t think that looks suspicious?”
“Why would it?” Joel asked in confusion.
“No fuckin’ extradition treaty, Joelly. Fuck!
I have to hold your hand on everything…” Joel began to interrupt and Simo yelled, “Shut the fuck up and listen!” Joel’s teeth clicked hard as he shut his mouth.
Simo could see Joel’s legs bouncing as he leaned across the desk.
“Spain is close to Morocco, fuckin’ rent a yacht from there.
Not obvious, nea?” Simo sighed as he sat back into the chair.
“Good idea, thanks!”
Simo watched Joel as Joel watched his legs bounce. “What now?”
“Uh… is Jessie’s family, I mean is uh, Sugar Man still upset at me?”
Simo chuckled. “What do you think? You go and fuck… I mean try and fuck Jessie and half the bitches in his club! One of their customers go missing… oh, how’s your friend Johnny?”
“Fuck that guy! Johnny has a big fucking mouth.”
Simo leaned his bulk across Joel’s desk. “Throwin’ your friend under the bus, as they say here? Is that what you gonna do to me?”
Joel felt himself shrink under Simo’s piercing gaze and managed a reply. “N—no! You are not Johnny. I paid my debt to that asshole! If I didn’t have to hire him, we all wouldn’t be here right now, and Halo would be alive…”
“OH? So it’s Johnny’s fault now?” Simo sneered and sat back in his chair.
“Damn fucking right it is!” Joel shot back angrily.
“Whatever lets you sleep at night.” Simo’s voice turned cold. “Joelly?” Simo paused.
“Uh… yeah?”
“My friends and I want you to know how easy this can go away…”
Joel shot upright in his chair. “HOW?” He watched Simo slowly open his black leather blazer, reach down inside, and, with deliberate slowness, pull out the biggest fucking handgun he had ever seen.
Joel’s eyes widened at the shiny steel gun.
Its barrel must be over ten inches long, and it looked at home in Simo’s huge hand.
Joel felt himself freeze in place and a cold sweat prickled his body as Simo casually slid the slide back.
A cartridge sailed through the air. Suddenly, Simo’s hand shot out like a viper and caught the bullet midair.
If his eyes could have opened wider they would have at the speed of the giant’s hand. Then Simo’s voice cut through the ice.
“Joelly, this here is my baby. My Koukla. One of the original .44 Automags. If I shoot you in the head?” Simo chuckled ominously. “You would have no more head. Trust me, I know this.”
Simo held up the bullet, then casually tossed it to him. Joel watched the big bullet arc through the air. He reached out to catch it, missing it completely. With a sour look, he reached down and picked it up off the plush gold carpet. With the bullet in his hand, he looked at Simo, confused.
“I want you to carry that bullet with you. Every day. When you see me again, you will show it to me. It is a reminder… that bullet will solve all our problems. Put it in your pocket, katalaveno?”
“Y—yes, Simo,” Joel said in a whisper.
Simo stood up, holstered his gun, and saw Joel melt into his chair with relief. “One thing more, Movie Man. You know the movie with the French assassin guy? With the big crooked nose? And the little girl?”
“Oh! Yes, The Professional. Why, Simo?”
“Yeah, The Professional. To you, I am the Frenchman. Sarah out there is the little girl. I will kill her if I think she is a danger to us. No more hurting her or torturing her. If she don’t wanna fuck you, go jack off to a picture of your momma.
” Simo got the response he intended, as Joel’s eyes widened in anger.
The little man shot to his feet, knocking his chair against the window.
Through his red anger, Joel watched in utter fear as Simo moved with such speed he didn’t have time to utter a single syllable. As if by magic, Simo’s hand cannon was pointing a foot from his red, angry face. Then Simo’s cold as liquid nitrogen voice cut through his hot rage.
“You wanna say something, Fucker?” Simo hissed.
Joel's knees began shaking and he suddenly felt warmth in his underwear at Simo’s death grin.
“Take Sarah on a nice trip this weekend. Treat her like a lady and buy her some nice shit. Let people see you be happy.”
“S—S… S—Simo… Why? A—and why so mad at m—me?” Simo’s sneer was not lost on him as the big man’s voice hissed at him.
“You might have to marry Sarah to keep her mouth shut… everyone knows you are a misogynist. Yes, that is a Greek word. You have pissed off some very important people because of the stupid things you do. Did you fuckin’ remember who or find out who Elara Swan is?” Simo spat.
“Oh! Uh, no, I didn’t.” Joel managed to find his breath and ask a question that was still burning to be answered. “Simo?”
“What?”
“Uh… JJ had her doctor send some letters…”
“Yes. I know where they went.” Simo chuckled.
“Wha… WHERE?”
“How many more people are you going to want dead over this?”
“As MANY as it TAKES! I will not go to prison! It wasn’t my FAULT!” Joel heard the sneer again in Simo’s voice.
“Yeah… I don’t think your asshole would survive in there.”
Joel ignored the insult. “Where did the letters go?”
Simo adjusted his ponytail and eyed Joel for a very long, silent moment. “Athena Kostinos, Jillian and Ronson Raines, and…” Simo paused, grinning.
“WHO ELSE?” Joel screeched.
“A Mr. Ari Ascher…”
“Oh, FUCK. Oh, fuck me! Not Ari! Shit, shit, shit!”
“That is one deep hole you are digging to bury your ass in.” Joel watched Simo’s eyes narrow, and a chill shot down his spine as Simo spoke.
“If I hear you asking about killing or hurting that Athena girl? I will make you load that bullet in your pocket into my weapon and watch as I blow your dick off. NO KIDS or accidents. Katalaveno?”
Joel nodded his head as he felt the weight of the bullet in his pocket. It suddenly reminded him of a lodestone. “I understand…” Suddenly, Simo was smiling like nothing untoward had just happened.
“Well, Joelly! I think that takes care of our business today. Have my money ready for JJ’s entertainment costs and remember what I said about Sarah.
” With a lighthearted laugh, Simo was out of the office, shutting the door behind him.
Joel melted in his chair and, after a few moments catching his breath, he smelled urine.
He looked down and saw a small patch of wetness on his pants. “Fucker…” Joel quietly muttered.
Simo closed Joel’s big office door behind him and saw that Sarah had found her composure. He called out to her cheerfully, “Sarah!”
She turned to him. “Y—yes, Mr. Simo?”
“Has anyone told you today how pretty you are?”
Sarah was shocked at the kind smile and after a moment managed a reply. “No?”
“Well, you are! Oh, and you will see Joelly is a changed man… and if he acts like the old Joelly to you, you call me. That is an order, understand?”
“Yes, Mr. Simo… uh, thank you.”
Simo left the office and stepped into the elevator.
When the doors closed, he began chuckling out loud.
He hated Joel with a passion now. He so wanted to see him piss his pants.
If it weren’t for Ari and Joel’s father, Irwin Miller, he personally would do the world a favor and bury Joel in the desert.
He reached up to his ear and began speaking.
“Joel is going to fuck up and bury his own ass and his father won’t be able to save it. I’m heading down, now.”