Forgiveness #2
Xander held up his hand at his friend. “Enough about her… please.”
Eric watched Xander’s eyes glass over with what seemed like great pain. “OK, Buddy…”
It was early the next morning and Xander found himself standing at his front door.
He was staring at it in trepidation, trying to prepare himself before he rang.
He began to reach out to press the glowing orange button, then let his hand drop to his side.
With an exasperated sigh, he turned toward his rental car parked on the street.
He decided he would call instead and began to make his escape.
Evie was inside, standing off to the side, watching her ex-husband through the space in the curtained side window by the front doors.
She could see his nervousness, and it seemed to match her own.
Her belly was in knots as she waited for him to ring the bell.
Suddenly, he was headed to his car, the doorbell un-rung.
She reached for the doorknob and hesitated for a moment. Seeing him halfway down the walkway, she swallowed hard and opened the door.
“Xan?” she quietly called out. She saw him stop, and he seemed to steel himself before he turned around. When he did, he tried to give her a smile but failed. “Xan, it’s ok. Please come inside?” With a nod, he made his way to the open door.
Xander stepped inside and she shut the door quietly behind him. He looked around nervously, feeling so much like a stranger, then looked at Evie. She looked thinner and her hair was changed. She looked younger… prettier.
“Would you like to come into the kitchen?”
He nodded slowly, then followed her to the kitchen table. He sat down, but not in his old chair. Evie went to the cupboard, pulled out two coffee cups, and filled them with hot coffee. She set one down in front of Xander and took her chair opposite him.
“I hope I’m not holding you up?” Xander asked quietly.
“No. The nurses and staff are good at getting going on their own now.”
He nodded and looked down at the blackness in his cup for a quiet moment. “I—I’m sorry…”
Evie watched him as he got lost in his cup and heard his heartfelt apology. She swallowed hard and gripped her cup hard with both hands. “I am sorry, too…”
Their eyes met briefly, and they both looked back down at their cups in unison. Xander eventually broke the silence. “Athena tells me you are happy.” He looked up and watched Evie nod, her eyes still looking at her cup. “I am happy for you then. It’s all I ever wanted for you…”
Evie looked up with tears forming in her eyes. “You’re not mad at me?”
Their eyes met again, and they held each other’s gaze. “No. I—I think I need to explain myself… about her.”
“Halo?” She watched him nod once. She already knew and debated telling him to spare him any further grief. “It’s ok, Xan… she saved our Athena.” Remembering that Xander didn’t know of Halo’s condition, she continued. “She was willing to sacrifice more than you know…”
He shook his head sadly, then replied, “Yeah?”
“Xan, I already know how you felt about Halo. I guess I’ve known all along… and—and I guess in a way it’s all my fault… because I broke your heart. I think in the back of my mind I knew all along that she took my place there…” She watched his head slump as he stared once again into his cup.
Without looking up, he spoke quietly, his voice full of pain. “Evie, I tried so hard… but—but being all alone together… in the end, I couldn’t stop it.”
“I know, Xan, I know. Halo told me how hard she made it for you, too. I—I feel flattered at how hard you tried… I couldn’t.” She returned to the blackness in her cup.
His hand began to reach out to her, but he stopped. “It’s ok, Evie. Believe me, I get it. If Eric can make you feel beautiful and happy… I hope you both are happy forever.”
Evie swallowed hard, tentatively reached out for his hand, and, finally making her choice, slowly put her hand on his.
She met his eyes and steeled herself. “Halo loves you more… more than I ever could.” She felt him start to pull his hand away, and she held on tighter, stopping him.
She jerked his hand to get his attention.
“Listen to me! Please, Xan, you deserve to be with her. She was willing to risk herself for your daughter because she knows how important she is to you! She—she is not anything I imagined. I—I wanted to hate her because she is so beautiful and smart… Simo told me that she was willing to give up everything for you. She needs you… desperately.”
She watched his shoulders begin to shake and bob as he turned and desperately tried to hide his face from her. Evie shot to her feet, came around the table, stood over him, and suddenly hugged him hard. She whispered through his sobs into his ear, “And you need her, Xan.”
Through his choked-off sobs, he tried to answer. “I—I don’t think I can. Nothing… will ever be the same…”
Evie felt her own tears start as she whispered into his ear, “You can trust her. She will make it better, trust me…” Evie swallowed hard as she prepared to tell Xander the unabated truth he failed to grasp.
“Xander… you need to admit to yourself that you can’t live without her!
I know what you tried to do by putting yourself in harm’s way… ”
Evie kneeled down and met Xander’s red-rimmed eyes. “Tell me that you really don’t love her, and I will shut up.”
Xander opened his mouth, then shut it. He sighed as if the weight of the world were resting on him.
“I want to hear you say it.”
“Say what?”
“Tell me you love her... tell me you love Halo.”
“I can’t say that to you!”
“Yes, yes, you can. I need to hear it.”
Xander nodded several times and, after several long moments, he whispered, “I do…” He sighed. “I love Halo… with everything.”
“Good! Now, go to her. Make her as happy as you can. Give her what she wants. In return, I know in my heart that she will give you everything… everything that… that I couldn’t give to you.”
Xander met Evie’s dark eyes and saw the truth of her words staring back at him. “Ok… so, what am I supposed to do now?”
Evie smiled. “I said give her what she wants. Give Halo what she wants and needs most: you. All of you… you know what you need to do, and I know you want it, too.”
Xander felt the weight on his heart suddenly begin to lift. He sighed. “Thank you, Evie…”