Chapter 15 #2
Was I pathetic? Hell fucking yes, I was.
And I’d have been embarrassed by the sheer scope of my crush if I weren’t in a constant state of denial about what was actually going on inside me.
That veneer was admittedly wearing thin, but I was trying to shore it up as best I could by focusing on the lust part of what had happened between us, not all the other uncomfortable feelings that were surfacing in my heart.
It had been the most confusing ten days of my life.
And the most frustrating, in that blue-balling kind of way that had me painting the shower wall with my spill almost every bloody morning. The bottle of lube I kept there was running low, and if I wasn’t careful, I’d have no more skin left on my dick.
But if Thaddeus felt the same way, he wasn’t showing a glimmer of it. After the initial awkwardness of that first morning after we’d . . . whatever . . . he’d quickly returned to the charming, funny, smart guy I’d come to know.
Dammit. I drove my shovel into the hard earth, lifted the hem of my shirt, and wiped my sweaty face. If I couldn’t have Thaddeus in my bed, I could at least work until I dropped and was too tired to even think about him, right?
We’d spent the morning digging the footings for Delia’s massive circular fountain in her driveway turnaround, and the weather had been anything but obliging. Way too hot for early November, thirty degrees Celsius at least. And humid enough to make you want to stab your eyeballs with a weeding fork.
Tap paused in his excavations and leaned on the handle of his shovel, gasping, “Fuck, it’s hot.” He ran his sleeved forearm over his brow and squinted up at the sun. “Throw me my water bottle, will you?”
I shot him a tired look, grumbling, “What did your last servant die from?” But I did as he said before grabbing my own and chugging half of it back without breaking for air.
Still leaning on his shovel, Tap dumped the rest of his water bottle over his head and groaned with pleasure as it ran in rivers through his wiry black curls and down his neck and face. “Oh, fuck yeah. Throw me another.” He snapped his fingers, and I threw a clod of dirt instead.
“Get your own,” I griped. “I’m not your damn mother, or Will for that matter. Although I know for a fact, you’d never talk to either of them that way.”
Tap looked horrified. “Damn right, I wouldn’t.
My mother’s a Fijian goddess and all-around badarse.
I’d be lucky to see Christmas. And Will would just deck me where I stood.
For a twink, the man has a deadly right hook.
” Tap trudged to the cooler, grabbed two more water bottles, and handed one to me.
I held up the bottle in my hand. “I’ve still got some.”
He waggled his brows. “Not for long. Come on. You know you want to.”
And he was right. I upended the bottle over my head, and when the ice-cold water hit my head and face, I whimpered like a baby. Then I accepted the fresh bottle he offered and guzzled some more.
“So.” Tap eyed me from his seat on the chilly bin where he held the water bottle to his forehead. “You gonna tell me what’s been bugging you all day, or do I have to guess? Oh, wait, I know, it starts with a T.”
I shot him a narrow look. “Refer back to the part about you not being my mother.”
He gave a sly grin. “A little bit sensitive, aren’t we?”
“Shut up.” I took another long swallow of water.
Tap rolled the bottle back and forth over his brow, his expression more serious now. “You really like this guy, don’t you?”
I huffed. “Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve only known him for ten days.”
“But you shagged him, right?”
I gave him a sideways look. “I’ve shagged lots of men. Doesn’t mean anything. And nobody says shag anymore.”
“Yes, they do, and don’t lie.” He called me on it. “You shag some men. Not a lot. And none of them has ever fucked with your head like this, not since James.”
“I wish I’d never told you,” I grumbled, rinsing my mouth and spitting on the dusty earth.
“You didn’t tell me anything,” he corrected. “I saw you drooling over the poor guy’s arse like you wanted to stick it in a cone and lick it, and I called you on your bullshit.”
I grimaced. “Fuck off. And I wasn’t drooling.”
He didn’t fuck off. “You were too drooling. Tell me I’m lying.”
I couldn’t, of course, so I simply met his gaze and sighed. “Fine. Do I want Thaddeus? Would I like more sex with him? Hell yes, I would. Who wouldn’t? The guy’s hot. But he doesn’t want to complicate things, and I totally respect that. He’s fresh out of a traumatic break-up. It’s too soon.”
Tap gave a scornful huff. “Not too soon for him to shag your brains loose in your skull just three days out from said break-up. You said the sex was pretty epic, if I remember.”
I groaned. “Don’t remind me. But that was . . .” I slowly shook my head. “We weren’t thinking straight.”
Tap snorted.
“Shut up. I mean, it just happened. It was a distraction, that’s all. It didn’t mean anything more.”
Now Tap really did laugh. “Oh my God. You’re both behaving like freaking idiots.
If it didn’t mean anything to you, then you wouldn’t be moping around like someone stole your favourite blanky.
And if it didn’t mean anything to Thad, then he wouldn’t have put the brakes on so goddammed fast I could still smell the rubber when I turned up at your house the next morning.
Oh, wait, that was the reek of sex coming from your bedroom,” he deadpanned, then bugged eyes at me.
I had to laugh. “You are such an arsehole.”
Tap bowed, his dark brown eyes twinkling. “At your service.” He got to his feet and reached for his shovel. “All I’m saying is that the two of you clearly like each other, but you’re dancing around it like you’re worried that if you get too close, your tails might catch fire. My advice is—”
“Oh, my fucking God,” I groaned and covered my face. “I can’t believe I’m hearing this.”
“My advice is—” Tap prised my fingers from my eyes and stared at me.
“—stop dancing and start fucking. Whatever happens from there happens. If it’s a distraction and it burns out, so be it.
He’ll leave and you’ll never see each other again.
If not . . . then you’ll never know if you don’t try, right?
In the meantime, you can both have a bit of fun.
You clearly get on, in every meaning of the word.
” He considered me a moment before adding, “You’ve been alone for a long time, Ryder.
Something has to give. I want more for you. ”
“I’m fine,” I protested, looking away.
“No, you’re really not,” he said in a much softer voice. “At least talk to him about it. You’re a grown man, Ry. Use your words. You never know, he might be feeling the same way. He might even have said what he did, hoping you’d convince him otherwise.”
That caught my attention. “You think so?”
He shrugged. “Won’t know if you don’t ask.”
I grunted in assent. “All right. I’ll think about it. But no promises.”
“None asked for.” Tap’s mouth curved up in a sly grin. “On another note, Will did mention that he might drop by sometime today so he can see this man for himself.”
My mouth dropped open. “He what? When? Why? And you said he could?”
Tap raised both hands. “Hey. You wanna tell Will what he can and can’t do, be my guest. Me? I’d prefer my balls remain exactly where they are. I just thought you should know, that’s all. They’re probably having a beer as we speak.”
Holy shit. I checked my watch and threw down my shovel. “Start loading up. We’re going home.”
All he did was laugh.
As soon as I turned into the driveway, I knew I was in trouble. “Fucking, fuck, fuck.” I stared bug-eyed at the two vehicles parked in my carport. Will’s bright orange Kia and my sister, Naomi’s, red Toyota.
At forty-two, Naomi was older than me and took after our father with her dark curly hair, stout frame, and assertive go-getter style.
The marketing manager for a large New Zealand company, she’d divorced her lacklustre, cheating husband several years before, and shared custody of their bubbly ten-year-old daughter, Fiona.
Within five minutes of Will and Naomi’s first meeting, Tap and I shared a beleaguered look that said we knew this was a bad idea.
The two went together like hot sauce and coriander, simultaneously polarising and delicious, and I loved both of them with all my heart.
My younger sister, Kris, leaned more toward our mother in both looks and personality, as did I.
Blonde, tall, and a great deal more . . .
accommodating, she and her husband lived way down south where they ran a successful wellness centre that was a little too far left of hippie for my comfort.
With both our parents dead, Naomi and Kris took it on themselves to be up in my business as much as possible, and the drums beat loudly between the North and South Islands on a regular basis. Oh joy.
“Fuck!” I swore again and scrambled out from the car just as Tap’s ute pulled in behind. I waited until he joined me, then pointed to Naomi’s vehicle. “Did you know about this as well? Be very careful how you answer.”
Tap made no attempt to hide his glee as he raised both hands. “Not a thing, and I can’t be held responsible for what Will may or may not have organised without my knowledge.”
I glared at him. “Really? Goddammit, Tap, you’re supposed to be on my side. Do you have no control over him at all?”
Tap simply shrugged. “He’s my boyfriend, Ry. I might love you to bits, but Will—” He left the rest unsaid, and I didn’t need to ask.
I groaned and closed my eyes, trying to breathe into that elusive centre of peace I’d discovered that one time on a meditation retreat Kris had sent me to a few months after James left. Then again, that might’ve been the joint I finished in my room just before it started.
I opened my eyes and glared at Tap again.