Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
THADDEUS
Me too? I kept my eyes down and made a beeline for my chair. Jesus Christ. I hoped I’d spoken too low for anyone but Ryder to hear, but the curious stares of the others were hardly reassuring.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I grabbed my beer, stuffed my mouth full of cheese and crackers so I couldn’t talk, and surreptitiously watched Ryder take his seat.
Ten days! Ten freaking days and I was still there.
I’d even been to Ryder’s dentist and had a new PrEP script forwarded to the Featherston Pharmacy.
I’d told myself it was just common sense, not that I needed the script because of how long I was staying, or anything. Because I wasn’t, staying that was.
It was the same reason I gave myself for continuing to send Phillip what he needed in order to keep the company running.
Because I was going back. Because I still wanted to buy him out.
Because I needed the company to be in good standing.
Because I wasn’t staying. And my imminent departure was also the reason I continued working on the Elosand software proposal.
Because I was leaving.
I was.
I’d even packed up my shit, what little there was of it, more times than I cared to admit.
I’d set my rubbish bag of clothes and my briefcase by the front door, pulled up my Uber app, and stared at the word Home.
That was as far as I got before I threw the bags back on my bed, made myself a coffee, and settled on the sofa with Ziggy.
Every. Single. Time.
Home. I wasn’t sure what the word meant anymore.
I’d bought the apartment because I had plenty of money in the bank and because Judd liked it.
And if I were painfully honest, I bought it because I thought it would make him happy.
And if he was happy, he might stay, and maybe we could get married, and my mother would be so ecstatic she’d cry, and I’d finally feel like I’d made her proud.
I’d been such a bloody fool.
Before the apartment, I’d been renting a tiny flat in the hills behind Wellington city.
It was set on a narrow winding street, possessed no garage, and had around fifty million gruelling stairs to climb to get to it, give or take.
The stairs kept my mother at a distance, which only added to their appeal, but Judd hated them on sight, complaining they had him sweating before he even made it to a club.
Since I never frequented clubs unless I was desperate for a hook-up, I didn’t give a shit.
Mostly, if I happened to be horny, I’d use an app and get them to climb the stairs. Problem solved.
But when Judd and I discussed living together, the flat was his line in the sand.
I should’ve known then and there that we weren’t going to make it.
If you won’t move in with someone just because they happen to live on a hill with the staircase to hell, then how serious are you? Seems like I got my answer.
Confessing to Ryder that I owned the waterfront apartment Judd and I had shared felt good.
Admittedly, not as good as if I’d owned up to just how successful my company was or that I actually owned half of that too.
And as for the fact that I was still actively working on a design proposal for the same development Ryder was fighting so hard against?
Yeah, fucking catastrophe, and the less said about that, the better.
It seemed an impossible choice. Ryder’s future or mine.
And it was the main reason I’d stopped the thing we’d started together before it got out of hand.
The thing being the best sex I’d had in a long while, including my time with Judd.
And it had been with a man I really, really liked.
Another reason I needed to get the hell out of that cottage.
Fucking Ryder over to save my own company was one thing.
Fucking him over while fucking him in bed at the same time was quite another.
But the longer I stayed in Ryder’s cottage, the more I questioned what the hell I was doing with .
. . well, pretty much everything: my company, my mother, my future, my life, the composition of dark matter, the solution to the space trash floating around our world, the nature of the universe—every fucking thing.
It was confusing and distracting, when what I really needed to do was stop procrastinating and get on with the hard work of forcing Phillip out of my company.
The last thing I wanted was for him to take control and be creaming it off the back of all my hard work.
To do that, I needed the Elosand contract like I needed to breathe, because the contract was with the company, not me.
Unless, of course, I continued in the partnership.
The errant thought came from nowhere, but it was the simplest solution.
The one Phillip, Judd, and my mother would want me to take.
I could bide my time until I had a better plan.
Would it really be so bad? And maybe then I wouldn’t need the Elosand contract.
But the thought of facing those two motherfuckers every day, having to work with them while knowing what they did to me—Jesus Christ—I almost threw up at the thought.
No fucking way. Which left door number one or door number two, both of which kicked my butt.
Buy Phillip out, in which case I needed that contract.
Or let him buy me out and hand everything over to the guy who betrayed me.
My mother’s disapproval sounded in my ears. I didn’t take you for a fool, Thad. Your father and I sacrificed everything to give you more opportunities and a better life, and you’re throwing it all away like it means nothing, just because some guy hurt you?
If coming here meant that Dad had more opportunities to fuck us over, along with most of the women who crossed his path, then my mother was right. I just wasn’t sure if I had it in me to add to her general disappointment in life, and in me in particular.
“So, Thad . . .”
My gaze jerked up to find Naomi’s overly bright smile aimed my way.
Within ten minutes of meeting her, I’d learned that expression meant nothing good.
I’d warmed quickly to both her and Will, but it didn’t take a detective to see they were a lethal package.
Up until Ryder and Tap arrived back, they’d kept things seemly, telling hilarious stories about Ryder which had brought me to tears.
But now? The woman had mischief in her eyes and I was going to have to be careful.
Naomi’s smile widened, if that were even possible. “I hope we will be seeing you stick around for a while. You and Ry seem to get along well, and my brother looks a great deal more content than I’ve seen him in a long time. Your company is obviously good for him.”
Shit. The lump in my throat was back and I glanced over at Ryder who was glaring at his sister like he wanted to throttle her. Well, get in line.
“Naomi,” Ryder warned, all but growling his sister’s name.
“Pay no attention to him.” Naomi flicked a dismissive hand Ryder’s way. “He’s such a spoilsport. It’s just that we haven’t seen Ryder with another man for . . . oh, let me think—” She tapped her finger to her lips. “—it has to be years.”
“We-we’re not together.” I shot Ryder a panicked look, hoping he didn’t think I’d given that impression while he wasn’t there. “Ryder’s been very kind, and I’ve appreciated the opportunity to get my head together after the break-up, but that’s all this is.”
Naomi was clearly suppressing a smile. “Oh, yes, our Ryder is a very kind man. We’re always saying that, aren’t we boys?” Her gaze swept over Will and Tap who nodded enthusiastically.
They answered as one. “Very kind.”
“Naomi, enough.” Ryder’s tone was distinctly threatening and it immediately drew Naomi’s attention.
Her eyebrows shot up and she studied her brother for a long moment. Eventually, she nodded. “All right, then.” She turned her attention back to me. “I apologise, Thad. Poking fun at my brother is a delicious habit that’s hard to break. I didn’t mean to offend.”
“Don’t worry about it,” I said, my gaze flicking to Ryder and then back. “But to answer your question, I’ll be gone next Sunday.” I plucked the day out of the air, knowing only that it was all getting way too complicated. “Ryder will only have to put up with me for another few days.”
Ryder’s gaze bounced angrily to Naomi before returning to me. “There’s no rush, Thaddeus. You can stay as long as you like.” He sent another chilly glance Naomi’s way. “Ignore my sister. I find things work better that way.”
Naomi rolled her eyes but said nothing.
“No, I think it’s time,” I reiterated. “The past ten days have been amazing, and I can’t thank you enough. But I also can’t hide away forever, can I? It’s time to go back and face the music.”
I wasn’t sure if the bitter disappointment I saw in Ryder’s blue eyes was just my imagination, but it felt good. And I’d finally given him a timeline. In public. There was no going back. This bubble I’d been living in had to be popped.
We had six days left. Six days for me to pretend something between us might’ve been possible if I hadn’t lied.
If I weren’t such a coward. If Ryder wasn’t going to hate me when he discovered the truth.
Six days to come to grips with the fact that I might have truly fucked up on an epic scale this time and with this man.
Six days until I had to live with the regret of that.
After a brief period of awkward silence, the conversation turned back to the more mundane and ultimately enjoyable teasing of Ryder, who went along with the ribbing more graciously than I would have.
The roasting ended when Will and Tap gave a short but hilarious recounting of how they’d met at a party, both attending with other dates but ultimately leaving together, as did their dates.
All four had been the talk of the party.