Chapter 1 #2
I winced, because I’d thought about that myself.
Still, I’d promised Eddie I’d be there, and I couldn’t—wouldn’t—disappoint him.
Not again. “I’ll have to make sure that doesn’t happen.
I’m going to be wired on coffee for the entire trip.
” With lots of sugar, naturally, because, as a bear, I had an affinity for sweet things.
Winnie didn’t love his honey for nothing.
“I’m in charge, and if I have to butt heads with them for everyone to remember, so be it. ”
Cait, ever on top of things, pulled out her phone, tapped a few buttons, and then turned the screen to face me.
“Okay, the closest coffee shop to your meeting is a place called Expresso Shot. On their website, they boast the Death Shot, which they say is the highest caffeinated coffee available legally.”
“That sounds perfect. I promise, after I get on the plane, I’ll read through these files, and then I’ll catch a nap.”
That got me a snort. “Have you seen how many pages are in that file? You’d need to be a speed reader to get through them all before the plane lands.”
Fuck. “Well, I’ll do my best.”
She nibbled her lip for a moment. “How about this? I’ve gone through every document in there while I was sorting them.
I’m pretty well versed, and if you want, I could come along and brief you on the plane.
I’d give you the highlights you’d need so you wouldn’t have to read through anything unimportant.
That would take about.... mmm, maybe an hour or two? ”
“So if I tell the pilot to fly really slow, I could get a decent nap in?”
For a moment, I half expected her to say yes, but then she did this thing with her face where you could tell she wasn’t sure how to say what was on her mind. “You’re not half as funny as you probably think you are.”
If anyone heard Cait talk to me like that, they’d wait for me to remind her of her place.
I didn’t want to be that kind of leader.
In bears, might makes right. The strongest, most aggressive is usually the one in charge.
In ursine shifters, there’s a lot of that, but also we look to the wisest to lead us.
For the last fifteen years, the sleuth decided that was me.
I love my people, and that’s why doing this, going to one of our holdings, and deciding if people still had a job, was something I hated.
Yes, we would take care of those who were displaced.
No bear of mine would ever be cast aside.
The problem was, most of these people had gone to school, given years of their lives, and for what?
To be told, ‘sorry, I’m taking your position away from you, and you’ll have to start over again, even though you’ve given decades to the job’ was the absolute last thing I wanted to do.
“How about you drive with us to the airport and give me the highlights?”
“Oh, but I—”
“Have a thing with your husband, if I recall correctly. Something about needing time, because he feels as though you care more for your job than you do your marriage.”
And he wasn’t wrong. If I was in at four, Cait was there by three, putting things together.
If I stayed until ten at night, she was there until the lights went out.
Her husband, Devon, asked her for a divorce, because, like me, she wasn’t balancing her work and family lives.
I sat down with the two of them and told him I would ensure she didn’t work more than eight hours a day, if he promised they’d try couple’s counseling before taking that final step.
He agreed, and it had been working, I thought.
“But he’ll understand,” she told me, her voice small, which said he wouldn’t.
“You’re not coming, but I appreciate it more than you know. Unless there’s something going on at home you’re not telling me about.”
“You have to catch a plane, and—”
I slid my phone from the breast pocket of my charcoal gray Desmond Merrion Supreme Bespoke suit, and pulled up the pilot’s contact, then dialed him. “We will be late. Please ensure you’re waiting when we arrive.”
“Of course, sir.”
Once I pressed End, I sent a quick message to Gregory, and said I’d be there as soon as I could, and if he left before then, I’d tell his mother.
His reply was nearly instantaneous. “You know I wouldn’t.”
I put the phone away, and turned my attention back to Cait, who stood there, arms at her side, swaying slightly back and forth.
“You shouldn’t have to do that. I—”
“Will tell me what’s going on. Now, Cait.”
She squeezed her hands into fists. “He wants us to renew our vows,” she replied, her voice shaky.
“But isn’t that good?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I want to think it is, but then I worry about my job—”
“Which is not your life. He is. Is he asking you to give up working?”
She shook her head. “He says he understands, but wants us to make this—us—our priority.”
“That’s as it should be. I did the joining for the two of you. Do you remember the vows you made to each other?”
“Yes.”
“Tell them to me now,” I demanded.
She drew in a breath, then blew it out slowly. As important as the words she was about to speak were, I gave her time to gather her thoughts.
“We pledge our love before our brethren. We will forge a bond so strong, that nothing can tear it asunder. We will join as one, becoming a force for our sleuth, an inspiration for future generations, and a hand for the past. We enter into this vow, our hearts and minds clear, and will not allow anything to break the chain we’ve forged. ”
“And what does he say?”
“He told me he was sorry for his anger, behavior, and jealousy. He told me he’s seeing a therapist to learn better coping techniques. He says he wants to make this work.”
“Then take him at his word, just as he should with you. Keep in mind, though. This? It’s just a job.”
“But it’s the job I dreamed of doing long before I met Devon,” she told me. “I wanted to make a difference for the sleuth, and I knew this was the way I was meant to.”
I smiled at her. She was the most dedicated person I knew, but she needed to see the bigger picture.
“No one says you can’t make a difference, but there’s a fine line between duty and obsession.
Trust me, I know. I was the same way, but when my kids complained that they never saw me, and asked me if I still loved them, something had to change.
I can’t look in their eyes and say that the sleuth is more important than they are, because it’s not even remotely true.
When Jenna died, and I was left alone with the twins, I freaked out.
I was sure there was no way I could do this.
But the sleuth stepped up, and they offered to help me raise the boys.
I was a wreck, and I admit I buried the grief in getting things done here.
Until two sets of tear filled eyes asked if I loved them.
I reevaluated my life on the spot, and I’ve tried to be home every night by six so I could sit with them, hear about their day, and then be there to read them a story as I tucked them in.
They’re happier, I’m less stressed, and I think the sleuth feels that energy.
“Now, I’m not saying that’s how it is with you and Devon. That’s something only you can decide. Do you love him? And think before you answer.”
“I don’t have to think about it. I love him so much, but it hurts sometimes, because he never says it. I think that’s why I love my job, because I feel appreciated here.”
She’d told me stories, and I knew she was missing the point.
“And does the job keep you warm at night? Does it make you a cup of cocoa when you’re at the computer, poring over files you need for the next day?
Does it rub your feet when you come home stressed out?
Does it cook dinner because you fell asleep on the couch the minute you got home?
Does your heart flutter when you think about the job?
Like I said, that’s something only you can decide. ”
Her face scrunched up as she digested my words.
After Jenna died, I would have given anything to get that time back.
To tell her I loved her once more. Then I realized that I got that gift every time one of the beautiful boys we made hugged me.
I won’t ever deny it was a struggle finding my footing, but when I actually did, I realized how worth it everything was.
“You’re right,” Cait finally admitted.
“I usually am,” I replied, which made her laugh.
“I guess I never thought of it that way. Devon’s forever doing things for me. He brought me flowers and chocolate one day, just because he was thinking about me, he said.”
“So he’s saying he loves you, just in deed and not word. Which is more important? We get so used to saying words, they sometimes can lose their meaning. But he’s showing he thinks about you, and that inspires him to do something to see you smile.”
She huffed out a breath. “I’ve been so stupid. I thought the only way to tell someone you loved them was to say the words. I never realized he’s been saying it every day.”
“Sometimes we just don’t understand the words,” I told her.
“Communication is hard, especially when we’re not speaking the same language.
” We sat on the couch that we had in the outer office and I took her hands in mine.
“Listen, I went through something similar with Jenna. Me, big and stoic, had a hard time getting the words out, but I did my best to show her. Then, after she died, and the boys needed me to become their world, I realized I could show them all I wanted, but they needed to hear the words from me too. Jenna, she understood. My boys? No, they didn’t.
Dad had to hug them and say he loved them so they’d feel comforted and safe.
If that’s what you need, then talk to Devon.
The two of you must be on the same page. ”
“I love him, you know? I’m always telling him, but now I wonder if I can find better ways to show it too.”
“Why don’t the two of you get out of town for a while? Go somewhere remote, shift, and do a little frolicking in nature to center yourselves?”
“Oh, I have—”
“Lots of vacation time you’ve never taken. Starting the moment I get into that car, why not consider yourself off for six weeks?”
“Six weeks? That’s too long. I couldn’t leave you—”
“We’ll be fine,” I promised her. “Spend some time with Devon. Don’t make any decisions until you talk with each other, and promise me you’ll tell him what it is you’re looking for and listen when he tells you.
Even if it would make things a hell of a lot easier, no one comes with an instruction manual, so we kind of have to let people know how we’re feeling. ”
She frowned. “I’m not good at that. My parents were my role models, and Dad said the words to Mom all the time. Thinking back, though, he said it even when it wasn’t necessary.”
“But that was his way, and it’s understandable. We all do things like that, because we’ve been taught the power of words. I prefer actions, because they’re far more telling.”
She stood. “Thank you, Mr. Lockhart.”
I shook my head. “Brent, please. And it was my pleasure.”
When I got up, I was surprised that she hugged me. “Your wife was a lucky woman.”
“Oh, no,” I insisted. “I was the one who won the gold. Where do you think I learned it from?”
That brought a megawatt smile. “Then you were both lucky.”
That I would accept. “Thank you. Now, I suppose I should head off before they revoke my place in line at the airport.” I put a hand on her shoulder. “You will get through this, and the two of you can come out stronger, because you’ll be walking together. If that’s what you choose to do.”
“Yes,” she answered without hesitation. “That’s what I want. I love him, and now that I can see his actions are more important than his words, I have to wonder if I’m communicating so he understands me.”
“Maybe. You do great here, so it’s possible you—”
“No, it’s not,” she said quickly. “I think back to the times when Devon tried to talk to me, and I was too busy or thought he wasn’t serious. My own hurt feelings always kept me from getting out what I wanted to say.” She sighed. “You’re right, we both need to work on it.”
“Then use this time off to start laying a foundation. Make sure it’s built of something sturdy, so that no matter what happens, it’s strong enough to withstand the strain.
Think about what you want out of your marriage, and let him know that.
Don’t hold anything back because you think he won’t do it, or you can live without it.
Will compromises have to be made? Yes, of course, but even there you’ve got things you can work on together.
This isn’t going to be his way or your way.
It has to be both of you moving forward together toward whatever goal you set. ”
My phone chimed, “And that’s going to be Gregory, because he’ll be twitchy that I’m not there yet.”
She chuckled. “I’m sorry I kept you.”
“Hush. My sleuth is always important. And you? If it wasn’t for you, I’d never know the best place to get my caffeine fix.”
Cait turned and headed toward her office, and I grabbed my briefcase and got ready to take a trip that needed to be done quickly. After all, I had a promise to keep.