Chapter 12
This Year
“S HOPPING WAS A TERR IBLE idea,” Marianne says to Chloe. “I can’t afford any of this stuff.”
They are in the third boutique of the afternoon, Sloane insisting that they head to one more spot because they have a new line of hand-painted plates that she thinks Chloe will love. Chloe will not spend one hundred and twenty-five dollars on a dinner plate when she can get a set of ten from IKEA for half that price. But she’ll humor Sloane more effectively than Marianne.
At the first store, Sloane tries on four dresses and decides to buy two of them. Chloe and Marianne agree that the Ulla Johnson, with its bold print, is perfect for summer nights at the beach, and the Zimmermann caftan could double as a beach cover-up. When the cash register totals close to a thousand dollars and Sloane absently hands over her American Express, Chloe watches as Marianne’s eyes widen.
Chloe shrugs, because of course it is a lot of money to spend, especially on a random Monday afternoon purchase, but clearly Sloane has that kind of money. It seems to bother Marianne, however, because she is constantly studying the price tags, speaking less, standing by the doorway while Sloane browses the stores.
Chloe and Sloane and Marianne used to spend hours sifting through the racks at the Goodwill store across town from Mayfield’s campus. They’d try on clothes in the aisles, re-creating outfits they’d seen in the New York Times Street Style section. This shopping trip is nothing like that. Maybe because the equalizer of college-student poverty has disappeared. But maybe there are other reasons too.
“So what do you think?” Sloane asks, holding up the plate. It’s a beautiful seafoam green, almost like the Gulf water, with a crackling effect around the edges. “Each plate is one of kind,” Sloane describes. “It’s a local potter who glazes and paints everything herself. Aren’t they amazing?”
Chloe studies the plate, noticing the fluted edge, the subtle wave design painted underneath the green glaze. Each plate must have taken hours, from sculpting to painting to glazing to firing. One hundred and twenty-five dollars seems like a bargain, but unfortunately not one Chloe can afford.
“You should get a set for your apartment,” Sloane suggests.
Chloe savors the weight of the plate before placing it back in the display stand. Last year, maybe, Luke would have whipped out his credit card and purchased a full set for their apartment. This year, Chloe’s budget is her own. She made a choice and with it is a new life that is a constant adjustment. But maybe someday she’ll be able to buy plates like this for herself.
“It would be so hard to fly back with those,” Chloe says, manufacturing a reasonable reason instead of telling her friend the truth.
“You ship, right?” Sloane asks the store clerk.
“Of course,” the clerk quickly replies and walks over to discuss the process with Sloane. Chloe tunes out the discussion and joins Marianne by the door.
Sloane excuses herself from the clerk and tells Chloe, “It’s so easy to ship them. They are totally your style.”
Chloe and Marianne exchange a meaningful look before Chloe admits what both of them have been thinking all afternoon. “I can’t afford those, Sloane.”
Sloane waves her hand dismissively. “I’ll buy them for you. It will be my housewarming present.”
“No,” Chloe quickly responds.
“I insist.” Sloane turns toward the salesclerk, but Chloe lightly touches her arm.
“I don’t want you to do that,” Chloe says softly.
“Oh, don’t be silly,” Sloane says and this seems to set Marianne off.
“Oh, my God. Enough, Sloane. We are not like you. Stop making us feel worse.” Marianne says this loudly, too loudly, because everyone shopping stops and stares at the three women.
For a moment, Sloane is taken aback, but she quickly recovers. “Fine. We can stop shopping. We’ll go to the Citizen and grab a bottle of champagne.”
“I cannot afford a bottle of champagne. What happened to drinks in a cooler, Sloane? That’s the way most people vacation. Can we just go back to the house?” Marianne walks out of the shop, and Chloe grabs Sloane’s hand to pull her out too.
It takes a few minutes of brisk walking, but eventually they catch up to Marianne. Chloe acts as peacemaker, again, and suggests getting one of the cucumber refreshers at the local juice shop.
None of them speak while Chloe orders their drinks, taking them in to-go cups, but at least Marianne isn’t running away anymore.
Finally, Sloane says, “When you and Luke get back together, you can buy all the plates you want.” Somehow, Sloane doesn’t realize how much worse this comment makes things among their friends.
It’s hard calling Sloane out, because she likes to think she’s always right, making the battle rarely worth it. But in this instance, Chloe needs her to understand.
“I don’t want Luke’s money,” Chloe says. “I’m not even sure I want this kind of money for myself. This stuff doesn’t matter to me.” Chloe gestures down the row of high-end shops feet away from the sand, with prices high enough to justify that kind of costly rent.
Sloane bristles. “And that makes you better than me? Because this stuff matters to me?”
“That’s not what I mean,” Chloe says, not trying to hide her frustration.
“Besides,” Sloane continues, “I don’t really care about the stuff. I’m worried about you and Luke. Other than paddleboarding, you two have barely spent any time together.”
Sloane is right. While everyone else was playing games, Luke stayed in his room. They couldn’t have dinner on the beach again, so Sloane brought the catered dinner inside, but Luke sat at the opposite end of the table and said he wasn’t feeling well, going back to his room as soon as dinner was over.
“I know you’re trying to help, but Luke and I are not your problem to fix,” Chloe says.
Sloane shakes her head. “You and Luke were never supposed to fall apart.” Sloane’s voice cracks, a shocking sound for her always controlled demeanor as she says, “If you guys aren’t together, what does that mean for the rest of us?”
It’s a question Chloe has asked herself hundreds of times in the last year, but she didn’t realize her friend shared the concern. Something about the tremble of Sloane’s lip makes Chloe hesitate. “Are you and Alden having problems?” Chloe asks.
Sloane doesn’t answer. Even Marianne, who was the most annoyed by the shopping trip, seems to soften, and they flank Sloane’s sides.
By this point, they’ve made their way back to Sloane’s beach house. They are standing in front of her beautiful oak door, the white stucco of the building forcing all of them to hide behind sunglasses.
“Nothing is working out the way it was supposed to,” Sloane mutters.
“Look at this house,” Marianne says. “Look at your life.” She gestures to the giant shopping bag dangling from Sloane’s arm. “I think you’re doing pretty good.”
“A house doesn’t make a life, Marianne.” Sloane doesn’t go inside. Instead, she walks around the side and makes her way out to the beach.
Chloe and Marianne find her sitting with her toes buried in the sand. They plop next to Sloane, a trio facing the waves.
Marianne speaks first. “I live in a rented house we can barely afford and check my budget each month to make sure we can buy enough diapers. All of Teddy’s clothes are secondhand. You’re fortunate, Sloane. And you shouldn’t take that for granted.”
“Enough with the baby talk,” Sloane says. It comes out so quickly, Chloe knows Sloane hasn’t even realized the harshness of her words. But Marianne clearly notices.
“Ever since I’ve arrived, you’ve made it clear my life is pathetic now that it’s focused on a child. But that’s where I am.” Marianne’s voice quivers with hurt, and Chloe reaches out to grab her hand.
Sloane looks up, seemingly realizing the pain she’s caused. “It’s not pathetic,” she says, but it’s not convincing.
“Then what?” Marianne shouts. “Because you skipped out on Easter for work . And I know you love your design business, but you don’t really need to work. I think you’re avoiding me. Chloe had an excuse. What’s yours?”
Chloe shifts uncomfortably. She hates these fights. Marianne and Sloane usually get along because they accept how different they are. But sometimes these differences explode, and Chloe hates being caught in the middle.
“I have my reasons,” Sloane whispers.
Marianne shakes her head. “Not good enough. You’re my best friend. This has been the biggest year of my life. Everything is different. It’s not going as I planned either.” Sloane opens her mouth to speak, but Marianne holds up her hand so that she can continue. “You’ve suddenly decided that you’re too good for me. Your judgment of my decision to have a child and spend time focusing on that child is crushing me, Sloane.” Marianne spits the words. Even though they aren’t directed at her, Chloe still feels the impact.
“It’s not a pathetic decision,” Sloane quickly replies. “It’s the best, most important decision you can ever make. I’m jealous,” Sloane screams before composing herself. “And I’m not handling it well.”
“You’re jealous? With your multimillion-dollar home and your endless wardrobe and your ability to plan a dinner without clipping coupons? If you’re going to lie to me, come up with a better reason.”
Marianne storms away, and Chloe doesn’t try to catch up. Because she knows, in this moment, it’s Sloane who needs her more.
Chloe wraps her arm around Sloane’s shoulders. “You need to tell her what’s going on,” Chloe says gently.
“Maybe,” Sloane replies. They watch the waves and sit in silence until Chloe senses that Sloane’s breathing has returned to normal and Marianne has had enough time to calm down as well.
Eventually, Chloe stands and offers her hand to Sloane, pulling her up and then pulling her close as they walk toward the house.
At the door to the back deck, after showering off their feet, Chloe says, “She needs to understand what’s happening in your life. If you don’t tell Marianne, you’re going to lose her.”
“What’s the point?” Sloane says with a defeated tone, so uncharacteristic that Chloe reaches out and squeezes her hand. When Sloane looks up, there are tears in her eyes. “I’ve already lost everything important anyway.”
Sloane goes inside. There are a million questions Chloe wants to ask. When she tries to catch up, Sloane shakes her head and shuts her bedroom door, but not before Chloe sees the tears streaking her face.
Chloe takes a moment, wondering whether she should force Sloane to talk or try to find Marianne. It’s the noise in their bedroom that convinces Chloe that she should check on Marianne.
When Chloe walks into the room, Marianne is opening cabinet drawers and stuffing clothes into her suitcase, her cell phone sandwiched between her shoulder and ear.
“What’s going on?” Chloe asks.
“I’m leaving,” Marianne says. “The flights are too expensive. But Noah’s losing his mind with Teddy, so they’re going to drive down and pick me up.”
“Isn’t it like a ten-hour drive?”
“It’s a desperate situation,” Marianne says. “For all of us.” Marianne tells Noah that she will call him back once she is packed and hangs up the phone.
Chloe sits on the bed, her mind spinning with how to fix this situation. She starts with a simple question. “Why are you leaving?”
Marianne looks up, her eyes seeming to judge Chloe for the stupidity of the question. “Sloane is impossible. And I miss my family. None of this bullshit is worth it anymore.”
Marianne zips up her suitcase and carries it downstairs. Chloe follows, trying to change her friend’s mind, something Chloe should know is impossible. “What are you going to do until Noah gets here?”
“Sit outside.”
“It’s eighty-five degrees. You can’t sit outside all day.”
Marianne’s departure plans have been announced loudly enough that everyone seems to come out of their respective corners of the house and congregate in the living room.
“What’s going on?” Alden asks na?vely.
“Your wife is a bitch. That’s what’s going on,” Marianne replies.
Mild-mannered Alden, who only raises his voice when he’s cheering on the Atlanta Braves, shouts, “What the hell, Marianne?”
“I don’t even know how you can defend her anymore,” Marianne shouts back. “Sloane’s rude. And critical. And judgmental of any life that doesn’t align with her view of perfection.” Marianne’s voice is clear, unwavering. Because she’s right. That’s exactly who Sloane is.
But Chloe knows there’s also a lot more to Sloane. The second year Chloe was living in New York, in a particularly low moment, she called Sloane, crying. Luke was working around the clock, Chloe hadn’t made many friends, she felt like she was constantly messing up at the gallery, and the grief of losing her parents came over her like a tidal wave. After years of pushing aside how much she missed them, spending so much time alone, Chloe was forced to confront her loss. She called Sloane and, through choked sobs, Chloe confessed all of these feelings to her friend. Sloane listened for over two hours, never trying to fix the situation, knowing that Chloe needed support more than anything else. When they hung up the phone, Chloe instantly felt better. She felt like it was possible to navigate the pain. But what Sloane did next was what made her truly special. Because Chloe had mentioned that Luke was working that weekend and those lonely Saturdays were the hardest, Sloane showed up on her doorstep, bagel sandwiches in hand, with an entire weekend itinerary for the two of them. By this time, Sloane had a whole established life in Atlanta, easily reintegrating with high school and family friends. But she dropped everything, booked a last-minute flight, and stood by Chloe’s side because Sloane knew how to fix problems. And in this case, Sloane herself was the solution. Even though Sloane can be harsh and judgmental, she’s still the fiercest, most loyal friend any of them have ever known.
But sometimes it’s hard to remember the good in someone when you’re confronted with their worst. Chloe’s not sure how to navigate the tension between Sloane and Marianne.
Alden seems too angry to try. “It looks like you are on your way out,” Alden says to Marianne. “That’s probably for the best.” For Alden, that’s as close as he gets to kicking someone out of his house, which, judging by the look on his face, is exactly what he would like to do to Marianne.
“Don’t leave,” Sloane says. At some point, she must have emerged from her room and hidden on the steps. She’s peeking between the railings as she says, “I’m sorry, Marianne.”
Alden goes up the stairs two at a time and crouches in front of his wife. “You have nothing to apologize for.” Alden cups Sloane’s face and softly kisses her lips. “You are none of those things Marianne said.”
“No, Alden,” Sloane whispers. “She’s exactly right. I’ve been so focused on myself that I’ve turned into the worst kind of friend.”
Alden shakes his head. “You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re remarkable.”
“Honestly, Alden, you’re worse than Sloane.” Marianne picks up her bag and walks to the door. “All you do is enable her bad behavior. I’m sick of it.”
Chloe follows, snatches the suitcase out of Marianne’s hand and says, “Stop. You need to hear Sloane out.”
Chloe blocks the door while Sloane stands and slowly walks toward Marianne, Alden following.
Wyatt and Luke have been silent, their eyes darting back and forth as voices and tensions rise.
“What could she possibly say that would make any difference?” Marianne asks rhetorically.
Chloe raises her eyebrows at Sloane, silently begging her to finally break her silence.
“You tell her, Chloe,” Sloane says softly.
“Are you sure?” Chloe asks.
Sloane nods.
Chloe takes a deep breath, knowing that honesty is the only way to mend the break between Sloane and Marianne. It feels strange to reveal someone else’s secret, but Chloe understands. The truth can be scary to admit, especially to those you love most.