Chapter 16
This Year
“W HAT DO YOU FEEL up to?” Chloe asks Sloane. Alden still hasn’t come back to the house. An hour ago, Luke and Wyatt walked down the beach to see if they could find him.
Chloe and Marianne are lying on the bed with Sloane, gently asking questions to fill in the gaps of the last two years while also trying to give Sloane space to process the hard news about the latest transfer. But it’s a difficult task, because Sloane is robotic in her insistence that she’s fine, despite the destroyed room down the hall.
“I feel like going to dinner at Pescado,” Sloane says. “I rented out the rooftop. It’s going to be fantastic.”
Chloe and Marianne are used to going with the flow, especially when Sloane has a vision for how she would like the night to go, but this seems crazy.
“How about we order pizzas and get in our pajamas instead?” Marianne’s proposal is quickly dismissed.
“Don’t be ridiculous. You can wear the new Ulla Johnson dress I bought,” Sloane suggests. “Now that you have a little tan, it will look beautiful on you, Marianne.” Sloane gets off the bed, which is probably for the best. Chloe can tell Marianne is still upset about the fight earlier, even if she has a better understanding of Sloane’s perspective.
Chloe pulls out her phone and texts Wyatt: Sloane still wants to do dinner at Pescado. Did you find Alden?
Wyatt quickly replies: Yes. We’re at a bar down the street. Text me the address of the restaurant?
Chloe shakes her head. I don’t think this is a “sandy feet” kind of place. You guys should come back and change.
Chloe waits as dots appear and disappear. Finally, Wyatt writes: Bring us clothes. I’ll try to get Alden to sober up before dinner. Coming home right now is not a good idea.
When Chloe looks up, Sloane is standing in her closet, staring intently. “Have you heard from the guys?” she asks.
“Yep. All set. Reminded them about the dinner plans.” Chloe tries to act confident, as if things are okay when really they aren’t at all.
“Good. I’m going to take a bath. See you in an hour. I’ll leave the dress on my bed for you, Marianne.”
Chloe waits to hear the bathroom door close before speaking. “Come help me,” Chloe whispers to Marianne, pulling her into the hallway.
“I can’t. I need to call Noah.”
“Are you still leaving?” Chloe panics because if Marianne leaves, everything falls apart. Chloe fears that it will be difficult to ever put her friends back together.
Marianne takes a deep breath before speaking. “No. Clearly, I’m needed here. But Noah’s really struggling and I’ve never been apart from Teddy this long.” Chloe can see the wheels churning in her friend’s mind. Marianne continues, “What if they get a hotel room in Panama City? The rates are cheaper and they’ll be close by. I can see Teddy and then come back here. Do you think that’s a terrible idea? Will it be too hard for Sloane?”
Chloe considers this question. All week, Sloane has been reluctant to talk about anything involving Teddy, trying to erase motherhood from their friendship. But all that’s achieved is upsetting Marianne. “It might. But it might help too.”
“I don’t want to upset Sloane,” Marianne says. “But I don’t want to feel like I have to keep my family and friends separate.”
“You don’t. If you need them, tell them to come,” Chloe says.
After a brief conversation with Noah that Chloe can’t help but overhear, discussing the driving logistics and hotels in Panama City, Marianne hangs up the phone. She seems more relaxed.
“Feel better?”
Marianne sighs. “It’s hard to say in the midst of all this.” Marianne gestures around the hallway, but it’s clear she means the chaos of this week. “But knowing I’m going to see my baby tomorrow makes me feel better.”
“I thought Noah was driving down now?”
Marianne shrugs. “He told me he was, because he knew that would make me feel better. But he knows us and knew I might change my mind. He’s going to leave tomorrow morning.”
Chloe pauses, feeling slightly jealous that Marianne has a partner who knows her so well. “I still need your help,” Chloe says, trying to focus on the next hour instead of the inadequacies of her life.
“With what? Getting Sloane to open up about how she really feels? Finding an emergency therapist?”
“I think those things are going to be second on our list. First, we need to get some clothes for the boys.”
“Why?” Marianne asks.
“Because they found Alden at a bar and he’s too drunk to come back to the house. They’re meeting us at dinner.”
“And you think if Alden is wearing a suit jacket instead of a bathing suit Sloane will be less likely to lose it?”
“Maybe.” Chloe shrugs. “I figure it can’t hurt.”
Marianne stares at the ceiling as if she can’t believe the ridiculous situation they’ve gotten themselves into. “Okay, whose suitcase are we raiding first?”
“Let’s get Alden’s. You can get the dress Sloane wants you to wear.”
“And we’re back to doing everything Sloane wants.”
“Of course we are,” Chloe laughs.
They tiptoe back into Sloane’s bedroom. Chloe can hear the jets from the tub. Marianne reaches for the dress and her fingers slowly trail over the beautiful fabric. As much as she might complain about Sloane, Chloe knows that Marianne is secretly excited to wear something like this dress. It’s fun to pretend, to imagine you could live a life like Sloane’s, even if it’s only for one night.
Sloane and Alden have separate closets, but Chloe needs to walk through the bathroom to access both. Chloe hesitates at the bathroom door, but Marianne marches in, clearly understanding that a distraction is necessary. She asks Sloane about borrowing shoes, forcing Sloane to sit up in the tub and turn toward her closet. Chloe quickly slips into Alden’s closet and chooses a blue linen blazer, some brown loafers, a clean T-shirt, and khaki shorts. She’s in and out in two minutes thanks to the obsessive organization of the closet, designed to perfection by Sloane. And as she slips out of the bedroom, she hears Sloane and Marianne debating the advantages of the nude Stuart Weitzman heels Sloane prefers versus the flats Marianne insists are more practical.
A few minutes later, heels in hand, Marianne emerges from the bedroom, shaking her head. “She’s so persuasive. I forget who I am around her.”
“She always means well. Even if the size of her heart is sometimes overshadowed by the bulldozer of her mouth.”
“I know,” Marianne exhales as she agrees. “It’s unimaginable what she’s been through. Why wouldn’t she tell us?” Marianne asks.
Chloe shrugs. “We all put off the bad news. Plus, I think she was jealous of your life, and that’s not something Sloane is used to feeling.”
“I get it,” Marianne says, whispering and looking over her shoulder, even though there are two closed doors separating them from Sloane. “But I don’t want jealousy in my friendships.”
“None of us do. You’re being honest. Sloane will come around.”
“I feel terrible. I never would have thrown my baby in her face if I’d known how much she was struggling.” Marianne gestures toward the nursery, door still closed. They had offered to clean it up, but Sloane insisted they leave it alone.
“You didn’t throw your baby in her face. You had a child and neither of your best friends were there for you the way you needed,” Chloe says.
“When did we start hiding so much?” There’s a sadness in Marianne’s voice that Chloe understands.
“When our lives started going in such different directions.”
They linger in the hallway in front of the two rooms where Luke and Wyatt are staying. “Can you get Luke’s clothes?” Chloe asks. She doesn’t need to explain more because Marianne turns and open’s Luke’s door. It would probably be faster for Chloe to pick something out, although maybe Luke’s wardrobe has changed over the last year. Maybe he doesn’t roll his T-shirts anymore or tuck his socks inside his shoes to save space in the suitcase. Chloe doesn’t want to find out. She doesn’t want to know how many ways he’s changed without her being in his life.
Chloe goes into Wyatt’s room and smiles at the mess. There are piles of clothes, more books than anyone should fly with on a weeklong vacation, and a disturbing amount of sand. It’s a good thing Sloane hasn’t seen this.
She walks over to his closet, but there aren’t any clothes hanging. Chloe assumes that everything on the floor is dirty, so she searches for his suitcase and a clean shirt at least. Sloane’s expectations for Wyatt are the lowest, so he can probably get away with one of his black T-shirts and a pair of shorts.
There’s a bathroom attached to the room and when Chloe goes in, she finds a second closet. That’s where Wyatt put his suitcase. Chloe opens it and finds two folded T-shirts, one black and one navy, and a pair of gray shorts. She takes the shorts and navy T-shirt; she decides Wyatt is going to live on the edge tonight and break out of his usual uniform, but as her fingers wrap around the waist of the shorts, she feels something solid at the bottom of the suitcase. At first, she thinks it must be a stack of work that Wyatt brought along, but she quickly dismisses the idea because Wyatt refuses to ever work on vacation.
Chloe pushes the clothes aside and her eyes adjust to what she is seeing. It’s a manuscript, with Wyatt’s name on the cover, a major publisher’s logo, and the words Advance Copy in block letters at the top. Chloe sinks back on her heels. Wyatt wrote a book. Wyatt’s book is being published. And he never said a word about it to any of them. The book is titled Off Limits . Chloe flips to the first page. The dedication reads: To Mayfield, for giving me friends that became family.
Chloe immediately closes the manuscript and backs out of the closet. She feels like maybe she’s discovered something she wasn’t meant to see, not yet at least. Maybe it’s a surprise announcement Wyatt has planned. Or maybe he’s waiting for the right time. Regardless, she knows she should wait. And maybe tell her friend to get his own clothes from now on.
Chloe goes back into her bedroom and grabs an oversized straw bag that she packed for the beach. She puts Alden’s and Wyatt’s clothes in the bag and waits downstairs for Marianne. When Marianne emerges looking like the best version of a glowing new mother, Chloe points to the bag. She’s happy to avoid touching Luke’s clothes, afraid his familiar scent will stir up all the memories she’s trying to push away.
A few minutes before their reservation, Sloane breezes into the room and announces, “All ready. We can take the golf cart to the restaurant.”
It’s a short drive to Pescado, and Sloane babbles about the architecture, the celebrities she’s spotted at different stores along 30A, and her favorite things to order off the dinner menu. She fills the time with discussions of anything other than the trauma she just revealed, avoiding any talk of her feelings with her friends. Chloe and Marianne go along with this, knowing it’s pointless to push Sloane.
After parking the golf cart, Chloe discreetly drops the straw bag at the hostess stand before they take a private elevator to Pescado’s rooftop bar.
It’s one of the best views in town, the European-style roofs framing the white sand and Gulf water in the background. It’s obvious these are coveted tables, and somehow Sloane has convinced the restaurant to close the place off for her friends for a simple Monday night dinner.
“I wonder what’s keeping the guys,” Sloane says as she flips through the cocktail menu.
“I’m sure they’ll be here soon,” Chloe replies nervously.
After ordering and finishing their first round of drinks, a tequila, strawberry, and lemongrass concoction for Chloe, champagne for Marianne and Sloane, Chloe pulls out her phone. There’s a text message from Wyatt letting her know that they’re on their way.
Chloe stares at the perfectly blue sky, wondering how bad this dinner is going to be and thankful, for once, at Sloane’s luxury demands, because in this case it means they will have privacy while their friends self-destruct.
Moments later, Luke strolls in, followed by Wyatt with his arm around Alden’s waist. It almost looks friendly, as if they’ve had some bonding this afternoon, but Chloe can tell that Wyatt is providing a necessary support when Alden trips over an invisible object. Thankfully, Sloane misses this entrance because she’s busy ordering appetizers with the waiter: grilled octopus, fresh ceviche, sticky ribs, and a giant seafood tower.
They are wearing the clothes Chloe left. But apparently Alden refused the loafers because he’s still in flip-flops, and maybe in their rush, Wyatt and Luke exchanged shirts because Chloe has never seen Luke in a navy T-shirt, and Wyatt is wearing a white linen button-down and seems very uncomfortable. Chloe tries to hide her grin.
Sloane is sitting at the head of the table, and Wyatt strategically puts Alden at the other end. Chloe notices that Alden is swaying, finally landing in the chair after Wyatt guides him down safely. Wyatt sits next to Marianne, leaving the only empty seat for Luke right next to Chloe.
The waiter asks if anyone else wants to order a cocktail and Luke quickly exchanges a look with Wyatt before saying, “Just water for us. We’re good.”
“And you, sir?” the waiter says to Alden.
“Water for him too,” Luke answers, somewhat upset by the thoroughness of this waiter.
Alden leans toward Luke. “I know what I want. It’s another cocktail and for my wife to give her body a break,” he slurs.
Chloe looks across the table at Wyatt, who is rubbing his forehead.
Chloe hopes Sloane missed this comment, but it’s obvious she hasn’t.
“I don’t need a break,” Sloane says. “I need a child, and that requires another round of IVF, so that’s what I’m going to do. I’m not giving up.”
“I’m not asking you to give up. I’m asking you to take a break.” Alden continues shouting with his thick tongue and broken heart. “All these doctors and shots and disappointments. It’s destroying us. It’s destroying you. All I want is you.”
“We can discuss this privately later,” Sloane says.
“There’s nothing more important to discuss,” Alden argues.
“What about them?” Sloane points at Chloe and Luke, who both slump in their chairs. “Those two are the ones we need to fix.”
“Sloane, we’ve been over this,” Chloe says, already wishing the dinner was over before it has even started. “There is nothing to fix.”
“She’s right,” Luke agrees, and Chloe feels immediate relief at the uncharacteristic solidarity.
“Explain it to me then.” Sloane leans forward, her arms forming a triangle with her chin resting on top. “Because one day you two are in love, planning your lives together, and the next you’re done.”
“It’s between us,” Chloe says, but Sloane immediately shakes her head.
“No way. We all know what happens when we keep secrets in this group. I should have told you about my last year. You tell me about yours.”
Chloe shifts uncomfortably. Sloane isn’t wrong. It’s hard for Chloe to be upset that Sloane kept her in the dark for the past year when she’s done the exact same thing.
“Luke doesn’t want to talk about it. If he doesn’t care enough to know my reasons, I don’t see why it should matter to you guys.”
“Oh, he wants to know. He just pretends he’s okay with not knowing,” Alden says with surprising clarity as he reaches across the table, grabs the second cocktail the waiter just placed in front of Chloe, and downs it in one gulp. “She’ll have another,” Alden says to the waiter before he leaves.
“I think you owe us an explanation,” Sloane says.
At almost the same moment, Marianne says, “It might make you feel better to talk about it.”
The appetizers arrive, and as everyone digs into the seafood tower, Chloe thinks she’s not sure if she’ll feel any better, but maybe, in order to move forward, she needs to revisit that day from her past.
Chloe takes her time, describing the day Luke proposed. Her voice is soft as she focuses on one small moment when she and Luke left the yoga studio and a woman approached Luke.
She describes how Luke’s arm immediately extended around Chloe’s waist as he reached for her rolled yoga mat and slung it over his shoulder. She remembers asking how Luke knew this woman. Chloe didn’t know her name, but she’d seen her frequently at the Thursday night power yoga class. The way she greeted Luke suggested some familiarity, but maybe she was just a friendly person.
Chloe tells her friends how Luke denied knowing the woman. How he was eager to continue the day he had planned. But as they left, Chloe looked over her shoulder. The woman was staring, a look on her face that Chloe couldn’t quite interpret. But later that day, when Luke was on one knee proposing, Chloe remembered that moment. And that’s when she realized that the woman was looking at them with pity.
Chloe says it wasn’t the first time she wondered about Luke and whether his naturally flirty personality ever crossed the line. She realized she didn’t want to spend the rest of her life wondering whether other women were pitying the love Luke gave Chloe. She realized that with so much uncertainty in life, in the moment when your supposed soulmate proposes, you shouldn’t wonder whether the woman in the yoga studio had also felt the firmness of his lips.
When Chloe finishes the story, no one speaks.
It seems like such a small moment, a brief interaction with a strange woman the morning of Luke’s proposal. That’s why Chloe has been so hesitant to share her reasoning. Because she understands. There’s nothing shocking, except maybe her decision to end a nine-year relationship because of a chance, thirty-second interaction with a stranger.
Chloe realizes she had pushed away tiny doubts for years, letting them build up until the moment of the proposal toppled the tower. Even understanding the full consequence of her refusal, the strain it has put on all of their friendships, Chloe knows she made the right choice. It’s better to be alone than spend an uncertain lifetime together.
When Chloe looks up, she sees that none of her friends are looking at her; they are all staring at Luke. So Chloe does the same.
She turns to the person sitting at her side and is met with a face of fury.
“I didn’t stop loving you, Luke.” Chloe makes herself focus on Luke, even though she knows they have an audience. “I just realized that the love we shared wasn’t ever going to be the love I needed.”
“Are you telling me that you ended our relationship, upended our entire lives and our friends’ lives, because of one irrational moment of jealousy?” Luke’s voice is full of disgust, and it makes Chloe shrink in her chair.
Sloane speaks up. “First of all, Chloe did not ruin our lives. It’s pretty clear that all of us kept secrets this year. And none of us trusted each other the way we should.”
Luke barely seems to recognize Sloane’s comment. “Chloe saw some girl in a yoga studio give me a look and decided to end our relationship. It’s crazy.”
This is the moment Chloe’s been dreading. Because Luke is exactly right. “It wasn’t just a girl in a yoga studio,” she says, trying to defend herself.
“Right. It’s my fault because in college I made out with someone else. I was a stupid kid. Don’t you care about the man I’ve become?”
“Yes. Of course. But it made it impossible for me to trust you after that. I realized that every girl in a yoga studio was going to make me doubt how much you loved me. But it is much more my fault. Because it took me nine years to realize that I needed a different kind of love and I am so truly sorry that I let it go that long.”
“You’re crazy,” Luke says again.
“Stop calling her crazy,” Wyatt shouts.
Luke’s head pivots, his tense voice now focused across the table. “But she is. She’s crazy. To throw away years together because she has a feeling .”
Wyatt shakes his head. “Either you tell her. Or I tell her,” he says.
“Tell me what?” Chloe asks.
“Wyatt, don’t be an idiot,” Luke says quietly. “Let’s order another round.”
Wyatt is staring intently across the table. “I’m serious, Luke. I’m done.”
“Tell me what?” Chloe asks again.
“You’re not crazy,” Wyatt says clearly. “You were right to be worried about the woman in the yoga studio.”
Chloe tries to process Wyatt’s words. She had only hoped that her friends would understand her choice, however unfounded it may have seemed. But Wyatt is going further. He’s telling Chloe she’s right, and that realization makes her heart sink.
Sloane is fast in making the connection Chloe is still struggling to accept. “Did you cheat on her?” she shouts at Luke. “What do you know, Wyatt?”
Chloe swallows slowly, the blood filling her brain making it hard to concentrate. But she notices that Sloane is at one side and Marianne is across the table, both of their hands holding on to Chloe’s body.
“Wyatt has no idea what he’s talking about,” Luke says dismissively.
Sloane stares at Alden. “Do you know what he’s talking about? And just as important, did you know and not tell me what Wyatt is talking about?”
Alden seems to instantly sober. “I knew about junior year. We all knew about junior year. Beyond that, I have no idea what’s happening,” Alden says. He holds up his hands in surrender, “I swear, Sloane. This is between Wyatt and Luke.”
“Luke, just tell me,” Chloe says.
“There’s nothing to tell, Chloe. I promise.” There’s an earnestness in Luke’s voice that gives Chloe comfort. But then she looks at Wyatt and feels panic.
Because Wyatt is furious. “Luke, I’m serious. Either you tell her. Or I do.”
The volume of Luke’s voice rises. “There’s nothing to tell about some woman at a yoga studio.”
“I’m not doing this anymore. Chloe deserves better,” Wyatt says to Luke.
The entire table turns and stares at Wyatt as he speaks. “Luke drinks and flirts. We all know this. But he also forgets about Chloe. Not all the time. But she’s right to wonder about the woman at the yoga studio. I don’t know if anything happened with that person. But I do know about the girl at the Carlyle Hotel bar the night Luke got his first bonus. And I know about the girl who checks him in at the Equinox downtown. And I know about the hostess at the Standard. And I know he’s called me after each time, sobbing with remorse and promising that he’ll never do it again.” Wyatt shakes his head, sadness flowing out of his voice. “It’s possible that Chloe’s feeling was a lot more real than Luke’s promises.”
Chloe’s mind churns, trying to fit together this new information with the old storybook of her relationship. There have been dozens of different women working the front desk at the Equinox over the years. Maybe she remembers a hostess at the Standard who always gave them a good table. The girl at the Carlyle could have been anyone. Chloe wants to know everything and nothing at the same time. But there’s one question she has to have answered.
Chloe turns to Luke and whispers, “Did you sleep with all of those people?”
“No,” Luke says quickly. “Chloe, Wyatt is making this sound worse than it is. I got drunk a few times and kissed a few women. That’s it. I promise.”
“How can I trust your promise?” Chloe’s voice cracks.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” Luke says on a long exhale. “You didn’t want to marry me.”
Chloe hesitates, but then she says the thing that she knows will hurt him most. “I didn’t want to be your wife, and now I don’t even want to be your friend.” She doesn’t wait for Luke to respond. He’s right. It doesn’t matter anymore, and she is silly to think, even for a fleeting moment, that it did.
As Chloe walks away, she stops in front of Wyatt. Her voice was clear with Luke, but in front of Wyatt, it starts to crack. “You could have told me.”
“I know. I should have.” Wyatt’s shoulders sag, but his eyes never leave Chloe’s face. He’s the first to see the tears stream down her cheeks.
Chloe can’t figure out which betrayal feels worse.