Chapter 18
This Year
C HLOE MANA GES TO AVOID everyone the rest of the night, pretending to be asleep when Marianne returns to the room, and waking up earlier than everyone else. She grabs a granola bar and a downs a cup of coffee. When she hears footsteps upstairs, she heads into the garage to escape. There’s no one she wants to talk to this morning. And two people she definitely wants to avoid.
She’s eyeing the bicycles in the corner when she hears the door open. Wyatt stands and stares, waving sheepishly. Not the primary person she wants to avoid, but a close second.
“I’m going on a bike ride,” Chloe announces.
“Sounds good.” Wyatt walks over and easily removes two bikes from the hanging rack.
“It wasn’t an invitation,” Chloe says. “I wanted someone to know where I went. That’s all.”
“I’m sorry, Chloe. The reason I didn’t—”
Chloe cuts off his apology. “There’s no reason that is going to make me any less angry.”
“Fair. But I am sorry. Mostly that I kept anything from you. But also that it came out like that last night.”
Chloe shakes her head and takes a bicycle. She hasn’t ridden one in years, but she figures she’ll adjust quickly despite wobbling for the first pedals around the garage.
“Where are you going to bike?” Wyatt asks.
“There’s a trail,” Chloe says. “It was in Marianne’s guidebook. All the beach towns are connected by the same path.”
“That’s almost eighteen miles,” Wyatt says suspiciously.
“It’s going to take me that long to burn off my anger.”
“Okay. Let me grab some water.” Wyatt opens the beverage fridge in the garage. It’s stocked with every imaginable flavor of sparkling water, protein shakes, ginger beer, and kombucha. Wyatt puts four water bottles in a backpack he finds next to the bikes.
“You’re not coming with me,” Chloe protests.
“You weren’t even bringing water. You clearly need me.”
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“Fine. We don’t have to talk,” Wyatt says. “But I’m not letting you bike eighteen miles alone. You get winded walking home from the gallery.”
Chloe narrows her eyes. He’s right, but she’s not giving him the satisfaction of saying that.
“You’re going to get four miles down the road and start asking strangers to carry you.” Wyatt continues, “I know you’re pissed. But I’m not leaving you alone.”
Chloe snaps on a helmet and heads out. It’s easy to find the trail, a few blocks up from the beach. Seaside is in the middle of this stretch of beach towns, so Chloe decides to head west, figuring she’ll double back and finish the trail toward Rosemary Beach at the end. That’s where the best shopping is anyway. Her plan is to bike all morning, spend the afternoon shopping, and then she can avoid everyone for the bulk of the day.
Even though it’s still early morning, there are dozens of joggers out and several intense bikers, the kind who shout commands about moving to the right and prefer full spandex bodysuits.
The bike Chloe is riding is one of those beach cruisers with wide handlebars and bouncy seats. After a few minutes, she finds her rhythm and easily pedals along. She looks over her shoulder occasionally and Wyatt is still there, following but agreeing to her request and staying silent.
The path cuts through each town, so after Seaside, it’s Watercolor and then Grayton Beach.
Most of the trail is paved, but there is the occasional wooden boardwalk and bridges that cross the coastal waterways. Chloe sees another dune lake, just like the one where they went paddleboarding, and her heart clenches. Days ago, she would have done anything to make things right with Luke. And now she feels like she spent the better part of her adulthood with a stranger.
Sloane and Alden and Marianne had seemed just as shocked as Chloe at the revelations of last night’s dinner. But the person biking behind her? He knew. Chloe knows Luke’s betrayal is worse. But then why does Wyatt’s betrayal hurt more?
They take their first break at mile two. Wyatt is silent, but Chloe blurts out the questions that have been churning in her mind. “How many times?” and “Why didn’t you tell me?” But when Wyatt starts his answer with “The first time—”, Chloe realizes she can’t handle hearing his response.
They take their second break at mile six, and Chloe cries from the heat and the hurt. Wyatt tries to offer a hug, but she swiftly pushes him away.
They take their next break at mile nine, and the humidity and the anger must mix too potently because when Wyatt asks if Chloe is okay, she shoves him so hard he stumbles backward.
At mile twelve, Wyatt suggests ice cream. Chloe should be furious. How could he want ice cream when he just revealed that Chloe’s long-term boyfriend cheated on her for years? A fact he knew and hid for just as long. And yet, after biking for over an hour, in Florida, Chloe really wants ice cream.
Wyatt stands next to her in line, his forearm briefly brushing against hers before Chloe takes a step away. The only words Chloe says at this stop are “Peach cobbler sundae” when she’s ordering and “I’m not sharing” when Wyatt tries to take a bite.
At mile fifteen, when Wyatt asks Chloe what she wants, she tells him the truth. She doesn’t know.
By this point, they are back in Seaside and she can’t go any farther. She cannot finish biking this stupid eighteen-mile trail that middle-aged mothers seem to finish as a warmup. She’s a willowy, out of shape, heartbroken twenty-nine-year-old who just wants a shower and a cocktail and for the people she loves to tell her the truth.
When she’s back in the house, everyone seems to handle her with kid gloves. Luke is suspiciously absent, and no one is quite sure where he’s disappeared to all day, which makes things easier. Marianne and Sloane are rage-filled, which somehow makes Chloe feel calmer. None of them knew. Wyatt apologizes too many times for Chloe to count. Even Sloane agrees that a group dinner is out of the question.
Marianne calls Noah, who has stopped somewhere in Alabama because Teddy hates the car. It seems silly to make such a long drive for such a short stay, and Noah debates going back home. But Sloane gets on the phone and convinces Noah to join them the next day. Sloane says they can extend the visit and stay as long as they want. Marianne insists on a hotel, and Sloane says absolutely not. Chloe stays out of this disagreement.
Alden and Wyatt disappear to the basement to watch something or play something. Chloe couldn’t care less. She assumes Luke comes home at some point, but keeping track of him is low on her priority list.
After two bottles of wine split between the three women, and a container of the best chicken salad Chloe has ever eaten, Marianne and Sloane convince her that it doesn’t matter. Chloe and Luke aren’t together anymore. And for the first time all week, Sloane agrees that’s probably for the best.
But later that night, when everyone is asleep and Chloe stands in front of Wyatt’s bedroom door, she realizes that she’s still bothered.
When Wyatt opens the door, Chloe confronts him. “I can’t believe you knew. All those times. And you never said anything to me. You’re a shit friend, Wyatt.”
Wyatt nods and invites Chloe into his room. “I am. I’m sorry.”
“You keep saying that. But I don’t feel like you really mean it,” Chloe says.
Wyatt hesitates. He must have been getting ready for bed because he’s wearing a pair of baggy shorts and no shirt. He runs his hands through his dark hair before speaking. “Would it have mattered? You knew about the girl junior year. You watched that with your own eyes. And you still went back to him.”
“I thought that was the only time,” Chloe harshly whispers.
“Did you? Because it seemed like the safety of Luke was more important than reality. I tried, Chloe. So many times.”
“You should have tried harder.” Chloe’s mind reels, having a hard time remembering a single instance when Wyatt tried to tell her that Luke liked kissing other girls. Instead, all Chloe remembers is how Wyatt sided with Luke and kept his distance from Chloe. She feels their friendship slipping even further away. “I feel like I barely know you, Wyatt.”
“You know me, Chloe. I thought I was protecting you. I kept this one thing from you because I thought that’s what you wanted.”
“You kept this one thing?” Chloe takes a step closer, pointing a finger at Wyatt’s chest. “You’re still lying.”
“What are you talking about?”
“What’s Off Limits , Wyatt?”
Wyatt’s face falls. When he looks up, he has a look of confusion and something else. Panic maybe.
“I found the manuscript in your suitcase,” Chloe admits.
“What were you doing in my suitcase?”
“Getting you clean clothes for the worst dinner in the history of time.”
“Did you read it?” Wyatt’s voice is shaky.
“No. Because I’m an honest person. I respect people’s privacy,” Chloe spits.
“Good.” Wyatt shrugs, but there’s nothing nonchalant about it.
Chloe sits on the edge of Wyatt’s bed. “You finished your book. You have a publishing deal. And you don’t tell any of us?”
When they first met all those years ago, and late nights were spent speculating about all the incredible ways their lives would turn out, the fearlessness of youth untainted by the reality of adulthood, she never imagined that this is where they’d end up. Hiding the most important parts of their lives from the people they are supposed to love the most.
“It’s complicated, Chloe.”
“Why?”
Wyatt sits on the opposite side of the bed. He rubs the stubble on his chin, a tortured look on his face. “As soon as you guys read this book, I’m afraid I’m going to lose my friends.”
“That makes no sense. We know this is your dream.”
He exhales and he stares at the ceiling. She waits. He’s struggling to explain himself and she can’t figure out why. But she’s good at being patient, a skill she had to hone over years of dating Luke.
“The book is about us,” he finally admits. “I tried to write something else. But I couldn’t. Even though it’s fiction, as soon as everyone reads it, they’ll know what it’s about.”
“Why is that a problem?”
“Because you’ll know how I really feel.” Wyatt starts to shout but catches himself and ends the sentence in a desperate whisper.
“You secretly hate us or something? Is this a pretend friendship so you have content for your book?”
“No. Being a part of this group is the most important thing in my life. Just like it is for you.”
Wyatt is right. Even though Chloe said she didn’t want to come on this trip, and agreed only after Sloane told her about the miscarriage, Chloe knows that she did want to be here. She wants to fight for a friendship that has meant more to her than any other relationship in her life. And although her individual relationships with Sloane and Marianne and Alden and Wyatt and even Luke are important, it’s the family they create together that means the most to Chloe. Especially after she lost her own parents. And yet, this week has shown Chloe that they’ve been clinging to memories, failing to be honest about the present.
“What did you say about us in the book, Wyatt?”
Wyatt swallows, staring directly at Chloe. “I told the truth about you.”
She senses a tension building, waiting for him to explain what he means. She knows Wyatt sees her more clearly than anyone else. He studies the people around him, making it impossible to hide your flaws. He’ll describe all of her messy, needy, lonely, lazy tendencies and he’ll be exactly right.
“Say it.” Chloe loses herself in Wyatt’s dark eyes. “I’ve had enough secrets for a lifetime. Whatever you wrote in your book, tell me to my face.”
“I’m in love with you.” Wyatt’s face falls and he looks away.
Chloe hears a buzzing in the room, likely a result of all the blood in her body filling her head, an overwhelming panic setting in. Because she must have misheard. Because this can’t be possible.
She opens her mouth to speak, but no words come out.
He fills the silence. “I’ve wanted you since the first moment I saw you.” He sounds guilty, as if he’s just admitted stealing a pack of gum from the grocery store.
She shakes her head. “You walked into Waffle House and hated that I was there.”
He tugs at the front of his hair, pushing it back before responding. “No. I hated that you were there with Luke.”
“What are you talking about?” Chloe gnaws on the inside of her cheek.
“Waffle House wasn’t the first moment I noticed you.”
“But we’d never met before,” she stammers.
“I’d seen you around campus. You were impossible to miss, Chloe.”
She looks away, because of course she’d seen him too. She knew exactly who he was when he walked into the restaurant that night. But it never occurred to her that Wyatt had given her a second thought.
“You spent hours in the student union. I didn’t have a class on that side of campus, but I walked that way every Tuesday and Thursday morning because I knew I’d see you,” he confesses.
Her mind spins, trying to remember moments from a decade ago that are causing seismic shifts to her memories. She did spend hours in the student union, claiming one of the small round tables to read and study before and after class. She thought getting a single dorm room her freshman semester was a lucky break, but about two weeks into school, she realized it was actually incredibly lonely. She didn’t talk to many people in the student union, but at least she was surrounded by the chatter of strangers.
“Why didn’t you say anything?” she asks.
“The cold come-on isn’t my style. I figured our paths would cross …” Wyatt trails off. “I was young and stupid and believed in destiny. I thought the love of your life could be discovered as easily as spotting a penny on a sidewalk.”
There was a time when Chloe felt the same. But after her relationship with Luke, she wasn’t so sure. She learned that love wasn’t discovered; it was earned.
He continues, “For a brief moment, I saw you sitting at that table under those fluorescent lights at Waffle House and thought that destiny had brought us together. Finally. Even though we’d never spoken, I thought I knew you. But once I saw Luke’s arm around your shoulder, I was so pissed I’d missed my chance.”
“You were brutal to me those first few months,” Chloe says, still trying to piece together Wyatt’s revelations. “Why did you pretend to hate me?”
“I didn’t. You were there with Luke. My best friend.”
“But it took months for you to warm up to me.”
He exhales. “No. It took months for me to figure out how to act around you without trying to make a move on my best friend’s girlfriend. You were off limits. You’ve always been off limits to me, Chloe.”
“We’ve been friends for ten years, Wyatt.”
“It’s been brutal.” He tries to smile, but it quickly fades.
“But you’ve dated other people.”
“No one has been you.”
Chloe stands up, hoping if she moves her body, she can force herself to understand this situation. She paces in front of the bed.
He keeps talking. “I thought you were happy. I thought Luke made you happy, and how selfish would it have been for me to tell you otherwise?”
Chloe is reeling, but she manages a few stuttered words. “How could it possibly be selfish of you to tell me the truth? Don’t you think I deserved better?”
“I think you deserve the world, but I thought you only wanted Luke.”
She stops pacing. “Why are you saying something now?”
“Because I’ve known you and loved you for ten years.” Wyatt stands up and walks toward Chloe. “That night, last month, in your apartment. I wasn’t drunk. It wasn’t a mistake.”
His fingers trail across her collarbone before eventually cupping her cheeks.
“What are we doing, Wyatt?” Chloe swallows. Because as strange as this feels, Wyatt, her friend, admitting his feelings. Wyatt, holding her face. Wyatt’s touch, electrifying her body. It also feels inevitable. Those moments over the years, when she’d have a fleeting thought about him, steal a glance across the room, maybe he was feeling the same.
Maybe those sins she tallied can be excused. Because she chastised herself for thinking that her boyfriend’s best friend was too attractive for common society. And she savored those times when Wyatt made her feel as if the ideas Luke called crazy were actually reasonable. Wyatt is her friend, but he’s also always been a little bit more.
“Something that feels very right,” Wyatt whispers as his arms pull Chloe tighter.
This time, when he bends his head down to hers, their lips connecting, neither of them pulls away.
It’s not the kind of kiss she has ever felt before. There’s the newness of lips she’s never really felt against hers, causing every skin cell to tingle. But there’s the familiarity of this body. A person she’s sat next to for hours, laughed with, joked with about bad dates and pet peeves. There’s a familiarity in his kiss that makes her yearn for a hundred more. And an urgency like a teenager sneaking their first beer. It feels like they want to make the most of every moment, and they do.
Kissing Wyatt is like climbing into a bed with freshly changed sheets, familiar and new all at once. But once Chloe pulls back, reality floods in. Luke is down the hall. Everyone is fighting. And Wyatt’s lips were just pressed against her own.
“We can’t do this,” she says reflexively.
He takes a deep breath. “I can,” he says. “I’ve been thinking about this moment for years.” Their eyes meet and he shakes his head as he says, “But you’re right. You need to figure out why you can’t.”
She looks away, but he turns her head back toward his. He leans his forehead against hers as he whispers, “Figure out what you want, Chloe.”
He says it like a simple assignment, but for Chloe nothing seems more impossible.