30. Alistair #2
I forced those wretched feelings aside, hiked Kenna higher on my hip, and hurried upstairs to locate the baby gift I’d ordered months ago and wrangle Kenna into her pajamas for the evening.
I figured she’d probably pass out at the hospital before the baby arrived, and it would be a lot easier to put her to bed when we returned if I didn’t have to get her changed.
By the time she was ready, I could hear Weston in the driveway, honking.
“Aisling!” Kenna cheered, running across the kitchen.
“Boots!” I called after her.
She sat down on the floor and stuffed them on her feet.
I managed to get her coat on and a hat on her head before she took off again, yanking the door open.
After some seat-swapping, because the girls wanted to sit with Lena in the back, I climbed into the passenger seat.
Thirty minutes into the drive, both girls were asleep.
And by the time we reached the hospital in Aberdeen, I had to carry a snoring Kenna into the waiting room of the labor unit.
She perked up a bit once I set her down. “Where’s the baby?” she asked, looking around.
“He’s not quite here yet,” Weston whispered to her. “This is where we have to wait until Uncle Locke tells us he’s born.”
Kenna scowled, crossing her arms. “I don’t want to wait.”
Lena chuckled. “I’m sure Uncle Locke and Auntie Isla feel the same.”
“Here, why don’t you guys watch some Atomic Kitten Rescue?” Weston said to Aisling, handing over a tablet. “Just keep the volume low.”
While the girls got their fill of screen time, in between yawning and blinking blurrily, Weston and I wore tracks into the floor.
“I still remember when we did this waiting for Kenna,” he said. “While you were off doing the dad thing, Locke and I went stir crazy.”
I chuckled. “Didn’t you guys end up at the café?”
“Yeah, and I thought Locke was never going to stop eating. The guy packed it away so quickly, I was worried he was going to explode.”
I remember hearing how nervous they’d both been. I felt some of that now, too, but mostly excitement, and a longing in the pit of my stomach that I was choosing to ignore.
About thirty minutes later, Locke appeared, half dazed. “You made it!” he said, coming over to greet us.
“How is she?” Lena asked.
“The doc says she’s almost ready to start pushing.”
“Then why the bloody hell are you out here with us?” I said, practically shoving him back the way he came.
“I’m gonna be a dad!” Locke hollered, shooting us a grin before disappearing through a door.
Weston barked a laugh. “Watch the guy miss his own son’s birth because he’s out here giving us updates.”
“He would never,” Lena said. “Isla would kill him.”
I hummed in agreement, then slumped down in the chair next to Kenna, filled with a strange mix of anticipation and disappointment. As I glanced from Weston to Lena, taking in the adoring look they shared, that gnawing pit in my stomach ached.
Madison should have been here tonight to share this moment. But there was no us, despite how desperately I wanted that.
Weston came to sit next to me about twenty minutes later. “How are things with you and Madison? Any progress on that front?”
I blew out a heavy breath, then leaned against my knees, hands folded together. “I actually talked to her today.”
“How’d it go?”
“I told her I loved her.”
“And?”
The words burned coming out as I said, “I guess it wasn’t enough.”
Weston was quiet for a long moment. I hung my head, waiting for him to tell me to give up. He nudged me instead. “Remember all the mistakes Locke made trying to win Isla back?”
I nodded.
“It took him a while, but eventually, he figured out that it wasn’t financial security that Isla and their son needed most but simply his presence.” Weston nodded a few chairs down. “And when I screwed things up with Lena—”
“You had Jo publish that article in the town newspaper and send it to her,” I said. “Yeah, I remember.”
Weston nodded. “I guess what I’m saying is that if Madison said it wasn’t enough, then you need to figure out how to make it enough.
It’s not just about loving her—it’s about making her feel loved and valued.
It’s about showing you understand what she wants and needs and working on being the man who can give it to her. ”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
Weston got to his feet as Aisling asked to go look at the vending machine at the other end of the waiting room. “I can’t help you there. All I know is if Madison is worth it, you’ll figure it out.”
I watched him walk away, his words repeating in my head. If Madison is worth it…
She was worth it.
She was worth everything.
Less than an hour later, Locke returned to the waiting room, looking winded. “Guess who’s a dad?”
“Aye, congrats, man,” Weston said, pulling him into a hug.
“Took you long enough to join the club,” I said, grabbing him next.
Kenna got up and tugged on his trousers. “Where is the baby?”
Locke lowered his voice as he bent down to talk to her. “The nurses said we can have a couple minutes with him if we’re really quiet. You want to come meet your little cousin?”
“Of course we want to see the baby!” Lena said, practically sprinting past him.
Weston snorted, scooping up a dozing Aisling. The group of us followed Locke down the hall, speaking in whispers, finally reaching their private room.
And there, on the bed, sat Isla with a tiny bundle wrapped in a blue blanket.
“Look at his tiny hat!” Aisling said, rushing to her side the moment Weston set her down. “It’s so cute.”
“Everyone,” Isla said, looking pleased but tired, “I’d like you to meet Andrew Lachlan Fraser. We’re calling him Baby Andy for short.”
Lena clapped her hand to her mouth, her eyes already wet. “He’s adorable.”
Kenna demanded to be picked up for a better view. I lifted her onto my hip, and she leaned over, looking at Andy. Her brow furrowed. “Where are his arms?”
Everyone laughed.
“They’re all tucked up in the blanket, sweetheart,” I explained. “Babies like to be swaddled. You used to like that too.”
She wrinkled her nose at me. “I did?”
“You also liked to be carried around all night,” Weston said. “You used to cry whenever Daddy put you down.”
Kenna laughed. “He has a little nose.”
“He does, doesn’t he?” Isla said, gazing down at her son with a glowing smile. She glanced up, locking eyes with Locke. There was so much love and adoration in that gaze, my chest panged. Here I was, surrounded by my friends, the people who cared about me most, and for a beat, all I felt was joy.
The echoing loss of Madison’s absence still pulsed inside me, but despite the ache, I felt a deep and abiding sense of peace.
With a startling clarity, I realized that this was my home. It wasn’t Braeburn or Dunhope or a property with walls and gates. It was right here with the people who loved me and Kenna. The people who’d stood by my side through my greatest joys and my hardest losses.
They were all here, except for one.
I’d pushed Madison away and robbed her of the home she was building all because I couldn’t see past my own trust issues.
But I understood now that I couldn’t keep isolating myself.
I’d always been there for my friends, in moments just like these, but after Jessica’s betrayal, I’d also forever written off the possibility of having the same kind of happiness for myself.
I never thought it would be possible for me to build a family with a woman I loved, so I put the wall up and refused to let myself fall.
But Madison had torn that wall down and made me want to try again.
I didn’t want to watch these amazing moments from the outside anymore.
I wanted to live them—every messy, incredible second—and I wanted that with her.
Weston was right. Madison was worth everything.
I loved her beyond all doubt and reason, and I was willing to risk getting hurt again if it meant a chance at this kind of happiness.
As I clutched Kenna to me, I felt secure in my decision.
If I truly wanted to make this work with Madison, I needed to prove to her that being with me didn’t mean secrecy and solitude.
If she would let me back in, I wouldn’t close off her world, and I needed to show her that.
Because if I couldn’t, how could Madison trust that I would be there to support her goals and dreams?
How could she trust that I would be her home? I had work to do and I knew just where to start.