25. Isla
ISLA
“You’ve really popped in the last week,” Cat said, checking over her shoulder as she changed lanes on the motorway. “Like you actually have a cute little bump now.”
I ran my hands over my belly in the passenger seat, finally able to cradle the bulge of my baby. “It happened overnight,” I said, laughing. “One second, I still fit into my jeans, and the next second—bam! Nothing but sweats for me. Maisie keeps asking me why I’m dressed like a rapper.”
“Yeah, I don’t think you’re going to be able to hide the pregnancy for much longer,” Cat admitted.
“I know,” I muttered. “Jo’s already sniffing around. I thought news of the breakup might keep her distracted for a while, but nope.” I tried not to let my thoughts linger on the breakup or Locke or any of it. This was supposed to be as stress-free a day as possible.
“Oooo,” Cat said brightly. “Does that mean we finally get to go maternity clothes shopping?” She changed lanes again, heading toward the next junction.
I tugged the bottom of my shirt down to cover my stomach. “I mean, the weather’s starting to turn. I’m sure I have enough oversized sweaters to get through the winter.”
“Aww, but I’ve seen a lot of cute shops around Aberdeen. We should do food and shopping after the appointment.”
I sighed, reminded of Locke leading me through Edinburgh all those weeks ago, gushing about all the baby things we’d need. That had happened in a different lifetime. Now I was about to do my eighteen-week fetal anomaly scan, and the last thing on my mind was shopping.
Instead, I couldn’t stop thinking about Locke.
It was always Locke.
And I couldn’t deny that there was a part that wished he was the one sitting next to me at the moment, driving me to the appointment.
But that was absurd to wish for. I hadn’t talked to the man for weeks.
And Cat, by contrast, had been sticking to me like glue, making sure I was okay.
I hadn’t even asked her to come to the scan—this baby was my responsibility.
But the moment I’d mentioned it, she’d said, “What time do we have to leave?” I really couldn’t have chosen a better friend in this life.
I had no business wishing Locke was there in her place.
But I did. Oh, I did.
“How are things going with your dad?” Cat asked as she slowed at a traffic light. “You said he’d been bugging you since the festival about getting together for lunch.”
I burst out laughing. “Are you kidding?” I gestured to my stomach. “And have to explain this?”
“You’re going to have to tell him at some point,” Cat pointed out. “What’s the plan, just show up in Edinburgh with the actual baby next March?”
“I mean…not exactly,” I said, narrowing my eyes as I gave that some serious thought. “But now that you mention it—”
“Isla!” Cat laughed, proceeding through the intersection, following the signs for Aberdeen Maternity Hospital. “You can’t just spring an actual baby on people.”
I huffed, flopping back against the seat. “I just don’t want to have to explain everything to him right now. I don’t want to have to tell him I got knocked up and Locke and I have broken up. Dad literally thinks we were engaged. Explaining that whole mess would be a nightmare.”
“You mean how you faked a relationship to secure the property deal and then fell for each other for real?” Cat quipped. “Yeah, that’s probably not going to go over well.”
I rubbed my eyes. “It all sounds so much worse when you say it out loud.” I groaned. “It was supposed to be so simple! Pretend to be his fiancée. Get the property. Break up. Live our merry little lives and co-parent Lockette.”
“You need to stop calling your baby that,” Cat said, grimacing. “Names are important. They set your kid up for success. And Lockette sounds like she’s going to be nabbed in the woods by some bum fae prince with mediocre powers and anger management problems.”
“I don’t know how to do this,” I said, rubbing at the space beneath my collar bone. It ached every time I relived the breakup. I couldn’t be with Locke. I knew that. But my heart stubbornly insisted on wanting impossible things. And I didn’t know how to proceed.
“How to do what?” Cat asked.
“My mom basically raised me all by herself,” I said.
“I thought I could handle it too. I told Locke I could do this alone, that I didn’t need anything from him, but now I feel like a failure.
Because here I am, missing him and wanting him and—” I bit my cheek to keep the tears at bay, staring out the window.
“Your mum didn’t, though,” Cat said quietly.
I turned back to her. “What?”
“She didn’t do it all on her own. Your dad was around in the beginning,” she said, turning into the hospital parking garage.
“For the appointments and building the nursery and the late-night feedings. I know things weren’t perfect, but your mum wasn’t completely alone.
Not until she moved you overseas. So cut yourself some slack, okay? ”
Cat lucked into a parking spot as an elderly couple was leaving the garage. “I guess you’re right,” I whispered. But did that really make anything better? My mom might not have been on her own—but I was. And I missed Locke so much, not just for the baby’s sake but for mine.
I’d fallen for the fairy tale. I started to believe the ring on my finger meant something.
I started to crave him next to me in bed and across the breakfast table.
And I was a fool for all of that. I’d known the kind of man Locke was from the moment we’d met.
I’d known he was too consumed by his work.
Yet I let myself love him anyway. An overwhelming sense of loss pulsed behind my eyes.
“Every day, it’s going to get a little easier,” Cat promised.
But would it? Would it really? It had been almost a month since I’d last seen him, and that ache still burned in the space behind my ribs.
“At least you’ve stopped bursting into spontaneous bouts of tears in the corner of the café,” Cat said. “It was getting difficult to explain to people.”
I laughed. I’d cried over my fair share of hot chocolates this last month. “Yeah, I think that’s how Jo figured out we broke up.”
Cat gave me a small smile. “Small-town problems.”
“Small-town problems,” I agreed.
“But hey, that’s the price you pay for community,” she said. “I know this might not be exactly how you wanted things to go, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t get to celebrate this baby. When you’re ready, everyone’s going to be chuffed for you. I promise.”
Cat was right. This baby deserved a community. I stroked my hand over the bulge. Maybe it was time to start sharing them with the rest of the world.
“All right.” Cat clapped her hands together. “Let’s go before we’re late. Time to see if you’re growing a giant or a black hole or whatnot.”
I paid our parking fee, placing the ticket on our dashboard, then we headed into the building, following the signs marked Ultrasound.
I quickly checked in at a reception desk, then turned into the small waiting room where I stopped hard. Because there, sitting in one of the plastic chairs, was Locke—looking horribly out of place in his Tom Ford and fancy Italian loafers. He must have driven up directly from the office.
“Well, that’s a development,” Cat murmured behind me.
I swallowed down a confusing wave of hurt and desire and frustration. He didn’t get to do this! Not without any warning. Not when I was already trying so hard to keep from falling apart.
Locke glanced up and rose to his feet the moment he spotted me.
“I’ll just wait for you over there,” Cat said, pointing to an empty row of seats. “I don’t want to get in the middle of this conversation.”
I grasped for the empty space she’d just occupied. Cat was supposed to be my emotional support. She couldn’t just ditch me!
“Hey,” Locke said as he neared. He looked genuinely uncomfortable. Sort of the way he’d looked when I first dropped the pregnancy bombshell on him.
“Hey,” I said, trying not to let my voice waver. “What are you doing here?”
“I saw the appointment scheduled in the app.”
Right. I hadn’t exactly forgotten that he had the login info for the pregnancy app I was still using, but it hadn’t occurred to me he’d bother keeping tabs on it. I crossed my arms, holding them close to my chest. “You didn’t have to come today.”
“I want to be here for these things,” he said, eyebrows knitting together. “I told you that.”
“Yes, well, trying to figure out when you are and aren’t going to be around gives me whiplash,” I muttered.
A muscle in his jaw twitched, but he held back his retort, even as I tried to hold back the queasy feeling that roiled in my stomach. I wished I’d known he was coming so I could have mentally prepared.
“Isla MacRae?” a voice called. I looked over to where the sonographer stood with my chart.
Locke cleared his throat, his gaze cutting toward Cat. “There’s only one person allowed to go into the room with you.”
I understood what he was saying. Despite how difficult this was for me, I’d never deprive Locke of this moment with his child. Sure, I was hurting, but I wasn’t an asshole.
I glanced at Cat, lifting my shoulder and giving her an apologetic look. She waved me on, understanding, and again I reminded myself how lucky I was to have such a supportive bestie. I turned back to Locke, inclining my head in the direction of the room. “Let’s go then.”
He followed me into the ultrasound room with the sonographer who introduced herself as Nadine.
The space was small and dim, filled with imaging equipment.
I swapped my clothes for a hospital gown in the private changing area, then reclined back on the exam table.
Locke hovered nearby as Nadine rubbed cool gel across my belly.
Nadine made small talk while she got set up, and Locke and I awkwardly stumbled through answering her questions.
Were we excited? Yes. Happy to be parents?
Yes. Even if we weren’t happy together anymore.
Thankfully, she didn’t ask about that part.
Nadine must have sensed the awkwardness between us because she let the questions trail off, focusing on her work as she moved the probe around my belly.
The silence stretched on as she took measurements of the baby’s head, heart, and spine.
My heart started to race.
Locke pressed his hand to his chin, scrubbing through the beard there, and I could tell he was trying to control the same jittery excitement I felt fluttering in my chest. The soft rush of blood sounded from the monitor—the baby’s heartbeat.
It was so fast! My mouth dropped open in awe.
Nadine asked me to roll onto my side briefly and to cough, waiting while the baby shifted around.
It finally moved into a better position, and she smiled.
“All right, Mum and Dad, everything looks great.”
My excitement finally bubbled over. I burst out laughing, clapping my hand to my mouth.
“The baby’s healthy?” Locke asked.
Nadine nodded. “Would you like to know what you’re having?”
I glanced up at Locke, lowering my hand, feeling a rush of something. Was this what wonder felt like? “Do you want to know?” I asked.
He lifted his shoulder. “Do you?”
Yeah, I kind of did. I nodded.
He smiled. “Okay, then.” He caught Nadine’s eye. “Please.”
“Well,” Nadine said, pointing out the parts on screen. “See this little bulge right here? That tells me you’re having a boy.”
A baby boy!
My heart lurched. We were going to have a son! I pressed my hand to my forehead. “Oh, thank God.”
Locke looked down at me, a funny expression on his face. “What is it?”
“Now you’ll have to stop calling the baby Lockette.”
He laughed softly, reaching out to squeeze my hand, giving me that half smile that always sent my heart racing.
For a moment, it felt like nothing had changed.
Then Nadine said I could go ahead and get dressed, and reality crashed back down around me.
I tugged my hand free and made my way back into the tiny changing room.
When I emerged a few minutes later, I found Locke standing in the hallway. I fell in step next to him as we made our way back to the waiting room.
“So, I was thinking,” he began. “I could hire a decorator to fix up the nursery at the inn. Save you the trouble of having to do it yourself.”
I stiffened. Setting up the nursery myself was one of the things I’d been looking forward to.
For a while, I’d been looking forward to doing it with him.
That clearly wasn’t meant to be, but that didn’t mean I wanted to delegate the task to some stranger.
“It’s not a problem for me to do it myself.
I want to, because I love our son and I want to go the extra mile for him. ”
Locke reared back, looking stung. “And what’s that supposed to mean?”
I let out a harsh sigh. “Nothing.” Everything. But I didn’t want to get into this with him in the middle of the hospital.
He stopped walking. “I’m doing things for our son too, you know. I’m making sure the boy will have a solid future waiting for him! Being a good provider is what a father is supposed to do.”
“Anyone can provide money,” I shot back.
“What our son really needs is a father who is present to offer love and support. Someone who wants to be around to do things like decorate the nursery instead of paying someone else to do it.” Locke opened his mouth to respond, but I cut him off, eyes narrowed.
“If you’re not interested in showing up yourself, then don’t bother with hiring anyone. I’ve got it handled.”
I signaled to Cat, and we swept out of the ultrasound department. I didn’t look back despite how badly I wanted to. Cat matched my stride, reaching over to squeeze my hand, and that was enough.
I wasn’t alone, even if I didn’t have Locke.
Me and the baby would be just fine.